Help! I Feel like Rip Van Winkle!

Updated on August 09, 2007
J. asks from Palatine, IL
20 answers

Okay, here's my story: I had my children as a "mature Mom" having both my kids in my 40's....for the first time they will both be in school full time in a few weeks and while I will be looking around for a full time or more time job (I only work part time now), I hope to have time finally to spend on myself.

Basically, the brutal truth is that I've let myself go -- right or wrong I've spent all my energy & efforts on my kids & now (ten years later) I've woken up and looked around -- I'm overweight, tired, and my husband is just not that interested any more. I seriously need to reclaim some of my former looks & self confidence. Any suggestions? I need an action plan for weight loss, skin care for mature skin, and self confidence going back out into the "adult world". Overwhelming, right? Where do I start?

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L.L.

answers from Chicago on

I have an eye serum I use to get rid of the puffy eye look. It is by shaklee called enfutox, it takes out the puffiness and some of the wrinkles. My ladies name is Liz Sue out of grayslake. You might want to join a group of walkers in the area or with just one neighbor who is a positve person, no whining aloud.

The wrinkle stuff made me feel better and it goes a long way.

L.

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M.J.

answers from Chicago on

Well let me tell you a little about me... I was overweight when I became pregnant with my first child. People would try and tell me the weight was from the baby. Well, after I delivered my baby, I weighed less than before I got pregnant. (That is how I know that it was not true). I know that they were trying to make me feel better.

I was extremely tired and just because sad and depressed about my weight. I hit rock bottom when I hit the 200 mark with my weight. I never thought that I could weigh what I did. I would cry when I would step on the scale. I told myself I had to do something.

Well I looked online for different weight loss programs and found them to be expensive when you had to buy food. I decided to TRY Weight Watchers and see what happened.

I began WW in January of 2006 and by the following year I was 50 pounds lighter. I love WW because you are still able to eat the foods you like. It is a great program that I would recommend to anyone.

I now weigh in the low 140's and I feel great. I am not tired anymore and feel great about myself. I could not have done it without the help of WW. That program has changed my life for the better.

Let me know how things go.

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R.A.

answers from Chicago on

I'm finding a combination of Weight Watchers, Curves and yoga is helping me enormously. Good luck!

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C.L.

answers from Chicago on

Hi J.,
Many of us have been there! When my kids were going off to school all day, I thought I would be overjoyed with the extra time and freedom. Truth be told, I spent that first day in tears, afterall I had been a full time mom for nearly 10 years, rarely focusing on my needs. That lasted a day, then I figured out what was important to me. It's me! Because as the saying goes... if mom's not happy, nobody's happy!

Enough of the pity party, get on with making yourself whole again. A great new hair style can do wonders, and facial and manicure won't hurt either.

I also had a home based business that I worked on, which allowed me to work without jeapordizing family schedules (I sell Discovery Toys); it also enabled me to get out and meet other moms, getting some much needed socialization and compliments for my accomplishments.

I also joined Healthy Inspirations (located on Wise Rd. In Schaumburg). They have a great weight loss progam and combined with their circuit has helped me to get my weight under control. It's like Weight Watchers and Curves combined!

If you have a hobby or want to learn a skill, take a class through the high school, college or park district. And occasionally I follow my mom's advice... I take a guilt free nap.

Get reconnected with yourself - it's the best thing you can do for yourself.... and your family.

Good Luck!
C.

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A.M.

answers from Chicago on

Start by giving yourself sometime for you each day:) Weight Watchers is a great way to lose weight if you discipline yourself and go every week to meetings! I lost 35 pounds on WW. You can work out at the gym or take walks in your neighborhood. Check out weightwatchers.com. I also have a friend who sells Arbonne, so maybe she can help you with renewing your skin. Her email is ____@____.com. Check out the sight at arbonne.com to see some great products.

Good luck. It is easy to let ourselves go when we have wonderful kids that we want to give the world to, but it is also important to take care of you so that you feel great too:)

A.

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M.K.

answers from Chicago on

Hi J.,
I am a licensed esthetician and while there are many great skincare products available at salons, many women need to keep a simple regimen that they can stick to, using reasonably priced products they can find/buy conveniently. I would say...
* stay away from facial soaps (they dry your skin out)
* use a night/wrinkle creme to keep your skin hydrated (Loreal is a good over-the-counter brand, owned by Lancome)
* use a scrub weekly. Light Skin Peel by Reviva labs (at Ulta) is an AWESOME product - has enzymes in it that "eats" the dead skin cells
* use a sunscreen and drink lots of water
Other than that, a haircut/color enhances your looks & is less than buying a new wardrobe and you can always go to Pivot Point Int (beauty school) for inexpensive facials.
Hang in there... you didn't let yourself go overnight so don't expect instant results and remember that curvaceous women can be very attractive too!

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P.F.

answers from Chicago on

Hi J.,
Stop beating yourself up. You are not the only mom at any age that has found herself a bit "worn".
I don't know alot about skin care, but the one thing I do know is that drinking more water does help and it's a step that doesn't cost much or take a lot of time.
As for your weight...Weight watchers does wonders if you are willing to put the time in and have as little self control as I do.
Lastly, your wonderful kids are a great accomplishment, feel good about that.
Start changing your mind set. If you can envision yourself the way you would like to be viewed then you can do it. Keep your eye on your goal and know that it will take time but it is attainable.
Good luck
P.

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M.D.

answers from Chicago on

I hear ya. I'm 40 and have a 3 year old and a five year old, so I've got at least three years to go before they are both in school full time. Have you had a physical lately? Maybe starting with your family doctor would be a good idea. He or she could help you with some weight loss goals and perhaps recommend some dietary guidelines. If you can afford it, how about a personal trainer at a gym once a week, so that you know you're working in the right way on the right things to shape up a bit? Finally, I'd go to spa and get a good facial once a month, and buy some good skin care products. Lately I've been using Origin products, and I LOVE them. They will do a free mini-facial for you if you schedule it in advance (at least they did this at the store I went to) and for $100 you can buy 4 or 5 great products. Most importantly, though, in my opinion, is to rededicate part of your mind to something you really love - a hobby, talent, meditation, reading, whatever it is that can give you something back after these first few hard years of being a mom. Best of luck to you.

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M.E.

answers from Chicago on

Let me start by saying that I totally understand!! My greatest suggestion is Weight Watchers. I am a member and have been since March of this year. I'm down 34 lbs ... wahoo!! Not only do you learn smart nutrition and how to be healthier overall, but the meetings are a great support. I feel like I am gaining control just by going to the meetings.

Suggestion number two is yoga. Regardless of your weight status (of course like everything, it's more challenging the heavier you are), it will clean your mind and bring flexibility back to your body (I didn't realize how unflexible I was!). All park districts offer classes at a reasonable rate. I don't suggest that you do tapes at home, as it is important, especially in the beginning, to learn from a trained instructor, as not to injure yourself and to get the most out of it by learning the important breathing techniques.

Have fun on your journey!!

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I.C.

answers from Chicago on

Amanda hit it! I have to agree with everything she said. Go and get a complete makeover from top to bottom. Hair, face, manicure, pedicure and a massage.

A new outfit or two, shoes, and get out to the gym and start with walking and working your way up to a routine of using the machines. Oh the energy you'll get!!

Good luck! Isn't it great to have kids in school full-time?

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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

J.,

I agree with the other 2 ladies about Weight Watchers. I am expecting my second child next month and I need to get back into the swing of things of myself. Weight Watchers is a realistic program. Plus, the have online help. Weekly meetings that you can pay in advance for and advice via the website.

I also agree that once you hit a great salon for an updated look, hair style, manicure etc...hit the store for some new clothes and start a reasonable exercise routine. Take small steps so you can see your progress but also look forward to staying with it. As for make-up, skin care Mary Kay has a great and easy regiment. For women on the go Bare essentials cosmetics are great to for all ages. Keep us posted. Good luck.

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C.N.

answers from Chicago on

I am with ya... I had my son and never left the working world. I gained 20 lbs extra before I had my son and then another 20 lbs never left me before I had my son... and in my mind(I know it sounds crazy) I was still the same size I was 40 lbs ago- maybe not completely but pretty darn close. I had bought just a few articles of clothing because I never wanted to claim those lbs as my own and definately not cute things because I did not want to spend the money. The worst part was I worked with lots of cute girls right out of college. They had tons of cute clothes and cute bodies to go with it. I realized who I had become when I was not included in the conversations about clothes and style. So here is what I did...

I got on Weight Watchers on-line(I think enough people have talked it up to death) and I have lost 31 of my 40 lbs- I have to count that extra 1 lb because it has taken me a long time to get there. I don't work out- for me it is one step at a time. Take it slow- a lifestyle change does not happen over night.

I called Julie P who sells Mary Kay(she is on here)uner local business reviews. She came over and I bought a bunch of makeup.

Just this month(after I hit the 30 lb weight loss mark) I got a new haircut. It feels good. I also went and bought a bunch of new clothes. My husband has turned into a horn dog AND I have gotten hit on at some work social functions. I did not make this change for anyone other than ME! In fact I told my husband that once I get finished I am going to Hawaii, he said "Can I come along"- and my response was well if you want to but either way I am going.

I always said people that put the value of themselves in the way the look are looking at life all wrong. And I still feel that way, we are much more than the outside shell that we live in. However, having the strength to change what I have thought for years was "just who I was" is the most amazing feeling I have ever had. Sorry to ramble... feel free to e-mail me if you need encouragement/ideas along the way!

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A.P.

answers from Chicago on

Well, if I was you, this is probably where I would start:right or wrong...Go to a decent salon, get a fresh cut and/or color,a manicure and pedicure, maybe talk to an esthetician about a new skin care regimen, go to your favorite clothing store and pick out a couple nice updated outfits, maybe some cute or sexy pj's, new perfume. Then either look into a gym or just start walking around the block every day, because excercise will definately give you back some energy, and help you get and feel back into shape. Now some may argue about the cost of a salon visit and shopping trip, but frankly it is worth it. Until you feel like you look your best, you will not have the confidence you are looking for. Spending a little time on yourself is needed and well deserved. I'm sure your husband will appreciate that!
Good luck!!

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B.M.

answers from Chicago on

I am with Amanda on this one! Also, look into weight watchers, I lost 60LBS on that program so I love it.

One of my sons nurses is using Nutri-system. She is her 4th weeks into it and has all ready lost 15LBs. They mail the product to you as well.

Good luck!!! You deserve to pamper yourself!

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D.

answers from Chicago on

J.,

I am so excited for you to "reclaim" yourself! I agree with the salon visit...it is fully worth your money to give yourself a boost on the outside while you work on the internal. (Weight loss is physical work, but it takes motivation and determination...I think it's 75% attitude, if not more). You're on the right track!:)

I work with a company - Arbonne International - and our premier product is an anti-aging skincare line called NutriMinC RE9. We are a total wellness company, so we have everything from skincare, to nutritional supplements and weight loss products to cosmetics and aromatherapy. I would be more than happy to talk with you further. I've got 3 people on our weightloss program currently - and they are seeing results of 15 pounds (and more) lost in 2+ months. It's coming off SLOWLY - which is exactly how we should be doing it to keep it off. I have 40+ people using the RE9 system for the skincare and it's a tremendous product. We have a discount system for wholesale buyers, so if you check out our website, don't be distracted by the retail prices. www.arbonne.com
Feel free to contact me if you have interest. Best of luck to you on your venture of transformation! -D. ____@____.com

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L.

answers from Chicago on

HI J.,

I too, am an older mom (having my 4th just a month ago and I am 40). First, to address your physical self, you might want to try some basic weight training exercises. Strengthening and toning your muscles takes very little time (15-20 minutes a day at the most) and your see results almost immediately. You will have more energy as well, and by adding muscle, you will raise your metabolism and therefore, burn more fat because muscle burns more fat than fat does when your body is resting. I agree with the other post that suggested a good hair cut, maybe some highlights and a manicure/pedicure. As far as skin care, there are tons of products out there. I would suggest that you don't try to "turn back the clock" but simply enhance your appearance. Aging is a part of life and we cannot expect any product to give us the years back. That being said, I like Clinique's Turnaround Cream. I also like Eucerin Face Anti wrinkle.

The other thing I have found is that because of my stage in life (having babies...little kids) a lot of my friends are younger than me (5-10 years) and I think this keeps me younger. Perhaps an after school play group where you can hang out with other mom's who have kids the same age as yours, but the mom's are a little younger. This has made a huge difference for me. My best to you!

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H.J.

answers from Chicago on

Hi J.,

I would love to help you feel better about yourself.
I have helped many women in the same situation.

I do home parties, specializing in pampering women. I give free facials, and can teach you how to take care of yourself and within days-weeks you will notice a difference. Certain prodcuts are noticable withing minutes, and some take weeks of daily use.

We have many products for "mature" skin and you will be completly satisfied. My Grandma is 88 and looks about 68. My mom looks 20 years younger than she is too. We have all been using the same line for 15-20 years. Myself for 18 years.

please go onto my webpage and call me to schedule the first day of your new life!
www.myjafra.com/hjohnson2

FYI, few weight tricks that work for me is always eat breakfast, it starts working your metabolism right away, since as we get older it slows down. And never eat 2 hrs before bed. Drink a ton of water. My friend drinks 2 liters a day and loses a pound a day, she has her high school reuinion coming up. This is for short tern use only, but if you do this for 2 weeks, you'll loose 14 lbs, and you'll feel so much better.
Good luck!

;-) H.

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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

J.-

Start working out...even if it's just walking. You can do it with your kids (you'll be a great example) or without them which really helps clear your head. You will start to look better, feel better, digest food better and sleep better. Go get a new haircut, dye your hair if necessary and wait a couple months before you get new clothes. The workout will really make you feel more positive. Also, make sure you are eating well. You don't need a fancy diet- just make sure that you are getting enough fruit, vegies, whole grains, calcium and water and you will be fine! Your kids should be eating like this too!

Good luck and stick with it. You will eventually get addicted to feeling good.

M.

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L.F.

answers from Chicago on

Hi J.

An Adult to talk to. I am an older mother. What was I thinking??? I am 46 years old. I work six days a week. I can't afford to make myself pretty right now. Hair dye etc.

You made the first step. You noticed how you feel and have decided to change. Can you run away for a day to decide your goals? I cannot afford a life coach but they seem to have great advice.

I have a small trampoline. Every morning at 6 am I run while watching the news for 20 minutes. I hate exercising. It works for me I feel better and have more energy.

Make-up I love Walgreens products. I cannot think of the name brand of the make-up foundation I bought. It has Linen in the product. It make me look great. There is an on line company Libre that has great skin care products. Cleansing wash, astregnant and moisturizer. I never looked younger or felt better.

I feel like a troal. I just got divorced after living appart for four years. I do not want to date yet. I had a bad health scare. I decided that I am important now. I changed by adding exercise. I have celebrated this month about doctors giving me good news so I gained a little weight back. I an starting back on my healthy diet. It is more restrictive than most diets. Mine is for health issues. No wheat containing products, no chicken, fish, pork, beef, fruit and veggies for me. If you change your diet I suggest starting with water. Then add other fruits and veggies. I deny myself good food so my son can eat the food. I have stopped that.

Go to the health food store and look for books. There great self help books at the library or book store. There is great stuff on line.

Pick a spoil me item when you reach a goal. Example I want to lose 5 pounds of water weight. I want to gain 10 pounds of muscle. I want to drink one gallon of water a day. Pick something and reward yourself at the end of your goal.

Your husband my be tired also. He may still see the girl he married. I think a lot of us never see how much our husbands really love us. My girlfriend cannot see how much her husband loves her I can. Can someone watch the kids while you date each other again. As you already are aware marry and family are a lot of work.
I am there also you have a friend and you are not alone. Good Luck!!

N.P.

answers from Chicago on

Congrats on starting a new chapter. :)

As far as weight loss, I truly belive Weight Watchers is one of the best programs out there. You can eat whatever food you want and it is easy to follow. It teaches you portion control and eating well and habit changing behavior while encouraging exercising. First time I went on WW 10 years ago I lost 17lbs. I have been doing WW for the past 13 weeks and I am down 23lbs. I HIGHLY recommend it over Nutri-System/Seattle (i.e. programs where you have to buy THEIR food).

As far as skin - stop by one of the many beauty counters at the mall. Maybe even hit 2/3. You can probably even call ahead and ask for a complimentary make-over. Once you have done a couple, THEN buy the products (even though you be pressured to heck to buy then). But this way you can gain a better idea if you like the product or have any reactions etc. OR you could make an appt like this with a make-up artist at a salon and perhaps he/she can then recommend products to buy at the store.

As far as hair, ask around for a good hair stylist. Browse some styles on the internet that you might like or buy some mags and bring those with you and just GO FOR IT... just make sure it's a cut/color that you can easily keep up with.

It might be beneficial so find some social groups. Harder then hell to find. But meetup.com might be a great place for you! There are even some "weight loss meetups". Or check about taking some fun classes through your park district to meet some people.

And start picking one night a month as a date night for you and your husband.

:) Good luck! :)

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