Guys Night Out

We have conquered this one pretty much. He can go out as much as he wants, usually once a week or so as long as the kids are already in bed. He loves the free poker nights around town (FPT I think is what it is called) He gets to socialize with the same group every week, i get to make it to REM sleep before he comes home! I have no real idea what time he gets home, but he says it is usally between 11-1. He has his phone if I need him.

On the flip side, I am gone at night more then he is for volunteer duties, PTA, Moms club, and about once a month I will go out for a true girls night out.

Also, we make a point to go out once a month with each other. Late night 3-4 am just the adults while kids are with the grandpa.

It is working for us, I dont want to rock the boat!

Once a week. Rolls in around 1 am or sometimes a bit later. I don't complain much because the regular spot is very close to home and I go to my girls night right before he leaves for guys night :) We just switch parent duty when I get home!

Maybe I'm the odd one out, here, but my husband doesn't HAVE a guys night out. He has no interest in going out to bars and hanging out, etc. He works a rotating shift, so when he is home in the evenings, he wants to be home, with the kids.. not something he always is able to do.

He does, however, have a "golf day" where he goes on one of his days off and spends the day golfing with guy friend(s). We just added the "average" amount to the monthly budget items, and it is a non-issue. I know that every Monday, he is going golfing, and will be up and gone usually by 8:00 a.m. and not be back home until around 3:30 in the afternoon, depending on where they go to play that day.
Usually, he is home in plenty of time to relax a little, grab a shower, and then help with the kids/dinner/homework, etc and have a nice evening at home. On special occasions (around his birthday, or his friend's birthday) they will sometimes drive to a better course a little farther away and end up being gone til dinner... but he always lets me know when they are planning something like that. And he calls me when they leave the course so I know when to anticipate him getting home.

He NEVER plans things that will interfere with his ability to sleep adequately to perform his job. And if the kids have anything special going on (a school event or sports or whatever) he will make that a priority, and he will either be back in time, or skip the golf.
Family comes first, but he also needs that "guy/golf" time to decompress so that he is ready to devote his other time to us. I have learned that mentally "deciding" that he has a day "to play" is good for US as a couple and US as a family, NOT just for my husband. It helps him be a better husband/father.
(oops, guess I should have read the other responses first, I see they don't really "do" guys night out either, lol).

Oh the guys night out....when "men" act like the boys they still really are...or at least my husband. All I expect from my husband when he goes out, which is just a local bar/friend's house, is a phone call if their plan's change or he'll be out later than expected. And if I call, which I rarely do and tell myself not to, that he answer! My post could probably go on and on, on how we finally got to this point, but I'll spare you the ear full. The few times I go out, I treat him as I want to be treated. The way I see it, the times he does go out and has a little too much to drink, I feel great the next day and he is hurting, which makes me smile everytime! All the best!

With us, its me who goes out. I usually only go out maybe once a month when money and our schedules work out. Depending on where I go depends on what time I get in. We don't have anywhere in town here to go out to, so I either go to the next town over and then its around 2-3 (after bar time) or if we go dancing then its around 4 cause its over an hour away to go to the club.

But my hubby is in a band and they practice every Sun. Tues and Thurs. and is gone normally 3-4 hours. Then when they play a gig he is gone mid afternoon until after bar time.

I don't have a problem with him giving that much time to his band because I know he needs a break also from home and its something he loves and music was a part of his life before me and the kids.

We run our own Cafe and one of us is working every weekend. So we go out seperatly because neither one of us are good at going out then getting up and having the mind set to work early the next morning.

Mainly you both need to give and take... and agree on something that you both like and go with it. What works in one home wont always work in another.

Good luck!

My husband maybe goes out once/month. Twice if there's something special going on.

He went out for dinner with friends the other night and was home by 8:30-9pm (it was a Thursday evening).

He went with a friend to the Ohio State vs. Michigan football game in November and was home before 10pm.

Neither of us burn the midnight oil anymore. We're homebodies, so perhaps our example isn't the most mainstream to use.

My husband usually tries to get out once per month, but we also spend time with our friends together every week. I think it is important for a husband or wife to get out on occasion with friends, but it should not be bothersome to the other person. ie. staying out till 3am or coming home totally drunk.

I think it is equally as important to include your spouse in "going out" with the other spouses friends on a regular basis. My husband has many close friends and I am usually included in "going out" with all of them.

My hubby goes out to work chopping trees or what-not on our land. He doesn't necessarily go out, but his buddies meet him up there and they sit in the bed of the truck and drink beer, walk down to the river. There's no light out there, so he's home 9 or 10ish at the latest. But he's normally a home-body. He's super-frugal too. He won't go out with his friends if they're going to have to pay cover charge or do anything that cost more than $20 worth of beer.

My husband works Mon-Fri swing shifts so the only time we get together is the weekends....so honestly, I can say he NEVER goes out. Even though I try to get him to go out with his friends, he says he would rather stay home!! Plus we live out in the country so he does not feel comfortable drinking/driving. I have even told him I'd pick him up! That being said, a lot of his friends work weekends or weekend nights so it's hard for them to meet up. I think if his schedule were different, he would go out more (I would hope so) because I still go out occasionally!

Another thing - since we started dating 9 years ago, we combined my friends and his friends into one large group so if/when we go out, we all go out together. That includes his bf and wife, my bffs, his sisters and their significant others and any other friends we have. It has worked out awesome because most of us never do the 'girls/guys' night out. But when we do, it's always the girls going out instead of the guys!!

If he were to go out, I would not expect him home before the bars closed at 2am - so probably 230 or later (depending on if he went to get food). I'd be okay with him spending the night with friends if that meant no drinking/driving.

My husband goes out probably once a month and comes home around 2 or 3ish AM. That's fine withe me b/c a) it's once a month and b) it's always been like that when he's gone out with his friends. I can maybe take this sort of guys night thing twice a month but not more then that.

My hubby's pals go for wings & Yuengs every Thursday. They don't all go every week. My DH probably goes every other Thursday. I have no problem with him going once per week. He goes after our son is in bed. He usually gets home around 12-1. He also golfs, goes to the gym Sunday mornings and is leaving for a 5 day golf trip tonight. I have no problem with what he likes to do and I have the same freedom. I trust him, he does not drink to excess or blow money foolishly. I encourage him to pursue his interests!

My significant other doesn't have a TYPICAL guys night out but periodically he'll meet one of his friends at a local watering hole and have a few and either call a cab home, have one of his friends drive or abstain and drive himself. (more the first 2 than the latter..lol)

Point being, we made an agreement because it was getting out of hand for a while that he would have one night a month and so would I. That if he went out and wasn't going to be home by bar closing time (around 230 or 3) that he WOULD call me or there would be problems with next time. (I have trust issues and can't figure out for the life of me why a man can't tell time)

He went out a couple of months ago to see one of his friends play in a band (he hangs out with allot of people who play in bands, his brother included) and was home by 1am. He went out the time before that and came home at 6am after having a friend from out of town come in an go party with them and they had breakfast and he text'd me to let me know what was going on, as per the agreement.

He's going golfing in a couple of weeks and he'll leave at dawn and come home at dark and that's ok with me too cause PLEASE let me have the house to myself for a couple of minutes!!!

For the record, I had a conversation with my other half RIGHT OFF THE BAT when I started feeling unfomfortable with the 2 or 3 times a WEEK he was wanting to go with his single, no kids friends...but after a compromise and letting him know how I felt without being accusatory and demeaning...it has worked out pretty well...and I get some out time too...to watch a show with a girlfriend or to have a drink and go dancing if I want.

Smiles and Good Luck to you.

This is the on going fight at my house too. I have limited it to no more than once a week. With kids its not fair that they go out and we stay home. But then on the flip side my husband says fine on the days he isn't going out I can. And my thing is I LIKE spending time with him, sure going out with the girls once a month is great but thats all i need. He typically goes to Happy hour once a week and stays out until about 10:00. any later than that and he wouldn't help with the kids in the morning. Plus 5 hours of drinking with the guys is enough and I hate going to bed without him.

He also joins a softball league in the spring. So that takes up his happy hour night. Hope this helps. And whatever he tells you-- other wives aren't so cool that they let their husbands go out 4 nights a week.

my girlfriend did that-- never called him, just let him do what he wanted and he left her for some slut at a bar.

When my hubby goes out with the guys the returning time depends on the event. He went to Comic Con with his buds and it was over around 8pm but he called that they were going to dinner and have a couple of beers got home at 10ish. Otherwise he never strolls in the wee hours but if he is running late he always calls are texts me during the night. I am the one that says have a good time you don't have to check in, but he likes to keep me in the loop. It's nice of him. He has a friend though who when they go out never wants to go home and tries to convince all the friends to stay out later. My hubby said this guy and his wife are having problems and he is avoiding going home because the guy is avoiding having a "real" conversation with his wife. I'm assuming you are asking becasue your hubs is staying out late and you indicated additional issues. Directness on your part if you are uncomfortable about his late nights is necassary if it bothers you. Plus minds can run rampant when the one you love is having late nights and telling you nothing about their whereabouts. I hope you can work out your issues. Good luck

My husband goes out 2 to 3 times a week and stays out usually until 2 or 3 am....sometimes (twice a year) he will even arrive home the next day 6 -7 am this really bothers me and I had told him so many times that I already sound as a nagging wife to him. He is a good father and helps with the cooking...however his constant late hang outs with his friends are really taking a toll in our relationship. I'm sure he is living a double life as he is one person with me and another with his friends. He never takes me out unless I propose it or after some drama I made. I love him and we have 2 beautiful kids but I feel neglected and not a priority in his life. If I'm not ok with him going out he does not care and does it anyways...I dont know what to do I threated him with getting him out of our room but he does not care anymore and sleeps downstairs... I need some advise am I being too controlling? At least this is what he makes me think...

By the time we got married (I was 27 my husband was 24), we were pretty much bored with going out without each other. We met in high school and got married after we finished collage, and we were away from each other for months at a time (we went to different schools). So by the time we were ready for marriage, we were so over just hanging out with our respective buddies. Right now my husband takes a Saturday morning once a month to help teach a pistol safety class at the range. Sometimes we'll go to a gun show together (I like looking for all the nifty little flash lights they have there) I spend a lot of my time getting our son to his various activities, (and working in the garden) and in the summer we look forward to nice summer weekends when we can go tubing or looking to sight dolphins in the boat. Between jobs, and activities with our son, we spend enough time apart and we just look forward to having family time together when we have a chance. We did a neighborhood progressive dinner last Sat (every course is at a different house). It was fun and we were home by 10pm.

My husband has a regular guy day once a month. He is gone all day long.This is okay with me because it is expected. But when he goes out at night he usually does not come home til around 3 a.m. Now this is a huge problem for me because I don't think a married man and father needs to be out that late. I know I would never do that to him

Well, to be honest my guy never goes out for a guys' night out (and I wish he would!), but that's only because his job is very high-stress and demanding, and he's on call so the concept of going out and getting drunk is out of the question.

I would love for my guy to have a guys' night out, just like I love it when I have a girls' night out. I'd say every other week, as long as A) both parties are helping around the house and a pile of work isn't being left behind and B) both parties physical and emotional needs are being met satisfactorily.

I think it is healthy for couples to have time with their friends but without their spouses/partners as opposed to being enmeshed (or up each others' butts) all the time. Now, if the partner is out doing naughty, doing things to jeopardize the relationship/marriage, or always leaving the care of the house and the children for the other partner then that's not right.

It's all about balance.

Every couple is different - some don't really want to go out, some do. I think you have to talk about what you are comfortable with and why he needs to go out so often. Is it a new trend in wanting to go out? Are you comfortable with the guys he's out with? Do you have time for yourself too? Trust your gut and talk it out. Explain why it's important to you he is not out that much and ask him what he needs the time for. Good luck - and do what is right for you guys.

Hi! My husband goes out once every 1-2 weeks and comes home anywhere from midnight-2. I go out with my girlfriends once per week as well. My husband and I spend a lot of time together, but both believe in giving eachother our own time and space to hang out with our close friends. We believe it's important for our relationship and keeps it healthy. Of course we trust eachother 100%.

In hubby and mine case it is me who is out more, and gets these talks! This is how we have been handling it:

Hubby and I try to be fare on the amount of time with guy/girls night out, during the spring/summer/fall months I am on a kickball league that is once a week (a group of friends guys & gals) so during those months I try my hardest to make sure he gets out once a week with his friends. These nights either of us tend to get home between 10pm and midnight. If he can only get together with his friends once or twice during these months we have agreed that it can be a half day (2pm-11pm) or all day (11am-10pm) quality time with the guys. They usually just play video games, drink, maybe go to a hockey game or watch a sporting event/movie.

During the winter months it tends to be only once month and usually only gone for a few hours, sometimes a half day. These night out usually are either eating, drinking and chatting.

There are VERY RARE occasions, happens maybe twice year, where either of us come home from quality away time away AFTER midnight. If that happens we ALWAYS call so the other does not worry, and we call as soon as possible (ex: I/he realizes had more beer then expected, it is 11pm and need to sit it out or very rarely spend the night at a friends CALL immediately!). I completely trust my hubby and he trusts me but we care about each other so we call to let each other know what is up.

My husband goes out with friends about once/month and doesn't come home too late. He doesn't come home late for two reasons - 1 we're broke, so he doesn't have too much money to spend on beers with the guys and 2 - I have ZERO tolerance for drinking and driving (it's a dealbreaker for me) and his friends don't live by us and a cab ride home would be a fortune. So I think if things were different financially, he would be out a little more often, but not too much more. Good luck. I know these conversations with a significant other are NO fun. (BTW, I also go out with the girls about once/month with the same general rules).

I think it really is what you guys can work out.... I think you need to figure out why you don't want him going out. I know for me at first was that I didn't get to go out and he did. Sounds a little immature I guess, but hey, my life is not only about him and the kids. Or does he do things that are inappropiate when he does go out? Two very different reasons for not wanting him to go out.

Now, I haven't kept track of how often I go out because it's usually only once in awhile.... he goes out sometimes once every couple months... with the guys from work after wards..... I expect him around bar time, but sometimes they go to one of the other guys house and play the xbox after wards, I'm okay with that as long as he let's me know that. I know him and the guys he's going with so I don't really have any doubts that they are playing video games after wards and if I did, I can always go online and see if his buddy is online lol.... We also have date night once a month and go out as a couple with others. We do most things together, but I believe it's so important to do things with out the spouse... hobby, guys night, girls night etc.

To me if I can't trust him then that means there is no communication and to me then there's no point in staying together. But that's just me...

Hope this helps and good luck :)

My husband and I really enjoy having nights with our friends. We go out maybe about once every 2-3 months with just the girls or if it's his turn, the guys. We both come home no later than 1:30, but normally it ends up being 12 or 12:30. We realized a long time ago that in order for us to go out responsibly, we owed it to each other to come home at a reasonable time.