He Found Me on Facebook but He's Married. Should I Unfriend?

Don't say ANYTHING to him. Go in and block him. That way he can't find you in order to write you private messages. If you only unfriend him, he can write you private messages. This way, he has his answer LOUD AND CLEAR.

Any guy who writes stuff like this is looking to have an affair.

Call me crazy and old fashioned... but I would probably say some blunt things to him. And I would not only not wish to continue to communicate, I wouldn't even want to continue the friendship in a non-romantic way. I would lose pretty much any respect I might have had for someone who would treat their spouse that way. And I would tell him exactly that.

"I am not offended because sadly the behavior is normal."
What? How is that normal? If that's normal for you, that's sad.

I don't think you need to unfriend him. His "on paper" comment was him fishing, you haven't taken the bait. He may fish some more. You can reply with something like "Joey, it's always nice catching up with old friends and should you AND your wife want to have coffee that might be nice; however, I am not interested in dating, especially not someone who is married. If you still want to chat as friends only, that would be great".

Unfriend. And it's NOT normal, unless your a giant jerk.

If this behavior is normal in the people you know, do your best to find a new group of people to be around. It might be "normal"-ish to be divorced, or having marriage troubles. But what he's doing is actively looking to cheat and THAT isn't normal, it's douchey.

F.,

This is NOT a good sign. I would personally tell him that he needs to get his own life in order. If he's not happily married, he needs to invest in his marriage or divorce...but you are NOT going to be his "thing". Make it CLEAR that you have NO interest in starting ANY type of "relationship" with him other than friendship. If he can't handle that? unfriend him and block him.

You're not at a loss for words. You know that something isn't right. Send him a message stating your feelings and unfriend him. Block him in you have to.

Good luck!

wow, he doesn't take a hint, does he?
i think i'd send him a very unambiguous (no smileys, no LOLs) straight-up 'i'm not interested' message, and if he keeps it up, then unfriend him.
'that's impossible, you're married' is fairly clear but still doesn't indicate lack of interest on your part. he could read it (and clearly IS reading it) as 'well, if you weren't married there would be a shot' and that's just enough bait to keep him swimming around.
be perfectly, crystal clear.
and no, that behavior is NOT normal.
khairete
S.

From what you have said, I don't think he started the connection looking for a fling or affair--it took too long for him to start talking about crushes, etc. If he had been trolling from the beginning, he would have started in week one. He's probably having a rough time in his marriage at this time and has started to focus on a fantasy of the past as an alternative. That doesn't mean you want to have any more interaction with him, just suggesting a more charitable way of thinking about him.

I would send him a note saying you really aren't interested in anything like that with him, whether or not he is married (you haven't said that yet, after all), so you are not comfortable with any more discussions of your relationship statuses, etc. Make it really clear that you are not a possible out from his marriage. Then you can decide whether you want any more casual exchanges or not. If you feel uncomfortable at the thought of any future notes from him, then you unfriend and block. Otherwise, you can wait and see whether he observes the boundary you have set. Good luck with it!

Definitely Unfriend.

His messages have become completely innapropriate for a married man. To me, it sounds like he is hinting that he would like you to be his "side piece."

Have respect for yourself and his wife, and put a stop to it. If you allow this to continue, he will likely only get worse... Then if he gets found out, you could be considered a "home wrecker" even if you don't act on it.

I wouldn't want to be friends with a man who would cheat on his wife so easily anyway. Doesn't say much for his character...

I don't think the behavior is normal - and you shouldn't either.
It's a way in for men to take advantage of you - have some standards.
If he's willing to cheat WITH you, he's willing to cheat ON you.
I can't respect a married man who's trolling for booty.
If you want a man who takes marriage vows SERIOUSLY - WITH YOU - THIS guy and guys who act like this is not the place to be looking.
If he wants to ACT single then he'd better GET single and proceed with a divorce.
Unfriend him.
Neither one of you are the people you were back in elementary school.
Have a fond memory of back then but there's no future for you with him.
Don't let him waste your time.

In my opinion? He crossed a line so that any "normal" type if friendship will now be odd. I'd unfriend.

His "on paper" comment is hugely disrespectful to his wife and he's a bad person imo. Yes it's normal: For bad people.

But I'm a but passive on the FB un-friending... I'd personally

a) Quit responding and then un-friend after time passes
b) Get up the balls to say "That's not very nice to your wife to flirt with people and declare yourself only married on paper." Then let him be at a loss for words. Or respond however he wants.

Now that he's made it clear he's inappropriately interested, and you have no interest in him that way OF COURSE, no need to stay FB friends really. Do whatever is in your comfort zone. If he's a nice guy, just unhappy and misguided, then tell him nicely, that you never EVER flirt with married men, no offense. And then don't participate in such dialogues anymore. It's not like he's going to get divorced just so he can keep flirting with you so you don't have to go into details about not liking him that way if it's uncomfortable for you. If he keeps being inappropriate then you can un-friend him.

If you want to continue having a friendly connection with him, be clear in your communications--"Yeah, but married is married, and I'm not interested in entertaining that. Next topic, please." No need to rush to unfriending. I've said something like, "Ha ha--you're funny. Not interested."

ETA: Consider this: Let's say that he's that guy who never learned how to appropriately communicate with women. Some men are just plain clueless. In the beginning, it's awkward and he doesn't rightly know how to connect, but something in him knows that you're a good person to know. Fast forward several months or so after your swat on his hand, and he's learning that men and women CAN be friends. He respects you and has learned by your example how to behave more honorably toward women, including his wife.

I'm not saying that you owe him an in to your life. I just think that people come into our lives to both teach and learn lessons, and this is a perfect opportunity for you to let your light shine. What he said was offensive to you, but you should not take it personally--it wasn't about you. I don't think that a one-time lapse with you is unforgivable. Being on the periphery and witnessing how you conduct yourself with others--including him--could be an enlightening experience for him. And you've lost nothing in the process.

If you don't care if you never talk to him again than unfriend and block him. If you want to keep the friendship, just let him know that it's so sweet to know that he had a crush on you but you don't have any interest in married men or even dating for a long, long time. There's noting not to get when you spell it out clearly.

I'd block him and be done with it. He's not an honest or faithful man, so why would he think you would be interestd in him?? Really...people blow my mind.

If he's telling you he's married "on paper" then he is betraying his wife with someone he hasn't seen in many years. I don't know what you mean by "sadly the behavior is normal" - do you think it's normal for men to do this? I'm completely confused by that so maybe you didn't say enough about what you mean.

You can unfriend and block him if you want - probably the best idea. Or you can say that elementary school crushes are just that, fortunately you are all adults now, and then mention several other old and mutual friends you are in touch with. But since he says he would come to town and "see where it goes" then he is fishing for encouragement from you, so I would shut that down immediately. If his wife were to see this, it would devastate her. If he's not telling her about it, then he's not honest with her. And he wouldn't be honest with another woman. Think that one through.

I haven't read any of the other replies. I'm just going to go ahead and jump into the deep end.

Let's reframe this a little. If you were his wife, how do you think you'd feel if you found out that your husband were sending those messages to another woman?

The fact is, while he might not respect his wife, YOU can. If it were me, I would flat out tell him that his messages aren't appropriate from a married man. Don't be passive aggressive and block him without notice. You're an adult woman with morals and standards. Let him know that he needs to turn his attention towards the woman who pledged her life to him and seek affections there. Let him know that his behavior is not respectable and you know that he can do better. Don't listen to any lame excuse that he comes up with (cheaters always have an excuse). The fact is, you don't want to have anything to do with the kind of man who would step out on his wife. So, say your piece, and then go to his profile and click "Block."

Best to you.

Clearly he's hinting around that he'd like to see where things go - still got that old crush going on. You don't have to unfriend him neccessarioly - although you may have to in the future. But for now you can do one of two things - When he next messages you with a "hinting message" either tell him that you respect marriage and really don't want to engage further with a married man and you're not interested in dating or just ignore his message. If it keeps up you can unfriend him and ignore. There are a few high school guys who I barely knew who've asked to friend me on FB - but I have very little recongnition so I just ignore the requests.

Something similar happened to two of my friends. One actually married the guy and the other was married herself and just enjoyed the flattery. So, I'm pretty sure that we all know what his intentions are. I'd hold your head up high and block him!

I thought "hey the situation isn't too bad. Why not stay fb buddies to randomly catch up?" Until I read "yea, on paper". That would really throw me off. That is such a douchy thing to say. I would unfriend and block

Unfriend and block him now--this is no good for either of you.

He's looking to cheat, so why would you want any part of that?

I agree with others - he wants to "hook up" with you. You don't have to unfriend or block him, but you should send him a message saying to please stop contacting you, and to either: a) work on your marriage, or b) get divorced. And, if he chooses to get divorced, he is free to contact you. If he will not stop sending you inappropriate messages, then you should unfriend/block him.

I'd have replied to him:

" [YAWN] Heard that line before. Bye. "

Block!

Some men do not understand platonic friendships.
Some men like to chase other women.
Its a game.
Some men just go around seeking out affairs all the time, seeing who they can convince to cozy up with. And they use their same stupid line of "I'm married just on paper."
Some men flirt around, but under the currents, they see you as a woman who they want to nab and see if they can convince the woman, to give in.

Does he have children?

The guy, obviously went around searching around for past classmates from childhood that he may have had a crush on. Doing it via FB. You have been FB'ing with him for a year. Now he is getting all romantic on you. And trying to see if you will bite the bait.
Tell him "I wonder how your Wife (or kids) would feel if they knew you were hitting up women from your past?
I bet, if his wife looked up his FaceBook page (unless he has a secret one), she would be flat out hurt/pissed/disgusted with him.

Tell him you will not get caught up in his soap opera flashback to the past wishful thinking. You are an adult.
Tell him, married or not you are NOT interested in him that way, he is just a classmate from childhood.
Some men, do not get... hints, nor LOL's.
Some men think LOL's or laughing, is flirting.

If you tell him you are not interested in him because he is married. Then, WHAT IF one day he gets divorced and then keeps, trying to hook you?
So, from the get go, just tell him, married or single, you are not interested in him. Otherwise, he may contact you again, if he is ever separated or divorced.

And... if you keep communicating with him, remember that he has a crush on you. What man, can separate a crush from platonic feelings?

His poor wife. Being married to a man, who says he is only married on paper.
What deceit.
I wouldn't want a friend like that.

And the thing is, this is probably not the first time, he has done this. ie: trying to hook up with another woman, not his wife.

Unfortunately, he's behaving inappropriately and showing you exactly what kind of person he is. Perhaps his marriage is in trouble already but he is not behaving with honor. This isn't someone you want to build a relationship with even if you had been interested back in the day.

My first impulse would not be to defriend, but to tell him what I think of his behavior. That's just the kind of person I am. Worst case scenario is that he gets mad and defriends you, which is no loss. Go ahead and tell him that he has no chance with you.

If there's any chance that you are going to continue to communicate with him then yes, I would unfriend. I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong either. But indirectly it's wrong for a seed to be planted in his brain.

And what's this married "on paper" business? Sheesh that's an old line.

He's flirting with you at the very least. If "the least" is not in his mind, then he's propositioning you.

"Normal" means usual, typical, or expected. Normal has nothing to do with right.

If it were me, I *would* be offended, because this man thinks that, because I am divorced, I am available to anyone. The old-school term for it is "loose woman."

I can think of a comeback: "Marriage on paper is marriage enough, old school buddy. Back off." If he unfriends you, then you'll know what he was thinking. If he apologizes, and seems to be truly apologetic, you can stay friends or not, as you choose. I'd unfriend him, but, if you choose to stay friends, be distant for a while. If he tries again - even a single comment - cut him out.

I wouldn't un-friend him. He was a dear friend that you shared part of your life with,

He said that to see what you'd say. Now he knows you're not interested he should start slacking off about that part.

Updated

I wouldn't un-friend him. He was a dear friend that you shared part of your life with,

He said that to see what you'd say. Now he knows you're not interested he should start slacking off about that part.

He sounds like a predator. Looking for single, lonely women...and you sort of fit the bill. He'll move once you tell him to.

You did tell him from the beginning that the feelings weren't mutual, when you were children?

Back off. Yes, unfriend

I would be insulted he would think I would have anything to do with a married man. I would tell him that too.