Has Anyone Used the Ferber Method with a Child over 12 Months?

You know... my daughter was very similar. NO method, would work with her. I tried.
The only way she would settle down or sleep was if I was right next to her AND I had to keep to a consistent routine pre-sleep and pre-nap. EVERYDAY. And so sure, I co-slept with her... and my son now, as needed. But my son is way easier.

What you could do, is try "Hyland's Calms Forte- for kids." You can get it on amazon.com or any natural food store. I used it for when my kids are sick or teething. It's homeopathic and has no contraindications. BUT, I'm not sure if you can use it on a 12 month old...

Next, every child is different. BUT, some babies/children are just more 'sensory sensitive'... and this really throws a hiccup into things, including sleep. I know this because my daughter is this way... she is very "aware" of & sensitive to her surroundings/noise/temperature. And no, crying it out... does NOT help for ALL children. It is NOT a magical method to MAKE kids sleep. Out of desperation with my daughter, I and my Hubby tried it, in varying versions, and NO MATTER WHAT WE DID, it did not work. Not with my daughter and her personality. So you see, there is no magic "template" that crying it out will work.

Next, YES... for both our kids, for BOTH night-time AND day-time... we use the SAME routine for sleep/naps. You have to keep it consistent. Even with my daughter who was very difficult... the ROUTINE was the thing that helped. THIS is key. For me, and dealing with the hardship of getting my daughter to sleep since birth, I just "learned" to go with what is best for her and for what works for her. Not me.

Next, bear in mind, that your daughter will one day sleep better and become more consistent about it. BUT... in HER own time. YOu can't really force a child and make them sleep, if they can't. EACH child is different. Some just can't self soothe very well. My daughter, didn't sleep well until she was about 2.5-3 years old. I have not gotten a full nights sleep since she was born... and then, by the time she did become able about it... then I was pregnant with my 2nd child... and I STILL don't' get a full night's sleep.

Next, there are all kinds of perspectives about it and approaches.

But you rule out the obvious: (1) is she getting fed enough during the day time? a hungry growing child will not sleep well... and 12 months old is a growth-spurt time. (2) Is she teething? (3) Is she STILL recovering from her illness? have you taken her to the Doctor for a follow-up? (4) does she have gas problems? (5) ear infection? (6) is she allergic or have any food intolerances? (7) Is she developing on par? (8) do you still have milk in your breasts at an amount that is enough for her? (9) Does she indeed latch on properly? Many times, if a baby does not, THIS is why they can't sleep because they are not getting enough intake from the beginning. - Does she eat enough? (10) have you given her a "lovey" to sleep with? Then she can use it to self-soothe... or a pacifier? (11) DOES SHE TAKE REGULAR NAPS? -the thing is, a baby/child that does not nap, is actually harder to put to bed at night... because an "over-tired" child is actually sleep deprived and it causes sleep disturbances and it actually makes them wake MORE and sleep quality is worse. So, I would make sure, she has regular naps, at scheduled times. (11) do you allow her to "wind-down" first before bed? Children NEED to wind-down first... it takes me 1/2 hour for me to wind-down my kids before bed and naps. I turn off all extra noise/extra stimulation and make the room dark etc.

So many things to consider.... each child being different.
And believe me, 12 months old is a major time of developmental leaps and growth spurts as well.... both physically and cognitively. SO, this throws a wrench into sleep patterns too. It is common that at certain age junctures.... sleep patterns change. It's normal. BUT you said your girl has been this way since birth.

Anyway, just some thoughts and what I went through with my daughter. Who now, by the way, is a great sleeper and goes right to bed on her own and falls asleep within 5 minutes of hitting the pillow! For her, it's just the way she was... and it was just her. Nothing we did could have "forced" her to sleep on "our" terms. The only thing that served as some kind of consistency was the bedtime/nap routines and my being near her as she fell asleep.

All the best,
Susan

I have to admit, the thought of CIO crossed my mind...but, after I talked to my son's Pedi he was very adament that it just isn't that great. Plus, I've done tons of research on how it effects the brain and the release of 'cortisol' which effects emotional development and the ability to form bonded relationships.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4263379&page=1

I'm a co-sleeper, and you're right it's not for everyone.

I found a way to get my son to sleep on his own, without fancy tricks or books or letting him CIO...but, it's what works for us. We use the same routine for bedtime and naptime...kids need cues/patterns to their day to know what to expect. My son falls to sleep on his own in my bed or his bed, and I have taught, not trained him to do this and shown him how since he was just over a year old. It can be done, but like yours my kiddo has never been a good sleeper and I think that's just the way it is. Plus, I'm not sure I believe kids every truly sleep through the night...I know I don't.

The key to sleep is to be consistent, no matter what method you choose. Make sure you follow the Ferber Method as it is slightly different from the various CIO Method's on the market, and requires bonding and checking in on the child to assert your presence to your child...not just crying until they fall asleep.

I have a friend who has bounced from method to method, in an attempt to get her little girl to sleep...finally she gave up, put the crib in her and her hubby's room and now, her little girl sleeps in 6-7 hours chunks.

Be patient, loving and consistent...and, find what works for you.

the ferber method is too extreme for us but we do use babywise. it is a middle of the ground technique you dont let them cry continuously you go pacify them but you do let them cry some. if you are interested i would get the book and read it for yourself.

Well, I read the previous posts and I have to say that my story is almost identical to Susan's... actually totally identical! Son was a terrible sleeper since birth, tried EVERY method and book out there, he FINALLY started sleeping through the night at almost three years old and then I was pregnant and am now co-sleeping with my 8mth old daughter who WAS sleeping through the night until two months ago (when she achieved object permanance - understanding that mommy still exists even when she's not in the room and well.... what baby doesn't want mommy to stay in the room with them?). What I learned with my son, the hard way, is that it just isn't worth fighting so hard to make a baby do what you want them to do. They aren't machines to be "programmed" or "trained," they are people with needs and wants and feelings. My husband put it nicely the other day when he asked if he was too disturbing to our sleep in the morning when he gets up and he could move to another room. I told him no, you stay, I could move to another room. He said, no, you deserve the good bed and the baby deserves to be with her mommy. In the end niether of us moved out of the room because we realize we all belong together. The hardest part when you're in the thick of it is realizing that this is only a very few years out of your entire life, and when your child is grown and gone you'll be telling them stories of how you all used to snuggle all night and they were so small and sweet and soft, and you'll miss it! I will tell you though, that crying it out in mommy's arms DID get me over the hurdle of nusing all night with my son - he still slept in a bed right next to us so I could snuggle and pat him, but he didn't nurse all night (only upon waking from nap and night). I picked a long, repetitive book to read (little engine that could) at nap time in the rocker and he always fell asleep peacefully before the end of the book. Last night he put himself to bed and went to sleep while I nursed the baby without me asking him to! This really will "correct" itself with time... I promise!!!

I would download the book "The Sleep Sense Program". It is the best sleep book I have found. It gives you 3 different options on how to get your baby to sleep on their own. I chose the "stay in the room method" and it worked. Basically for 3 nights you sit by the crib until they fall asleep, you can touch them and say key phrases like "Mommies here it is night night time". Then the next 3 nights you move to the middle of the room and you occasionaly go over to the crib and hug her and say your key phrase. Then the next 3 nights you move to the door way, but no going over to the crib anymore, but you can keep saying your key phrase. Sometimes you may have to sit in the doorway a few more nights, but then after that you should be able to put her to bed and leave the roon with lttle to no crying. I hope this helps it really worked for us and my son is 2 years old. Good Luck, L.

I have four children (3 girls, 1 boy). Went through this with all of them. Yes, it hurts to have your baby cry. Really hurts. Yes, you will feel better and a well rested mommy can conquer the world like never before! My youngest daughter got so used to her nap/bed times that she would freak out the occaisional 'grandma' babysitter. She would simply say "I'm tired" and then go to bed. If the babysitter wasn't really listening, they'd freak because they couldn't find her... until they looked in her bed! The great thing about CIO is that THEY learn when they are tired and how to go to sleep on their own. However, the bedtime routine is absolutely necessary. With my first, I thought she was okay and just a 'night owl' like her parents. Wasn't until I started using a consistent (a REAL key!) bedtime routine (which actually starts before dinner, believe it or not!) earlier and she slept longer, woke up happy on her own, etc. that I realized I was keeping her up to suit MY schedule! But, she was my first and thankfully, I learned! I personally like the book "Helping Your Child Sleep Through the Night" with age appropriate information. Whatever your decision, make sure any significant others involved (spouse, grandparents, care providers, etc.) know your plan and will assist you. It takes a real team on this issue! God bless!

Try running the vacuum while in the room with her. She will know you are there but don't go to her. As she gets the idea, vacuum farther away. You will at least have a clean rug. I did this in the middle of the night when my year old twins woke up and I had gone back to work. Worked really well for me!

Dear J.,
We let our oldest sleep with us until she was almost 3. It was one of the most difficult transitions but we all survived and she is a well adjusted 16 year old today. We put her on her bed at nap time and bed time with a kiss and a hug, told her it was time to sleep in her own special place, and closed the door behind us. She cried every day for almost 3 weeks. During the first week we often found her on the floor near the door with her blanket. It hurt, but we all needed sleep. She progressed to the floor by her bed and then eventually stayed on the bed for the entire night. Those first three weeks we kept the door closed all night so that she would be forced to comfort herself. We made sure she had her special item with her so that she could be comforted with that. Someone also introduced us to the book Baby Wise.
I know it is hard. We now have a 3 year old who has been sleeping with us just because we don't have room for another bed in the house (we have three kids). So, we are beginning this process with our youngest again. She loves Dora so I asked her if she would like Dora sheets for her new bed. Her response was, "I'll sleep in my own bed if I have Dora sheets, a Dora blanket, and a Dora pillow." So, guess what I am doing this weekend?! I'm going to go get all those things and we are just going to do it.
I'll be praying for you as you work with Faith. Remember it takes us 21 days to create a good habit, and sleeping in her own bed is definitely a good habit. Be patient.

Hi J.,

So I am going to go at this from a different place. Have you thought about what is going on physcially for her? Question I have is at what point during all or before this did she receive her shots? When I see ear infection, flu symptoms, behavior changes, my red flags go up. If her problems began shortly after vaccinations then you are probably having an adverse effect of the shots and it needs to be reported to VAERS. If that is the case then we should talk.

Good that she is breastfeeding:o) If she was on antibiotics you need to look at a good probiotic for her which could be you taking it and passing it on through your milk. She could be having gastrointestinal problems which cause distress and sleep pattern probelms.

If you have shots coming up soon, please delay them until you can research this and then YOU decide on which vaccinations are appropriate for YOUR child and WHEN she should be getting them and discussing this with your doctor. Most doctors cannot stay on top of research and do only what they have done for years and rely on Pharmaceutical representatives to tell them the information. The AAP recommended schedule of shots for children is too many, too soon. Here are sites and books that I always recommend for people to start their research:

www.909shot.org
www.tacanow.org
www.generationrescue.com

The Vaccine Book, by Dr. Robert Sears
What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Childhood Vaccinations, by Dr. Stephanie Cave
Evidence of Harm, by David Kirby

Hi J.. I let my first son cry it out when he was nine months old. It was a nightmare the first night, very sad the second, not so bad the third and by the fourth night he was sleeping on his own. Every time he got sick, though, we would bring him to our bed or rock him to sleep. Once he got better we had to let him cry it out all over again. When my second son was born, my friend suggested I do it at six weeks. It took one night! Still, everytime he got sick we had to start from scratch. Don't worry, the kids DO NOT remember being left to cry. It does not damage them emotionally or otherwise, especially since you give them so much EXTRA love when they sleep well in their own beds. None of my boys has any "emotional problems with attachments" like a previous post said. Actually, all three of my boys are outstanding sleepers. I can take them anywhere and they can sleep. When we would travel, they would start to cry. We would lay down with them for five minutes to help them feel secure, but then they would cry. After the first nap or bedtime in a new place, they learned to just go to sleep in their own beds.

If she cries through her entire naptime (which will probably only happen once) then let her go to bed a little earlier that night. She will be too tired to cry it out for long after all that, right? Do yourself a HUGE favor. Bite the bullet now and let her learn positive sleep habits for the rest of her life. The upside? Better sleepers make happier children and happier more rested mommies. I know plenty of fourth graders who STILL can't sleep alone. There is something wrong about that...

My son was 4 years old and still woke up 8-12 times a night before I put an end to it. He was miserable and underslept, as was I. We co-slept till about 2 1/2, and then put him in his own big boy bed etc. Well, he'd wake up crying for two more years in that big boy bed.

I hated the idea of letting him cry it out, but after 4 years of no one getting any sleep, I made a sticker chart, talked about it with him and went through 1 night of sheer heck, a second night of severe guilt, and so on.

The 1st night, I told him that he couldn't wake us up any more and that his door would be locked. He body slammed against it for 3 hours...as my heart broke. He seemed tired and a bit defeated in the morning. I told him that if he didn't wake us up the next night, I'd bring him to Disneyland. Well the next night, he didn't wake us up, but he got so upset during the course of the night that he threw up. He wanted Disneyland and to do well so badly that he slept in the vomit. That morning my heart broke even more. I scooped him up, brought him to Disneyland and bought him ice cream, a toy and wept on the inside.

From then on we did a "good nonny's" sleep chart. He got to earn prizes. We started with a prize for two nights in a row, then three, then 5, and so on.

I bought my sleep, traumatized my child, myself, and my husband.

My son is 9 now, and doesn't recall a thing. In the end, I think we all went through a lot of needless suffering. He could have been sleeping at a much earlier age had I not been such a softy.

Here's the punch line. I now have a 9 1/2 month old girl, who nurses throughout the night. We co-sleep. You'd think I would have learned from the 1st time around. I'm petrified to let her cry it out.

There's no easy way that I know of. The good news is that they don't remember in the end.

What I do know is that sleep deprivation for the little people can cause developemental delays. They can't think clearly just like us. They have a harder time retaining and learning, become grumpy and unreasonable.

:-)

J. sorry to hear about your sleep deprivation. I totally feel for you. I have an 18 month old daughter and have had quite a time trying to get her to be a good sleeper. I tried to Cry it out method several times with her and it worked, but then she would get sick, or we'd be out of town with guests...and we would get back into the routine of nursing to sleep and during the night all over again. When she was 16 months old I couldn't handle it any more and made her cry it out and she caught right on. I have three kids and have used it with all of them at different ages, 7 months, 13 months, and now 16 months, and it has always worked. It is hard, but it is totally worth it for a happier mom and baby! I use it for bedtime, during the night and at naps. My baby hardly ever cries now. She knows the drill and will maybe cry for a few seconds and then just lay down and sleep, thnak goodness. Good Luck!

This article/study from ABC News suggests that crying it out is not so healthy. It features clips and snips from Dr. Ferber who argues that his method is used incorrectly. A babies needs should be met, and that CIO simply teaches a baby to stop relying on their parents as sources of comfort.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4263379&page=1

Deanna Leigh M posted this previously & I found it very interesting.

hi -- try looking up www.sleeplady.com -- i downloaded the e-book 'good night sleep tight' for $10 -- and have been using it as a bible/reference for my son (4 mo), but it has information for each age group up to 5 yrs... i'd been having problems with my son napping... now he's napping fairly well, but up at night.. and i'm using these strategies now -- it's similar, but 'kinder' than the ferber method, but does require some energy on the parents part -- but has been working with my son... just takes a while and some patience. Good Luck!

It is your responsiblity as a parent to take care of your child. That means emotionally, mentally, and physically. It's important your daughter gets the sleep she needs. You have tried everything else so stick with this one. Being a parent is hard... sometimes so much so that it's heartbreaking. But as a parent we have to make the tough decisions for the best of our kids. That's what you are doing. She will learn to sooth herself. My oldest took about a week. The first day seemed like forever (like 45min). The next night it was 20 min. The remaining nights were 5 to 10 minutes. Sometimes he still does it if he's over tired. (he's now in a big boy bed but stays in it). It'll be ok. Once she gets a good night sleep you'll see the difference in her during the day. They are so much happier, more interested in things, eat better, etc etc. An over-tired child is the saddest thing I've ever seen. And a lot of the time it's our fault as parents. Not always but a chunk of the times.

Check out the book toddler 411. They discuss many methods and give their review. Love this book! Covers everything!

Hi. I have been there with my first - who is now almost five and an excellent sleeper. I breastfed our daughter forever and we co-slept util Daddy was getting kicked in the face then we had to change. We tried the Ferber method but she would vomit so it didn't work. We had also tried the No-Cry Sleep Solution which did nothing for us. What we finally did was put her in a big girl bed (very, very low to the ground) which she helped Daddy build. I would lie there with her until she fell asleep. We always told her that Mommy would stay with her for a little while and would then let her sleep on her owm so that she wouldn't expect Mommy to be there if she awoke during the night. We bought a cd player and played a lullaby cd that was soothing and happy and we got the night time turtle that lights up and projects stars onto the ceiling. It took some time and was definitely not an overnight solution but there was hardly any crying involved. I think she was about 15 months old when we started. Before this it was an absolute NIGHTMARE and I'm not sure which one of us did more crying. The Ferber method worked pretty well with our second child. Good luck to you - I totally know what you are going through!

I have used the Ferber Method for both of my children. One is 8 yrs and I have a 2 year old.

I would suggest on being consistant with your methods, whatever you choose. If you keep changing things, it will get harder and harder to have your little one learn that it is okay to go to sleep on thier own, in thier own bed.

I personnaly started the Ferber method very young, never co-slept (unless sick) and always stuck to the same routine when putting them down.

1st, a clam warm bath helps and quiet time before they go into bed. I would nurse, read a book, say prayers and say goodnight.

If they cried, I would go into the room after 15 minutes (if they still were crying) and sooth them....do not pick them up. Once I exit the room, do the same thing over and over and soon it will be longer times between going in. Also, another key is to not make eye contact and do not speak. Just lay them back down and rub their chest or back.

It will take some work, expecially for the first week, but your little darling will soon realize it is okay to fall asleep on her own.

Hi,
My oldest child (now 19 years old and a college student) was a poor sleeper throughout his infancy and early childhood. He would sleep for nine hours at night from just a few months old, but no daytime naps. We used the Ferber method many times thoughout his life, I think most of them were afrer 12 months. (Like you, we had to re-do it after every illnees or vacation that disrupted the sleep schedule. It's not really a "cry it out" method, you do go in and check on the child and comfort them, but not picking them up, and you gradually increase your distance (still using your voice, but not touching) and the time between checking. It worked well and we did get result in a few days. I had a newborn when oldest was two and the newborn slept through the night before my two year old did. So we used the method first to establish naps,then later to get back sleeping through the night after interruptions. At age 3 we did discover that he had a digestive disorder that caused him stomach pain and hunger at night, so if the good sleep pattern is difficult to maintain after you have established it, do investigate further to make sure you have ruled out any medical reason for the problem. A diet free of milk products and grains eventually cured the digestive disorder, and he is able to eat an unrestricted diet as an adult. But I don't think it hurts to try to establish good sleep first, it is only a few days, and everyone will feel better. Not wanting to sleep alone because of attachment and habit is much more common than the medical problems, so I would fix the easy thing first. Just keep in mind that you might want to investigate further. B.

Ok let me tell you im a first time mom and my son is 14 months old, he slept well untill he was 9 months then started waking three times a night... I was so tired. At 13 months i decided to let him bry it out because if we got more sleep he would have better days and i would be a better mom... I thought he was to old to but let me tell you it was the best thing i did. First i started with a bath at 7 then at 730 let him watch his favorite show on my lap in the dark (quiet time) around 745 750 i took him in his room and read a book then turned on a lullabye on his lil radio said night night. Turned out the lightand let him cry... Now i know it sounds bad but it really wasnt .. I did cry but he only cryed 16 min the first night... 6 min the second night... And three min ther 3rd night... Now he tells me night night... Im so amazed by him and im so proud of him... He also woke up in the morning so happy... They get the point. They are really smart. I would start it when you know your baby isnt teething and is not sick . That way if she crys you know she is ok and you dont have to go in there in the middle of the night.... Good luck

Hi J.,
Read the book Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. Her philosophy is between Ferber and attatchment parenting. Our son was waking up in the middle of the night to nurse still at 10 mo and I could do no more. She has different approaches for different situations, which is good because each kid is different. She basicly teaches you to teach your child to learn to sleep on their own. Yes there is some crying involved but you are there to comfort your child. Anyway give it a look. It took us two nights, the first for one hour, the second for 15 minutes, and now we get sleep! Good Luck

The Ferber method worked extremely well with both of my kids. I highly recommend it. It's not for everyone but it sure helped my oldest son become a great sleeper. My youngest son who is almost 3 was a great sleeper and then started having sleeping issues a few months ago so we did a variation of the Ferber method and it got him back on track.

J.,

I used this method with my non-sleeping first son:

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

It worked really well and didn't involve listening to my son cry. I read everything I could find on baby sleep when I was in your shoes and I tried a bunch of stuff and this was really the only thing that helped. I think part of the reason for that is you have to be comfortable with whatever approach you use and I was never comfortable with the "scream yourself to sleep" methods so they never worked for me.

Good luck and I hope you get some sleep!

T.

Dudette, so feeling you here... I was so tired of 4 hour bedtimes and STILL she was waking up and needing to be put back to sleep... I was at my wits end, and this was With co-sleeping, but she went to bed earlier than we did... She was tired and wanted to go to sleep, but I HAD to be there... I found a book called 'Good Nights' by Dr Jay Gordon. It helped me a lot. He is an advocate of co-sleeping, but has advice for everyone. If you can find it at the library that would probably be best for you...

The other thing I started to do was talk to my daughter. Little ones, especially girls, understand a lot more than we give them credit for. Talk to her. Tell her that she needs to sleep in her bed in her room and that mommy will be there and so on. Tell her what is going to happen and then ask her for her help in choosing something, like the book she wants to hear before bed, or the toy she wants to sleep with, whatever, but give her limited options like two...
Anyway, I know it is hard to hear them cry, but sometimes that is what it comes down to. I know that I always felt like a horrible person and mother listening to her cry, but there was only so much I could deal with. I found with my daughter that if I let her cry for a minute or 5 that I could then go in rock her and put her to bed with no problems. She doesn't like to go to sleep on her own. She does wake at night, but she can self sooth now, so I don't go to her immediately after bed time now.
Anyway... enough rambling out of me...
Good luck
R.

Like you, my oldest was a horrible sleeper from birth. I also tried using things from the "No Cry Sleep Solution" with no positive outcome. I finally resored to the CIO method with my oldest when she was 13 months. She was up at least 2 times every night like clockwork and I was so exhausted it was affecting everything.

I made sure she was night weaned, wasn't sick or teething first and then picked a night when DH would be out of town so he didn't go "rescue" her and ruin the plan.

I won't lie, it's torture to hear your baby cry and not go in to sooth her, but the crying went from 30 minutes waking 2 times, to 20 mintues waking 2 times, to 5 mintues waking once, to none. By night 4 she was used to the routine and was sleeping through the night. It was heaven!

Thankfully baby #2 has been a much better sleeper and we didn't need to go through CIO again, but it worked for us. Good luck.

I now have a 15 month old, and since he's been 3 months old I have frequently had to try different methods of getting him back to sleep. The only thing that has worked for us is letting him cry it out, as painful as that is. It would sometimes take us several hours of trying to get him gently back to sleep, whereas when he cries it out, he is sleeping within 30 - 40 minutes. I'm usually in the next room crying too, but after the first night, the duration gets shorter each night. By the 3rd or 4th night our son is falling asleep on his own without crying. We started doing this when he was about 4 months. He's been sleeping through the night ever since, but gets off schedule when we travel or he is sick - in which case we wind up co-sleeping, and then I have to start letting him cry it out again. The main thing I've learned is to be consistent about it for a few nights if it's working. I know it's hard to do and not for everyone, but it's worked for us. Good luck

Yes I did, and it was the worst thing(broke our hearts too) I remember, but it worked. You have to take turns with your spouse or else its just to hard on a mom. I had 3 so the others would wake up during this ordeal. Goodluck!!

When my son was 4 months old I asked his doctor about getting him to sleep thru the night. She said, "Get Babywise, read it, call me if you have any questions." The next day I read the entire book, and the day after that I started the method. But by the afternoon I called the doctor in tears. She said, "If YOU aren't ready, don't even try it." I was so exhausted and desperate for him to sleep that I stuck it out and that very first night he slept through the night for the first time. He is now 5 and a great sleeper (albeit he still wakes up on occasion which is probably the case with most kids.) Regarding naps, I used the same method but if he didn't sleep after one hour I got him up, per the doctor's advise. If your daughter is tired during the day, which I'm sure she is, she will sleep once she gets into a routine. I think the most important thing is for you to be unwavering because your little girl will pick up on any ambivalence you are feeling. And if you ever feel guilty because she cries a little, just remember how important sleep is to a growing child. Good luck!

Have you tried Sleep Easy Solution?? Its considered the kinder gentler Ferber. You don't leave your baby to cry it out, you do check in's without picking them up. Good Luck.

I have done a sort of modified version of the cry it out method with both of my kids. They are now 4 and 2 and now good sleepers. When I decided to do it, I started the first night with completely doing the whole bedtime routine, then setting him down drowsy but awake. Of course, the second his head touched the bed he wailed. I left the room and waited 5 min, then came back comforted him as much as I could without picking him up. I would again leave and he cried but I waited this time for 10 minutes. I repeated this process again increasing the time away 5-10 min. each time. The crying seems to be unbearable, and you'll want to quit, but don't give up! It lasted about a week, and then miraculously it just clicked! Then when things are going great, there might be a relapse. But don't be discouraged! Continue the process as before. Your baby will figure it out. I did this with naps, too by the way. Because of it, naps were thrown off or missed completely, but like I said, something just clicks and they just figure it out.
I know there are some strong opinions about "crying it out", but I know in my heart that my kids aren't emotionally damaged because they cried for 20 minutes.
Good luck!

I've always done the cry it out method it takes usually 3-4 days for it to start wearing off and I know it's hard and stressful but wouldn't a few days be better than trying all these other methods that could drag on for weeks? I also believe that hey these children are human just like the rest of us and don't you just cry it out sometimes? It works, it really does. Right now I'm breaking my daughter from her bottles that she usually gets throughout the night so that when we take her off the bottle completely in 2 months she will know how to soothe herself back to sleep throughout the night. She cried for 2 1/2 hours last night which was our first night. It'll get better I know it will! Good Luck!

Hi J.,

I know that it's tough to let Faith cry it out but in the long run, you'll both be better off. When I had my oldest son (now 4) I couldn't bear to let him cry it out in his crib. It broke my heart so, until he was about 20 months old I found myself in his room night after night as he'd wake about 3 times each night. I was a zombie and was still working full time. During the day, he'd usually sleep alright at my mom's house - but she was tough and made him cry it out and within a few days he'd figured out that that was just the way it was - over there. When I'd bring him home it was always back to crying until I'd come in a soothe him. At 20 months, he had gotten too old for his crib so we converted it into a toddler bed. Things got even more difficult because now he'd just get up and walk into our room so I found myself walking him back every 20 minutes or so until I'd just give in and fall asleep with him (which was not very restful for me in a toddler bed). Finally, a friend at work recommended putting a child proof knob cover on the inside of his bedroom door and shutting the door. As heartbreaking as it was to hear him cry for me when he was younger, this was devastating becasue now he could talk, or yell, for me to come back to him. I was an emotional wreck but had committed myself to this method becasue I knew that I had ruined his chances of becoming a good sleeper. After 2 nights of shutting the door, I was able to reason with him and he agreed to stay in his bed if I'd leave the door open. I can't say that he miraculously began sleeping through the night at that point but things did improve drastically for both of us. Instead of getting up every 20 minutes, now I was up very briefly only once or twice a night to tuck him back in.

I've since had another boy (now 16 months-old) and I decided that I'd learned from my previous mistakes and got tough with him from the beginning. He's been sleeping completely through the night since he was 11 months-old. Unfortunately, my oldest one still is not a very good sleeper and comes into my room a few times each night. I am still fairly persistently putting him back (except for the times he very stealthily climbs in without waking me). I know now that had I been persistent with him from the beginning, he'd likely be a much better sleeper and I fear that I've established this pattern that will never be broken for him.

So, to make a long story short (I know, too late), as hard as it is to do it, you're really doing Faith a favor in the long run if she can learn to soothe herself to sleep and stay asleep.

Good luck with it and in those really hard times just know that you're not alone and within a few nights you'll probably both be sleeping better.

~J.

hi, i understand your frustration and how tired you are....i think you are doing the right thing by getting her to stop bad habits now. My daughter is 2 1/2 and STILL sleeping with us, waking up 3 to 5 times a night and breast feeding quickly when she wakes!!! yikes!! such a bad habit i know but i dont know how to stop!! i thought she would out grow it but she hasnt, so my sugggestion is to do it now because it doesnt get any easier, i think it gets harder the older they get. I have been trying to just rub her back the last couple of nights, helping a little so hopefully we are on our way. let us know how it goes for you! Good luck!