Help! 4 Month Old with High Maintenance Sleep Habits!

It's not easy, especially when you have already given in to the behavior. Your son knows that when they cry you go right to him. We almost had a similar situation. My husband couldn't stand the crying and would get our son and put him in bed with us. I put a stop to that right away. Let him cry for 30 minutes. If he is still crying then check on him to make sure nothing is wrong.Just keep repeating that.We had to deal with a few sleepness nights, but eventually our son learned that his crying didn't make us run in and get him. It's not easy and you will be cranky, but in the end a few sleepness nights is better than doing what you are doing every night. Eventually he will put himself back to sleep. Hang in there!!

2-3 times a night is normal for this age. Especially if he's breast fed. And I don't care what anyone tells you, cereal will NOT make him sleep longer. I don't know anyone, personnelly, who says it did for them (including me). If he likes to be swaddled keep it up. It is comforting to him. My son hated it. My daughter liked it until about 1 mos. There are swaddler blankets out there, try one of those. As for the boppy. Wait until he's asleep and then remove it. After a few times of doing this he will get use to it not being there. Imagine you stop sleeping with a pillow. It would take you time to get use to it too, so why would that be different for him. You need to be patient.

My 9 year old had some difficulties with bedtimes as an infant, and we enabled him, too, to the point of going for a drive at 1 a.m. to get him back to sleep. Eventually we had to tough it out and be willing to let him cry, which he did for 30 minutes (maybe more) the first several nights. Prior to that we had tried the gradual withdrawal technique, where we'd stay there and rub his back for a few minutes, then just sit there next to the crib a few minutes, then sit by the door for a few minutes (with just verbal reassurance), then outside the door.... for our boy that just seemed to be torture for both of us. We established a nice routine of stories, rubbing back for a couple minutes, then leaving. After a few rough nights of angry crying and sobbing himself to sleep, he went to sleep more happily with that routine. He was probably quite a bit older than 4 mos when we went through this, but the earlier you break the bad habits, the better.

Hi R.
I have a 5 month old and went through pretty much the same thing with my daughter at 4 months. I decided to let her cry it out to get her to be able to teach herself to soothe herself back to sleep. It took a couple of days/nights of crying but, it worked and she now sleeps from 7:30-5:30. I do dream feed her around 11pm. I struggled with swaddling and sleep sack at the same time and to soothe, she needed her hands so we switched to the sleep sack. There are still nights were we have issues - I think she just started teething and we flew to Florida yesterday and I think she had gas and kept waking up so I tried mylicon and she was able to get to sleep. So, it will always change. Sometimes, i still have to rock her or give her a bottle to go to sleep. But, she can now soothe herself back to sleep.
Good luck - it gets better and most of us have been through the same thing:)

My son is also 4 months old, still wakes twice at night and was tightly swaddled since birth, especially he spent 2 weeks in the NICU. I have to still physically restrain him to get him to sleep with out wiggling and squirming. I have found though that if I place him on his tummy which I know is a no, no, he sleeps for a lot longer and more peacefully, and if he wakes all I usually have to do is pat his back.

This is a pretty good one to remark to. My son was like that. I had to start an hour before his real bedtime and create an atmosphere of just enough fun to tucker him out and start slowly patting his back as I put him on his stomach and then his bottom with just enough pressure consistantly until he closed his eyes and eventually went to sleep knowing I was there. It will take some time, but, he will be sleeping all through the nights unless he has a stomach ache or problem.

R.,

Going from the gut here - use a swing.

Are you still nursing? He's up 2-3 times a night - he's only 4 months old, he is probably hungry. It is faster to nurse him (or a bottle - have a mini crock pot with water for a fast warm up) than worry about him being up.

All babies are different. Mine was up 4-5 times a night at that time. He gradually got down to 2-3 when he was 13 months. He's 17 now and down to 0-2.

Patience is his best friend from you right now. I know you want your sleep, but figuring out what he needs is the best thing you can do. You've done a great job so far.

I'm guessing he may not need the swaddling anymore, just cuddle him before he drifts off.

Boppy is not a good thing, but I just read back and it is a good thing you mention it. He probably has reflux, at least a little bit. Sleeping in his carseat would probably be great if you don't have a swing. Side to side works best at this age, but there are some that switch front-to-back and side-to-side. If he is your only boy, a used one will do just fine - but if you are planning on more - you may wish to buy new so it will last. (the motor goes eventually, like a lot of things :( :)

Also, if you are looking at this - add another feeding during the day, possibly in the early AM. It might give him a feeling of fullness that either he can look forward to (daylight = more food!:) or will start him off not feeling hungry during the day.

Good luck, these are not bad habits and let me know how you do - he's 4 months old and he'll do fine!
M.

Ditto on the sleep positioner--sounds like he may have reflux. As for sleeping through the night, he is very young for that (hate to tell you that though). Also, do not blame yourself, you didn't create "habits" rather, these are needs that all babies have. Babies can not learn to be independent until and unless they go through a dependent period first, where their needs are met. My son nursed every 2 hours 24/7 for the first 10 months. It was very hard, but now he is a happy, well-adjusted 2-year old. Trust me, it doesn't last forever. I was so resentful when I was in it, but now I would not change a thing. When he is grown and out of the house, I'm not going to look back and say, "Gee, I held him too much/answered his cries too often/ nursed him too much, etc." It's important, especially in that first year, to build that trust. Good luck--you will get through this, and it will be a distant memory.

Did you ever try putting him on his stomach to sleep? I know it's not recommended, but they do have Sids alarms that you can place under the sheets. It goes off if, god for bid, he ever stopped breathing. I have a friend that went through the same thing & found that her son slept the best on his stomach. Try that, but definitely get the Sids alarm before you put him on his stomach.

Hi R....
I would try him on his tummy...my son couldn't sleep unless he was on his tummy...he was a great sleeper once I figured that out!
I'm sure someone will offer you advice on the crying it out method...please don't, at least not yet...right now your baby is too young for that...it makes me so sad to hear of these young babies having to CIO...I'm all for it, but for a baby who is older...
Also, do you have a crib toy...you know, one of those things that hangs on the side of the crib and plays music? Then when the baby is older and sitting up, they can play with it...Our 20 month old loves hers...as a matter of fact, I heard the music coming in from her room over the monitor this am at 330...but she can self soothe with it (for the most part!)
Keep trying...your baby may also be teething at this age, making it even harder for him to get comfy.

Best wishes...
J.

I agree with the last response about avoiding the cereal to make him sleep and getting a swaddler blanket....they're much easier to use than a regular blanket. If he likes to be propped up while sleeping, I would try putting a wedge in his crib. (They're not expensive, we got one at Babies R Us.) It's safer than letting him sleep on the boppy and it'll prop him up, so he's not lying flat.
Good luck

My son is 6m and he was the exact same way with needing to be swaddled. My daughter -6mo- also had some issues with reflux and for several weeks she slept in her infant carseat. MY dr. said as long as they are safe and sleeping then go for it. He was not that crazy about sleeping using a swing b/c the motion prevents the deep sleep they need. Not all 4mo can sleep thru the night. Is he hungry, wet or just not able to put himself back to sleep? We had a two minute rule (b/c of not wanting to wake the other twin) before we went in to soothe them back to sleep: giving the pacifier, reswaddling, or just a quick rub on the belly....the trick for us was- NO EYE CONTACT and NO TALkING to them...that is when they smile, coo and generally flirt! If you want more info you can email me off line for some of what we went thru and what worked/didn't work for us. Also don't forget that each new milestone the baby achieves...it can distrupt sleep! Good luck - T.

My daughter needed to be swaddled to sleep until she was aver 5 months old. One night she got her arms free and rolled over on her own and slept on her belly. After that I stopped swaddling her because I was afraid she'd get tangled up in the blanket and she's slept soundly on her belly ever since. I wouldn't put him on his belly until he can roll over on his own but at least you know that the swaddling can stop at some point.
BTW, I love his name!

This is not high maintenance, it's normal. Babies are used to a tight closed environment, and the only way for them to feel safe and comfort when sleeping is to swaddle them very tight. They don't know how to manipulate. You need to give them the love and attention when they are this little, so that they would develop the trust with their parents. They will improve as time goes by. My daughter was like that too and now she is 7 months and sleeps mostly on her own at night. Everyone is different. Just be patient and they will improve.

Good luck.

Hi! - a sleep positioner should help him from wiggling himself awake - one tip is to make sure it is one that is fairly expandable, so it can be fit to your child and altered as he grows (suprisingly, most of the cheap ones are. I bought an expensive one when my daughter was 4 mos and she was already too big for it)
Another product Luca might like is a "Wedge" it goes under the mattress to slighlty incline one side of the mattress so he isn't laying totally flat --- BUT, I have also seen some sleep positioners that have this feature built in, so may be no need to buy 2 products.
Because my daughter used a sleep positioner and liked her arms free, I used to only swaddle the bottom of her - Now at 7 mos (and starting probably around 4 or 5 mos) I stopped swaddling her altogether -
It felt so strange at first, especially as it got colder, to just lay her in her crib without any covers except her p.j.s, but that's what all the books state we should do now because of SIDS. I just make sure her bedroom is warm enough.
Good luck with everything, R. - Luca will eventually let you know what works best for him!!!

at 4 months i wouldnt worry so much! my son didnt sleep through the night till he was 12 months old. every baby is different...2-3 times waking a night isnt too bad! my son woke every 2 hrs round teh clock for 12 months!

My son wouldn't sleep on his back either, but that boppy is dangerous! Once he starts rolling over, he could easily get stuck face-down on it. I had great success with a sleep positioner. I put him on his side, and he slept much better that way.

Also, gotta say- 2-3 times a night isn't that unusual for 4 months! I know you hear all kinds of stories about babies sleeping through the night earlier than that. But a huge growth spurt happens at 4 months, both physically and mentally! And "through the night" really means 5-6 hours, not 12. Once your little one is ready, he will sleep through. And you may have to sort of wean him off the swaddle (when you think he's ready). Once he's rolling over, he will work it out. But that may mean a couple of weeks of even MORE wakings at night, since he'll need your help to roll back at first!

Sorry, hon! It's just a rough time, I know!

I R.. I am a mom of 3 girls, 5yrs, 3yrs & 11 months. So I can understand what you are going through. being a first time mom it is hard to know how to change sleep habits ect. But 4 months is the best time to do it. Or it will only get worse and you will never get sleep. What I have found to be the best way to rectify this would be to do the Ferber method. or in otherwords, let him cry it out. it will be difficult at first. But stick with it, after afew times it will be fixed.

here is my version of it...first to sooth him play some lullaby music. Then when it is his naptime, make sure he is fed and has a clean diaper. lay him down in the crib (not bundled & no boppy). walk out and see what happens. let him cry for as long as you are able. it my only be 5 min the first time before yougo in. don'y pick himup, just rub his belly so he knows you are there. then walk out again and wait a bit longer this time. If you are able to stay outside the room and not go in at all this is better. But you do what YOU are comfortable with. before you know it he WILL fall asleep. Stay strong. You are a good mom. Getting him to settle himself will give him a more restful sleep in the future too. He will be albe to self sooth himself at night when he wakes. Good Luck! T.

Hey R.,

Four months old is still young to expect your son to sleep through the night. One suggestion is to make sure he is getting enough to eat though out the day. Are you nursing exclusively or are you bottle feeding. If you are doing both maybe try to do the formula bottle at the last feeding and maybe it will hold him longer. I do not know much about breastfeeding because I didn't but I do know that breastfed babies do eat more frequently and most times require more frequent nighttime feedings so it may be too soon for you to expect him to sleep longer. My kids at around 11 or 12 weeks slept from around 11-6 but like I said they were formula fed so I am not sure if that is why or not. Also as far as sleeping on the Boppy pillow, as soon as he falls asleep take it away so he will get used to sleeping without it. Some babies do not like to sleep on their backs no matter what you do. If he likes being elevated you can elevate the top part of his mattress a tiny bit with some blankets underneath it (like you would if they had a cold) and maybe he will like that better. It may take a few days but he will get used to it. Trust me we all did anything we could at one time or another to get our babies to sleep so don't blame yourself. He is way to young to let him cry however you can let him fuss for a few minutes. Let him try to figure it out on his own it will not hurt him. As long as he is fed, and dry it is not wrong to let him fuss for a few minutes. Do you use music I always put my kids in the crib with music and it was such a nice distraction most times I would go in to check on them and they would be fast asleep on their own!! Good luck and be patient it will come I know how tired you are but this too shall pass!!

Hi R.,
Sorry to hear youare having a rough time. I too was having a difficult time with my 3 month old until about a week ago. My first child loved to be swaddeled too, I used something called the Miracle Blanket, it was a godsend!! Now technically you are only supposed to use it until the child is 14 weeks, but I used it WELL past that with my daughter...and she was VERY big for her age, so if your son is average to on the smaller side in size it might work for you...it is virtually impossible for them to wiggle out of. As for the other issues, I would try a sleep positioner over the Boppy if you can--but lets face it, we do what we need to do!!!!!!! If you wantt o check out the miricale blanket, i think the site it miracleblanket.com--they cost like 30-35 bucks...it didn't work with my second child, but from the sounds of your son's habits, he would probably love it! Good luck!!!!
J.