I guess I thought I would have gotten more support from other mothers. Guess not. What I mean about my family not being complete: I know I have three healthy children, they want another sibling, my husband wants another child and so do I. As a mother, that is the feeling that I have...to have ONE MORE CHILD TO COMPLETE OUR FAMILY. I was just wondering if there were any other mothers who have felt the same way I do. I'm guessing not. We have a dog already. So please don't mention getting a dog to make my family complete. If you don't feel the same way that I do, kindly keep your responses to yourself.
Here I am, a 34 year old mother that has 3 kids and feel that her family is not complete. My husband and I (especially me) would like to add one more addition to our family. Maybe it is my age or hormones, but I keep having these dreams about me being pregnant or giving birth. Almost everytime i got to the store, soccer games or what have you, I see someone expecting. I feel like Pee-Wee Herman in his movie when his bike got stolen and he went out everyone who passed him had a bike. My husband has had a vascectomy for about 6 years now. To get it reversed, it will cost us an arm and a leg. I am in search of a urologist that may do it less than six grand. Or can at least put us on a payment plan. I find myself watching the "Baby Story" on TLC religously. The only reason why we had a vascectomy was because we had my son and daughter too close in age. We didn't want it to happen again so...
What about fostering a child? Or an in state adoption? There is cost in that but less than reversing a vasectomy, it's a few thousand for the home study and then just a few hundred for an in state adoption, less than the 6K to reverse the vasectomy, plus then you don't have to worry about b/c after. And you'd be helping a child who needs a home. Yes, there are risks with adoption, but there is with pregnancy too. Just an idea.
A.-
As much as I think it is wonderful to want a big family , I think there comes a time when we need to be in tune with the reality of this world and its obstacles.
You have 3 healthy children.....focus on them and helping them to become all they can to live a happy life.
To take on another expense to even get pregnant and then the added of another child for many years to come seems to be quite an undertaking. One that will ultimately put a huge strain on you financially, physically and emotionally.
I have 2 children and briefly thought about trying for the girl, but realized, that quality is more important than quantity. It was the right decision and I do not regret it.
Enjoy what you have and basically, dont look for trouble.
You dont know what the future holds....keep life simple.
I hope you can move past this need so you can focus on enjoying what you have now.
R. P
A.,
I'm sorry you found yourself in this situation. Your husband's doctor should have spoken with you guys about why he was getting the vasectomy. A vasectomy is because you decide not to have any more children. If you were just worried about having them too close together, your doctor should have discussed other birth control options such as the pill or IUD.
Please know I am saying that with all seriousness - NOT trying to be mean. I honestly think you were not given the medical guidance you should have been. Having said that, have you thought about what you would do after reversing the vasectomy and having one more child? Would your husband have the vasectomy a second time?
Personally I have three boys. My husband and I would love to have one more as well so if your whole family feels that way, I say more power to you. Just make sure you do your research and think about long term as far as after you have your 4th. Don't listen to the people who just want to be negative. Like I said, I'm not trying to be negative. I'm just giving you more to think about but if your whole family wants another baby, that's great!
I get a lot of stuff from people because they swear I only want another to try for a girl. I want 4 children. I was an only child and I enjoy my big family. I would not have any more than 4 but to me, that number is perfect for our family. Personally, I feel I am fighting time though because I am 35 now and I have been told "advanced maternal age" has been moving up over the years. It used to be 40 at one point. It's 36 now. :| In addition, my oldest two have 3 years between them which has been perfect. My youngest two have 4 years between them which is too much for me. I'd rather have the 3 years between them so the last two are closer in age. My youngest will be 2 in August so the clock is ticking down for me! :)
Good luck whatever you decide.
L.
Hi,
I'm 33 yo, have two girls and I'm completely okay with not having more. Probably because I'm too busy! Maybe find other things to do?
If I were you, I wouldn't get the vasectomy reversed...too much bother - have you thought about adopting or being a foster mom? Or a surrogate mother if you really wanted to give birth?
Whatever you do, definitely be honest with your husband as he may not share the same feelings as you do...
Hang in there...
I don't have any recommendations but wanted to wish you luck! I hope you get your 4th baby! :)
Lynsey
Hi A.,
I do not think one more child will "complete your family". I think if you have that one you will need to have a second because he or she will be so far behind the first 3 they will always try to be catching up. The child will not understand why its siblings can do thing he/she won't be able to do yet due to the age difference and while you say the older ones want a new baby now, for a lot of their developmental time, they will not want to be saddled with having the baby tag along.
What I do think is that you miss the "magic" of a baby, none of your children really have any baby left in them, and I think we all long for that when we see our babies "growing up".
Best wishes with your decision. Make sure you and your husband make it together, and if you do decide to have one discuss having 2 or the baby may have a hard time growing up.
It may be hormones or more likely that you have a need to be "needed". Your additional response suggests that you only want to hear from people who will confirm your feelings on the topic, but you really need to think about this. I can't help but think like a "pshrink", so just bear with me on this one.
You are a SAHM who has a son who will be a full-time student in September, assuming he is in 1/2 K somewhere. Your children don't need you in the same way that they once did, so you may be looking for something or someone to fill that void. Because you are a career mom, that feels like the natural solution.
Just a thought... maybe a part-time job or a volunteer position somewhere? My mother went through this when my youngest sister started school and found a volunteer position at a hospital working in the neonatal unit and in family relations. She loves it and 15 years later still works there two days a week! She had to feel needed and did not have to work, so spending time with people who needed someone to talk with, cry with and just laugh with really helped her. It also gave her something to talk about with my dad and her friends aside from us!
Just another thought... are you sure that this is the original reason for the vasectomy? This procedure is not meant to be temporary and I would be surprised that a doctor would perform the procedure under that reasoning. How does your husband feel about this idea? You didn't say-
If you do elect to reverse the vasectomy, please don't go with a "cheap" doctor. I don't think that this is something to scrimp on!
Keep in mind that you are talking about starting over... diapers, late nights, etc with three older and likely very active children who will continue to put demands on your time and energy.
I know that there are people who will jump all over this, but there is a serious financial impact here. Aside from the $$$ for the procedure, you are also talking about buying all new "gear". I doubt you saved everything from your previous children at this point. You are also now talking about supporting FOUR children- braces, sneakers, food, clothes, COLLEGE TUITION. If you are worried about the cost of the procedure, I worry that having another child will add a significant financial burden to your family. It sounds like you don't want to hear that part, but it's true.
It could take you a while to get pregnant and there is no guarantee that the reversal will work. Take some time to think this through b/c the source of your feelings may be different than wanting another child.
Most of you read my posts and know I am blunt so, I will not disappoint you by sugar coating this one.
The dreams of babies and being pregnant don't always symolize the need to have a baby. They could mean you are awaiting new birth or longing for a change.
The fact that your children are at the ags where they don't need mommy as much as they did when they were babies could be a reason why you want another child.
Most of us when we are pregnant are very happy and feel #1 in our child's life. They are totally dependent on us while in the womb and untl about 6 years old.(LOL)
Stop and think about WHY you want another child. What's lacking in your life? How did you feel after each child? Do you have the same feelings after each child? Are you both financially ready for another child? Stuff like that.
I am by no means trying to tell you not to have anymore. I just want you to be sure that it's not out of wanting to be needed and end up have 8 children to "fill the unfillable void".
Nanc
God bless you A.! Children are a gift and I truly understand your desire to have another child. I am about 10 years older than you, have 4 kids and still have that desire. My clock is really ticking LOL.
I assume your husband wants more children. How wonderful. You have so much time left and so much time to save more money. So much can happen in just one year. Keep putting money aside :-), but don't rush it. I would stop watching those shows, though. They just add to the intesity of the desire and makes you want to do this RIGHT NOW.
As for your life not being complete. I don't think any of us ever feel like our life is complete. It is easy to fall into the trap of "if only...." We do have to find joy in the life we have now.
I wish you the best for your family and I'm sure things will work out for you. Hope that stork keeps you in mind :-)
Blessings,
T. E.
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