My soon to be 4 yr. old is still demanding a pacifier! We already took all her pacifiers over a year ago and threw them away. We told her that we sent them to the hospital for the new babies to have and explained that story to her for about a week before we actually "sent them". We have a much younger daughter who does use them once in awhile and my oldest is always taking them. She can be very harmful to herself and others if we don't give her one. Please! Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated!!!
I just wanted to add that this has been an issue with her way before her sister arrived, so it has nothing to do with jealousy. I have cut the tips off of my oldest pacifiers and my youngest very very rarely takes one, when she does it's usually when she's not feeling well because she is going through some medical issues at the moment.
Hi S.
My daughter used a pacifer until she was almost six. Because she has a sensory processing issues and the therpiest said it was on of the only ways she could calm down was to suck and hopefully if I let her get her oral fixation now she won't be a smoker. so my suggestion to you is you may want to have her tested for some sensory issues. If you would like more info please private message me
This may be a little harsh, but I think both of your children are too old to still be using a pacifier. It may be hard to take them all away, but you will be happy you did in the long run.
My son used his pacifier and gave it up on his 6th birthday. He only used it at night and that wasn't for long as it fell out. It hasn't changed his mouth or teeth, so maybe you want to compromise with her and use it at night to go to sleep. It was his idea to stop using the pacifier, so no power struggles or anger issues. Just a thought.
My personal opinion is that pacifers should be totally phased out by the time they are 1 year of age or at the first tooth. They can do alot of dental harm if your child continues to use one. The anger issue needs to be addressed quickly and directly now! If you don't do it you will be sorry for not nipping this action in the bud. A firm hand and patience will be needed. It sounds like she has a jealousy over her younger sibling and this is her venting of that jealousy. I know that pacifers are used alot and they were when my kids where young but I never used them from day one. I always felt that a child shouldn' have a physical item to make themselves feel good. Try redirecting her without making it a big deal but I would definately not give in to her having it. I would also get rid of it for the younger one also. They need to be taken away now.
I would reccomend that if your youngest isn't a big pacifier fan then to just have it avaliable for her at naptime and at bed. This way your older child will not have them around to entice. My children were so easy to do this with that it never became a problem. Maybe have your older child in helping with your little one and then praise them for all their help and that you couldn't do it without them!!
For the record, I think having a pacifier until 2 or 3 is just fine. It's a security. For my 2 1/2 daughter,we took the pacifiers and cut off the tip. She still asks for it from time to time, and I give her the "broken nukkie". She'll suck on it for a little while and then discards it. (It's mostly when she's sick that she'll ask for it now)We do have a 2 mo old who uses one and she never bothers his. My 5 yr old acts the way you are describing your 4 yr old(but with issues other than a pcifier). With her, I have to put her in a time out, or find something alternative that she finds acceptable. You might want to ask her when she's calm and not in a "fit" what that something might be.
My daughter's paci was taken away at 6 months old, she was colicky and that was the only thing that would calm her down sometimes, but as soon as she out grew that i threw them all away. My son had a pacifier for maybe 10 minutes total in his life, as soon as my husband found out that the nurse had given it to him it was discarded at the hospital. Neither of my children sucked on their fingers or really anything else.
I would say take them all away. If your 14 month old is healthy then she doesn't 'need' it.
When my son was 3 years old, he still used the paci at night and for naps. I knew he was way too old for it, so I actually scheduled an appt with the pediatric dentist. I pulled the dentist aside prior to her meeting my son and asked for her help in reinforcing the no pacifier message. She was actually very stern with him and said he would not be allowed to use a paci anymore and she explained to him what it would do to his teeth. She even showed him with a fake set of teeth how it pushes out the teeth. That night he said he wouldn't use the paci because the dentist told him not to (again she was VERY STERN with him). He did ask for it/whine for it a couple of times that night, but then he was fine after that. After a week of no paci, we took him out for a special day. He now has a younger baby sibling and he never steals the paci. He talks about how the baby will have to get rid of the paci soon though!
I would stop using pacifiers for both the girls. It could be a jeliousy thing with your older child. Also, they try to think they can be in charge at that age and you just have to stay strong and never give in. I have a 4 and 5 year old and an 11 year old.
If this is something that soothes her, I don't see any harm in it. I'd just explain that she cannot and will not take it to school when she goes to kindergarten. In the meantime, I'd try to find her another way of soothing herself. Gentle music in her room, a special blanket to rub with her fingers, a creative toy, taking a bath, going out to the garden, etc. Don't substitute food - we all know what problems that will create down the road. This might be a little power kick thing for her - it's one of those things not worth battling over for you though. My son sucked his thumb in school in first grade, so eventually they'll get teased out of something that seems "baby-ish" to others.
My oldest took one until her 5th birthday. she is a wonderful responsable adult now. We tryed to take it away and she didn't sleep for a week. So that said we did confine it to her bed. She could have it all she wanted but in her bed. this really helped. You will get through this!
Good Luck!
One option would be to take away the pacifiers from your younger one, so your older child doesn't have access.
My older son never used one, but my younger son did. When he was four, the "Nuk Fairy" came and took them away, and left behind a gift. He talked about his nuks off and on for a year, but managed.
When he was three, we restricted the use of the nuks to his bed -- they could only be used if he was in his bed. So when he was feeling stressed, he would self-soothe by going to his room and using his nuk for a while. When he was four and the nuks were gone, we noticed that he came up with a new self-soothing technique. He sat on the bottom step of the stairs that came into the kitchen, right next to the shelf with the library books, and he would read a book.
Help your daughter find a way to calm herself, and she will probably miss the nuk less.
S.,
14 months old is plenty old enough not to have a pacifier and it sounds like she doesn't need one anyway. You may just want to get them out of the house altogether. Whenever your 4 year old hurts someone else, it is totally appropriate to discipline her so she knows it's not okay to do that.
Good luck,
S.
