Help! - Sacramento, CA

Whatever is done, is done. No sense regretting as that serves absolutely no purpose. Since you have already made up your mind to keep this baby if you are pregnant, you really have nothing to be anxious about. Your decision is made. Now you just need to take that test to find out if you are or not pregnant. I just hope you wont be too hard on yourself. If you really are faithful, you must believe that God did this for a reason, right? I think you need to lean on your faith right now if you find out you are pregnant and are going to have this baby.

I can't make it better for you but my only advice would be to take a deep breath and remember that Christ died to cover your mistakes. His grace is sufficient. Hang in there I'll be praying for you!

Dear C.,

First of all-- forgive yourself. Your human-everyone makes mistakes. As for the pregnancy test, my suggestion would be to go to a pregnancy counseling center. They can help support you while you get the test and also help with any thing you need afterwards. Good luck and try to relax. You could also bring a trusted friend with you for support. Good luck and try not to be so hard on yourself!

Molly

You have gotten some amazing advice already, and I totally agree, you have learned a lesson here and need to be kind and gentle to yourself. It is okay to be human, we all are. If you aren't pregnant, then you had a good scare and need to learn from it, and if you are pregnant, then you'll definitely have some changes in life, and that's okay. Whatever gift is coming out of this will be amazing, so trust that this is exactly what was suppossed to happen in your life right now!
:)
You are strong and can handle this. He doesn't give us anything that we can't handle!
Take care, and please keep us updated. We'll be praying for you!
:)
S.

It is a hard thing to have to have weighing on your mind. Do the test, then go from there. One step at a time, and remember that everything happens for a reason. I know that sometimes we don't see the reason at that time, but down the road, it will be pretty clear. Good luck with it all. If you are pregnant, those who truly love you will stand by you, and those who don't...well, you are better off to have people like that out of your life.
S.

My son is the result of a broken, brand-new condom from his dad's and my first time. His dad and I are no longer together...but my son? I can't imagine the world without him!

My son is no mistake. If you are about to have a baby, he or she is no mistake either--God's got a plan for both of you.

Hang in there. First, you could be late because you are so nervous/scared/worried about being pregnant and also about what happened.
Whatever happens, know that you can handle it. If you are a devout Catholic, you can always find people within the church to help even when you think everyone else wouldn't. You can handle it. Believe it.

Hi C., I feel your worried heart... know that you are loved, take a deep breath and remember that, even when we don't know why, everything happens for a reason. Of course you need to take pregnancy test, your anxiety could be causing your period to be late.... but regardless of the results you are divine mother and you will get through this. If you are pregnant you have that much more love in your life. No matter who the father is, the baby is always yours too, made of your fluids, your energy, your love, a temple created within your temple! Get the test, that way you will know and there will be relief in that no matter the answer. Right now you are playing with a bunch of what if's. Don't guikt yourself too much, your still a great woman and mother! Warmest wishes

M.
____@____.com

I will keep you and your family in my prayers, Christina! The same thing happened to a friend of mine a few years ago after her divorce. Her son is now 2 years old. Her two older children and family just love the baby so much. I know it was difficult for her to tell her children and family, but that was probably the most difficult thing she went through. Hopefully you are not pregnant, but if you are, you still have the choice of keeping the baby or putting it up for adoption. I have a dear friend who is using the adoption agency that we used and is still waiting for a baby. If you are pregnant and would consider adoption, I would love to introduce you to this family in Rancho Cucamonga. Good luck, Christina, and you will get through this one day at a time. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, Christina," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Remember that God has a plan for every child conceived. We all make mistakes in life and God is forgiving. Pray for forgivenss, strength and the right words to tell your family if it comes to that. God Bless

Even if a condom is not old, there is a 25% they can break. They expire after 2 years. Anyway, glad you are relieved at your negative test result. Here is a place that could help if in the situation again, or know someone who is.
http://firstresort.net/

I am not Catholic so I know it may be somewhat different in your religion, but I am a strong Christian so please don't dismiss what I believe.
I had been divorced for almost five years and hadn't had a sexual relationship for that period. I don't believe in sex without marriage, but desire is a strong temptation. I had been dating a gentleman for 2 months and we used a condom. I was the one "handeling" that aspect so I know that the condom wasn't old or torn. Never the less I am now 3 & 1/2 months pregnant and me and my gentleman are working out fine. The moral of the story? God gives us what he thinks we need to handle even if we don't understand his process. Know God loves you and dosn't make mistakes.

Take a test before freaking out too bad!

Grins... first...calm down C.! It's not the end of the world, really!! When a woman gets herself all worked up over something like this, it also takes an internal tow on her body. It's a safety mechanism of sorts! So, when you are stressed out, your body tends to stop things from happening, such as not starting your period on time! I've been through this! I've always been like clockwork, and could plan my vacations around my future periods at least a year out. When I was late, I freaked! I talked to my awesome OBGYN and he asked if I had been under any stress of late. When I said, yeah... major stress, he laughed it off and explained how our bodies react to that. With that said, worse case scenario? pregnancy... Not what you wanted, and certainly are thinking about what "everyone" would say! Get over it! If the good lord wanted you to have another child, accept, deal, and love that. You have only to answer to your maker in the end. If you are a good loving mom, forget about what people say. Those who love you will accept this and help you through! It happens, more than you can imagine! And look at it as some kind of blessing! truly... If you've been chosen, this child is meant to be or not... Why stress over it? Hold your head up high, be the best person you can be, and all will work out just fine! Good luck!

oh C., it is hard for me to give nice advice to you. I am so sorry, but I have to speak my mind and perhaps somewhere in my message is advice that will help.

First, I must say I am sorry you are in this situation. It must be tearing you apart.

You say you are a devout Catholic yet you are divorced.
You say you are a devout Catholic yet you had a one night stand.

And somehow the rest of us moms are supposed to take your religion into consideration when giving advice? you see how it's also hard for me to give supportive advice?

A) you need to find out if you are pregnant or not. Simply because you can eliminate any indue worry if you aren't!

B) you are going to show eventually, and you will need support - even if it isn't from your immediate family. You will need to confide in someone.

C) if you are planning on going through with the pregnancy, you must get prenatal care - if not, you risk harming the baby or yourself and if that's an option for you i suggest an abortion even if you are Catholic.

D) your church will be supportive and understanding... even if you've made mistakes, that's what they do!

E) Chances are you aren't pregnant and the only way you will find out is a test.

Girl, suck it up, be a woman, get the test and then start making some decisions... the longer you wait, the longer you anguish.

Best of luck. I am sorry you've put yourself in this situation. Sounds like you learned from it though...

Hang in there and know that its all Gods big plan, your in my thoughts and prayers.

Dear C.,

I have never responded to anything like this before but after reading your letter I felt compelled to. I too am a Catholic and understand how you must be feeling. After having a miscarriage before my son and knowing many women who can't get pregnant I truly think of pregnancy as a gift from God no matter how it was conceived. Don't beat yourself up, mistakes happen, just as long as we learn from them, which I can tell you have. My dad told me as a teenager the "God will never give you more than you can handle". I've always kept that with me. So when times seem unbearable just have some comfort that God must think you are a STRONG woman and can handle this! Don't waste time worrying about the what-ifs of condoms. That really doesn't matter. All that matters now is positive or negative. As for you're kids... kids are adaptable, just remind them that you have plenty of love for everyone. Good luck and God bless!

-R.

Hi luv. How are you feeling? Take a deep breath. Sometimes stress and fear can interfear with your normal cycle. Count 45 days from the first day of your last period. Don't be so hard on yourself. I have never met a human being in my life that wasn't a sinner as so to speak. If you need someone just to talk to you can reach me at http://lightworkers.org/user/2247
or ____@____.com
One day at a time. I will pray for peace for your heart. I understand fear. You are not alone..ok? Just think of me, and that thought will carry me to you...M.

AS being a devote Catholic you should know that God does not give you something that you can not handle. Also He gives you opertunities for something that you needed in your life. Watch Evan Almightly movie and this will all make some sense.

Being a Cathoilic we believe that abortion is wrong. There are MANY loving families that would love to take your child if you did not want to raise it and raise it as thier own. Like I said before, God does not give us what we can not handle. Be blessed that you still can have children too.

Yes condoms break, not put on right, or put on at the wrong time. Don't be scared. Tell you children the truth to some degree. Never regrett anything in your life too. Because that just put doubt in yourself and you don't need that in your life. EMBRACE what happen, face the facts, and LIVE! Be happy that you are with child and love it forever.

God Bless and take care.
From a divorced Mom who can not have children anymore...that wants to.
C.

Children are a blessing. If you are pregnant then it was through Gods will and he the only reasons he does things are because he loves you. If you prayed for courage he wouldn't give you courage, he would put a situation in your life so you can prove your courage. He wouldn't give you anything you can't handle. Yeah it might be scary and i'm sure you aren't thrilled with the idea, but remember when you had your children and how happy they make you. So will this child, no matter how you got pregnant.

Hi C.,

This is B. and a catholic like you. I exactly feel what you feel. YOU ARE RIGHT! I really cannot help or answer BUT I can share my feelings and idea in case I am in your shoes.

First, I would do is to BREATHE. It gives me the opportunity to RELAX and THINK intelligently.

Second, Forgive myself. Everybody makes mistake. The past is the past then move forward. As I move forward, I would say my affirmation. I am so happy and greatful I learned a lesson . In every mistake, I believe a seed of GOODNESS will grow to make my life useful to me and to others.

In the meantime, I will stop worrying about getting pregnant. Worrying doesn't help. Instead I will pray and ask God's forgiveness. However, if that happen, I will ask God for his guidance to be strong to face it, talk to my kids. Normally they will be surprised but that is okey. I am confident that if they see me accepting and being sorry for my sins, I believe they will still respect me, understand me and most of all they will help me welcome the new addition to the family. I beleive things happen for a reason. That baby could be the family's GOLD as God's gift for you.Thank you for reading.www.braveheartwomen.com/bv1712

If he used it, you're probably fine and just stressing yourself out, causing you to be late. I know how you feel about abortion, but what about Emergency Contraceptive? There is the morning after pill to consider. Was the 1 night stand during your ovulation time? Even in perfect conditions, only 20% of women get pregnant. I think you're just really nervous. If it has been less than 72 hours since unprotected sex, consider emergency contraceptive.

You're being way too hard on yourself. YOu are a grown woman and you are allowed to make mistakes...hopefully you aren't pregnant, but if so wouldn't you rather know so you can take care of yourself and your baby better? Being religious, you can pray about it and possible grow to accept it. However, God will only give you what you can handle. So with that said, I wouldn't assume the worst just yet. good luck to you, whatever the outcome you will be just fine.

If you were a DEVOUT Catholic, you would not have had the one night stand. Don't punish yourself, you are human. Don't let your religion make you feel guilty. If you are pregnant, make a responsible decision, not a religious decision. If you have the want and the means to raise another child then do it, and don't feel guilty. If you do not, termintate the pregnancy as soon as possible, don't wait.

Try not to obsess about it. (I know that's hard). But remember: he didn't want to get you pregnant, either. Condoms have been shown to be about 90% effective, so unless he was using it incorrectly (I'm assuming you're both over 18 ;-), chances are very very good that you're off the hook.

Most importantly, don't beat yourself up! It sounds to me like your anxiety around this is probably coming out of guilt for having had sex at all. You're divorced, you were lonely, and it's natural and normal to want closeness and companionship. So please be gentle with yourself, as I'm sure you would be if a friend of yours found herself in a similar situation.

Take care,

I think your best option is to take a test, feeling these intense feelings is enough to throw your cycle off. Please don't be too hard on yourself, we all make mistakes and this is how we learn. Remember Who You Really Are and move forward from there :)

In Peace and Blessings

Hi, Why don't you get a test ASAP to ease your mind. It sounds like you're a long term mom and probably your hormones got changed by reinitiating sex. Obviously, condoms do break and leak and are not 100% by a long shot so I hope you contracept in the future. If you are in your 30's, your fertility is way down anyway, and you might be starting per-menopause. I'm a devout Catholic as well so I feel your pain. If God sends you a little one, well, you won't be lonely!
Hang in there and pray. Maybe your church has a Beginning Experience group that can help you grieve your divorce, and not feel so lonely as to pick up with someone you're not really interested in as a real relationship.
You can do it.............

Chances are that you aren't pregnant from just one sexual encounter, however you need to get checked up and you need to get tested for sexually transmitted infections. Getting tested is scary, but you'll need to know your health status, especially if you're pregnant.
I get the sense from your question that you are not familiar with using condoms. Now that you are single, you will need to familiarize yourself with condoms. You should have your own condoms that you bring with you when you go out. Whenever you get involved with someone sexually, you should be in control enough to tell your partner what you want. The fact that you thought that the condom broke and you didn't discuss it with your partner that night,shows that you need to work on your communication skills when you have sex.
You also may want to look into some form of birth control. There are women's health clinics that you can get tested, get free condoms and purchase low cost birth control. Good luck to you and be safe, and confident when you have sex in the future.

Get ASAP. And be sure before you worry yourself to death. Frequently worry and stress can keep your period from coming. Before I was married, and before I had any children, my period was late. I went to the doctor and upon examination, she said I was pregant. We took a blood test to be sure, and as I waited, I was totally convinced I was pregnant. My blood test and my period arrived at the same time, but for some reason, everything pointed to pregnancy. I almost got married because I thought I was pregnant! So you see, must have a test before jumping to any conclusions. Good luck.

C.,
Most women have had a one night stand or some type of sexual experience with someone they don't know as well as they'd like. Don't beat yourself up over it! Condoms work and I don't think you have anything to worry about. As far as the woman accusing you of not being a devout catholic because you did this- that is the most ridiculous comment i've heard. I'm not catholic now but I understand it (as it was crammed down my throat as a child) and religion is about love and forgivness. This woman is clearly not "devout" because her compassion seems to be absent given the post she wrote to you. You are a great person and if you see this as a mistake, just learn from it, forgive yourself, and move on. Redemption is always possible.

A condom's lifespan depends on how it was taken care of. He could have put it on wrong, stored it wrong (in his wallet, pocket, etc). Too much heat will make it not work as well. I'm not sure how Catholisim works regarding the abortion pill, but that is an option. But it only works within a few days (I use this to get my period, but take a pregnancy test before I use it because I am pro-abortion but it is not the choice for me). Another option is to make an adoption plan if you are pregnant (our oldest son is adopted so I am very pro-adoption). You do have options. I don't believe in lying to your family, but you could tell them what you plan to do. You don't have to tell them it was a one night stand or a mistake. Ultimately, you know what you need to do and what you want to do. Please gather your courage and take the test so that you may make whichever choice works for you. Good luck and know that whatever you decide is the right choice for you and your family.

Hi! There is someone who can answer all of your questions. ###-###-####. This is a crisis pregnancy center. They deal with women in this exact situation all the time. They can answer all of your questions (with out making you feel anymore horrible about the situation than you already do). They can offer you the name and phone number of a local center where you can get a free pregnancy test and an ultrasound to check for a viable pregnancy and to check your dates.
God bless.

Everything will be okay. You're only human, & 4 years was quite a long time to wait. What will be, will be. Take the test & handle it girl. :o)

Just say your prayers and what is meant to be will be!!

A word of wisdom is.... Wise women fear the lord.
It seems you have fear in your heart... but know that you fear what you have done against your morals.... Pray. Ask god to forgive you. Its called Repentance. To confess your sin and vow not to make this same mistake again. Repent. Leave this mistake in gods hands. God is in the forgiving business. He wants you to cast your cares upon him. After you pray.... you will feel a load lifted off of your back.
Learn the lesson and move on.
Worry only brings STRESS!! And stress takes days off your life. So read the word, spend time with the kids and realize that god is good, life happens and we all make mistakes. I wouldn't bring up this mistake to the family until you know for sure. But know that everything happens for a reason and giving life is a blessing.
Smile. you are alive and well.

I know that you are concerned about what your family and friends are going to think about you. Please go get check and all your doubt will be put to rest. I had a child and I was not married, it was difficult but I am now married and with the father of the child. God can turn a wrong situation and make it right. It takes a couragous person to admit their mistake and turn in around for the good. Children are a blessing from God. Don't give up!! Please get Godly counsel since your a devout Catholic and get around people who will support you.

I know thing may seem bleek but there ia a light at the end of the tunnel you just have to walk the path to get there. And im sure you already know that god works in mystierious ways and everything happens for a reason.But this is a test and you will be rewarded in the end maybe a lesson learned or a beautiful new life but it always turns out good even in the darkest shadows.keep your head up and know its going to be ok. You should check out the movie Knocked up its funny and relitave. good luck- S. Hunter

Wow, I read thru alot of these girls responses, and some I were absolutely ready to cheer for, and others I was APPALLED at their responses. Even PERFECT people make mistakes... For crying out loud, you're not USING your religion as a crutch.. it's called having a conscience. Something GOd gives to us all... Freedom of choices... Freedom to make the right or wrong one... A baby is NEVER a wrong choice, he did not ask to be born. But god Does know the plan of each baby that comes to be born, and I dont think that anyone, devout or not... has the right to tell you what you are or arent'. I'm VERY religious.. but even I've had terrible trying times in my life. I'm APPALLED at the woman who said if you were SO devout you wouldn't be divorce.d.... as if that was any choice in this? I had a husband who ABUSED my children, and sexually abused me.... So... should I have been DEVOUT and stayed with him? And taught three innocent children in the process that this was acceptable? God declares, that WE as their parents are going to be judged for what we did or DIDNT teach them. That includes, teaching them to be accountable for their own mistakes... How we HANDLE them, is what we are judged upon... A baby... a precious innocent babe.. is supposed to remind us, of Christ.. and his ultimate sacrifice for us... His Grace is Sufficient. I coudln't say it better than that.. the REASON we go to church, and ask for forgiveness is because we ARE NOT perfect. Devout or not... til the day we die, we were ALL born of sin ANYWAY.... from Adam and Eve... just BEING born, we are sinners... so.. forget what they say....
PS until you find out, dont freak! Let us know how you are! We are all anxious to see if you're okay.... you will DO this... I know it.. You're in my prayers darling.. and I'm not even catholic. but you're my sister anyway... xoxo
S.

C., I am Catholic too and have compassion for your predicament. Spiritually, we know that we are all human, not divine, and will always make mistakes. We do the best we can in this crazy world. Do not let anyone or yourself make you feel you are not worthy or that you should be better than others just because of your faith, or that you are not able to make a mistake just because of your faith. Find a professional to talk to, talk to your priest, be reconciled with our Lord and he will always be there for you to carry you and give you the strength you need. Trust in Him. And, please, take the test. Ignorance is not bliss and deniel is not our friend! You are probably stressed and that's why you are late. If you are not, than follow your heart and embrace another blessing in your life. You will love this child as you do your others. You family may be upset at first, but they will get over it and the baby will be a part of the family just like everyone else. Good luck and God Bless you! I will pray for you tonight for your burdens to be eased.

I'm very sorry about your situation and the only thing I can tell you is you'll be surprised sometimes at how family will handle this kind of news. I'm not Catholic so I don't know you and your family beliefs but I would hope they would be supportive. My other advice is get a test, take it, and then figure what to do. You might also continue to be late because you're stressing about it. I really wish you the best and just remember you're not a bad person just because of one mistake.

I feel for you. It is not a good place to be but if you are you need to make the best of it, and look at the baby as blessing. I wish there was something I could do or say to help the situation,I'm here if you need someone to talk to (((HUGS))),,,I will be praying for you....T.

I am so glad the test was negative. But, next time make sure you buy the condom. Aside from getting pregnant, there is HIV and a lot of other STD's you can contract without protection. It is ok to finally date, just stay safe.
S.

Whatever the chances, do remember that stress is a huge factor in throwing off your cycle. I suggest not discussing it with anyone it may affect until you have to, as it all may pass without incident. A lover should communicate things like breakage to you, but I suppose you can't rely on it unless you know him well. My best suggestion: don't speculate, and to stop yourself from doing it, take deep breaths and visualize something positive, anything moment or thing that makes you happy. Good luck

i understand,we all have our fears in life and the hardest thing is having to face them.we can't please everyone,i have to find it the hard way with my family,i've kept secrets from them for years and when it finally came to light,i was so embarrassed to face them.i thought of a lot of excuses as to why i didn't contact them (my parents),and for years i was in bondage with this guilt that i feel,finally God made Himself known to me,i started reading my Bible and i opened up to my mom,which was so relieving,after all that confessing and talking with my parents,i'm not worried anymore,i feel confident about my decisions in life,even though there are many times i don't agree with them,i speak my mind,and by doing so,they left me alone,meaning they know that i've grown into a wonderful woman and parent and that i know the decisions i'll make are nothing to worry about.
most of the time we worry for no reason,and after worrying so much,we find out that there is always an answer for every problem we encounter.the mistakes we make,as long as we learn from it and don't do it again,makes us stronger.yes,we do make mistakes but if we make mistakes over and over again,we have not learned anything.don't worry about this issue you have,this is how you'll know the strength that lies within you,don't worry about the result.whatever the results will be,it's for the best.God will not let you go through something you can't handle.as long as your on His side,everything will be okay.
take care mamaC and may peace and blessings be with you always.

~M.

Not to scare you, but I got pregnant with my only son and we used a condom, and I was on the pill.....I know that is a VERY rare occurance, though! But I am proof, it CAN happen!! Thank goodness I am still with his daddy though! I wouldn't stress too bad, how old are your children right now? I mean a baby is a blessing, and you wouldn't be pregnant if it wasn't meant to be!!

I'm so sorry for you. You are between a rock and a hard place. Either you believe that God's hand is in everything and that it is his plan that you should bear a child and suffer the attendant consequences in return for doing His glorious work by being a mother again or you realize that that is not the only choice. However you got inot this situation, you are the owner of your body and you have the devine right and responsibility to make good decisions for yourself and your children. In other words, you must now rechoose to carry on with the pregnancy. If you choose to carry this pregnancy to term, it needs to be with a determined and loving heart, no matter what. Or you can cop to the fact that something went terribly wrong and you got pregnant by mistake at a time and situation that is inappropriate for you, your man partner, your children and even the little soul that you have concieved. If this is the truth, you can let this being go. Life is life. Some of us live for eighty years. Some of us live for eight weeks. We all return to the source. Some babies are lost thru miscarriage or annomalies. Some are lost because corageous mothers realize that the time is not right and they choose to terminate.

Whatever you decide, realize that you are at choice and in control of your bady, your beliefs and you creat your destiny. Most of all, know that you are not alone. One in four women you pass in the supermarket has had an abortion. One third to one half of all the mothers you see in the mall spent the first trimester of their pregnancy adjusting to the fact that they are going to have a baby.

Go to the drugstore and get the test!!! You'll know what to do!

Condoms aren't 100 percent effective. But stress can cause you to be late too and worrying about it causes stress. I'd just take the test, you can't change what happened either way.

You know the fact is the fact. You need to take the test because even though it could prove that you are indeed pregnant but it can also relieve you. What you need to think about is if indeed it happens that way then you have other options like adoptio. My prayers are with you.

C.,
Take a few deep breaths. You are going to get through this, no matter what. So first, get the facts. Go to the drug store, get a pregnancy test and take it. The majority of the agony lies in not knowing. Have a girlfriend close by for support. Either way
you are going to be fine. Life doesn't always unfold in ways we plan. Don't worry too much about what others might think. I am quite sure your family loves you and will support you when you need it.
Blessings,
Jennifer

I guess you learned a good lesson!

Your sense of regret is refreshing in this day and age. Is it possible that your fear is paralyzing you? Try to chill out and talk to your priest. Chances are, once you relax, you'll get your period! C. Dewey