Help! My 5 Year Old Hates Me! - Euless,TX

At some point all kids tell you that they hate you. Don't let it get to you!! He doesn't mean it! When my kids say things like that I simply say "I love you too honey!" This way they don't get the reaction they are looking for. It seems to help. Not that they never get mad and say it, but at least they know that I know they don't mean it. Good Luck!

Try ignoring him. When he starts to act this way, walk away and tell him, calmly, that you do not like his behavior and you are choosing to not be around him right now.
Have you ever seen a book or heard of a class called Love and Logic? It is great!! It seems like when kids act out this much, they are just trying to push our buttons!! If you want to know more information about the book, let me know and I will get it for you.

When my son says he doesn't like me, I let it show that it doesn't make me angry, but that it hurts my feelings. I try to take time every day to ask him about his feelings and how his day went. I know that if my son will pray with me, he has an open heart, but if he says he doesn't want to pray, i know his heart is closed even to God and nothing I will say or do will help. At that point, I enourage "Snuggle" time. Reading books on the couch together is a great way to break the ice and sit close to one another.

I have the videos Bringing Up Boys by Dr James Dobson if you want to borrow them. I also have Keys to Loving Relationships by Gary Smalley. That one focuses the family unit as a whole, but in many ways can be applied to children specifically. Also, I know our children are happpier when my husband and I are happy.

Hope this helps, liz

I agree--watch a few episodes of Super Nanny. She has some excellent tactics to use on stubborn, willful children. However, YOU have to make some changes in your behavior and thinking as well. Your child was not brought into your life to be your friend, at least not until he's an adult. You cannot take things he says and does as a young child personally. If he says he hates you, he's manipulating you. Ask him, "so, what IS hate?" I'll bet he can't give you an answer, because he doesn't know what hate is. And the hitting & physical stuff must cease immediately. He must have immediate consequences, and spanking is definitely NOT the answer. It just exacerbates the agression, as you have seen. Use the naughty spot technique, and DO NOT give in. You are the parent, he is the child. You are in charge, he is not.
Finally, when he is calm, sit down and talk to him about what goes on during his day. Ask him questions, and really listen to him. Most of the time, kids act out because they don't feel anyone is listening. And listening means without the distraction of TV, etc. etc. Go to a quiet place and just start asking about his buddies, have they done anything to hurt his feelings, or his teacher, etc, etc. You may be surprised to hear what may be bothering him, or he may be afraid of someone or something.
Bottom line, you must expect nothing less than respectful behavior. He has the right to be angry or upset, but he cannot be abusive, he must learn better ways to deal with his emotions.

Hi there,

Have you tried any alternative therapies (other than medication)? I have a few suggestions if you are open to the idea. Let me know if you would be interested. It sounds a s though your son may just be so sensitive that he gets depressed or down with the over-stimulation of life...what negativities most people ignore, he is very sensitive to. This is actually a gift, and if handled in the best way, can lead him to be a very special child and adult...the kind we need more of in this world. Anyhow, he reminds me of me, and I am now 37...and after pyschiatric medications of all kinds that never worked, I finally went for alternative medicine (like homeopathy, acupuncture and hypnotherapy (to change how I perceived things in a way that was damaging to me). I have been a very happy, fulfilled, spiritual person now for the past 6 years...drug-free as well. He can learn to channel his sensitivity in positive directions. I know it is very difficult for you to raise a child with such sensitivities; however, you are a very good parent in that you are asking for help versus judging him. You are blessed with a special child. Again, let me know if you would like some referrals. There is one lady I know in particular who specializes in ADD and ADHD-diagnosed children. She finds that with a change in diet and finding out allergies, she can heal children without medications. Best of luck! If you pray, just pray for guidance in how to best channel your son's gift of sensitivity.

My oldest etched her name into the side of my minivan when she was about 4 1/2 w/ the end of a sharp metal stick & claimed her 18 month old sister did it! Talk about feeling the love! I certainly feel your pain. I'd agree w/ Love & Logic.

Also, just started watching Super Nanny the last month or so- what a neat lady she is! She has dealt w/ many kids w/ behavior like your son's. It was rough! But persistence seemed to be the key- & sometimes enforcing consequences- like sitting on the "naughty spot" (time out) would take hours. Each time the kid got off, the mom had to but him back on until he stayed & apologized for his agression or whatever...but it eventually started to work, once the kid figured out mom wasn't giving in. The keys were remaining unemotional & NOT speaking AT ALL to the child when he got off & had to be put back on & being persistent. They are, we have to be, too.

I think, too, you have to find out what really hurts when it's gone. He may not care about somethings you took away, but there's something there he's not wanting to lose. You could always try upping the ante & make him go give the toy, etc. to Goodwill, if it's not earned back within a certain space of time. Have you tried taking away the TV?

I know these are trying times. My oldest, as bright & responsible as she is, is also very dramatic, persistent and overly sensitive. You try counting to a time out 1-2-3 she blows a gasket at you on 2. Whereas my youngest will usually give in at 1. We've just made it very clear, she can blow all she wants, we still love you, but your behaviour gets you nowhere. We DO NOT give in to fits, tantrums or rages. The positive is, she has gotten MUCH better & easier to deal with at 8...time & age maturity can help- but it ain't fun wating for the maturation process. Love & Logic does have some great strategies for dealing w/ these issues. Check it out!

D.

Wash his mouth out with soap. After a few times he will stop unless he likes the taste of soap. Good Luck.

I have a 6 and 4 year old and I know when they start acting up, sometimes they are just crying out for more attention from me. I would suggest to give him alot of positive quality attention as much as you can. I work full time as well and sometimes don't spend as much time as I should with them. Being consistent in your discipline will help, also, if you you have a male role model, (husband), there when you to disipline the child when needed it will help, so he can see that both of you are in agreement with discipling and correcting the issue.