Help! I Need My Son to Go to Sleep on His Own

Call/see or read Dr. Marc Weissbluth or his books. He will answer all sleep questions amazingly well!! ###-###-#### -- tell him M. sent you.

hello- I went through this with my now 4 year old daughter. It seemed to help with some soft music in her room- lullabies- I had gotten a cd for her with her name in it so when they are singing, they are singing to her and she hears her name. Pretty neat! Also a night light and cuddling before bed with some books. YOu could also try a sticker chart to reward him for staying in bed and falling asleep on his own. Perhaps reward him with an extra trip to the park or library or buy him a new book. Or take him out for ice cream as a reward. Keep it positive. I know it's frustrating- we struggled for almost a year with this problem- but I had another baby at the same time. so for us it was because of the new baby in the house and they shared a room- it was very hard to manage that, but in the end it all works out. Good luck and stay positive.

Sounds like you may need a little tough-love. That's the fastest way. If you cant handle that, you could try setting up a cot next to his bed instead, and then moving it farther away from him very slowly. Does he have a self-soothing thing like a blanket, teddy bear, or though he's old for it, a pacifier? Something like that might help. My daughter started sleeping on her own without being rocked at around 15 mos old. Same age she found an old pacifier we bought, and she refused when she was an infant, lying at the bottom of a toychest. Coincidence? I think not. :-)

There are a bunch of great books out there, if you want more specific advise and course of action.

maybe a night light or a favorite soft toy. it might also be that he wants you to sleep with him through the night and is testing you guys. stand your ground and eventually he will get the idea that he has to be in his own bed. good luck

Try to find him a huge panda bear to hug and wrap his leg around so he feels someone is with him. You probably kept him protected from sounds since birth. Start working on that now, it's never too late to turn up the phone volume or speak quietly on the phone while he naps, etc. Good luck.

Do you have a ceiling fan in the Room? Turn it on for the white noise.

Do you read to him? What other bed time routines do you practice?

Bed time is very hard for all of us. Have you let him cry it out? I know that is a tough one to do. How about each of you give him something of yours to sleep with. A pillow, blanket or small soft toy you like as a kid. If you have to buy it and prove you love it do it. Tell him that he has to keep them safe and they will keep him safe. We all want him comfortable and safe.

They Nanny has great ideas as well.

Keep trying it will al work out.

I use the..."I have to do something(go potty, clean up the table from dinner, put laundry in the wash, let the dogs out), I will be right back." Our son (and daughter) have a bed time routine and music and a white noise thing but they still want us to lay with them. So I go away and come back and then make up something else and come back and they soon fall to sleep. It takes a while, but if you are gentle but firm it works with out screaming and crying.

I highly recommend the book, "Healthy sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. Excellent and research based.
D.

HI M.,
I am going throgh this exact same thing. My son was 2 in April (so almost 2 1/2). He wants me to lay with him, too. I did manage to slowly move away form him by sitting on the edge of the bed, then floor, then next to dresser and now i am sitting right at the door. I can't manage to get out the door with out a fight, tho. He asks every night for me to "sleep" with him but I do stand my ground and at least sit on the floor, but I just can't leave without a super fight. I would love to just leave him awake as he falls asleep on his own. I am 22 weeks pregnant and really need the rest and comfort knowing when the baby comes he will go to sleep on his own. (another issue: he wakes 1x a night as well as wakes at 5:30 every morning. so i really need to work on his sleeping.) Just letting you know you are not alone and any suggestions are appeciated!!!!

We've recently had problems with our son going to sleep. We got him a "special" night light, and a new "special" bed toy (a baby tigger that plays music & has a night light). Sometimes he even gets mommy's "special covers" (a blanket that I like). He's still in a crib, so we don't have the fight of him getting out of bed...we just made some very special changes to help our "big boy" go to sleep all by himself! Seems to work so far!

I'm thinking that you have always done this and that is why he needs you to hug him and stay with him???? If so, it will be tough to break him of it.

You may need to just use the crying-it-out method. You do your bedtime routine, put on the night-light, make sure the closet is closed (my girls had this thing with the closet), and then tell him that he has to go to sleep...he's a big boy. Then leave. Go back in 15 minutes to 30 minutes and tell him that he has to sleep and you are not going to lay with him. Just let him work it out. He will stop eventually and realize that he has to go to sleep. Just keep giving him hugs and kisses and tell him you love him...but don't lay down with him.

I am still struggling with this one. We let my 4 year old daughter fall asleep in our bed, then I carry her into her own bed. At some point in the night she always comes back in and then I usually go into her bed. That is called shear laziness on my part. Our goal was to break her of this before the older ones were back in school this year, because I know it is going to take some screaming, but we haven't done it yet. This is prompting me to get it started on the long holiday weekend. Good luck to you. :)

We gradually moved from laying with her, to sitting on the side of the bed, to actually leaving when she was still awake. It was a long process.

But you know what got us out of the room with just a quick kiss? A Bunk Bed! She knew that Mommy or Daddy were "too big" to go up in the top bunk with her, but she was just so thrilled with her new bed that she didn't care. Up she went.

Obviously a 2 year old is too little for the top bunk, but it's something to keep in mind if you are still stuggling in a few years.

I second the "I have to do _____________ and I'll be back soon." I did this with my daughter (who is now 6). I would snuggle with her in bed and read her a story, then we'd talk for a little while and then I would tell her that I have to do load of laundry/dishes/straighten the living room, etc. and that I would be back in a few minutes. I would always come back (though the time increments would get longer) and "check" on her. She was usually passed out by the second check.

I just put the kabosh on this one myself. I made the same mistake of snuggling to sleep, which caused 2 years of disturbed sleep for our whole house. I had to do it because many nights my hubby was not home and I had a new baby to tend to at the same time. I started by just laying next to him, no snuggling, and it took about a week. Then we moved on to sitting on the bed next to him. After that we incorporated a conversation into our routine where I explained that I was right across the hall and he could come get me if he needed me. I would stay in my room while he was trying to fall asleep and left his door open as well as mine. Now, his is a champ. He still asks for a snuggle, which I do while singing our nighttime songs, but after that the answer is "no hunny I can't, you have to go to sleep like a big boy." Keeping a strict night time routine is really key. Bath, brush teeth, story, song, sweet dreams I love you goodbye. I also use the twilight turtle so he can talk to the stars on his ceiling, and he talks to his stuffed animals. I have realized that I can't force him to sleep, but he has to be in his room, and really he stays in bed. We've finally gotten to a place where if I hear him out of his room, I just yell up the stairs to "go to bed" and it's working. This process took about a month, but it can be done. Just be consistent.

My son is now 4 years old and we went though the same problem. My husband worked nights so bedtime was always on me. I am a working mom and I had to get up in the morning to, so usually I would end up falling asleep with my son in his bed. It's just something I got used to, even though I knew is was the wrong thing to be doing. Well, when my husband's schedule changed and he was home in the evenings he got a glimpse of what I went through every night. He's not quite the 'softie' that I am and he put an end to it. We explained to our son that he was big boy and he needed to fall asleep on his own, but mommy and daddy are still here, it's not scary, etc... We had about 3-4 LONG nights of my son screaming and crying and getting out of bed. My husband would just put him back in bed, as many times as it took. I couldn't do it; I couldn't stand to hear my son crying out for me. I give my husband credit, because his method worked. Once my son realized that we meant business, he gave in. It's been about 2 years and we still don't have any problems with bedtime. Stay focused and stay strong and it will be alright. Good luck!

Another vote for "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" here. Though I think some of the other responders hit the nail on the head. The quickest (though not least painless on the parents end) way to end this is probably to simply refuse to lay down with him and repeatedly put him back in bed, without any interaction. I don't envy you, but once your done it sounds like everyone will sleep better. Good luck!