My kids are ages 11,9 and 8. (also have a 1 year old, but she doesn't ride horses, yet :) Whenever the kids have friends over, I always ask the parent if it's ok before I let the kids swim in the pond or ride the horses. We have rules about these activities and the kids know them well. Just today one of my son's friends wanted to swim in the pond. I told him I hadn't asked his mom if it was ok first. He wanted me to call her at work, which I didn't do because I didn't want to bother her for something like that. I'm now starting to wonder if I'm being a little silly, wanting to run it by the parents, first. We are some of the most strict parents around here, so I really doubt that the parents wouldn't trust us to be responsible. It's not like we would send the kids to jump on a horse by themselves or swim in the pond without someone watching. It's hard to step back and think of what I would want, since my kids know how to act around horses and such. I do know that whenever my 9 year old goes to a swim party, I stay. Water can be so dangerous, even if you are a responsible parent, so I think I would definitely want to know if my child has plans to swim. As a parent, would you want someone to ask you first, before allowing your child to participate in horseback riding or swimming? If you didn't trust the parents to be responsible with your child, they probably wouldn't be there in the first place, right?
Thank you! I felt I was doing the right thing, but it's absolutely crazy what parents let their kids do out here in the country!! Even my kids will shake their heads when we see the neighbors letting their 10 year old ride down the road on a 4wheeler with no helmet!! I did call the friend's mom after he had asked 5 times and she gave permission - I would have never let him do it just because he said she wouldn't care. You're right- kids can be sneaky that way! LOL! We have a pony that we put friend's kids on since it's a very dosile, calm pony, but we are always right there, holding on to the lead rope at all times. It's not worth the possibility of an accident. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to someone else's child in my care. We do have an umbrella policy that my husband felt was necessary. I will continue to get permission from parents. Thank you for confirming what I felt was right.
*** We have good friends who let their kids come here and I have already asked them and received their consent. These are not activities that we do every day. Saddling up the pony is time-consuming, so it's for special occasions, mostly. Many times the parents are here, because it's a cook-out or something. I'm fully aware of the dangers, so I don't take this lightly. The horses are a draw, for sure, but like I said, we don't offer "pony rides" to all the kids who come over. A lot of kids have horses, themselves and I still ask, first. As for calling the mom to ask about the pond...... I did call her before I let the boy get in the pond. This boy isn't here very often, so I would absolutely not have let him swim without an ok from his mom. I didn't call her at work because I really didn't want to deal with the mess and water from the pond in my house, so I wasn't all that motivated to get the consent in the first place. I didn't mean that her child being allowed to swim wasn't worth a phone call. Like I said, parents are letting their kids do much, much, much crazier stuff and I don't approve, but once I got some doubt in my head that other parents even cared, I started to wonder if I was being over the top for needing their permission, first. Also, since we are not the only ones who have a pond, stream, etc where the boys, especially like to got to fish and get dirty, if we have to go somewhere afterwards, I will let them know that. "We are going straight to so-and-so's graduation party after, so please don't let "M" go to the stream." I would hope other parents would let me know, too. Not to say the always would, though. I guess most the kids who are here, are the ones that are here a lot and it's a pretty good possibility they will be doing something around the pond. It's mostly the kids that aren't here alot that I would absolutely make sure the parents were notified of what they were wanting to do. Thank you, again, for your responses. Like I said, I will not change my permission policy!!!!
Yes, you are right to ask first! I wish I had more parents like you in my neighborhood. Only thing I might have done differently is I might have called the mom at work. Depending on her position, that doesn't seem like a big deal to me.
As a mother, yes, I would rather you ask me first; as I would do the same thing you are doing, I would ask the parent first.
:)
Yes, I would be upset if a parent my child was with took them swimming or horseback riding (even if it was on their property) without my consent. Also, if some kind of accident did happen, no doubt a legal battle would ensue if their consent was not granted in the first place.
Yes, I would want someone to get my permission before allowing my child to swim or ride a horse.
(p.s. I want to come to your house!)
I would definitely want to know. I think you're doing the right thing. I remember last summer the neighbor kids were over and all of the kids had a water fight in the backyard with squirt guns and such. I didn't think anything of it and didn't call the mom to ask if it was ok. The mom is a good friend of mine so I wasn't concerned about her being mad at me but I didn't know that they had plans to go out to dinner and now the kids were soaked! Now, the kids were old enough to have known about the dinner plans and that they shouldn't do this so they got in trouble, but I still felt like maybe I should have called first.
If these kids come to your house regularly, I would probably ask the parents if you can just have their standing approval for these activities so that you don't have to ask each time. Most parents if they've been ok with it once, would be ok with it other times as well.
I think you are doing the right thing. I would def ask the other parents first.
I would want you to ask AND, when you asked, assure me that you'd be watching.
My sister has a permanent hip injury from falling from a horse (and then he stepped on her) and one of my closest friend's son drowned. You never know which parents are carrying these things in their hearts.
Ask.
I would be the same way! These things can be dangerous, even when you are being safe! My brother was being extremely safe around my fathers horse but the horse went nuts and ended up kicking my brother in the face, almost killing him! He has permanent damage to his jaw, it knocked out about 6 teeth and it broke his jaw. He had to have it wired shut! I would just make sure with the parents cause you never know how they feel about it! I rather ask a parent because what if you dont and they find out that you let their child swim or ride horses and they werent okay with it!? I rather make them feel safe about it, even with you being a responsible parent, I think that taking their feelings into consideration would be best! I would always ask... or next time you talk to them ask them if they rather that you call them everytime or just this once? that way you know how they feel about it! I had a neighbor who had a granddaughter that my daughter played with all the time, we totally trusted her, HOWEVER, one day she asked if my daughter could go fishing with them, I said No! Even though I trusted her, I told her that I didnt want my daughter to go! Nobody is perfect and what if something happened to my child? I dont know if I could live with that... I would maybe hold a grudge against my neighbor over it! Just to be on the safe side I would ask! We have a trampoline and I always tell the neighbor kids that they have to ask their parents if they can jump on it! We also have horses in the stables behind our backyard, they are my dads and when my nieces from my husbands side, come over I ALWAYS ask their parents if its okay if they ride... I ASK EVERYTIME!!! Good luck!
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No not being silly at all.. My parents had a pool.. growing up we had to have permission to go swimming from friends parents.. my parents also have a huge umbrella policy (insurance) u never know accidents happen to the safest parents.. also have a contact # where the parents may be reached while child swims or ride horses.. better safe than sorry.. whis I lived in the country sounds like fun :)
Lenc
As the other parent I would apprecite being asked if it was OK.
I would for sure like to be asked the first time at least, this way I know that there is that possibility in the future for swimming and horses. Its not a matter of not trusting the parents, because you're right, my kids won't be somewhere that I don't trust the parents, it's a matter of not being surprised if something happens, and being able to let you know if there are any issues. Such as not swimming, or he's in trouble and swimming privelage has been taken away, or he's scared of horses......etc. etc.
I think opening the dialogue is good. It also lets me know as a parent, that you are open to talk about things, so if there is something I don't let my child do, you're more apt to follow that at your house as well.
I would say ask the first time and ask if that is a permanent yes or if they want to be asked every time. I know that if my kid goes to your house and you call and ask me if they can swim and I say yes, you don't need to call me every single time and ask me. If it's yes on Saturday, its yes on Tuesday too.
It reminds me of that country song about how we had lead paint in our cribs, we rode bikes with no helmets, and still here we are. There is a fine line to walk regarding safety and fun. I never rode with a helmet when on a bike. I fell, I hurt myself, I lived. You can't protect kids from all harm. They HAVE to learn on their own. You can watch a kid all you want to, if they decide in a split second to jump in head first in the shallow end of the pool, that's just nature at work. Sounds harsh, but what will "watching" them do to prevent such an accident? I am of the schooling that says let kids make their own choices, with guidance from adults, and let them see the consequences, both good and bad, of their choices. Mommy and daddy won't be there to protect them forever, they HAVE to learn on their own. Period.
Oh my goodness, Yes! I think you were totally right with your first impulse to ask first!!!!
you really should give the parent the oppertunity to say no. they know thier children best.
If i were to find out after the fact that you let my kids ride a horse or took them swiming with out running that by me i would concider that a Breach of Trust!
Yes, you are absolutely in the right! I would want to be asked. I would be very angry if I found out my kid went to a house and did those things without my permission, even if nothing happened. I would probably be just as mad at my kid as the parents (you), because growing up I knew I had to ask my mom about stuff like that. You are protecting the kids, and yourselves too. Parents don't assume everyone has a pond to swim in or horses to ride, but how cool! I bet you guys are popular. :) I would also want to be asked about things like trampolines too.
I think if I had a standing OK from the parents whose kids were usually at the house, I wouldn't bother asking each time. If I was the other parent and had decided no to the swimming or horses even if they had done it before, I would call you and let you know of the rule change. I also think you could maybe sometimes call at work. Depending on what the mom does and whether you could get a feel of her job from her child, whether it would be ok. If she carried a cell phone, I would call or have the son text that. But I definitely think you are right to ask.
You are better safe than sorry. Get the parent's permission!
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You are totally right to ask first, and in the case of the horses I would even have them sign a liability waver. If the horse gets spooked and jumps and throws a child and that child gets hurt, you are liable and they can sue.
I think you should ask. God forbid anything happens I would get parent permission before I allowed them to swim or ride a horse.
As you can probably see from all your responses so far, your instincts are correct! You should always ask the parents first.
Given you will always have the pond and horses available to all the friends that come over you should talk to all the parents (at least once) and inform them of these fun activities available to their kids...and hopefully they will give you a "blanket" yes...and then you can mentally or physically (with a list on the fridge or something) check that child off...then it can be completely up to you and your schedule should the kids be allowed to partake in these activities on any given day!
I am sure your house is VERY popular...if I were a kid, I'd want to come over and play too!
I say it is best to ask because you just don't know with some people , but I assume you know these families and they know you have horses and the pond , so it is obvious that they would want to do those things while at your house. The reason I would want to be asked is because my daughter has tubes in her ears which means she cannot swim in lakes/ponds , not because I wouldn't trust the parents. There are many things that need to be considered so I say stick to double checking.
I think that it's just a good idea to ask, no matter what. At least until you know the other parents well and they know you well. I wouldn't be bothered by being called at work about something like that (if I was still working), so I can't imagine that his mom would have minded. It's all part of the motherhood deal.
Always asking a parent for their wishes and approval is extremely important. It has nothing to do with responsibility, just a curtesy. I know you are trusted, or you would NOT have the kids in the first place and you would not be posting this question. Contact with parents is so important.. Plus how many times have our kids told another parent that can, cant, do or dont do something that we know the truth to be the opposite. I cant have the only child in the world that does that hahahaha. Stick with your gut, you are right to keep the policy of approval from parents.
I would say that I would want you to ask my permission first before they went swimming or horseback riding. It would be when you didnt ask that something would happen and that parent would sue you or you would have horrible problems. Don't think about it as a nusense just think of it as covering your butt!!
I think that with me, I would expect my children to swim and ride horses when they come to your house, but I would think it would be a nice courtesy to remind me that it's happening.
"By the way, we're taking the kids on the horses today." even if it's the same every time. Or just run it by them when making plans.
I agree about the water, I would think I'd rather be there when my children are swimming - but maybe I wouldn't worry so much about the 11 year old?
I would take precautions and before any and every play date, ask or remind the parents about the pond and horses and make sure it's okay.
I would prefer to be asked. While they trust you to have their kids come over, you never know thier rules. If a freak accident happened you will feel much better knowing that the parents had full knowledge of what their kids were up to. I think your rules are great and next time that child will know if he is coming over to have you talk to his mom first. Think if your friends had a cliff that they rock climb on, would you want to know if your child was going up it?
Oh, I'd definitely prefer to have a phone call. I think you're being really responsible by doing that and protecting yourself in the event of an accident.
Our neighbors have a trampoline, and though it's netted, I prefer to be there when the kids are on it (mostly because I was a gymnast and coach and know how to teach them to fall, etc). But, I respect that the parents asked first. Our kids are 2 and almost 4.
As for calling at work - it personally isn't a problem for me. It's a quick call with a simple answer, and it would greatly be appreciated if our kids were in that situation. We just scheduled a play date for our son with a friend from day care, and we arranged the entire thing via e-mail/LinkedIn. It was less disruptive and easy to respond as our schedules allowed.
I could certainly want to be told. I do think I would be upset if I heard about the swimming in the pond later. I am not a big fan of pond swimming- so I don't know if I would allow my child to swim in it.
I think you're always better off asking first. I wouldn't just assume that because you have horses and a pond that it's automatically okay with the parents to ride or swim. As far as swimming, you never know...the kid could be getting over an ear infection or something.
The best thing to do is talk to the other mom at a time when she's not at work and tell her that you've got horses and a pond and wonder if it's fine to allow her son take part. That way, next time the child comes over, he can either do it or she can tell you, "I don't want swimming or riding today, he hurt his knee....." or whatever her reason.
My own nephew was really one for telling me his mom said it was okay to do this or that and I'd just tell him that she didn't say that to ME, and we weren't doing it without her permission. Sure enough, 9 out of 10 times, they'd never even talked about it. And that was my own nephew. I just really wanted him to learn the importance of asking his mom's permission FIRST. And no, I wasn't going to call her when she was out of town at a wedding or something. If I didn't have her permission, the answer was no. My sister was the same way with my kids.
In my opinion, it's not about trusting the other parent, but if permission hasn't been given, there's always next time.
Better safe than sorry.
Horses and a pond? It sounds like your house would be an awesome place to get to go!
Best wishes!
Yes, you have to ask. If something bad were to happen, however unlikely it is, and you hadn't asked the parents permission before hand there could be legal repercussions. I'm not sure about that, but it's a possibility.
I havent read the other answers but I WOULD want to know about anything other than the normal playing. its just curtious. and if you dont want to call the mom at work, what about sending her an email or text message. Otherwise if this is something that is going to happen quite often you should get their blessing for the whole summer to swim/ride horses and then have them tell you if there is a day where its not ok (like if they have a fancy dinner to attend, they may not what their kid in a pool)
Good luck.
You are on the right track and SHOULD ask the parents first by all means.
I certainly would have called the mother at work to get her permission. Kids today get so little chance to do things like you can provide.
Wouldn't you have wanted to know, even if you were at work, what your child was doing?
KEEP ON DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING! People are so sue happy and don't want to take responsibility and/ or willing to blame someone else. Honestly, wouldn't hurt to have a waiver on file.......ESPECIALLY for the horses!! COVER YOURSELF AND this is for the protection of the child, as well. Even if you think "it will never happen" or "...happen to me"......cover yourself! You don't want some parent to say, "I didn't know they were going to swim!" or "I had no idea they were going to be riding horses!"
I DO agree that they should trust the parents, but kids can be kids and it only takes one time to "dare", someone get hurt goofing off, etc. You can have fun and still be responsible.
I would want to know - or be asked..... maybe my kid can't swim or has a fear of being up high (like on a horse)...... I think you are doing the right thing, I rather be asked then find out it happened and heaven forbid, something go wrong....
I haven't read all the responses yet, but as a lifelong equestrian and a terrible swimmer (dh is a the swimmer in the family), I know that both activities, while offering great rewards/enjoyment, are not without hazards/safety concerns.
Regardless whether the other parents think you're being too strict, I think you are absolutely right to get the other parents permission, and possibly even talk to them about the safety.
Particularly with the horses, a lot of people just think of them as big, quiet, friendly dogs, and we both know that is not the case.
As a parent, I would be glad if you talked to me about it first, before allowing my child to participate in activities I might not be familiar with.
I think you're being a responsible parent by asking before letting the children ride/swim. I always like to stay covered ~ the time you don't ask is the time something may happen (maybe I'm paranoid). Kuddos to you for being such a great/responsible parent!!
ASK ASK ASK!!! I cannot imagine (worst case scenario) having to call a parent at work or home and say, "there's been an accident..." (however minor) related to swimming or riding when that parent had no idea that activity would be taking place. Strict or not, you are protecting yourself and the children. I love horses and would probably be thrilled to let my children go somewhere that they could learn to ride, but if I knew that might be going on, I would be offering to stay and help out since they have never done it before. Children also always want to do something fun and might not be upfront if there is a good reason they should not (maybe they are not strong swimmers, maybe they have had a head injury and should not be on a horse, etc.). I am very nervous when the little boys on our road ride their bikes all over (it is a quiet country residential road, but technical a 55 mph road with no shoulder). Their parents let them, but before I let them walk to the park with me and my kids, I introduced myself to their parents and exchanged cell numbers, asked rules, etc. Even if nothing happened, I would be very angry if someone did something like swimming or riding with my kids without at least telling me first. Keep doing what you're doing! :)
