Having a Hard Time Emotionally Dealing with Selling Much Loved Home

I went through this several years ago. My husband and I built the home ourselves and lived there close to thirty years. We decided to sell to gain more property for horses that we had gotten into with our son - anyway it was still a major emotional downer for me. Time has helped and I like where we are now but don't have the same emotional ties from the one we built together. Time will help as it always does..try to focus forward as much as you can. I know times are so tough for so many of us. My husband just got the word the business he is working for is closing the doors in about 3 weeks. I am thankful to have a home based business to help offset the income loss. Have you considered something like that to help keep things afloat? I would love to share my opportunity if you would like. I am a forever optimist and believe that all things are possible!

I have been through this. I'm so sorry you're going through this. We lost our beautiful home to foreclosure because we were so upside-down on the loan due to the economy that we couldn't sell it for anything near what we paid for it, and the bank would not approve a short sale. (They wanted me to cash in my 401k and STILL they would report it as a short sale, effectively destroying our credit anyway - uh, great, so no retirement AND crappy credit - sign me up! Grrrr...) My husband lost his job and we held on to the house as long as we could, but in the end we just couldn't keep up on the payments with only one income.

All I can say about it is, it totally sucks to leave a house you love due to financial issues. Here we are, 2 years after the fact and from time to time I still cry about it. It really does feel like a death in the family, I know exactly what you mean. This is something that you have worked for, saved up to buy, gone without so you could make the payments for it - you have celebrated special memories in this house with the people you love. And now it is all going away due to circumstances beyond your control. I'm crying just thinking about it! Ugh. (And don't even get me STARTED on the idiot legislators who are dragging their feet on keeping this economic meltdown from happening again!)

But on the other hand, we've kept moving forward and surviving every day. I drove by our old house the other day and saw that the new owners (who bought the house for less than half of what we paid for it, ugggggh) have killed all the landscaping including the beautiful trees in the front yard. It absolutely kills me. I try to let it go, but it's hard.

Just know that you are not alone. Since this happened to us, I have been amazed at how many people have shared the same story with me. I mean, it must be 20% of the town we live in. Maybe more. There is a little comfort in knowing that you're not alone, at least.

Hang in there. It gets better with time.

B.,

I went through this exact same thing last year. We had to sell our home for the same reasons and I was upset for all the same reasons you are. That was my dream home and I planned on staying there for the rest of my life. We owned another home and were going to have to move into it. Our other home is on acreage which is nice but the home itself is 42 years old and need a little remodeling and my other home was brand new when we moved in so it really was "our" house. I mean, we built it, painted it the way we wanted, bought furniture to specifically fit in that home, did the landscaping, etc. The night my husband told me that we were going to have to sell our home and move into the much older, smaller home, I turned over in bed and cried without him even knowing. I didn't want him to be upset that it was breaking my heart because I knew it was hard for him to tell me because he knew how much I loved that home. That very moment I turned over and started crying I prayed and told God that He was going to have to help me with this because I was very emotionally attached to that home. Right then I felt God whisper to my spirit, "It's just a house. You will still have your family." I can't tell you what a sense of relief that brought to me. I was still upset about the whole thing, but now on a different level. It was just a house and things could've been much worse. I videotaped the house after we moved out and the first two times I watched the video I cried. But the other day we had the priviledge of going to the other house because we own the swimming pool company who built the pool and the new owner needed our help with something. I was worried about how I would react to being there, but I was fine. It's okay to miss it or not be happy about selling it, but don't let the emotions have too much control. It's just a house. You still have your family. If you are a believer, ask God to bring you comfort because He will. Don't be ashamed about what you are feeling because women do get emotionally attached to things. But also, be careful that you don't make this harder on your husband because he probably already feels bad that you have to sell your home and seeing you like this is probably making it harder. Men like to take care of us and make us happy. I told my husband that I was upset, but I knew it would all be okay because after all was said and done, I still had him and our kids and no house could ever be better than that! Good luck!

I haven't been through it myself, but one thing I know is that we women are nesters. You are grieving and I think it is so normal and healthy and that talking about it is so great. I know the kids will be just fine because children just adapt so well to things, I think more than the house it is the memories that dwell there. The awesome thing is, you get to take those with you! On a really positive note, it sounds like this is a home that is really turned out beautifully. In my experience, when you do downsize a little bit, the smaller place tends to be even extra cute because you have so much to fill it up with. Smaller spaces are cozy and decorate so easily. Plus you can use your creative juices to figure out cute ways to store things and get the kids involved in it. As a mom I totally understand being concerned about the kids, so why not just throw yourself into making this ok for them and helping them with the transition. If they see you super sad, they may pick up on that, but if they see you bright and positive about the change it will help. Old friends are hard to leave, but new friends are fun to make. I haven't had to leave a beloved house, but I have moved countries a couple times and the transition is tough but totally doable. As everyone else said you guys are what make any place home and as long as everyone is together, everything truly will be ok. Kuddos to you guys for moving and doing what is needed to be financially stable. A financially stable home is one of the best gifts any parent can give their child. My husband and I read a book called The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. In about 3 years we are totally debt free except our house and I have been a stay at home mom the whole time. When you get some time, you might want to check that out and see if you can use some of the tips to help you guys through this financially rough patch. I know it changed our lives dramatically. Good luck and God Bless!

Actually, I am going through this right now, but for a different reason.
My husband wants to move to find a house on a cul-de-sac rather than being on a main road. I would rather not move at all, but I do see his point. I love my house. My kids love our house. It is a great house.
I compare every house we see to my house and have not found anything that works, even at the top of our price range. I have decided that if we must move, I am not going to "settle" for something that might work, and I've expressed that to my husband.

My suggestion for you is this: try to see it as a new chapter opening in your life. You may find another house that you will grow to love. I have found that if you settle for a house you don't really love, you'll be unhappy in the long run. I wish you and your family all the best.

As you can see you are not alone in your feelings. It happened to me many years ago but we had to sell due to a divorce. I was scared to death as I loved that house and was now going out on my own raising my two children, but a house is a house and I realized that the people inside and all the memories make it a home and you will always have those memories. We to this day occassionally will drive by that house and laugh and talk about "remember this" and remember that" and it is so much fun. Your life will go on and you will make your new house a "home" filled with love and laughter and begin new memories. It will be hard when you move but put a smile on your face and think of the great opportunities ahead. Life is such a journey and we are the only ones who can make it a happy one or a sad one. Good Luck to you. I know you will do fine.

It is a death in the family and you need to greave like it is. I was a wreck when we moved from our first home into the one we have been in for 9 years. We brought our babies home to that house. Our pets were buried in that yard. But we needed a bigger house for our growing family.

I think you are more embarrassed as to why you are moving. Financial difficulties are rampant these days and you never know just how close to your situation some of your neighbors are.

Take pictures and make a scrapbook of your house. Write about the rooms and how you decorated them for the kids.

Good Luck and God Bless

You are not crazy to feel emotional about the house (your home).

We built our first home in 1992 and we were there until 2000 when we built the home we are currently in. I had a hard time leaving "my" home. Even though we were upgrading to a better area, bigger and better house, I still felt a loss as we left that first home we built.

Honestly, I am just as attached to the home we have now and have been in since 2000. I love this home now and can't imaging living anywhere else.

Try to focus on positive things and not the negative. You children will still have great memories and you can create new ones at a new home.

Good luck.

We're going through something similiar at this moment. When we realized we were really going to have to move...I cried...I stomped my feet...dug my heels in!!! I even called in sick to work and stayed in bed all day and cried. I practically chained myself to the front door. Yes, all of this in front of my children and husband (I guess I thought if I put up enough of a fight - it wasn't going to happen). But the sun rose the next day and it was time to pick myself up and dust myself off.
I'm terribly sad...but like Barbara B said - I prayed about it. I know we'll be OK and this move will be temporary until we get our finances back up and money comes back in...Or who knows? Maybe we'll love the new place and decide to stay?
I had this wonderful sweet girl tell me that I had to be thankful for what God HAD for me and leave it behind b/c there is something else for me...He can't reveal it if I keep looking back, holding onto what is already gone.
Good luck M....Hang in there...You WILL get through this...

While I'm no psychologist and I haven't gone through what you're going through, I can imagine how you feel. It seems to me this kind of loss (as you said, it's like a death in the family) deserves a mourning period, and your feelings are more than justified. And with all losses, love (not just time) is the best medicine. Lean on your husband, and when you're down, find joy in your kiddos. Give this loss the tears it deserves and then take comfort that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle.
Take care...

Been there and done that, but it was after 50 years in the same house.

Been there done that after living in the same house for 50 years,After
cleaning and going through things. and finally getting settled some place else, and the house had sold wait a few months and drive by, take a look, you will see the yard has changed and they are not taking care of it like you did, that will make you feel better. our children will make new friends and live their lives as before just in a new location, just as you will.

When I was a child we lost our ranch and the home my parents had built to foreclosure. It was so painful to everyone in our family and frankly, my parents didn't handle it too well (although I can hardly blame them). Time seems to have healed us and my mom now has a house that she loves ever bit as much as her "ranch house." I would say to let yourself grieve and to really, really say goodbye to the place. I think my parents tried to deny how sad losing our ranch was and that it was sad for everyone (them included or maybe especially) but we all knew it was awful and it was so painful to "pretend" this was something good for our family--we knew it wasn't (we were 8, 9 and 2). Of course this hurts--I would bet everyone in your family is feeling this pain so perhaps it would be good to give voice to it. Maybe think about having a little goodbye ceremony for your house when it is time to move. My only advice it to try to use this moment to come together as family (if that's possible), cry together, mourn together, and then try to move on together. You will build new memories in a new house, but this one will probably always hold a very special place in your heart and that's okay.

Dear B., I just want to say that you sound like a strong woman. God gives us what we can handle not more. It sounds like a very hard thing to do but you will do fine wherever you all go. Think of the less pressure you will feel financially speaking. I understand your pain but I also know that you will do fine once this is all over.

The very best,
Elisa M

I am so sorry to hear you have to go through this. It is a process that you will be able to work through. You will be able to teach your children how to handle difficulties by the way you handle it. It is okay to let them see you cry once in a while. They will need to know that somethings are painful and it's okay to cry.

One of our house sales was the house we bought from my mom, that I had grown up in. None of my siblings were in a position to buy it so I felt like I was selling the family home. We took lots of pictures so that we could go back and reminisce about special parts of the house. I just kept focusing on the blessings of the move. Every move has blessings. One of yours will be to get in a better financial situation so that you will not be a burden to your children later. It doesn't make the pain go away but it helps you manage the pain.

Last summer we lost our home as my husband was unemployed for 15 months. We cut back on everything we could so that we could continue to make payments but by the 12th month, we had to finally face the inevitable. Yes, it was humiliating but the more openly we talked about it, the more people were able to be a comfort and support for us.

Now, I see my kids handle adversity and change with a mature attitude. They know that on the other side are plenty of blessings. They have learned how to make new friends while staying in touch with the best of teh old ones. We also talked about the sadness with moving instead of bottling it up. Then we learned how to help each other in the ways that were most helpful. Everyone goes through change and difficulties differently. For example, my kids know when I just need a hug.

Be sure to turn TO your husband throughout this instead of turning ON each other. Let him know EXACTLY what you need during the stressful times. For example, tell him that you need him to tell you that he loves you when you just need that kind of assurance. Men are fix-it kind of guys so if you just need to vent about the experience, find a girlfriend. If you must vent to him, be sure to tell him that you just need him to listen and say that he agrees that it is hard.

You will do fine, but like every ending there will be a process to work through. Wishing you all the best.

It's just horrible. However, I am hopeful on your behalf, that wherever you end up will be appropriately "right-sized" for your new circumstances. Perhaps the absence of financial stress will help you feel good about the new walls around you, and their ability to house you peacefully and safely.

Good luck with the transition.

Are you working? If not, is that an option?
I feel sad for you all! I know how hard it is when you make plans and memories and then they get shattered. Eaiser said than done but the house is just a shell and memories are forever and kept inside you. You still have your husband and kids which is WAY more important than a house that you all made a home. It CAN be done again! If you working part time or full time is not an option then hang on for the ride and KNOW that all will be ok!

I totally understand. When I divorced my husband, the house was in my name so I had to do a short sale on it when I couldn't afford the payments on it by myself. I LOVED that house! It was perfect for us and the kids were heartbroken when I lost it and had to move in with my mom (not MY ideal situation either!!). All that being said, I have now married a wonderful man and together we are building a new life together. Although I wish I still had that house (because the property values are higher now and we could only get a smaller house for the same price) I'm glad that I don't have it because I would like to make new memories with my new husband and family. So although you still have your family, that is what is most important and you can make any "house" a "home". With time it will get better. I wish the best for you!

Hi B.. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time for you. You are making a smart decision to sell before you are in financial trouble. I live in Spring, as well, and see so many people who have eyes bigger than their pocket books. My only advice would be to focus on finding another house to make more memories in. After all, those are just material things. If your neighbors are true friends, they will understand. If they don't, I wouldn't waste one minute worrying about them. Think about things and prioritize them. Taking care of your family and being able to support them is important. And you won't be able to do that if you are constantly worried about finances. The other stuff really just doesn't matter in the end. So take a deep breath and know that you are doing the right thing.

I can totally relate. We raised our four sons in the home where we lived for 28 years. We were living in San Diego, and it was just getting too expensive. I had all the same feelings you have. However, please try to focus on what you do have. You have a great family and some wonderful memories. You have a healthy family, and you are going to be free from financial burden. A house is just a structure. You make it a home. You and your family will make new friends and new memories. You will get through this!

I am sorry you are going through this. I have never lost a home but do know what it feels like as a child having lost our home after my mom divorced and we had to move back with my grandmother.

I pray you all focus on what you do you have and the children and just love on each other and make sure they are okay as I am sure you are already doing. God bless you and I will be praying for you and your family!