I have a little boy 3.5 years old that I cannot make mind his manners. He acts out in stores and restraunts it has gotten to the point where I dread having to take him out anywhere. He is fairly well behaved at home but the public scenes just drive us all crazy. I have tried ignoring it that doesnt work it worked on my older son but not the youngest. I am out of ideas and I am tired of always apologizing for his behavior . Has anyone else ever had this issue?
okay so the leave immediatly advice seems to work the best. I still get to listen to a major fit in the car but everyone in the store doesnt have to hear it. But I went back the next day with just my youngest and he was better. I tried the embarrasement that just mortified my 10 year
When he acts up, leave immediately, even if you have stuff in the basket. I had to do this several times before some of my kids got the hint. It usually revolved around not getting a toy they wanted, but just learning that I wasn't going to play that game really helped.
When he acts out at the store, leave immediately, even if your cart is full. If he acts out at a restaurant and you're still eating, get to-go boxes and leave. Kids are pretty smart and seem to act out in public places because they don't think you'll do anything, and you haven't. Ignoring doesn't work. Tell him to stop or you'll leave and then follow through, no matter how inconvenient it is for you.
I can totally relate.... I have two boys ages 7yrs and 3.5yrs also working full time as well as full time soccer mom and more. It's crazy somedays!! I think it's the age more than anything and being the youngest. My oldest son has always been very well behaved so I often get frustrated with my little one's behavior. Ignoring sometimes works, but rewarding good behavior and constantly pointing out when they are being good has helped. I've tried several different types of punishment, but really haven't gotten any response. Encouraging good behavior seems to make them strive to be better to earn your praise. Good luck...I know it can be exhausting.
try a couple of days with small errands like going to the grocery store for just a gallon of milk with the promise that if he behaves he will get to go to the park. You only have to go to the park for 10-30 minutes to keep up your end of the deal, but make sure he knows that if he misbehaves you will not be going to the park. Limit your errands at first to some of the more non-essential ones so that you can abandon them if he just will not behave. After he gets this down, start taking longer outings, if you can take your husband with you grocery shopping you can put your son in time out in the car while you finish. I know temperatures are getting colder but the key to this is that your husband cannot be in the car withyour son. Strap him into his seat and have your husband stand away from the car (or at least outside) so that if there is any problems he can step in so your son would never be in danger. You son will eventually learn that his misbehavior will not get the response he is looking for.
The second part of this technic is to give him lots of positive attention before and after your errands and of course during the day. He needs you, and gets frustrated by sharing you so much with the rest of the world.
I, too, have a "strong" and steadfast 3.5 yo. I have had to take my son out of the store or restaurant and go home or have a "time-out" in the car when his behavior was unacceptable. I've done this enough times he knows I mean it and therefore, not as many outbursts in public. Also, I try to tell my son ahead of time what we are going to be doing(i.e. shopping, eat out..etc.) so, he is prepared. He has an issue with change, so, this helps with transition. This is something I have been working on myself to do more often, is to verbally praise my son when he is well-behaved in public. Sorry, this is so long, but, I just wanted to encourage you that you are not alone and in good company. I hope some of this helps.
Many Blessings to you,
L.
To change bad behavior, you have to recognize the good behavior and shower them with attention and praise when they are good. What has worked really well with my kids are star charts. We write down a couple of good behaviors we want them to work on in a chart form. Each day after dinner we go to the star charts and they get to put stars beside each goal they accomplished (example: I put away my toys, I played nicely with my friends, I took my plate to the kitchen, etc) Then each day that they get all their stars they get a small treat. Then if they get all their stars at the end of the week, they get a prize out of the prize box (Dollar Store toys). Starting out he may need rewards more often, like prize box every two days of good behavior. For a little one a week may seem like "forever" and they will lose focus. So for going out to dinner you could reward his good behavior with dessert or a treat or prize box. It might be a good idea to practice before you go out so that he knows how to act. Make it a game. At dinner one night you could "play restaurant" and everyone models their best behavior. At the restaurant, be prepared with distractions to help him be patient (cars, coloring books, a favorite toy). Kids love attention. If you give him the attention and rewards he wants for the right behavior, he will want to be good.
i have the same kid. the response below is right, it shows them they have self inflicted consicunsces not just from you. and please dont apologize for your child. explain he is learning manners, you alredy use them. also, make sure everyone in the house, including you, minds their p's and q's. my son does not got whatever he is asking for unless he says please, and is immediately done with dinner if his behavior is unbecoming.
My first reaction is that he's being overstimulated in public places. Children can have sensitivities to different noises, too many people, etc.
My daughter struggles marginally with sensory issues and I've found that making sure she is adequately rested or not too hungry is the key to better behavior. Because it doesn't take much to over stimulate her, I have to work a little more at making her relaxed before we get in those situations.
When he acts out, ask him specifically why he is so upset. Try to find the root cause to the behavior and work from there. If he says "it's too loud" or "I don't want to sit here" discuss ways to work around that.... if it's too loud... tell him to think about songs in his head that make the noise quieter, of if it's hard to get him to sit still, keep a bag of eating out toys... toys he's only allowed to play with when you are out... they will stay new to him and keep him preoccupied.
Long story short... find the root cause and work on a plan to prevent or fix it.
I love this one. My daughter was the same and it took only three times of "public humilition" for her to chill in public. If she started acting out in stores or what not i would take her outside and find a corner and make her stand in it. crying or not it didnt matter. The fact that people would walk by and see her embarrased her tremendously. since that she doesnt act out in stores. I know it sounds mean but it solves the problem extremely quick.
