Help My 9 Yr Old Hates School

A., ever thought of homeschool? It's not for everyone, but maybe take him out for a year to see, good luck, Val

Would your husband be willing to home school him? I don't know where you live, but most places have lots of great home schooling organizations you can join - lots of help. The Wall Street Journal did an article on home schooled kids and said that they are the most sought after by colleges because of their ability to think for themselves and self-initiate learning (among other things). Just a thought. Blessings!

If your son hates school maybe our story will help you. Our story and subsequent journey over the last year and 4 months is below for you to read. If it is not familiar to you, maybe to others? There is a different way!

First of all, our son basically had skated through the first three years of public school - K -2nd - with little trouble. We were advised over the years that he had a hard time staying with the class. We kept asking if it was a problem and were told no. We even asked if the teacher was suggesting an attention problem like ADHD, and she said no, no. At the beginning of last year, we were told by his third grade teacher that he had a significant problem and that his reading and math levels were at first grade levels. We were surprised to say the least. We tried putting him on Strattera, then Focalin with negligible to harmful results. The school encouraged us to increase his dosage, as if they had any expertise or knowledge in this area.

Finally, by chance, we met, a local pediatric neuro-opthamologist. At her direction, we had his urine tested and found that his neurotransmitter levels were low almost across the board. In particular, his taurine was dangerously low and his seratonin levels, among others, were suboptimal. The doctor, who incidentally did her fellowship at Johns Hopkins, prescribed for him a series of amino acids and nutrients, and made some key suggestions, particularly daily liquid fish oil and a probiotic. Within a few weeks, we saw some remarkable changes in him. He was suddenly very articulate, was eating better, slept through the night and was present when he was with us. His whole demeanor improved and he seemed to enjoy life again.

After his school implemented a new disciplinary program that punished our son for not paying attention, even after his IEP was in place, we decided that to keep him in such an ignorant environment would only further damage his self-esteem, so we placed him in an alternative school that specializes in teaching kids with learning differences. There, he is learning behavioral modifications on a daily basis in every subject, throughout the day, not just the measly 15 minutes a day that the public school could give him in the special ed class. Despite being legally entitled to a public education by the Students With Disabilities Act, it was apparent that our son was going to slip through the cracks. We actually caught his third grade teacher giving him grades to pass him through, and she was the one who sounded the alarm in the first place!

After a year on the daily doses of nutrients (5-HTP, theanine, taurine, glycine, magnesium citrate, homocystine factors, NAC, as well as the cognitive enhancer Piracetam) fish oil and probiotics, he is more focused, more in control of his emotions and himself and every day seems better and better. And he is receiving A's and B's at school. His math proficiency, which looked hopeless a year ago, is getting closer to grade level and overall, he is a completely different kid. And after only 6 months of being on this regimen, his neurotransmitter levels returned to optimal levels.

We as a family have gone almost completely organic. This experience has opened up a whole new way to look at medicine, food and wellness for us (for more information on tthe link between diet and ASDs: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-kirby/the-next-big-au.... The thing that we cannot understand is how doctors prescribe medicine for these kids, saying "Well, let's try this and see how he does." Trying to correct a chemical imbalance with a pharmaceutical without even attempting to identify the nature of the imbalance seems crazy to us. Not one doctor, or professional, even addressed his diet with us. How has it become that medicine is now practiced with so little regard for science? Or even biology? So much emphasis is placed now on pharmaceutical intervention, we're led to believe that there's somewhere a magic pill that cure any condition. Or at least one on the horizon. And meanwhile these kids are on speed for years.

Moreover, we are regarded with skepticism by many for going outside the mainstream to look for answers, even though the results immediately became apparent. The public school psychologist in particular gave us the fisheye during our IEP meeting and made it a point to tell us that our son's doctor was practicing outside of her field. And yet my son's doctor and her staff are the only professionals who made it a point to try and help our son by balancing his biochemistry, rather than just masking his symptoms.

Finally, it is interesting to note that in our son's current school, there has never been any question about medication - it is not something that they are concerned with, but happy to help implement. Behavior modification, and more individualized learning plans is their main strategy.

A.,
I'm sorry to hear your ds dislikes school. As a former elementary/early childhood teacher this truly bothers me. I agree with the pp's that you need to find out why he hates it. However, I would avoid asking him "Why don't you like school?" I have found with my own ds that he's more successful with sharing information if I avoid the "why" questions. You many also consider writing down his reasons as he tells you and then the two(or three if your husband is involved) can brainstorm suggestions to make it through the last few weeks of school.

Getting to the root of the problem will help to clarify what course of action you need to take. Has he always disliked school? Does he struggle with any subjects? Is he bored with the material? Is he being picked on by other students? Are there problems with the teacher? It might not be a bad idea to observe in the classroom or request a conference to get feedback from his teacher.

In October my ds had voiced to us that he didn't like school. He used to be bored with math, only to find out he was struggling with math. We knew it was challenging for him but he was struggling and we signed him up for Sylvan Tutoring. He did 60 hours of Sylvan and he went from a beginning 2nd grade to a 4.5 grade level in math. He's in 3rd grade now. We also found out he was having trouble seeing the board so he has glasses now. He also informed us that his teacher makes him very uncomfortable so we conferenced with the teacher with our concerns and did numerous observations in the classroom to get an "objective view" on things.

With my ds we found out that it was easier for him to tell us school was boring than for him to tell us that the math was too hard. Our time at Sylvan has showed us that this is very common.

Talk to your son, listen to him and validate the feelings that he's having. Then suggest brainstorming ideas to make the end of his year more enjoyable. You will know what direction to take after you talk with him.

Hi, we too are going through the same issues with our 9 yr old daughter. She goes to a private christian school and this is her first year as we previously homeschooled. It turns out that she is being bullied. We are taking steps to correct this problem with her teacher, the principle and the other child's parents. Also, we have decided to go back to homeschooling next year. Since your husband stays home this may be an option for you to concider. We buy all our books on Ebay and I seel things there to pay for them. I hope everything works out for your child. I know what you are going through and it is heart breaking.

I would get my child tested for any hidden developmental delays, sometimes they exhibit themselves as hatred for school, and even worse, hatred for themselves (suicidal ideation, nobody likes me, nobody loves me, etc.) Usually stems from being out into an environment without the tools to succeed in it, then being constantly frustrated. I think the school district can do this for free, you just need to get it set up. If you don't trust them, CP Kids Center & Weiskopff both do evaluations. If there are no hidden delays, I would look into a school transfer anyway. Sometimes the school just isn't a good fit. If you're in Jefferson County, there's plenty to choose from. Now's the time to call about it because they are getting census numbers and determining placement. Another GREAT option is a school called The Summit Academy. They offer alternative, child-oriented teaching but they are pricey. They offer scholarships *not academically based* to help families that are unable to come up with the money required. DO NOT sit on this. He's telling you he can't take school as it is now, listen!
Hope this helps!

A., find a reason why he hates school.Our 10 year old God daughter hates it because kids pick on her for being poor(old shoes, old clothes... silly stuff like that). You can't find a solution untill you know the reason.

Hi A., can your husband home school your son?,it may be, just what they both need. They can help each other.Just an idea!!!. I hope you find the right thing to do, hang in there, girl.

About me, I'm a 60 year old Mother,grandmother, and about to be a greatgrand mother. I cant wait.

From D. S

A.,

I have been through this phase with two of my boys. Question for you? Did he like school in his previous grades and is this just something he has started this school year. The reason I ask this is because a lot of boys go through a phase at this age in which they do not like school at all. It consistently happens around ages 8-9 and in third grade. This is really a crucial point going forward as well depending on how he survives this year as to how he will respond to going to school further. At this age he is going through so many changes, greater responsibility at school with homework, peer pressure, social groups, and sometimes just not even liking their teacher (and this can be mutual so have a parent teacher conference. The teacher is not going to admit not liking your child but you should be able to read between the lines). All of these factors can play a part in why he is not into school. So my advice is to talk to him. Ask him about his day. What he enjoyed most. Get him to tell you about his teacher. Don't ask him if he likes him/her but maybe ask what she helped him with that day. Judge his expressions and as he is describing these things to you. Generally you can tell from his expressions, mannerism and what he says to find the sore spot. Once you identify what it is about school that is negative to him then you can work on making it a more positive experience.

I guess the biggest question is does he hate school because he doesn't get it?, because he's bored? or because he's being picked on by other kids? My 7 y.o. hated school because he couldn't get the hang of reading. We have been doing tutoring and once he finally grasped the whole reading thing he is doing great and loves school.

You must first figure out what exactly about school that he hates. I was a 6th grade teacher, and when kids hate school this badly there's always a reason, sometimes several. Maybe he doesn't like his teacher. Of course, he has to have specific reasons he doesn't like him/her. Maybe he feels picked on. Maybe he thinks he doesn't have any friends. Maybe he doesn't feel smart enough and gets embarrassed. It could be something totally different, but there's a reason.

When I started middle school, I hated school so much that I made myself sick unintentionally. My mom took me to the doctor expecting an ulcer or something, and we found that it was just nerves because I hated school so much. My reasons were just that I'd started a new school and none of my friends from grade school went there, so I felt alone and felt like everyone else already had friends.

Every kid is unique, and something very small that he doesn't even realize could be making him feel this way. Either way, you desperately need to get to the bottom of it so you can create a solution quickly. I'm sure the faculty at his school would be more than willing to help if you need them.

I am so sorry to hear about the terrible year your 9 year old is having. I am a fourth grade teacher. There are many reasons your child hates school. 1. Him and his teacher just don't get a long - even if you have the most wonderful teacher in the school, their personalities just might conflict. 2. He's being bullied at school or on the bus and dreads going each day - if this is the case, get the help of the principal, counsler, and teacher. No child should ever be bullied. 3. He has no friends in his class - sometimes when a child is shy, and there are no previous friends in his class, he begins to hate school and refuses to make any new friends for what ever reasons.

Since the school year is almost over, I would try to keep things positive. I'd talk to his teacher to make sure that he can be placed in a class next year where you'll know he'll enjoy - perhaps this is with a certain teacher or with another student. Sometimes a year is just a bad year for a child, and hopefully next year will be much, much better.

Talk to you son to see if anything is happening in school.Is he being bullied.Talk to his teacher and bring it up with the principle.Try to get him to stay in school until the end of the year.If by chance there is no way he will talk to the school about having school work sent home so he can finish the year out..kind of home school.If next year there is a problem then either change schools,home school on do online schooling like Sylvan..good luck..
S. B

hi A., i don't know what state you live in, but homeschool is an option since you have one parent at home. if you both think "i am not smart/knowledgeable/whatever enough to homeschool", you don't necessarily have to be. there is a part of the homeschool community called "unschooling" you may want to look into. google it and you'll get LOTS of info. try www.unschooling.com for starters. VERY interesting information and lots of thinking outside our standard USA box! it's not unparenting. the parents tend to be very involved when needed, and learn to back off when not. you and your DH and your DS may need to be deschooled for awhile first. i believe there is something on the unschooling site about deschooling.

i hope you find your solution! good luck.
P.

DO you know why he/she hates it? It might be a fixable problem. =-- friends or the teacher may be able to help. If he's feeling frusterated with the work or the kids may be picking on him or something. The teacher might have some insight.

Does he say why he hates school? Has he always felt this way, or just this school year? Have you considered homeschooling him, esp. since your husband is at home, and he might respond well to being with him more?

I agree with the suggestions to get to the root of the problem. I am a homeschooler, so I can't really offer many suggestions about working with the school system, but I have been reading a book that I'd like to recommend. It's called "Discover Your Child's Learning Style" by Mariaemma Willis and Victoria Kindle Hodson. I don't just swallow everything they say, but they do include a brief assessment that shows things like disposition, talents, learning preferences, and has the child actually think about what environment he works best in. It also gives suggestions on how to talk to your child's teacher about making the learning situation most helpful to your child's learning style. It's proving to be very helpful to me as a homeschooler, and I can see how it would be incredibly helpful to a parent with a child in the school system as well. I found it on Amazon.com, but I'm sure you could find it in a bookstore as well. Hope that helps with some practical advice.

I have a 16 year old daughter, and school has been difficult at times. One of the favorite incentives I offered was to take
her to a local park to feed squirrels and birds before school. As I am not above bribery, for a while I took her to Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast every morning. When that wore out it's interest, she liked Burger King breakfast. Though,
this is not practical for all families, I homeschooled on and off for many years of her education and she is 10th grade this year. It looks like she will have her diploma early.
Be creative, find something that your son likes and can do
before school.

First find out what it is about school that is bothering him so. Is it the teacher, students or is it possibly his reading skills or lack thereof?
Once you can get over that first step than you should be able to follow along to the next step that can and will clear up your problem.
Praying for you and your son.

First find out exactly why your 9 yr old doesn't like to go
to school. Is someone being a bully? Does your child have
problems understanding the work? Talk to your child one on
one with no distractions, let them know you care and want to help. If in the end, it is just a bad case of lazy-bones, then some hard life lessons are in store.
Try having them go outside on a warm to hot day and dig
a 6 foot long trench, for a flower garden, at least 8 inches deep. Then put in the appropriate amount of manure
and topsoil, and plant your flowers for you. Make sure that your child knows that they will be paid for their labour in advance. When all is done, and they are looking
to be paid, pay them just 25 cents. Then have them write
a 100 word essay on what they thought about doing such hard
manual labour for so little pay. It should be well thought
out and not just repeating I hated it, and it stinks, but
that it was hard, and dirty and didn't pay much.
When your child finishes with the paper, pay them $5.00
and praise them for doing such a good job. Then explain that educated people earn more money than uneducated people, and that there is no advancement for ditch diggers.
Now find out what your child wants to do with his life,
go to the library and look up what kind of education they
will need and what kind of grades it will take to get into
the schools they will need to achieve their goal.
Now make a long term goal chart on a piece of poster board and make a graff chart so they can see their progress. Also start a short term goal chart, with things
like go to school today to learn at least one new thing.
Did all assigned classwork,with extra credit for doing so
on time, and getting all homework done without being told.
The end of each week should show progress, build self-esteam, and their should be some specific reward for their
effort, and hard work. Good Luck To You And Your Family!
Sincerely,
L. B - Mother of 4, and Grandmother of 5 !!