Having a Large Family

I have 3 children 3 1/2, 2 1/2 and 1 month. Everyone told me the same thing when we told them we were having the 3rd. Now they are saying, you'd better be done. Granted I don't want another one this soon but I would mind another one in a few years. I would love a big family.

I know exactally what you are going through. We have 10 children and everyone thought we were crazy. It is very hard, expecially with family members. But I finally started telling them that I really enjoy my family, and enjoy having children, and that is what I really want in life and that is what makes me happy. Then I told them that I don't say that they are crazy for doing the things they like.

Congratulations!
I know how you feel. I'm pregnat with my 3rd and that is the same response that I got even though when I was having my 2nd we said it wouldn't be the last. We haven't decide at this point if there will be a forth but that's for my husband and I to decide. Most people I know are from families of 3 & up so what's their problem. Yes there are crazy times but each kid has their place in the family and there would be a gap if anyone of them weren't there. It just feels right. Good for you!
C.

Don't worry about what other people think. I think that it is great that you have the ability and want to have a large family. When they tell you that you are crazy-well, I guess in someway you have to be with all the chaos any baby brings to a home. But where would you be with out them. Having a new baby to make 4 no less, today seems crazy to anyone. Take it as a good thing-it's the kind of crazy that fills you with love laughter and joy for many years to come. You will always seem crazy to someone, and at times to yourself. If you love the situation and the life you are living why not? Everyone is always so quick to tell you the down side of things. It's not like their negitivity can turn back time and make you unpregnant. Take it in stride. They will never understand having 4 kids anyway unless they have them themselves. Don't stress or get upset about it. Think of all the happiness and joy you feel about being pregnant again. Your initial feelings are what matter. Be happy. If they can't be positive than try to limit your time with them. Explain that you are pregnant and negative thoughts aren't good for the baby or yourself. If they have a problem with your life have them keep it to themselves. You need a happy environment. You deserve it. You are pregnant and going to a Mom again. What a wonderful thing. You should be so happy sky high happy. I am happy for you.
Good Luck.

J.,

Congratulations and good luck with your newest pregnancy!

I am a 'transplant' to Massachusetts and on the opposite spectrum from you in that I have my one son and love being the mother of a single! My husband is a born and bred native of MA which is why we are living in here. One thing that has really struck me is how everyone (including people who have never met me!!!) feels that they have the right to voice their opinion that I should have more than one child. I have never lived in a community where people feel so free to comment on one another's life choices... I get so offended when people do this. It's not like I'm asking their advice and I always cringe inside when people ask if Jr is my first and then there is the "Oh, when will you start trying to have more?" I'm sure you do the same thing when people ask you how many you have and then the "And you're having another one, are you crazy?"

My response to everyone is that "our only son is our miracle" and have found that people don't typically voice their opinions after such a 'spiritual' answer. Maybe you could try to figure a spiritual response as well! Who could possibly have (voice) a negative response to "We have been thrice blessed with another little miracle on the way"??

Good luck again, I admire you!
M.

J., I think it is awesome that you want a big family. I would like one too but I just don't want to actually birth the children and deal with the newborn stage. I think some of your family maybe jealous or know they couldn't handle that many kids, it's overwhelming to a lot of people, including me. I say hats off to you both!!! I have one little 6 month old and she's all I can handle. What patience you must have! Actually, wait, I'm jealous..lol! I say keep 'em comin and tell the family that they should get used to it. Think of what it will be like when the the grandchildren start coming! Oh what fun! Good luck!!!

HI,
I have 4 between the ages of 8 and 2 and I would not change a thing. I have heard all the comments from how amazing people think it is that we can handle them all to why didn't you stop at one. I don't regret it for a minute. Life is crazy but in the best way. My kids have so much fun together and so much love for eachother. We are not having any more but if I had the money to buy a new house and hire a cook and someone to do laundy and clean so I could just be a mom I would have two more :) There is something special about the bonds of a big family so don't listen to those people who do not support you ! Good luck with your new little one that is on the way.

Hi J.
i have 2 wonderful children 3yrs and almost 2 years old girl and boy and am satified with that , but the thought of having a big family is wonderful and if you and your husband are ecstatic then you shouldn't care what anybody else thinks......you make you and your family happy.....people will always unfortunately be negative. Thats there issue not yours , don't make it bum out your dreams. Do what makes you happy.....hope your upcoming holidays are wonderful.....with a big family they must be chaotic and fantastic!!!! Good luck.....B.

Congrats on your pregnancy and I'm so happy to see that you want and love having a large family. I (as of right now) only have twin 5 year olds- not so much by choice, just no real luck as of yet. I do however have 5 brothers and sisters and all the inlaws, nieces and nephews to go along with it. I will say one thing, I would not give up my large and crazy family for anything in the world!!!! It is truly wonderful!!!! I have always had a sounding board, best friends and all the love that anyone could ever need. People can be cruel, to this day, when I tell people that I have that many siblings, the first question out of their mouth is, "By the same parents?". You just have to look past that, people have their own opinions and as long as you and your children are happy and healthy, its no concern of anyone elses. My mom has always said to me, that you're never going to be able to "afford" another child, but you just do it, if that's what you want and the love is there, there's nothing more you need. So I must say, ENJOY IT!!!!

hi
i just found out that i am expecting my number five baby.
i am getting all the same, i want to say comments-- about how are you going to do that...what are you crazy...i'm glad i'm not you....i could never do that. i find my self sad because no one seems to be happy for us. but what are you going to do---i always wanted a lot of kids so now i just have to learn how to be happy just for myself and not care about the people that have only 2 kids calling me crazy. i feel i am very organized and handle my kids well so i will be just fine---and if you want a big family i say go for it---all babies are a gift from god. and i cant wait to meet the new baby in our big family.

i wish you all the luck...
take care
K.

congradulationsssssss!!!!!!
you are hero!!!! don't listen what the people said,if you and yor husband agree it is fine .
be happy whit your kids !!!!!!!

Hi J. - I am always interested in these types of topics because I think they touch all of us in many ways. I have two little ones myself, ages 2 and 4.5 months, and there will definitely not be any more on this end! I am a bit sad about that, and I can totally understand why you'd want a big family, and I can relate to the joys and miraculousness of pregnancy and birth. There is nothing like it and it is so special, nothing can top it. I will always be a little wistful for that feeling! That being said, however, I really think it depends on what you do for a living and what your daily existence is like. I work full-time as a school teacher and I could not imagine having a 3rd child with the crazy schedule we keep. If you stay at home, there is much more time to manage your kids' lives and your own. You can visit the doctor during the morning or go to the grocery store anytime... these things are not easily done when you have to be at work at certain times and can't take days off easily. There are pros and cons to working outside the home, but most people I know who do only have two kids and find that tough enough. It also has a lot to do with your finances and your personality, I have found. If you're the kind of person who doesn't need to get away from the kids a lot, then I could see why having a big family would be more fun. Regardless, the decision is obviously for you and your husband to make, and whatever is best for you is what you should do! It's hard not to let people's opinions get to you, I know. People told me I'd be "busy" when I was expecting my second and that was only having a second! Try to tune it out as best as you can and remind yourself why you are doing it.

I have 4 children and have heard the same thing. It can get a little hectic when your heading in different directions with the different age groups but it is well worth the effort. Think of how lucky your 3 daughters will be when they are adults having all of those sisters!! A.

Hello,
first congradulations.. I am very happy for you.. My husband and i always wanted a big family and we only have 2.. We tried for 9 years to have a baby.. Finally getting pregnant with my son then my daughter 3 months after my son was born then when my daughter was 6 months old we had a miscaraige and have not been able to get pregnant since and that was 8 years ago.. We have been trying almost non stop.. We take brakes cause of frustration but thats it.. My best friend has 6 children and she and her husband are very good parents.. I say if you can handle them and take care of them go for it.. It is no one elses business.. And when you tell family members and friends and they say are you crazy i would say " we are crazy in love with each other and our family and want to share it with all the kids we can have" i would also tell them that you will let them know when your last baby is the last and until they here keep expecting to hear that you are expecting again and again..lol..

As i said congrats.. Good luck and best wishes..

I get the same thing, only were just expecting our 3rd. I have a 2.5 and 1.5 year old. I just tell people this is what God planned for us and a child is a blessing. For non-religious people that makes them very uncomfortable and for religious people, they usually understand at that piont. Plus, it's nobodys business!!! We plan on having 5!

So I'm going to be the negative person regarding this matter. I have a friend that is pregnant with her third and everyone reacted the same way to her. I'm not sure if you have a similar sitution but she can't control the two children she has now and we're all worried what she will do when she has three children. Financially, its a lot for her and her husband already and we hate to see them struggle financially and physically. Sometimes we can't see what others see. Therefore, maybe some people feel like their capable of having as many children as god gives them but others see it differently.
Maybe this is how your friends and family feel. They care about your well being and that of your children.
Sorry, to be so frank but if this doesn't pertain to you then maybe your friends and family are jealous of your well being and good fortune of your children.

First of all, congrats on your pregnancy!! Altho my fiance and I don't have a large family (yet:) we get similar responses from friends and family all the time because we have a 10 month old and are expecting our second baby in May. We planned them this close together and while we are ecstatic about our growing family others can be real downers. One family member even suggested we have an abortion!! It's unreal how rude some people can be. I don't really have any advice on how to politely deal with these people other than just smother them with your own enthusiasm and hope they follow suit or at least keep their negative opinions to themselves. I know how depressing it can be when it seems like no one supports your happiness but just try and ignore it and realize that it's sad for these negative people that they can't realize the true joy and happiness your children bring you. To them, children must seem more of a burden than a joy, and that is their loss. Best of luck and congrats again!!

Kudos to you for wanting a large family. Do not worry what other people think. If you and your hubby love kids and want more.....than have more. Do what makes you happy, not others!!!! I also love kids and want a large family. I have one biological baby that will be 3 in December. I have 2 adopted children; one is 12 and the other will be 5 in December. My hubby and I are also in the process of adopting a little boy that will be 2 in December. We want 2 more!!! People tell us we are crazy too, but who cares?! And did I tell you that my biological baby is medically complex; my 12 year old and almost 5 year old were born to a mother that was on drugs and each have their own set of issues; and the littlest one was born to a mother that was an alcoholic?! If you can handle it, and it is what you want, GO FOR IT!!!!

Hi J.,
Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm about ready to give birth to my fifth child which will make six in my blended family. I do get a lot of comments from friends & family, mainly the "I'm concerned how you are going to handle that many financially and physically." And though it's hard and there seems to have been times in each of my children's life when they were out of control in one manner or another, we've always pulled together in the end. There are some nice websites out there that are supportive. One is lotsofkids.com

Sometimes when people ask me why I have so many, I get kind of cheeky and say, "We're just trying to outnumber the idiots." Quiets them down every time.

I am sorry that your friends and family are saying such insensitive things. I have to assume that's not what they mean. They're probably just as shocked at what comes out of their mouth as you are. Maybe they're just trying to express admiration for what they perceive as your heroic-ness. I would recommend hearing what you want to hear, and they'll learn to say what you want them to say. "Thank you so much for your support! Knowing that you are happy for us means the world to us!"

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I am happy for you, and also happy that you are happy about it.
Isn't it frustrating to get so much unheeded advice and negativity after kids come along??
If I was in the situation that you are in, I would say "OUCH" after the comments.Really mean it, too.
The other person should get the idea that they hurt with the comments. No you are not crazy. You love having a large family. I admire you for it. It may help to know that people who think you are crazy, or at least say it, probably didn't do as well as they'd hoped with kids, and maybe if given the chance to do it all over again, they would be happy. There are so many regrets if we don't live up to our own expectations as parents, and you seem to be doing what it takes to make sure that you have none of those.
You go, girl.

Regardless of what you decide, whether to have 20 kids or none or any number in between, someone is going to have an opinion. We're all guilty of saying something that we probably shouldn't at one time or another. The best thing that you can do is to come up with a response that subtly lets them know they've hurt your feelings and/or that their question is offensive/none of their business. You've gotten a couple suggestions, so I'd encourage you to think about what might be your 'style.'

Just remember to be kind, but not too kind. If you can inject a little humor, all the better. :)

Good luck & congrats on your pregnancy.

I am a pediatric dentist and thus am exposed to many different types of families. I find that the parents that have a lot of children are a lot more organized and relaxed than the ones that have less children. Some parents have 2 children and act like they have 10 because they are so disorganized and cannot remember anything. They live by the seat of their parents and tend to overspend. The parents with a lot of children know their limits and budget themselves. So I am sure the negative response you get are the ones in small families because they feel they have all they can handle with their family duties that they can't imagine having to do more. However, you obviously have the ability to handle the larger family so good luck to you and you will have that many more children who will love you back.

Don't listen...I know it's hard, but this is an exciting time for you. Enjoy, it sounds like you and your husband are good parents. I think people don't think before they say things. The other thing, some people are better at being "kid friendly" parents. You enjoy the hard work and enjoy the wonderful outcome. I would love to have one more, (I have three, ages 5,3,and 19 months). I always get the comment, "they keep you busy", "when do you get time for yourself." My thought is, that it's a fun busy and I enjoy spending time with my husband and kids. Good luck, enjoy your pregancy and don't take it to heart. Maybe their jealous, that your good at what your doing!!!!!

H. 29, mother of 3 and full time Pharmacist

Congrats! I have 5 kids already, 2.5,6,8,9,16 and we are expecting twins in early 2008. Yep you read right 7 kids in total. Ignore them nay sayers. I did and some of them are friends of mine. If you and your hubby feel you can handle them all and afford it, just revel in what the do good sayers have to say!

really who cares what others think. Somebody always has a comment about something for someone. I think it is easier for people to be negative than to be positive. What a shame. As long as you are all happy... I think it would be fun to have a large family. I only have two boys but in my house it seems like I have 6, so I personally have enough going on in my house. Have fun and enjoy your children!

Hi J.,
I have 4 children (12,11,7,5)and I still get comments about having four. I love my family and cannot imagine my family any other way. Like you my husband is a huge help, he cooks, cleans, and is truly my partner in life. I usually respond to people very politely. Or with the standard "You Have Four Kids?", "Yeah, I do." It's par for the course and remember how blessed you are.

H.