Help, I Have Become the "Needy" Wife!!!

Well it sounds like you basically have the perfect husband, and you don't need flowers or notes to tell you that - it's obvious from your description of him. So I think what needs a little bit of tweaking isn't him or your marriage, it's you. Time to slip a little something extra into your week that's just for you. Can you get away for just 1 yoga class a week? If not, try a new workout or yoga DVD at home. Something to make you feel great that's just for you and your health. I think at times we all need things in our lives that help to invigorate us, give us a little boost. It's normal - you're busy and doing your best to raise 3 kids - not an easy job which we all know! And be sure you guys make time for a date night once a month or so - that's important too!

love Abby's answer,

All you have to do is talk to him or write a letter if that is the best way of communication and tell him that the girly side is coming out to play for a while. Explain to him that you are craving some romance and let him know what romance means to YOU! If you want random flowers to be sent tell him and tell him what type you would like weather it's roses or lilies, tulips or mums or even just a color of flowers you desire. If you want him to randomly have the kids "taken care of" for the night and dinner catered (nice take out) and have a picnic by the fire place with wine and hot steamy stuff right there all lit up by candles ... tell him. Here is my philosophy: No one can play by the rules if they do not know them -- if a new rule is in play it must be shared to all players. Right now the players are you and your hubby and obviously rules are changing temporary or not he needs to be made aware and you have every right to explain to him what you think is or is not romantic .. we all have our own ideas. Personally a night spent drinking captain and coke with no kiddo playing video games and laughing is romantic for me! But unless you are a gamer that's not romance!

You totally make sense and I think it is normal. Since having kids, I think a mom gets less and less attention because so much of it is focused on whether or not the kids are alright, your husband is happy, everyone is fed, etc etc. Nothing is really focused on you. I think it is completely normal for a mom to want some extra TLC, and if that is roses, so be it! =) It may not even just be the roses, you might just want some extra attention from your husband. How long has it been since you guys were just a couple with no kids? Maybe you guys can have a date night? Or put the kiddos to bed early and have a nice romantic dinner by yourself so you guys can focus completely on yourselves.

OMG! Me too! I am currently enjoying a HUGE crush on my guy, whom I've known for 28 years, although we've only lived together 4. It makes me feel vulnerable, suspicious, clingy, and high maintenence, which is really not like me at all. Especially since I'm just coming off a phase where I couldn't stand the SIGHT OF HIM!

I think when you're together long enough, a marriage becomes a living thing of it's own, with it's own phases. It's normal and natural and deserves the attention of both parties.

I think you should tell him how you're feeling these days and express that you would like to, together, nurture it more than you already do.

:)

I've been feeling that way also... 8 months ago my husbands job moved an hour away from our house. He leaves at 8am and gets home at 8pm.. I feel so alone sometimes, like I'm a single mom.. My husband IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZINGGGGGGGG, when he's home... He doesn't EVER complain about anything. He wakes my son up at 6:45am to play with him before he has to go to work, as soon as HE gets home from working a 10,11,12 hour day HE rubs MY neck.. I'm soooooooooooooo lucky but yet I feel SOOOO needy... And I know it's because he's gone all the time.... He's even told me he would quit his job and find something closer to home (we just had this discussion yesterday and I was crying about it).... So I understand :0)

Read the book "The Five Love Languages."

People feel loved differently than one another. It seems obvious that you know he loves you BUT he's not loving you in the way that *you* need in order to feel loved. That's not a negative thing on him at all. He's loving you in the way he knows how...probably in the way that makes him feel loved. You need to figure out things he can do to make you feel loved in the way you feel loved. If that's confusing, let me explain with some examples:

(this isn't about you and your hubby, just to explain what I'm meaning):
- Husband feels loved with gifts. So he gives gifts to those he loves.
- Wife feels loved with physical affections - hugs, kisses, snuggling.
So, when hubby is giving gifts to the wife, but he's not giving her hugs/kisses/snuggles, she is feeling unloved...even though he's loving her how he knows how. You have to figure out how to love each other in *their* way that they interpret love.

It's along those lines. Right now it sounds like you guys need to make more time for the both of you AND figuring out the way you feel loved so that he can love you in that way would be really helpful. There's a book called "The Five Languages of Love" and it talks about how people feel and give love differently. It seems like you are needing some time and attention and romance. :-) I highly suggest that book I mentioned. Also, "His Needs, Her Needs" is really good.

You're not a needy wife. You're just in need of the normal time and attention that a woman (or man) needs. It sounds like with the change in things, it's make you feel a little more insecure, and you need more time/focus to help rebalance you. There is nothing wrong with that at all! Maybe plan a date or special night at home...order in dinner and watch a movie together or play some games.

I think we are living the same life... so when you get some answers...send them my way too plz!!