Help for Daughter Struggling with 9Th Grade

I recommend that you address these concerns with the school counselor, and even in a parent/teacher conference with that one teacher.

I would schedule a meeting with the teacher. First just you and the teacher then with your daughter included. I would have the teacher explain to me in detail their expectations, grading policy, etc. I would take notes in front of the teacher so they see you are going to hold them to that. I would then have your daughter come in after you have gotten a clear understanding from the teacher and the three of you speak to her together. Then, if the teacher marks her down for something they did not tell you about, you can hold them accountable as well.

I would have a conference with the teacher. Some times the kids tell us one thing and the teacher may have a different story. Ask her how you can help her and what is expected. When our kids got bad grades we had the teacher sign every day if the work was done or not. I think the best you can do for your child is communicate with the teacher and organize a team between the daughter, teacher and yourself. Let her know the reason you are doing this is because it takes team effort to produce most things in life. Best of luck to you and your daughter. My granddaughter will be going into Middle school next year also A, B student. G. W

I'm glad that your not going into a fight with the teacher over this. High school is the age to learn about dealing with stressful situations and dealing with "bosses" who may not be the most successful communicators.

Also I found out for myself. Many kids in Pre-AP and AP classes are bright enough to spend most of their schooling being successful with little or no study. Things may have come quite easy... However, everyone discovers the point at which they can no longer be successful without learning organization and study skills. In my experience, organization is a huge key to becoming more successful in the advanced courses. The teachers expect more out of the students and they expect a certain level of personal responsibility. Not to say that your daughter is not responsible. High school is just a whole new level. They communicate less with the parents, the students are expected to remember more verbal instructions than written. The student then has to write the instructions themselves if they might have trouble remembering later. This is just the next step in develpoment before we send our 18 year olds to college and call them adults.

Tell her ask questions about each assignment and to write down the details in her assignment book. If she has no assignment book or is having trouble with the format of the one that she is using. I recommend a spiral notebook with a page for each day. Write down everything from homework, to upcoming tests, to play practice, to chores all on one day's page. Anything that is not accomplished that day is moved to the top of the next page. Then throw away used pages. Don't keep the old pages. They only create clutter.

I am a tutor. I have my Texas teachers certificate (with classroom experience) and have worked with students in the past with organization and study habits. Let me know if you need other organization ideas. I've been in AP classes before and even went to college early. I have lots of experience learning to organize and study. Good Luck!

Hi K.. I am going thru the same thing you are with my son. He is in 9th grade, has a full load of Pre-AP classes, in his 2nd year of Spanish and Football. OMG! The stress we go thru every single night. As I did with my son his first year of middle school, I have given him the 1st six weeks to adjust. Of course failing a class is not an option, but I am not hard on him in the kind of grade he makes as long as it's passing for the 1st six weeks. Entering high school is a huge adjustment that can be very stressful. I feel that he doesn't need the added stress from me when he gets home. So when he comes home I offer more words of encouragement and assure him it may not get easier, but he will figure things out. My son is the type of kid who absolutely hates me being involved with his teachers, which I usually am. In middle school it was a weekly thing for me. This is a time when they are going to have to start learning how to figure things out for themselves. How to be organized, how to talk to their teachers on a more "adult" level, to learn what is expected from each of his teachers. To figure out which ones are the picky ones and which aren't. Once the 1st six weeks is done, if he doesn't have it figured out, that is when I get involved with his teachers. Not to be the 9th graders "mommy" who can't do the work, but the parent that is there to help both my son and the teacher in anyway that I can.

Good Luck!

I don't know if this will work, but you can explain that right now it's a teacher but someday it will be a boss. She just has to find a way to cope with (perceived) failure. Your daughter sounds like a perfectionist, so with such high bar, she must learn how she will cope. Help her find healthy ways to deal with the stress. This is a great opportunity to help her to grow. B.

I think that your daughter is in the same step that I my daughter is in, I really feel that the school is sometimes like this to. In Middle School there was no struggling but as soon as she goes to High School she has been struggling and making F's but she needs help and she needs a school that will help and help her suceed in College and she wants to be a Pscolgist or is that dosen't work out she wants to go for Law inforcement, Criminal Justice I really want my daughter to improve and suceed in like, as for your daughter maybe you should consider another school maybe it would help.

Okay here we go..... First off let me tell you that I am a single working mama of a 16 so to be 17 y/o boy who is a junior at Northwest Highschool(one of the biggest schools attendance wise around 3300 students and counting). Do NOT let any school tell you it is "too late" for your daughter to transfer out of a class that she is a.)struggling in(especially a Pre-Ap class) and b.)might be having a personality conflict with that teacher. Your daughter sounds like she is very bright, but it will not hurt her to take at least one regular class her freshman year. I know that Northwest encourages the all Pre-Ap middles choolers and their parents to take at least one if not two regular classes as high school Pre-AP coureses have more of a demand for homework and assignments and it could be detremental to a students mental health. They will feel like a failure if they find that all of the sudden they are struggling in a classes they normally flew through in middle school. Have her talk to her counselor about this class and this teacher, go and be there with her and make sure her side of the story gets heard and see if her counselor can not find a way to resolve this issue either through a teacher change or a class change. Follow up if she goes to a 4A or bigger school things seem to happen in large schools and sometimes overlooked. Most importantly let her know that you will not think any less of her for taking a regular class or two now or in the future, that all you want is for her to be happy and not too struggle so hard. If for whatever reason they refuse to let her out of the class remember this and tell it to your daughter, in Pre-Ap classes the grad you get is ten points above a regular class grade i.e. as 70 in a Pre-AP class is really an 80 in a regular class. So, even a grade of 60 and above at most schools does not disqualify her from extracuricular activities. Pat her on the back for me and tell her how proud of her for trying to do what very few other kids her age do. Good luck in the coming school year and let me know how things turn out.

S. S.

Yep, been there done that and about to do it again (have an 8th grader). I have a 12 grader in the top 12 at a local high school. He had all pre-AP classes and was in a top rated very time intensive band program too. It was overwhelming! I have read some of your responses and I agree with the perfectionist senerio. I kept up with his grades on-line but there is a point that you know to just let things like that zero go. She has time to make it up and it is a time of adjustment to new teacher's expectations and the class load. Trust me, every year she will have some teacher that she doesn't like or makes crazy demands. She will develop the coping skills to "make do" most of the time. Assure her she is capable and smart and will find a way to keep up and adapt. The rest of her school career, even into college will require a great deal of "stick to it ness" and most of the people who accomplish great things don't do so perfectly. There will be ups and downs in pre Ap courses but they are the best way to prepare for college. Let her find her way, encourage her, don't worry over some low grades. Remind her you love her as God does, not because of production or acheivement but simply because she is your child, and that is enough. Remind her of other attributes you admire in her, such as kindness or a sense of humor and remind her that when you talk to people your age nobody knows what grade point average they had in high school, but they do know what kind of person they are. Get into a church that can provide a kind of balance for the high stress world she lives in.
Good luck and God Bless,
B.

As a former teacher... it seems you may want to get feed back from other parents and then encourage your daughter to have a 'mature' discussion with her teacher. Keeping away from phrases like 'its not fair' etc. Alot of high school teachers are not only teaching the content but also see there job as a preparation for future schooling (in college she will be expected to have these discussions with her professors, even if they are not favorable results). It appears you have covered your bases with your daughter. As a last result you might want to have a conference with er teacher. Be sure she is okay with you tallking to her teacher, since being high school students and their teachers expect them to be more independent. And go into the meeting not outwardly expecting her lighten the load, but understand some of the teachers expectations. Sometimes understanding the reason why makes it easier to remember and make the effort to do.

Hi K.,

Your daughter should ask her teacher specific questions so that she understands the assignment before she leaves the classroom. I remember in high school that I would sometimes not even really know where to start with my assignment or paper or if I was even clear on the assignment. That can be frustrating. Let your daughter know that the AP courses will give her a huge advantage when it comes to college. Helping your daughter reduce stress now is so important. Less stress will allow her to better focus on her studies and ENJOY high school!

A great book for you and your daughter is Adaptogens: Herbs for Strength, Stamina, and Stress Relief by Winston and Maimes. From the book "There is a category of herbs called adaptogens that help the human body adapt to stress, support normal metabolic processes, and restore balance. They increase the body's resistance to physical, biological, emotional, and environmental stressors and promote normal physiologic function".

The 10 most potent adaptogens on the earth, with the highest therapeutic properties available, are now delievered in a fast acting oral spray, called Tunguska Mist. Go to www.VitalHealth.TunguskaMist.com to learn more.

Adaptogens help reduce the negative effects of stress on the body (weakened immune system, decreased energy, mood swings, short temper, anxiety, depression, and fatigue), and help restore balance, or homeostasis. The adaptogens in Tunguska Mist also help to regulate the use of cortisol, allowing the body to maintain a healthy stress response. Tunguska Mist tastes great and with the intra-oral spray you get over 90% of the nutrients absorbed immediately, which go to work within seconds.

Please let me know if you have any questions. My husband and I have been using adaptogens for a long time. (I only wish I knew about them when I was studying/taking tests in school!)We are passionate about helping people reduce the damaging effects of stress on the body and restoring balance naturally, without medications. Good luck and God Bless:)

Best regards,
N.

Hi, K.. I'm sorry that your daughter is struggling with this adjustment... but didn't we all?? I remember it well... 9th grade was awful. Trying to fit in, slipping grades, trying to find myself... it is all part of maturing. My one piece of advice is don't blame the teachers! The teacher likely said a 100 times what kind of paper to use, and that is a lesson in listening and responsibility. I too teach, college, and I can say 100 times "rough draft due Monday" and get 3 kids come in and say "I didn't know it was due today". Hmm... Teenagers are distracted! Make it her goal to keep her ears open and to turn her 0 into an A the next time. You could also meet with the teacher, but only to explain that your child is having a hard time adjusting, not to scold the teacher about being picky! TRUST ME, that does NO GOOD. Don't let her give up on AP classes either. We are at the bottom 20% in education (as a country) by grade 9 as it is... so we need to make sure that our kids get at least the maximum educational level being offered by our schools. Just give her lots of hugs! Sit with her at night and help her figure out her strategy for each set of homework or tests. Just let her know that this is all part of growing up and that perfection isn't expected from anyone... so long as she's trying her best and learning from her mistakes, that is what is important. Good luck!