Help!!! I Can't Get My Three Year Old to Listen

I had a similar experience, only my boy was two. Finally after telling him and telling him, I started doing what he was doing, ignoring me. When he would ask me to play i would not answer him. Same thing with reading, he would bring me a book to read and I wouldn't look at him. He got frustrated with me quick. He asked me "why" and so I asked him "why". I think he understood. The next day things started to get better and they have continued to get better every day. If he starts acting defient, I start acting defient. It's hard to take away the little things that mean so much, but I want my children to grow up well behaved.
T.

My son, who is now almost 6, went through much the same when I was pregnant with his little sister. I think that they know that there is something going on, and they are acting out that fear. I used a two fold plan to help me get through it. I talked to my son a lot about how much I loved him, and gave him as much positive extra attention as I could. I also gave him very clear guidelines about what he needed to do, and if he would throw a fit he would get a time out, sitting in a special spot, until he was calm, and then he would have to do whatever he threw the fit about anyways. I will warn you, this takes extra time, and it takes a while before the children will sit well for the time out. It takes a lot of loving firmness. Once they realize that they can't fight with you and get out of doing something it should calm down. This also will come in handy as they get older. :) Feel free to message me if you would like any more information.

L.,
Try buying your son a baby doll. It will give him a small taste of being a big brother. Imoved to Helena from Indiana 5 years ago and got pregnant with my 2nd child my son was almost 2 and it worked for him. The praise he got for being nice to his baby and the fact that mom could play with him and the baby relieved a lot of his stress, I now have 4 kids and this has worked for the youngest child every time. my kids are 6,4, 15months, and 2 weeks. My 6 year old is the best big brother ever.
good luck, A. A.

Hi L.
Well i just want to say first off it is nothing that you are doing wrong. I am the grandma of a 3 year old boy myself i support him and help my daughter raise him his name is tyler. And let me tell you I know exactly what you are talking about. I have found that with tyler if i sit with him and just talk or just let him talk he is perfectly happy. But whe he is being ignored or does not have your undivided attention then yes tyler acts out to in a very mad and angry way towards his mom. I recently found out that my daughter is going to have another baby and well i would be happy but under the conditions she in i am not very happy however your son just needs him mommy like i tell my daughter do not yell just calm voice and it will get you so far i promise,. Pre-school or daycare i am totally for that for kids to interact with others there age so just hang in there it is just a time in his life he will over come it.

All three of my children never had the "terrible twos." It was more like the "horrifically terrible threes!" My three year old daughter is in that stage, and I know it's difficult. The main thing that I have learned is consistency is SO important. Set clear guidelines as to what behavior is expected, and what will happen when that expectation is not met. Such as time out, taking away priveleges, etc. And always follow through. And since you are pregnant, is it possible your son is feeling left out? Make sure to reward good behavior with verbal praise and rewards (if it's extra good behavior!) and try to include him in the new babys arrival. I know it's hard - especially when you are pregnant and may already feel overwhelmed. It's completely normal for kids to go through this phase - I hope so at least, otherwise there is something wrong with my children! Good luck...I'm sure it will get better over time.

I also have a 3 year old boy. If he has never done this before maybe he is going through the "terrible two stage" My son is very good natured alway has been until one day it just changed. Everything was just dramatic and wrong. It just broke my heart and it was hard to deal with I can't imagine being pregnant too. My husband and I talk a lot about his new behaviors and how we want to deal with them. We decided then that it was going to take a lot of talking with our son, focus on the positive, rewards for good behavior and lots of praise, we also would point out others good behavior, but not compare. If he did something that was not appropriate he would have to sit in time out until he calmed down and then we talked about it. My son has calmed down a lot and knows the drill. I also recommend letting your son know what is going to happen in advance as much as possible, that has helped us a lot with transitioning. Good luck

R.

It's a completely normal phase in his development. He's learning to assert his free will and to voice his opinions and desires.

I find that comprimises work very well, as opposed to just telling them to do something, or telling them no. For example, instead of telling dd no... she can't eat that for breakfast I will tell her that xyz isn't available for breakfast, but she can have abc.

As far as picking up toys.... I make it a game and we race to see how many toys we can pick up. She loves that game and will actually bring out her clean up basket and ask if we can pick up toys.

The "expecting our second sometime in March" caught my eye. Here is my experience with boys....reguarless what you think boys are about, they are NOT. My 6 year old son is emotional sensitive and that is compleatly normal. Right now at his age he is just trying to figure outhis emotions, as of yet he has not quite gotten a hold of much more then anger, happiness and sadness, so he is figuring out how to communicate. He could also not begetting enough sleep. Children at his age need 10 to 12 hours of sleep until school age. If he is taller then his usual age group, he will need more then that. Then there is the odvious "expecting of the baby" He gets the fact that there is a lot more attention on this thing inside mommys tummy, but he cant quite figure out why.

A suggestion if Imay, would be to explain how much fun the baby will be for HIM. How he will become this awsome big brother, and although the baby may be annoying at first, the baby will bring great joy to everyone.

Also, I promise I will quiet after this, boys are just GO GO GO GO GO, and this wears on them. Girls dont seem to be as hesitant, but boys specificly wear themselves out, never acknowledge they are tired and want to continue to play and bounce and discover in fear they will miss out on something. So, yes your child is behaving normaly for his age, I would look into him getting a ten hour sleepat night and a twohour nap....in reality this is alwayseasier said then done, but it is possible. Good luck with this, I promise it all pays out in the end.....soon he will be in school and you will wonder where the time went....or at least I do!!!

I probably can't be of much help. But one thing we are working on with my 2 1/2 year old son is getting him to use words when he is upset or frustrated instead of crying. We tell him we want to help but we can't understand what is wrong if he is crying (even if we already know). We want him to learn how to tell us what the problem is. Also, I thought it would be fun to mention... I'm pregnant with my second and am due in March too. :)

I went through this stage with my son.He was doing the same thing. He did not want to got to day care. I would try asking him why he does not want to go to day care. see what he says. Having anonother child is stressing on the first kid. Try doing somthing special with him. He may think that you are not going to pay attention to him. My son is hyper-sensitive so every time i was tired or grumpy he was ten times worse becasue he picked up on it so much that he went off the deep end. so I would just try to regroup, not get mad, or angry but just try to redirect his energy to somthing he liked to calm him down.

sounds like what I go through everyday. my daughter is 2 1/2 and her dad just come home from a 2 month deplyment. She has been not listening to me since the day she was born but even more so now. I just try to deal with the best I can. Today has been hard but tommorow well be better. I am sure he well grow out of it. Just be patienc if that is possible.
-Tired mommy

You might want to try the chalk board thing its where you put 3 small treats in a jar and 3 smiley faces or stars on a chalk board and as the day goes by depending on your childs behavior they ither keeptheirstars or you make them erase them taking away one star and one treat it takes awhile for this to work however many stars hehas at the end of the day will detrmine how many little treats he gets one star left one treat nos tars no treat and so on.
Also with my 4 yr old we started a time out chair in her room shelistens better to her dad when told to go there but she will fight and drag her feet for me but when the times comes I force her to setin time out she cries alot and I tell her that I will close the door if she dont stop crying and that when she says sorry and can tell me why she is sitting there that she may come out its worth the shot good luck its hard to feel like the bad guy but it sure is worth it in the end when you have well behaved kids and you can take them out in public anywhere and know they will listen and respect you
one more thing tell him how important it will be to be a big brother and how much you need him give him little task as if only a little brother can do no body else just him this will make him think he is just as important as the new new baby its hard I also just had a new baby he is now 2 months and with my daughter being 4 she inda felt left out thats when we came up with the other idea

Hi L.,
I am a proud parent of a 5 yr old girl and a 15 month boy. I am a student at LCC and took a class last term, that said a few things that might help.
(1)act more, talk less
(2)natural consequences

DON'T FIGHT!! I know this sounds easier said than done, but, it works.
The breakfast issue...I learned that kids know u want them to eat and they like to be reminded. Your goal...don't remind about eating. If he doesn't like his food, tell him that is what breakfast is and you don't need to eat, and it doesn't bother u if he doesn't eat. He will probably bluff u, but if u don't show that it bothers u, and leave the choice to him, he will see what it is like to be hungry and if u take his plate away when he plays with it and don't eat, u build credibility by not reminding and removing the plate. Then after removing the plate, the crying and hunger whining begins, simply state:"It was your choice to not eat, not mine.." "If u want to cry about it, go to your room till your done" or whatever you want...This is just what I say and do. Just remember that u can't make him eat, so fighting won't help.

Anyways, I can go into more if need be, Act more, talk less works good. Good Luck, K.

Sorry no help here, but I wanted you to know you aren't alone. We have an almost 3 yr daughter and she is the same way. I can't wait to hear some help.

Oh my gosh! You sound like me! My 3 year old is going through something too, always wanting to be held, won't take naps (until she finally crashes at 6pm, not good for bedtime) Whinning and crying the list goes on! But I am trying to stay consistant with her, although she is one tough cookie! I have started to explain more why I need to do things like clean her room, not argue with me, help with small things, and I also make sure to praise her on things that she is doing right. It has been tough, but I can see the change that she is making. I hope this helps!