Help! I Need Advice with My 15 Yr Old Daughter!

Perhaps she did it while she was in the bathroom. Teachers and administrators generally don't monitor the bathrooms as much as other areas due to privacy issues. Just a thought. :)

Wow! I think you did all the right things & maybe you should go up to the school & talk to them. How in the world did they get away with that?

Obviously the dangers of infection are apparent to everyone but the kids. We would pierce each others ears at school and of course someone usually got an infection, but the mouth is probably at more risk.

I too would be extremely upset if my teenage daughter came home with a tongue piercing. Sounds like once you contact the school and they initiate some kind of punishment, all bases are covered.

If I may offer a little advice as a parent, former student- teacher and a onetime rebellious child (and 3rd child out of 4) - it may not be as bad as you think.

One - kids can be very creative, sneaky and resourceful - it is impossible for teachers (just as parents) to watch every move they make.

Two - as dangerous as this is - it can get much worse. Kids that are incorrigible can make life miserable for their families, teachers and themselves. Fortunately as the parent -you have more resources and the advantage.

Three - You have probably done this, but once you are calm - perhaps you can talk to her and explain the reasons that you are upset and concerned. Maybe she can tell you why she did this.

And last - from personal experience being the groundee - after about 2 weeks, a crafty and determined teen will find other ways to get around what has been taken away. This can resort to sneaking around and being very secretative and other problems can set in. You don't want to alienate her and every issue become a fight. Obviously you have a good relationship with your daughter as she told you about the tongue piercing.

What I have witnessed from parents I have admired and try to model my own parenting skills (though not always successful as anger can get the best of us), before punishing, I try to allow myself time to think and be creative at what punishment will fit the crime. If I pull out all the stops now, what will I do on a more serious infraction? When angry and scared, a parent wants to try to stop further wrongs from happening - so the punishment is usually very stiff. I want to leave myself room to take it another level (door off the bedroom - making surprise visits to the school, etc..)

You know your child better than anyone and what works. Even when they wake up one morning and you think some alien possessed your child, you still know them better than anyone.

You sound like a great mom and really on top of what is going on with your kids. Good luck and hope all goes well.

Take her to the dentist snd let him/her explain to her just how dangerous this decision is. Call ahead so you know they will give a lecture and not just blow it off. There are so many germs in our mouths and our tongues are designed to keep them out, not let them in. I hope you have also alerted the principal of the school...

Good luck!

M.
www.GoodHealthMadeSimple.com

You need to take her to the Doctor right away!! She may need a tetnus shot!!! How dangerous!

You need to take her to a real piercer & have them tell your daughter how dangerous her ordeal could be. Not that you want to expose her to a tattoo/piercing parlor but most of these people can tell her horror stories of people just randomly piercing themselves. Would if she lost her taste bud nerves, etc?

I am the mother of a 15 year old girl and there is NO WAY I would stand for that from her.First of all you should take her to an oral physician for an exam. That could have life threatening issues !! Second I would meke her research all of the negative outcomes from having her tounge pierced. Third REMOVE IT IMMEDIATELY !! And finally I wouldn't be concerned with the school punishing her I would be at that school threatening them with the police. What in the world were the doing thinking that you would allow this. My daughters school would have suspended the whole group. They are responsible for your kids while they are there. What is their policy on piercings and tattoos??? T. I would be calling an attorney as that is not the way they should be handling these students.Please fill me in on the outcome and do not back down from this. WE PAY THEIR SALARIES !!!

wow way to go T.. you are doing the right thing. you have every right to be upset. not only did your daughter pierce her tongue but she put her health at risk. that friend of hers could of tore her tongue. she exposed herself to possible infection. maybe she doesn't know the risks of tongue piercing. another thing you have every right to complain to the school. they should punish her as well. explain to her school that if students have time to pierce tongues then to just imagine what else they do with this extra time.

My mom had an article from Ann Landers about tongue piercing that it can go into the blood and a lot of these girls have died. I am sure they did not have sterile equipment. I think I would get ahold of the other girl's parents and insist they pay for any precussions because of this. She is not a doctor and putting anything in another students skin I would think she would be expelled. I feel for you. I had three teens living with me when my new husband and I married. Two kids were his and two mine but his oldest got into drugs and never lived with us. She was put in a rehab and went to live with her grandma. All the kids acted out and it was aweful. I went to Tough Love for a year. I cried all the time and the counselers most did not have any children of their own so they were basically siding with the children. They all had the best in family life just did not want it. Kids aways want both parents and it is not possible when both remarry and divorce and move far from each other. I went through Hell and sad but happy as time went by after they were all gone. Now after years doing it again with a granddaughter on my own. Fear the teen years. Good Luck and stick to what God gave you in your inter sense of knowing what he tells you to do. Counseling is just brainstorming and finding solutions and parents who stick together can do it.

I am assuming that you also made her take it out...other than that it sounds like you are on the right track!! I would definitely fight this at school, and try to get them to make some sort of deal about it, maybe even publicly with the other students. Why did the friend get in trouble at school and not her, it was a 2 person crime here?! Did the school call you and tell you, or how did you find out? Man, I am so mad for you, and I know you myst be frustrated and disappointed beyond measure. My kids are young, so all I can really say is be firm, and stick to your gun, no matter how she reacts. Goodluck! ~A.~

T.,
welcome to the coming world of teenagers. Before we would rebel by (shocking) dyeing our hair, or outrageous clothing.
I think you have truly impressed on her that this was dangerous behavior. Going to the school for the purpose of them educating the kids on potential hazzards of this is a good idea. Back up a little and assess how much of what you are feeling is anger at the situation and how much is truly constructive discipline. I would imagine all of your other kids also get the message by this time. It is always the oldest that teaches or leads by example. Good interference here makes all the difference. Remember that the discipline needs to fit the deed. Notice the word punishment was intentionally left out.
I hope you understand that I am praising your actions and have been there with 2 generations of teenagers now, (not including the memory of when I was a teen)so I know how hard, and frustrating it can be.
K. @ The Nesting Place

You mean that one of your daughter's friends actually pierced her tongue for her??? That sounds awful... And that is just so dangerous. I got my tongue pierced when I was 18, and it was miserable. Maybe you should research it and let her know exactly what the dangers are... I have heard of people getting infections and coming close to death.... And I agree with you - the school shouldn't be giving them that much freedom.

T., I'm sure you will want to have it removed, but if I remember correctly you have to leave it in until it heals...ask a piercing shop to be certain. I had one when I was 18, but that was so long ago, I don't remember. I'd just hate for her to get a real bad infection. As for what to do..I am clueless, my daughter is only 2!! Good luck, and hopefully she'll outgrow it, I did.

T.,

I'm sorry this happened. At the very least you should take her to the doctor to make sure it's okay and not infected since it was done at school and then make her remove it and let the hole grow up. You will know if she keeps putting it in if it doesn't grow up - those will go away fast if left alone for a little while. Bad on her teeth too.

Good luck.

It sounds like you are doing everything right! I would also like to suggest monitering the people that she is hanging around and being influenced by. I know you can't choose your daughters friends, but you can make strict rules on behavior. Make sure the punishment for her behavior is extended long enough to make the statement. Also, with summer coming up, don't let up on the strict monitoring. Good luck and best wishes.

Terry

First thing you need to do is make sure she's had a tetnus booster recently. If not, take her NOW to get one. I would definitely have a sit-down with the principal or the dean at the school and find out how the kids would have that kind of time and privacy to do such a thing. I hate to say "kids will be kids" because this is serious, but I think the punishment you've handed out so far is enough, as long as you follow through. The follow-through is the hard part. Good luck!

I hope you made her take it out. If not please do and take her to the doctor. She probably needs a tetnus shot and if it's not time yet, get her one anyway! Maybe a shot will drive home the consequences of her actions.

I think you did all the right things, but go to the school and raise a fit. Even if it was in the bathroom that it happened. Didn't any of the teachers notice or here talk? Maybe the school nurse can check her mouth each day for infection (or new piercings) that would but a damper on any fun for your daughter.

Good luck!