Hanging by a Thread!!

Have you tried breast milk in a cup? My daughter would only take warm BM in a cup at first, then I slowly started mixing a tablespoon at a time of regular milk in with it until it was half and half. Seemed to work, it was gradual. Also tried feeding her a bigger meal around 10 pm and this seemed to help her sleep a bit longer.

Hope it helps.

There are several medications you can take while breastfeeding. If there is one specific you are needed, email me and I will look it up in Dr. Hale's Medication and Mother's Milk for you.

D.
Lactation Consultant

My baby took FOREVER to like soy. We just kept at it and had to do vanilla flavored until she accepted it. She'd never had anything but breast until a year! I read somewhere that it takes 14-16 introductions before a baby really takes something they don't like. Don't give up hope. Validate her desire for milk and let her know that this is what's available. As my mom says "you just have to outlast them", keep telling her she loves it and eventually she will believe you! :) Good luck and hang in there. No guilt, what you're doing is best for both of you. You will get through it. it's important for you.
K.

When I went through a very similar situation with my son, now 3 1/2, our Pediatrician said he did not have to drink milk, it could be yogart, cheese, cottage cheese, etc. Just made sure he had high protein/calcuim foods.

I weened my son at 16 mths and he never took a bottle either... we did start him on a sippy cup at 6 months so he'd be well used to it when it came time to transistion from the breast.

Have you heard of Natural Calm or Moma Calm? Moma Calm for when you are nursing and Natural Calm when you have weened. I used Natural Calm and I know several Moms that used the Moma Calm.

This Natural Calm is formulated especially for mothers-pregnant or nursing. Raspberry-lemon flavor Mama Calm contains folic acid and zinc for proper DNA formation. (Thousands of studies have shown that folic acid is vital for a healthy and successful pregnancy. Zinc and magnesium are equally necessary for proper DNA formation, mood functions and relaxation.) Magnesium provides relaxation and comfort. Contains no sugar or artificial sweeteners and zero carbs.

GOOD LUCK!

I feel your pain first and foremost, and commend you on brastfeeding. Since you are not getting enough sleep and this is a long term thing, I don't think you can see things clearly or process anything at this point. Your first goal should be to get some good sleep without interuptions. This means your daughter learning how to sleep through. So I would work on that first. Now, to get her to sleep through, you need her not to want to eat at night. This means she needs to get all her nutrients during the day like everyone else. Obviously the routines you have with your daughter may work for her, but don't work for you, so you need to find a happy medium. My son also refused bottle, milk, soy, pediasure, goats milk, flavored milks all kinds. This is what I did and while it was tough, it was so worth it. Now I did this all at about 5-6 months old, so you are going to have a harder time because the routines are longer standing, but they can change. I made changes happen in baby steps. he wanted breast milk and not formula, so I gave in to that, but I got him off the breast and onto the bottle. That way someone else (dad) could feed at night if necessary or if I took a nap, then grandma could handle feedings while I got much needed sleep. I had 2 under two at the time. He refused that bottle until he went to grandmas all day and I wasn't around. He took that bottle from her. Then in the evenings, I would go take a shower and dad fed him a bottle. He didn't drink as much at first, but after 3 days of this routine, he was drinking his normal amounts again and he would even take a bottle from me! Oh and don't have anything around him that smells of you when you try to give that bottle because they when they smell you then they want the breast. Once he would take a bottle, then it got easier. I had a little help. Now, offer breast milk in bottle all day, but at night start offering water. This makes drinking at night less enticing, but they still like the interaction with you, so try and break that too by giving the bottle of water when you put her down to sleep. So she knows it is already there and that she doesn't need to wake you if she gets thirsty. At one she should understand you. You should be putting her own awake at night so she learns to put herself to sleep or at least how to lull herself to sleep. She will use this same method to get back to sleep when she wakes at night. I allowed my kids to cry and work it out. Lets face it, if you are trying to do something and are having a hard time of it, you complain etc.. why shouldn't they be allowed to too? Now don't get me wrong, if they go into phsyco mode and try to hurt themselves that something different , but regular crying doesn't hurt them and once they figure it out by themselves. Wow, the self esteem it gives them is awesome to behold. My daughter tells me all the time. I sleep by myself and wake up she is proud this is something she is doing on her own. Anyway, once you got that down, then you should be sleeping fine and things will be less fuzzy and you can start to change that breast milk bottle to a sippy cup to a 3/4 BM(breast milk) 1/4 CM(cow's milk) then 1/2&1/2 to 1/4&3/4 then finally you are at full cow's milk. This worked for my son. I did vary from this in that I bought an alcohol free vanilla flavoring and added a little bit to the cow's milk. You can find it with the baking stuff. This adds a small amount of sugar, but no caffiene. It helped him transition. Now he drinks regular cow's milk without the flavoring. Apparently their taste buds change when they get a little older. He started drinking the regular milk by about 17 months old. So, there is still hope for you and your daughter. Also note the water at night isn't going to hurt her teeth, but all the breast milk without brushing is!! So even if you weren't at wits end about not getting sleep, you need to stop the night feeds for her teeth. I am 35 also and can relate completely!! I am not depressed nor have I ever been, but I will tell you that lack of sleep can put you in a depressed state. So this is why I would work toward that goal first of getting help to get you some sleep. Good Luck.

I am sort of concerned that someone who is clinically depressed would choose to run a daycare. It just seems that it would be so much added stress. But if it brings you peace and joy, then it is okay.
From my experience, after you have a child, you will NEVER be able to sleep as much as you did prior to becoming a mom. Solving problems with additional chemicals can be pretty tricky, so be sure your psychiatrist has you teamed up with a counselor for support.
Good luck,
Linda C

Since she is one, she should be getting most of her nutrition from solid foods. Make sure you are feeding her often enough during the day. She really should only be needing the milk in the morning and at night and maybe a little with meals, but she should not need to nurse like an infant. You may need to just spend time rocking her or holding her and read or engage in some other activity to calm/soothe her. While you are not on the meds yet, I would suggest pumping and storing as much as you can right now. Then I would suggest one of two things..either wean her onto the milk by slowly mixing a combination of more breastmilk with a little regular milk. Although she will need whole milk in general, you could also try experimenting with lower fat milks that have a different taste. Breastmilk is a lot sweeter than regular milk so another option is to wean her onto formula temporarily. I found that my picky children liked Carnation Good Start with DHA and RHA (they are wicked smart too, so it must have something good in it!). It does have a little more sweetness to it, but it is not Nestquick! Try mixing that into the breastmilk or directly into cows milk. Good luck and I hope this has given you some options.

Hi R.. The only advice I know to give about depression is to turn to God. He will be your peace. I have not had depression, but my husband has dealt with it. As to your daughter not drinking milk, my oldest daughter did the same. I tried every milk possible and she just refused. My pediatrician told me not to worry about her getting nutrients through milk but to give her things such as cheese, yogurt, ice cream, brocolli, pudding, etc... That took a lot of pressure off of me and she is now a healthy 6 year old. She still will not drink milk, but has not suffered from it. I hope this helps.

Hello R.,

I am so sorry that you are feeling that way. I too have had issues with introducing a bottle to my daughter. As of right now, she has been exclusively breastfed, and like your daughter, every 2-4 hours. She also has started to not eat quite so well during the day, leading to feedings almost every 2 hours at night. I did have some minor success w/ the Playtex drop-ins as well as the Adiri Natural nurser (looks just like a breast) for some reason she like those nipples the best of all the other multitude of ones I had tried before. I'm sure you've tried everything, but I'm trying to think out of the box.... I would suggest perhaps to mix her food w/ additional liquid to try and at least sneak some fluids? It seems like your daughter wants to continue nursing only from you, probably for the closeness factor. I know for my daughter, nursing is the only way I can calm her, get her to sleep, etc. Also, I have a great OBGYN who would work w/ you regarding your meds, if you are interested send me an email. She has great bedside manner, and is very caring and sensitive. I hope you feel better and I will continue to think of some solutions for your dilemma. Best of Luck!!

I can totally identify with you on several levels. I too, suffer from depression and have had 2 children while taking Prozac. They did not have to lower my dose at all. Also, my one year old would not take a bottle and wanted to only breastfeed. I tried and tried and finally when she was 4 months old, i just kept giving her formula in a bottle at every feeding and she finally took it. Then it was so hard to get her to not breastfeed at all and at 8 months, i weened her from me. I was in a lot of physical pain. The doctors think I was allergic to my own milk. Weird. Then when she was one, I had a horrible time for a week getting her off the bottle. But I was determined and just kept trying. What helped me was Carnation Instant Breakfast. I put about a tablespoon in milk in a sippy cup. Try those Nuby cups that are soft like a bottle nipple. That made her like it better because it was sweet like breast milk or formula. Now, she is strictly on sippy cups and straw cups and doing great. Just try it everyday, every time she drinks and she will give in eventually. It takes a lot of willpower to not give in, I know, but it will happen. You can do it. Just try your best. Offer her the cup before you breastfeed, when she's hungry. If she only has ten ounces of milk a day, that's okay. Food makes up for the missed milk. My son went his whole second year without ANY milk. He hated it. Now he's almost six and the tallest one in his class. It didn't hurt him. He just ate cheese and yogurt. Take car of yourself and don't get discouraged. And pray!

If she is waking up in the middle of the night to be fed you need to give her water only or nothing at all. This is going to be hard the first few nights. A lot of crying, but she is old enough to sllep through the night without being nursed. Good luck.

First of all hang in there! I have 2 girls, one almost 7 and the other 4--Once my oldest started sleeping through the night the youngest came along and then neither slept through the night. Now my oldest does, but my youngest doesn't. I have not slept an entire night in over 7 years. B/c of course I so big when I was present I couldn't get comfortable to sleep b/f the oldest came along. So I can so relate about not sleeping. Sorry I don't have any advice, but we can vent together if you need it.
Hang in there--you can make it through this!

OMG sounds like all the Breast Babies have the same issues!!! My son is 9 months old. Will not take a bottle, sippy cup or anything!!!! He is just now starting to play with food. He mostly just throws it on the floor. He eats a few crackers and stuff but not near enough to call it a meal. You are lucky she drinks 4 oz of juice I don't know if mine ever will!!!!!!! I have not slept either in about a year considering all the last bit of pregnancy I got up to run the the bathroom ALL night. My son still gets up all thru the night. I nurse him and he goes back to sleep. I don't know if I am nurturing that but....when we try to just rock him back to sleep or let him cry it out that takes 1 1/2 hours or so it's better to just nurse for 10 min and go back to bed???? Who knows????????????? I love being a mother but it is very hard. I can't beieve you took on more babies!!! At this point I am thinking....I don't know how people have more than 1. You are doing a good job!! Just remember God wanted you to be a mother and he would not have made you a mother if you could not do it. If the other kids are too much for you right now with the depression I would call that quits. Good luck..S. I feel your pain... :)

My daughter didn't get weaned from nursing until she was 18 months old and i started weaning at 1. Everytime I'd try to stop, I'd get mastitis and have to start nursing more to ease the pain. Finally I had it and told my doctor to give me a painkiller that would make it so that even if I wanted to cave in and nurse again, that I couldn't be able to or else it'd make the baby sick. Up until this time, my daughter wouldn't drink milk or anything other than "nippy juice" and she wouldn't eat much either. Within 3 days of stopping cold turkey, she was drinking pediasure and eating more solid foods. It was very emotional but we got through it together. Best of luck and you can do it! Oh and good for you for nursing for so long. I'm currently working and nursing my second daughter who is 4 1/2 months old. She's doing just fine with the switch between bottle and breast but I was terrified that she wouldn't. It took her about a month to get the hang on it and now she drinks about 16 ounces a day at daycare as compared to the first month of her barely drinking 2.

Wow, you have a hands full.
I would suggest a Natural Alternative.
It will give you energy, help with your depression, without Side Effects, this is NOT a drug, it is a Food.
drugs have serious side effects and we already live in a contaminated world, these free radicals attack our bodies daily. Look into something that God has sent us.
My prayer to you

I think you should go to work and put your child in an excellent daycare, she will do more for them, and you will have some adult conversation.

My oldest daughter never took a bottle either. She went from breast to cup and I nursed her until she was 2 1/2. I learned later that she has a very serious peanut allergy and babies with allergies tend to delay eating solid food until later. I talked to La Leche League and my pediatrician about her not taking a bottle or sippy and it is called nipple preference. My recommendations: first, call Le Leche League and ask them about your specific situation and the medication you are taking. Secondly, when was the last time you were in to get a check-up? I am assuming from your comments that your depression is linked to a chemical imbalance. Perhaps you can get a second opinion. Third, one of my favorite books is called Super Baby Food. Even if you don't make your own baby food, it gives you specific guidelines on how much food and solids your child should be eating. It is a wonderful resource. Fourth, talk to your pediatrician and see if they have any suggestions about your daughter's eating patterns. Fifth, it is important to have a network of friends for sanity purposes. Some suggestions, church (most have a crying room if you don't want to leave your baby in the nursery), La Leche Meetings (meet 1x month in the evenings), a neighborhood group. Maybe once or twice a month, your husband could be on patrol and you have a girl's night out or attend a Bible study or even go shopping. Is it possible to take your child and the other children on outings such as The Children's Museum, or story time at the library or just to a neighborhood park? It would help lift your spirits if you were able to get out instead of being confined to your home by yourself. Because of your depression, down the road, once your daughter is weaned, you might consider a job outside the home where you can be around other people and get more socialization with adults. I hope this helps. Good Luck!

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I had trouble getting my daughter to take a bottle when I weaned her. I can't remember the name brand that finally worked for her, but it was Avent or something like that. It started with an A for sure and they were kind of expensive, but worth it. I also had to touch it against the roof of her mouth to trigger the suckling response. Hang in there. I will pray for you. Good Luck!

God bless you! I'm 35 and have a 1 year old son. I work full time. I've also suffered from depression off and on. I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through! First and foremost, it's good to ask for help. Make sure your husband, family and doctor know you are struggling so they can help!

My advice is to keep trying to wean your daughter. It will take time. Drop one feeding a day, every 3-4 days. If she's eating some foods with a high water content, like fruit, she'll be just fine.

My baby didn't take a bottle when I put him in daycare at 4 months. It took those ladies 4 weeks to get him to take a bottle without a fight. Bless them! Many days he went 6-8 hours without eating - and he wasn't on solid foods yet! It was so hard (But less so because I wasn't at the daycare watching!)

If you can drop one or two daily feedings and get her eating fruit or watery veggies (tomatoes), she's getting enough liquid and nutrition. Consider putting her back into a daycare you trust and that is willing to work with her and you on taking a sippy cup. You can go back to work and have some time away from your daughter. It will help your sanity and your finances.

I will pray for you. I can only imagine how stressful your situation is. We all have our struggles, some tougher than others.

I have also suffered from depression and had a day care for 8 years while raising my kids. The best thing for me was to keep a schedule that included lots of outdoor play. Exercise, singing and fresh air bring my spirits up. Also try making play dates with your friends or other moms so you have someone to talk to. The park and Library were wonderful for me. Last of all keep a sense of humor. I still have a picture of my oldest without a shirt (she'd just thrown up on it) and her friend with no pants (she'd just pooped through them). I took the picture to remember it could always get worse........And it DID! still smiling- G.

I, too, tried to stay home and run a home day care. I couldn't earn enough and had to go back to work when my son was 4 months. I pumped and was able to do this and nurse until my son was 14 months. I understand how hard it is. The only true advice I have to give is about the sleeping through the night. Please go buy "How to solve your child's sleep problems" by Dr. Ferber. It will change your life. I was also getting no sleep and was a zombie at work. This book help teach me how to get my son sleeping through the night in about 4 days and it's been great ever since. Good luck!!!

My daughter (now 13 mos) had "the worst case of bottle strike" my doctor had seen, it sounds a lot like what you're going through. We introduced the bottle at 2-3 weeks and she took it fine every few days, apparently that wasn't enough. At 8 weeks she decided to completely refuse it. With only 4 weeks to go before maternity leave was over, I tried every kind of nipple/bottle combination out there. The only advice i continuously received was "be consistant" and you daughter "will not starve herself". I didn't have a choice. I went back to work and she literaly wouldn't take a bottle for the entire time i was at work, 10 hours... it was horrible. They would have to force feed her through a syeringe to get only a few fluids in her. Finally, my doctor personally called me (after crying to every nurse) and said the last resort is to go 72 hours with no breastfeeding, all bottles and don't let down... it WILL work. It was a Friday and we (my husband and I) prepared ourselves for the worst weekend of our lives. She must have felt the vibe, she took the first bottle right away and i continued with bottles all weekend. At that point i wanted to continue to give her breastmilk so i pumped (it became very laborous, but you're at a point where you can stop all together). I recommend going with the 72 hour plan, once he/she is accustom to the bottle / cup (it will take a while, took us 3 mths for her to actually "want" the bottle) where you can mix cows milk with breast milk mixing 1 oz of cows milk to start and slowly work your way to 100% cows milk over the course of a few months. I know it won't be easy but in the long run it will be so much better on you and your family. The worst will be over in 3 days when that's all she knows she can get. She WILL NOT starve herself, and at this point is taking in plenty of solids too. Add'l info, i'm on a light dose of antidepressents too, just a little extra confidence that you can get through this as I did! Good luck!

Hi R.,

I see you have gotten a lot of different advice on this thread and your thread about weaning. As someone who has suffered from depression in the past, I would say to do whatever you need to do to get yourself well. Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing, but you should not continue at the expense of your health. I know a lot of people have recommended natural remedies, and they may work for some people, but they did not work for me. If you know a medication that will work for you, I would definitely go that route. As Katharine said below, depression is a medical condition that can be successfully treated with medication, and you wouldn't withhold medication from yourself for other types of illnesses.

As for weaning, I don't have an easy answer. I breastfed my son while taking Zoloft, which is considered safe. When I was ready to wean, the thing that worked best for us was adding juice to his formula and using a Nuby soft spout sippy cup. I had to give it to him several times over the course of a few days, and he finally started to like it. Once he started to drink it, I gradually took out the juice and he was fine with just the formula. I would just keep trying with the milk, or give her water and make sure she gets enough calcium from her food. There may be some tears, but she will be okay. The important thing is for you to get well. Being a mom is so much easier and more enjoyable when you are happy and healthy, and it's better for your daughter too.

Is there any way you can take time off from work until you are feeling more like yourself? I can't imagine the stress of taking care of three extra kids when you're dealing with depression and not enough sleep. It might be worth the loss of income, at least temporarily, if you can make it work.

Sorry this is so long and that I don't have any easy answers. Just hang in there, do what you need to do to get well, and know that things will get better.

Hi R.,

Wow, you are amazing! That is a lot to have on your plate.
I am going to be taking care of another baby in addition to my own very soon, as well. My son will be 15 months, and the little one I will care for will be 3 months. I have been a little worried about what this will bring. But to hear what you are accomplishing, makes me see that it can be done.
Although add 2 more kiddos, and I see where you are at.
I can only suggest that you try to find some time for yourself. I know that sounds next to impossible, but do you have friends, family, husband who can help?
Are you close to a park, are the kids different ages?
How about looking into a moms-day-out program for your daughter? I know that it may be a little extra money, but it may be worth it.
Have you attempted a hollistic approach to your depression?

This may sounds somewhat intrusive, but I would be willing to help you, by coming over or something. Like a play date or something. Maybe just to have the kids visit, and help you look after the other ones...I don't really know if that would be appropriate home-day-care etiquette, but I am very open. I also feel that this forum is for mommies to help and listen to other mommies. So please just ask! Best of luck!

Sincerely,

M. D.
SAHM to 9 Month old baby boy Blake

Have you tried to express breast milk and have her drink it from the bottle/sippy cup? You didn't mention giving her baby gerber. I used to mix breastmilk with babyfood and put it in the bottle or sippy cup (I had to enlarge nipple's hole). My kids would be full after the "milkshake" and would sleep all night. I did this when they were 4 months old to all my kids and never had any problems with ear infections, etc. In addition, when I was weaning them off breastmilk, I would mix Karo light syrup to the regular milk to sweeten it up & aid in digestion( also prevents constipation) and it worked well. Even mixing breastmilk with whole milk, adding baby food or cereal,etc. Keep at it until you find what she likes. It's very commendable that you are so devoted to your child and never, regardless of your stress or depression level, take it out on your precious baby. She'll be all grown up before you know it. Enjoy this time. Once it's gone, it's gone.

Unfortnately I don't have any great advice. I just wanted to tell you to hang in there and get whatever help you might need. Children and babies can put an unbelievable strain on anyone mentally. My daughter is almost one and still not sleeping all night either. I am getting stressed about wheening her too. I don't know how that will work. I have a 3 1/2yr old son who can be EXTREMELY challenging and I feel like I could snap half the time. Sorry I am of no help, I just wanted you to know your not alone and I hope things get better for you.

there are meds that are safe during nursing.... but it is so hard- my first child didn't sleep through the night til he was 15 months old-yikes!! and my second, i sadly had to ween her to formula because of post partum deprssion, very sad, as i nursed my first one until he was 3!! but apparently i got in with the wrong doctor for my ppd, because she over-prescribed so heavily. get the highest recommendation for a psychiatrist, and get a second opinion. this is such an intense time, and you working with other kids.... get the help you need, there is a way!

Hi R.,

I can identify with a lot of what you have going on -- especially a very tumultuous early period at home with my baby, financial insecurity, and serious depression (for me, coupled with anxiety). First, I want to congratulate you on all you are doing for your daughter and your family -- you are working VERY HARD to make it all work, and in the long run you will reap enormous benefits as a mother from seeing all of your hard work bear fruit in a healthy, blossoming child. AND, you cannot raise a completely healthy and happy child when you are falling apart internally. I wish I had done more to take care of my anxiety and depression when my daughter was really little; it would have made things easier in the long run.

I have a few ideas -- first and most significantly, have you checked out a breast milk bank? I think Woman's Work in Houston would be able to put you in touch with women who overproduce breastmilk and bank it for babies that aren't getting enough -- wish I had known about it back when! Any lactation consultant may have a lead on such a network in your community, if Woman's Work doesn't work. You may well be able to set up a reliable supply of breastmilk for your little girl that does not come from you!! It sounds crucial that you get onto a more effective antidepressant -- in my case, I think I valued breastfeeding over the other, even more crucial forms of nurturing that my daughter was taking in from me. She could have done with less breasfeeding and a more confident, happy overall emotional blanket wrapped around her. (By the way, I totally get that you are NOT overvaluing breastfeeding and are trying to find a way to stop breastfeeding in order to improve your emotional and mental state -- kudos for being smarter than I was!!) In addition to or as an alternative to banked breastmilk, you can also pump extra breast milk and bank it yourself to help prepare for the shift.

Another factor that I found very important was to fight against the isolating tendencies of early motherhood by finding and keeping in touch with people who could understand how I was feeling. My husband didn't always want to hear it, but he is the other half of the parenting team, and if my half was breaking down, I owed it to him to let him know. Usually, in his case, it helped to keep it simple and to state the issues calmly -- it helped a lot if I already had a suggestion or two about what he could do to help me function better -- in fact, perhaps it would have been ideal if I could have skipped talking about my feelings and perceptions and gone straight to "I'm not making ends meet and if I keep trying it's going to hurt our kid -- I will be scheduling a night out every week, and two hours to go swimming every week-end." I do find it surprising how much one or two changes to my weekly schedule can improve my sense of well-being! The folks I found the best to talk to were other young mothers, although of course not every mother is equally safe to talk to! Also, whenever anyone says "please let me know if you want a night off -- I'll be glad to stay with her" ? Keep a list, and be sure to ask them for help!! If you can't get out for lunches with friends, ask them to come over. Therapy groups, email to friends and family letting them know honestly that I'm drowning and need support, groups for post-natal depression, and 12 step groups for codependence also have helped me to keep my head above water -- the thought of how isolated a lot of mothers are really kills me -- without loads of support, I don't think I would have the happy kid and the relatively happy family and life I have now.

I wish you all the luck and grace in the world!! The first year was SO hard, and the first two or three, I felt I was drowning. Please don't be afraid to ask for help from those who love you -- mental health is so crucial, and where mothers are concerned, our society has often found it easier to pretend it's an abundant and infinitely renewable resource. Without support, it isn't!

blessings!
M. (mother of a six year old girl)

My daughter didn't sleep through the night for the first year and a half either. It was exhausting. You need to stop feeding her in the middle of the night. It's just a habbit for her. She really doesn't need anything. She's actually using it to soothe herself back to slee. She needs to learn to soother herself without the bottle.
I'm not sure how you are dealing with that and having a daycare in your home. You have overloaded yourself. Think about what would really make you happy and focus on THAT. Anything is possible. Take care of youself first and foremost. Learn to love yourself. You are not doing that.

R. - hang in there, Go to your pediatrician and ask how little fluid your daughter can get away with. Children generally (especially at 1 year and above) won't starve themselves.
Cows milk has never killed a child, I wouldn't give them the non organic (I'm afraid of the chemicals), but your little girl will drink when she is really thirsty. Juice is very empty calories and lots of sugar so limit it and dilute it, but if it is what it takes to get her on the sippy cup - give your sweet self a break and use it.
If you are suffering from much worsening depression it is fine to say "Be strong stay off meds", but that advice didn't help Andrea Yates or her children. Depression is a really medicine condition and YOU DESERVE to take care if it. Noone would tell you - be strong stay off your blood pressure meds.
So go to your doctor and get the dose of your medicine adjusted to control your depression - then you will have the fortitude to let your daughter cry a few nights while she adjusts to the new feeding regimen. GOOD LUCK
KATY

R.,
First off, you have done awesome breastfeeding for an entire year. Congratulations on that! I breastfed my little one for 17 months and ended up having to stop for a different reason but it was still hard. At this point I think that stopping breastfeeding is not only in your best interest, but also the best interest of your little one and the others that you care for. Now I understand that you would like to slowly transition your child from the breast to regular milk but think about it, if your daughter could nurse and feel you and get comfort from it or drink from a plastic sippy cup or bottle it's really a no brainer on which one she will choose, but that is when given an option. If you choose to stop breastfeeding she will be upset for a couple of days but she will give in and drink something - she will not starve herself. I just went through this in November so I completely understand. There was a lot of crying for two to three days and then surprisingly my son just started drinking regular milk out of a sippy cup like he had always been doing it. Those couple of days will be hard but by being able to take the medication that you need, it will make a world of difference in all of your lives. I wish you the best and if you would like to talk more just email me.

hi R.,
so sorry to hear youre facing such a challenge. i can relate to the complexities of needing to earn an income, and wanting and needing to be there for our precious babies. my advice is lengthy...so, if you would like to talk with me, please give me a call at ###-###-####. i have some ideas to share with you. most important is to get control of your depression before it spirals out of control. i would love for you to be in love with your life, and to continue your nursing relationship with your little girl. give me a call!
C. lewis, postpartum doula

R.,

Depression becomes worse in the winter due to shortened days & yucky weather. After trying anti-depressants and them only making me fat (and more depressed about that), I sought out a natural cure.

There is something called a GO-LITE for mood relief. It's a little (size of a small book) light that you get 15 minutes of "sunshine" from once or twice during the DAY. (at night it will keep you up) The initial cost is a little high, but I've had mine for 3years now, and have to pull it out every January! If you can't get the light now, try to be outside in the daylight for at least 20 minutes.

The other thing that's helpful is 30 minutes gentle exercise. Your seratonin, melatonin(sleep, happy and calm hormones) in addition to the other hormones that deal with milk production are all crazy out of "wack". Do get the natural mama calm another poster suggested. It's just magnesium and it's wonderful for mellowing out. Most of us are woefully short on this mineral anyway. My ADHD son takes it and he's not on any Rx.

Can you hold off a bit on the weaning, just for now? I nursed my daughter for 16 months. When I did wean her it was THEN I went though post-partum depression. It's relaxing to nurse and might help you find your feet again.

If this doesn't clear up with in a few months, I would consider changing jobs. It's not fair to you or the parents of these children for you to be in such a state.

Things will start to look up, it's just hard to see it when we're in the middle of the ocean.

S.

My daughter would not drink milk either after breast feeding. She still doesn't like milk. I give her the Motts light apple juice with added calcium. You can also try orange juice with calcium. None of my three daughters slept through the night very well either. They would wake up thirsty. If you can stand it the best advice is to let them cry it out. Put a spippy cup of water in her crib before she goes to bed. If you are nursing her to sleep that may be the problem - they have to fall asleep on their own. Let her Daddy put her to sleep for the next week - have a good routine bath, two books, songs, then turn a CD on etc. Tell her it is bedtime. She might cry and cry but at the end of one week she may be sleeping alot better and learn how to comfort herself back to sleep. If you get her every time that she cries she knows you will come. I know it is so difficult but it sound like you are at a breaking point. Her dad may have to put her to bed for awhile but she will forget about breast feeding quicker than you think. The feeding before bed is the hardest to stop.

I breastfed and pumped while at work so daycare could give her breast milk, but I had to supplement with formula when she was about 3 months old. She wouldn't take a bottle from me because she could smell the breast milk. When she needed to eat I just had my husband, mother, etc...give her a bottle.
Most kids at this age go straight from the breast to a cup. Messy, but they figure it out quick. Also you can buy a cheap bottle and use the Dr. Brown's nipples (they are very soft like the breast). My daughter never would take a paci.
Your child is hungry and in a habit of eating in the night. You need to stop letting him nurse all night so he'll start eating. Offer him food during every meal time even though he probably won't eat.
To get some sleep take you child to a friends house one night every once in a while. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of everyone else. Kids will do things for others that they won't do for you.

Our twins didn't sleep through the night until we made them by going to bed ourselves with ear plugs and loud music so we couldn't hear them crying - they did not need feeding or anything else, they were just used to us going into them all night. I waited until they were one before we did this, but the book that helped me the most was the one called, healthy sleep, happy child or something like that by marc Weisenblaum or similar (so bad with names!). I liked the book because he said how much sleep was normal, and what the problems were if they weren't getting enough sleep and how to help them.
Good luck!
D.

Dear R.,

Not that it's much help but I do understand. I'm a mother of 4, now a grandmother of 4, so I know how hard it can be to take care of 4 kids. For a brief time I also ran an in home daycare & then I later worked at a daycare (so my youngest son could attend K there - my 2 older got free after-school care, & my youngest child, my daughter went with me & was in my class of 8 2-3 year olds). It is difficult taking care of other people's children, no matter how much you love kids. Then add the issues with your own & lack of sleep, no wonder you're depressed! But it will get better - I promise. Have you discussed your daughter's sleep patterns & refusal of anything but the breast with her doctor? There might be some advice there to help with those issues, which would be a start.

Recently, a few years ago, I had a bad bout of depression, was put on meds, etc. Now, I still have my moments when the world seems to be closing in & what I try to do is take walks, sit out in the sun, whatever it takes to get out of the house & change up my routine even the slightest bit to break the cycle & get my mind off of my worries. I don't know if you have any girlfriends to go to lunch with or shopping with but even if you don't tell your husband for Valentine's Day the best gift he can give you is a day, here & there spread across several weeks or months, where you can sleep in, you can go to the store without your daughter, you can do whatever by yourself (or with a friend) while he takes care of your child, the house, the worries & you can just soak in a tub or do whatever (it doesn't have to be something that costs money), read a book, watch a movie without any interruptions.

Being a mom is an overwhelming experience but believe me it goes by quicker than you can imagine, right now, & has so many rewards that when you look back you'll know it was well worth every sacrifice you made. Try to find something you enjoy doing & then have your husband or if family lives nearby a relative help you out by giving you some time to do something for yourself or that you enjoy. I know that's easier said than done sometimes but you really do need the time to recouperate & regroup so that you can be the wonderful caregiver you are striving to be. You might even need to close down the daycare, as awful as that sounds, in order to keep your sanity, at least until the time that your daughter can become a bit less dependent & your body isn't as overworked as it is right now.

Let us know how this works out - okay?

Wow, R.. I'm sorry you're struggling. My little one is 8 months old and won't sleep all night either. Breast milk mostly with a little bit of food here and there.
I want to share 2 things with you that I hope may help.
1. Remeber this is only for a season. Look ahead to the time when she will (and she will) be in a different stage of development, eating, drinking, pottying and talking. Don't fall apart now. It will change sooner than you think.
2. Also, pick your battles. If she still needs to nurse (probably more because she wants to be close to you) then let her do it. She will be happier and you won't have to wrestle her into some routine that she is obviously not ready for.

Sorry about the finances. Look up and know that there is a loving creator waiting for you to call on Him for help. He has certainly come to my rescue time and time again.

Blessings,
S.

I am glad you're breastfeeding. I am glad you are not taking meds for depression.

Juice and Cow's milk shold never be given to kids, too much sugar.

If you want to give juice, OK, but dilute it. Only 2 tsps per 16 oz.

Try some water for her.

If you must to d milk, try goat's milk. You can get it at Randall's, Central Market or whole foods and I think at HEB.

If you are a Christian, pray. If not, I will pray for you.
The best way to get out of depression is to be thankful for the little things everyday. Your arms, legs, your breath, the ability to digest your own food, the clouds, the sun and know that God is in control. He is!

My daughter (who will be one on the 22nd) doesn't like sippy cups or much juice. I was going nuts too until I discovered DanActive drinkable yogurt. I get the small ones (3.1 ounces) and put them in a "take and toss" cup with a straw and she'll finish it in 30 seconds or less. She LOVES them. She doesn't like anything else...So, she gets DanActive (it could be worse)...I've checked it out...it's a great thing for her to drink. It might work for your little girl. Give it a try. Take a deep breath. It'll get better!

Hi,
My sister-in-law works for the Catholic Diocese of Austin Life Center. They help pregnant women and women with babies and they put on great classes. Some of the classes are how to deal with stress and there are nutrition classes. If your interested the phone number is ###-###-####.

W.
____@____.com

Have you tried some really good vitamins. I would strongly recommend Mega B for Stress by Solar Ray, if you can't find that, some other source of Mega B and also a good greens supplement, whether you mix it with juice and drink or just take the pills, but something with spirolina will make a real difference in your energy levels. A couple minutes worth of deep breathing exercises will help you fall asleep faster and get a better quality of sleep when you do get the chance.

Hi R.,

This is really a tough situation and my heart goes out to
you. I too suffer from depression and have raised 4 children.
I breast fed them all for 2 1/2 years. At that time (1980) there was no medication safe for breastfing babies. My saving grace was developing a support system, getting together with other stay at home moms. This a you allows to socialize and gets yourself our of your own head for a while. Having this mental break can give the strenght to keep going. Another positive effect is that your daughter learns to socialize within the comfort of your presence. She need this for her well being. She will have the opportunity to observe other children and, eventually, feel safe enough to go beyond this stage. It is IMPERATIVE that you make time for yourself. Your daughter is also reaciting to your extreme stress. As for not sleeping, well a lot if this is just part of mothering young children. Hoewever, what I did to minimize this problem was to have them in my bed. This allowed me to just turnover, nurse and never have to be totally awake. Your daughter will also feel more loved and less lonely. Remember, children only know what they need. There is no malice or manipulation at this young age and there is no such thing as spoiling a child with too much love.
Keep your chin up for this too shall pass - ALL TOO QUICKLY!
I know this isn't easy but you are NOT alone!
Warmest Regards,
Liz

R. - Talk to your doc about Zoloft. It is safe for pregnancy and breast feeding. My dose was pretty high - 250 mg. If you need a tricyclic medication, take it and wean that little one. You've already nursed longer than most moms. You've done a great job. Your mental health has to be first priority. My experience with a picky eater was that stubborn as she was, after a few days of protesting and drinking very little, she eventually drank juice and also cow's milk with carnation instant breakfast (vanilla) mixed in. I know what it is like to go without sleeping all night- we finally just let her cry it out. It was really hard. But, at a year old, she's got the neurological maturity to soothe herself. I had to wear earplugs and have my husband hold my hand while she was up in the night. It's tough to teach them how to sleep. I hope you find the help you need. Motherhood can be so overwhelming.

Bless your heart. You have a lot going on. I remember those times. I have three children, now all over the age of 20. They were born close together and my youngest wanted to nurse all of the time. She refused to drink anything else or take a bottle as well. I did cry quite a lot and not to sound depressing, but I have not had 8 hours of sleep in 24 years. The older they get brings more to think about. I don't know your husbands work schedule and mine worked until 9 or 10pm during their younger years, but he could come home for a few hours in the afternoon or help with breakfast in the mornings. You do need to find some time for yourself during the day. If it is just 15 to 30 minutes a day at first, you do need that. If your husband can help you with that the better. A walk around the block, him reading a book while you talk on the phone to a friend, sit and watch what you want on TV, read a magazine, whatever. It sure helps your frame of mind. Do the kids that you keep all take a nap at the same time? If that's the case you could fit some time in there. Have your tried Rice milk for your daughter? Have her pick out a pretty cup from the store and maybe she might try drinking out of it. Also, get an exercise video/dvd and have you and the kids you keep exercise during the day. That will help with your depression. Also, make plans. Set a goal for something. Talk to your husband, confide in him, plan things with him, get a baby sitter on a Friday or Sat. and spend some time together enjoying each other's company. Sometimes we lose sight of our relationships when we are going through stressful times. The more help you have going through these times, the more comforting it is. I will be praying for you.

What is your daughter's doctor saying? I had a friend whose daughter had many of the same issues and she ended up with a bacterial infection. Does she eat anything? I would push the issue with the doctor or get a second opinion. You can not go on like this forever...

My son was the same way - "Trained Night Nurser" is the medical term. He wanted to nurse ALL night long. We got him to stop by putting a pacifier in his mouth every time he tried to feed during the night. It really made him mad but, eventually he got the idea night time is for sleeping and not eating. The pacifier was eaily phased out a few months later.

He refused all other liquids as well. Even chocolate milk! I nursed him until he was 15 mos. You just have to keep trying with the alternate liquids. Eventually, my son got the idea, but it took weeks of persistence.

Good luck!

R.,
You have to take care of your body for your daughter, everyone else who needs you, and for yourself. Talk to your doctor or your pediatrician about this to get some good advice. Bounce ideas off of him/her.
Here are two pieces of advice that helped me that relate to what you're going through. My son's dietician helped me to break his poor night sleeping habits. She told me that he does NOT NEED to get up to drink at night and that he needs me to be more rested to take care of him during the day. She said, "You have to train him to sleep at night. Let him cry when he wakes up. He will stop doing this after several days or a week." I did it and IT WORKED! We were both better for it. When I needed to break him from the bottle but he wouldn't drink from anything else, I was scared he would dehydrate. She said, "Keep doing what you're doing. He will drink when he is thirsty. He will not let himself go thirsty for too long."
Your doc may give you similar or different advice.

oh, honey, that bites and I have been there...

There are medications you can take for depression that do not pass to the breast milk. Get on one - talk with your psychiatrist, get samples (I want to say seroquil, but I am drawing a blank and don't want to give bad info on this).

My son still nurses (occassionally) he is 2 1/2. He did not sleep through the night until the end of last summer and still sometimes wakes up for a drink during the night. He simply does not get into bed with me now, so I get some rest, but you know how that is.

I have seen more moms stress themselves out trying to get their kids onto their schedule when it just seems like a losing battle to me. What always seems to happen is that children learn to sleep through the night when they are ready. No amount of fighting with the child will change that - it will just make you feel slightly more in control (or in my experience - out of control) to keep fighting it and trying new things.

You need to do what works for you and your daughter. For me it was cosleeping with my son. That way, when he woke up - I didn't have to entirely WAKE UP to deal with his needs - I could do it from the comfort of half-sleep. It is not ideal, but better than getting up, walking down the hall, thoroughly waking up, trying to get your daughter back down and then trying to get yourself back to sleep. Yuck!

There are also some good books out there for this same kind of issue. I am thinking in particular about "Good Nights" (about exactly what you are asking) as well as "The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning."

As a last resort, the breast feeding stores now have some bottles that mimic the breast better than most. They are specifically for nursed children who don't have any interest in any other bottles (my nephew)- they are breast shaped and may work for you. However, the problem is more likely that she wants mommy-time or cuddles, not just mommy-milk.

Finally, if you think it is just about having something to drink - she should be old enough for a cup. I had read quite a bit about not weaning little ones to bottles, but rather to cups (that they find the bottle offensive as it is not nearly as good as mom).

Good luck with it all.

~ J.

I have also struggled with depression. You can survive this, I promise!

Step 1 - Take some time for yourself. You need to find a quiet corner, or go for a walk to decompress.

Step 2 - Take up meditation or yoga. They help you stay centered and allow your brain the time it needs to process.

Step 3 - Remember, this too shall pass. Try to take a few moments each day to focus on what was great about getting to stay home with your daughter. Enjoy all the amazing changes she's going through. You're very fortunate to be able to do this...I couldn't.

Step 4 - Find another source of income. Having to take care of 1 baby at 20 age is hard...doing it at 35 is EXHAUSTING! I can't imagine taking care of 3!!! (I was 35 when I had my second..whew!) A ton of call centers are looking for more mature professionals to work from home. The pay is usually okay. Check out http://www.vipdesk.com/info/products.asp
I know they are a reputable group. I run a call center. They've bid on managing our calls for us.

Good luck!!!

Will she drink out of an open cup? If she will, have you tried mixing the milks? Is she started on solids? My finicky eater would not touch rice cereal but instead had to be fed individual grains of rice. Still can't get her to eat anything the consistency of baby food (chocolate pudding aside), and she's seven. Seems to be a texture thing. Speaking of rice, have you tried rice milk?

I suffer from Depression too. It started after the birth of my first daughter almost 5 yrs ago. It got better until after I had my second daughter almost 3 years ago. My dr. gave me an antidepressant that was ok to take while breast feeding but it really didn't work.
I too took on another kid during the day to make extra money but had to quit soon after starting because I couldn't handle the chaos that goes on with having more than one kid around at one time. I felt overwhelmed by everything.

I finally got back on another anti depressant and it has worked miracles. I am less stressed and can handle pretty much anything my kids can dish out.

If you are finished breast feeding, I'd highly suggest getting on another anti depressant. Don't worry if your kid won't drink milk. my oldest daughter wouldn't drink milk until she was almost 3.

Have you tried organic milk or smoothies? Horizon makes these great smoothies and my kids love them (even when they wouldn't drink milk).

I truly hope that things get better for you.

My heart is with you.
J. R