Heavy Heart-choices We Make

Nothing nearly as significant to mention.
Just want to say I hope he meets you some day so he can thank you for the wonderfully selfless gift you gave him long ago.

I second everything that everyone else has said here. Other than the unselfish act of allowing him to be in a good home 18 years ago, the best thing you can do to honor him is to be clean and sober and living a good life. If he comes to find you, and finds THIS - a biological mother who has changed her life so that she could be a better person, then that is the best show of respect that you could give him.

Why not sit down and write him a letter? Put it with your things and if he contacts you, give him the letter you wrote when he turned 18. It may mean a lot to him to know that you wrote it at this time in his life.

Dawn

I love your post. So inspirational.

I can only guess at the amount of daily strength you have put forth to bring yourself full circle. I'm not a strong person.

I'd be willing to bet ALL of your kids have benefited greatly from your strength. Especially the one whose birthday is today.

:)

wow!
you just made all my little frustrations go BOINK back into perspective.
you did a wonderful thing. i'm sorry it still hurts your heart, but that doesn't make it any less wonderful.
khairete
S.

You chose to have your baby and I commend you for that. At one time when I was very young, I chose to go the other route. Worse decision I ever made. My son or daughter would be 20 years old. As the years pass I picture what he/she would have looked like. I wasn't ready to be a mom, and wish I had chosen adoption instead, or kept my baby and struggled while living with my parents. I am pro-choice, but after that, for me I could never have done that again. It's an option for your child to come looking for you. You chose life. It's not an option for my child to ever come find me.

I have two great kids now, but in my heart I will always feel like I have three.

wow I dont know why but this sent chills down my spine. If I was in your sons shoes I would be proud of you for getting/staying sober and would be thankful for the life you gave M..
Happy anniversary to one of the most selfless acts possible! eat some cake and blow out a candle for him=)

Today is the 18th anniversary of the day that YOU GAVE SOMEONE A MOST PRECIOUS GIFT. I can understand that your heart is heavy today, but try to be positive about it, as you have come a long way in your recovery. Being positive is the best thing. You did a selfless act for someone, and made their life much better, and gave them something that they had probably been praying for, for a long time. I hope for your sake that someday he does come looking for you. That would be wonderful. In the meantime, I hope you try to have a good day.

Your post brought a tear to my eye, for your ultimate sacrifice and your boundless love, too. You know you made the right choice, but that doesn't make it any easier, even all these years later. I hope you do have the opportunity to share that with your son someday. I'm thinking of you today! *Hugs*

You made a sacrifice that gave another family something they otherwise may not have had. We are foster-adoptive parents and I know it was not easy for you during this very difficult time. We hope to be supportive of our son if he decides to find his birth parents. He'll always know he was adopted and the love his birth parents had for him. I'm confident your son's birth parents have done the same for your biological son. One day, if he finds you / reaches out just tell him your story and be honest. He will understand and may thank you. I know your heart is heavy; try to remember and focus on how far you've come in 18 years, rather than on the loss. Be strong. You were once and still are a selfless, loving mother, who did the right thing. Best wishes and congratulations on your many years of sobriety.

What a selfless act. I so greatly admire you and your strength. Prayers that you can find peace.

I don't have an answer, really, but I want to say that you were such a strong and loving person to have thought of your child FIRST when you were in the grips of an addiction. You gave him life, and then you gave him a life that you weren't able to give him yourself. YOu have done a wonderful thing. If it was an open adoption, you can give your contact information so that a child can look up the parent if they want/need to. If not, don't take it as something wrong, but as something right. I believe that there is a deeper connection between all things, and that your love for him reaches him even though you are not in each other's lives. He is in your heart, and you did a wonderful thing. Your heart hurst, but remember - your gift of your child touched so many lives, the blessings are countless.

Just a Big Hug and a kind word for the huge gift you gave your son and his adoptive family.

You did the right thing and it's okay for your heart to hurt.
Blessings to you and your family.

I don't really have an answer for your question, but just wanted to say that I applaud you for all of your accomplishments and sacrifices. I think giving up a child has to be one of the most selfless acts a person could do, but even in the midst of your addiction you were able to make the most mature decision you could at the time. My brother and wife just adopted a child and it has been a true blessing for the child and their lives as well. I am sorry your heart hurts today, but lean into God's healing grace and comfort. He is proud of you!!
God Bless!
A.

What a thoughtful post...

I have two answers for you:

First, I made the choice to forgive my biological father for giving me up when I was young. Like you, he was in a hard spot and wanted to do what was right. It took me a long time to come to that conclusion, however, we have a good relationship and forgiveness has helped both of our hearts heal.

Being selfless and allowing a family who can care for a child to love and nurture that truly-wanted baby is a blessing to everyone, although it does come with some heartache.

My biggest hard choice was to give up my mother about 10+ years ago. She has untreated mental health issues (which factored into my bio-dad leaving) and they've become out of control in some scary and dangerous ways. I still miss having a mom, and I love that my own perception of myself and the world is so much more forgiving, healthier and wholly improved. I love her, and yet it was only this separation that allowed me to become a true adult and to heal from so much. Like your situation, it was the hardest choice, and while I know it was the right one, I feel so badly for her that she's so stuck and won't get help. I know she can't be happy or enjoying life and it weighs on me very heavily from time to time.

I made the choice to become an addict and my daughter definitely suffered.

I pray that your son has had a great life and that he will one day find you. Until then, you have to take comfort knowing that you did what was best for him.

You gave your son the best and most precious gift you ever could. you gave him love, you put him first before anything and you have him a happy loving home. I pray that one day you are able to meet your son and that he loves you just as much. I thank you for having your son and loving him enough to give him to another family. I cannot begin to imagine how your heart must ache today, but know that you are a wonderful mother to ALL of your children!!!!

Peace to you.....you had the strength to give from your heart & that's what's important. You gave your son a chance for a future. :)

What a wonderful selfless gift that you gave your son. You should be tremendously proud of yourself for putting his needs first and placing him in a stable, loving home. Giving your child up is not easy. You should be commended for doing so. I know your heart aches and nothing can change that--but just know, you did what you needed to do for both of you. Blessings to you....

Hugs to you. I'm so sorry you went thorough that in your past and commend you for turning it around.

You beautiful woman!! God bless you and may your heavy heart be lifted by the love that you still have for him and knowing the wonderful person that have always been. Our life is but a story with many chapters, not just one defining us and if and when that gorgeous and blessed young man is able to meet you, I know that it will be one more positive chapter to enjoy living.

Your selflessness gave that boy a chance to live! I hope he and his adoptive family have had a great life!

Hey you,
my heart goes out to you, as I am sure those things stay with one for a lifetime. My mom had a fellow teacher/friend who had been in the same situation when younger, and also made this choice, which was the right one.
I don't have a story as painful as yours, but I decided early on, when I was 16, to go abroad. I stayed on a different continent for 10 years. Now I am closer to home, but still not in the same country. I would have emotionally died if I had not left, as I always wanted to see the world.
But my grandma died in my absence, my parents are growing older, and my other grandma sees my son at the most twice a year. It's heart-heavy, and there are those rare moments where I wonder if it is all worth it...