Having a Second Child

There are pros and cons to everything. Is there ever a right time to have a child? My 1st and 2nd are 19mo apart and my 2nd and third will be 22mo apart. There are good and bads to the small age range, but I have friends that have larger age ranges and there are pros and cons to that too.

When you both feel ready is when it is time.
Good luck

J.,

My kids are 24 months apart and it is 10 times as hard having 2 kids in my opinion. My 1st son was fine until (i.e. no tantrums, etc.) he was around 2 1/2. Especially with your husband traveling, you may want to think twice before taking on that additional responsibility. However, you didn't say how old you are (understandable!) but if you are 40 or over I would try right away so you don't get stuck having to do IVF or something and go through that stress and financial burden. Good luck with whatever you decide. If you have a chance to be around little babies that may help get it out of your system for the time being.

Karen

Hi J.!

I feel the same way! I currently have a 16 month old son who is quite a handful. I keep thinking I want another baby and then my son will get sick, or decide not to sleep for a week, or do something else that wears me down physically and emotionally and I wonder how will I ever be able to take care of TWO children?? I currently work part time three days a week and my husband also travels for work, he is gone at least 2 weeks a month and often more, so I know the majority of the responsibility is going to lie with me. And as far as the biological clock, I'm with your there too! We are 36 now so if we are going to have another one, we need to do it soon. My husband is all for another baby, but I truly don't think he realizes how much work it is and how hard it will be on me to take care of 2 while he is traveling.

So, I don't have any advice for you but at least you can find solace in the fact that other people are in a similar boat!

Good luck with whatever decision you make!

L.

I have two children and they are 16 months apart. My son will be 2 in August and my daughter will be 7 months in August. I look at it this way, I can tell now how close my kids will be. It is nice to have them close together. It is hard for the first few month for your daughter to adjust but it is always hard for the first since they are used to getting all the attention. You have to look at it as your daughter is getting older and it is a good way for her to see that mommy has other things to take care of-and it will help your daughter to learn to help-as if the baby is hers. Financially, it will cost, but I have decided to stay home with my kids and you just learn to live without things, like eating out. My husband is an attorney and is gone alot, so I know what you mean when you are the primary caregiver. Good luck on trying if that is what you decide.

Hi, my kids are 23 months apart and for the most part, I LOVE IT! 1 of each and mainly they are best budds! I wanted them close and I also wanted to get through some of the baby stages right after the other. We are now past naps and it's so great not being tied to that. They are 5 & 3 and there are challenges, but I love it for them. As for money, I think there are always things we can change to find the money if we truly need it. Many ways to change your priorities and budget.
Good luck!
A.

Hi J.
I have a 3 month old daughter and my husband constantly talks about another one. In particular...a son. I am still adjusting to the changes that come along with a baby and have no interest in getting pregnant anytime soon. Everyone i know talks about how perfect 2 years apart is, but i find even that to be too soon. I would prefer around 4-5 years. Then my daughter will be older with friends and have other interests. I keep thinking that way the baby wont be such a burden for her. I do want a son, but we are cautious as to not do it anytime soon. I have a nephew & niece that are Irish twins. While they are great kids, i see that it is still alot of work. Dont let anyones opinion sway you. But like the last post, sounds like you are the one that will be doing most of the work, so it should ONLY be about when you are ready & feel that you can handle it.
Good Luck!! Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you!!!

I have two kids 18 months apart. I love having them that close. There is always a stage where they are going through something new - there is no perfect age spread. Think of it this way, my sister (who has 2 kids 22 months apart) asked my dad when do siblings stop fighting and he responded "I'll let you know." (He thinks he's funny.)

But when you have the second baby, to me it seemed a breeze. The second is so much easier, you'll wonder why you stressed out with the first -because you have been through it before. It gets harded when they both can run, but your age spread you will not have to watch the older one so carefully.

Adjusting to no longer being the center of attention for the first child is always hard adn I think harder the older they get because they are far more used to being the center of attention, but some it is just depends on the personality of the child.

Good luck and do what is in your heart.

I think it's up to you when you both think you can handle it ,I guess you're really never ready for more kids- it justs happens. I feel my clock is ticking too, as well as my husbands. I'd love to be done having kids when he's 40.
I know my daughter is 19months & I'm expecting again, my daughter & her sibling will be 26 months apart. I think of how how it might be hard to handle at first with a toddler & newborn. In fact we'll be using all of my daughters baby gear- pacj in play, swing, carseat, bouncer, ect so we'll be saving there & if #2 is aalso a girl, she'll get all of daughters baby clothes. It can be difficult to adjust with another baby in the house especially for your daughter, It will take some time & I'm sure as time goes by it'll get easier. Good luck on whatever you decide, & know that there are lots of moms out there just like you in the same postition..

I agree that it's always hard for the first child when the second is born...in the beginning. Although, when closer in age, the first won't necessarily remember being an only child and they'll have someone they can relate to better in the long run. Mine are 19 months apart. I love having them close together since they are closer to being into the same things, closer in schedules, will soon be in the same class for some things like summer camps and sunday school. I have to say it was a lot harder going from 1 to 2 than having that first one, although it gets easier and easier with time (they are now 21 months and 3 years old). My husband also works a lot...it's hard sometimes, but doable. Yours will be over 2 years apart, so your older one will be able to do a lot more on his own like walking along and keeping up with you while you carry the baby, getting things for you and such. At that age, they love to help, so that's on your side, even if it is a two year old's capacity to help. :) Financially, child care is the biggest issue with having them close together. Otherwise, finding diapers on sale and such makes it not cost all that much more for 2 than one thanks to hand downs from the first with baby equipment, clothes, etc. :) Best wishes to you!! Sounds like you are eager for the second, which would make the challenges well worth it. :)

I did kind of the same thing -- I got pregnant with my daughter when my son was 18 mos. I started really yearning for another baby around the time my son turned 1. I don't know if it's just nostalgia for the baby days or what, but I couldn't wait to get pregnant again. It is sometimes tough with 2 (mine are 24 months apart -- dd was born 2 weeks after ds turned 2 years old) but I don't regret it. I am glad to have them close together. My husband works a lot and occassionally travels, so the kids and I are a tight little unit. I'm currently 36, so that was probably part of my motivation for having 2 so close together. Also, if I decide to, there's still time for 1 more (although I'm pretty sure we're done).

I'll tell you what totally saves me -- wearing the baby in a sling. When I go out anywhere, I wear the baby in a sling and then I can put the 2 year old in a shopping cart or in a stroller if I have to. I can also have the baby in the sling and still chase my son around the park.

It has been a little hard on my son, but mostly he loves his sister. Just a little jealousy when I nurse her and he wants "mommy cuddles". It wasn't a financial strain at all since we had all the gear from the first child. I did buy some clothes, but I was able to re-use all the gender neutral newborn stuff. Some relatives did send us clothes as gifts, too. The extra diaper expense is a hassle, but my son is now really close to being potty trained so that should be over soon.

I probabley feel different then most I think if you wait till your financially ready you could be waiting forever. I would just have one it will all work out. I have a family of 6 and one on the way and we make under 30000 a year we make it my kids are happy, they have all the could ever want and need. Plus I will be working in a year and then they will have more. So I say go for it, it could take a while to you never know.

My boys are two years and five days apart and it is great but it is VERY hard! I am also the primary caregiver. I found I relied ALOT more on family and friends the second time around with help and/or moral support. That said, if I had to do it again I would.

In my experience it was easier on the first to have the second relatively close because he didn't quite understand the addition as much as say a 3 1/2 year old or up would. The biggest financial hardship we went through was two in diapers and two in child care when I eventually went back to work. Since I had two boys in the same seasons clothes and gear was never an issue. One thing I would definelty recommend is a Baby Bjorn (LIFESAVER!!!!)

Good Luck!

I know how you feel, I have a 17 month old and the itch for another one wont go away, I know that we cannot afford it financially so I am going to wait till we are in a little bit better position, if it wasn't for the cost of daycare we would have no problem doing it. Good luck to you whatever you decide it will work out.