On the weekend, I tend to run errands by myself, but if we go to the pool, park, etc. we go as a family. What kind of family are you? Do you try to hang together as much as possible on the weekend or when everyone is around, or do you divide up parenting responsibilities to allow for "me time" for each parent?
I'm just curious because I have some gfriends that wanted to do girls nights on Fridays, and I had to tell the one that it was my "date night" with hubby, even if we were at home. Time with my hubby is precious to me (he works long hours during the week), so I have no desire to go hang with friends when I could be hanging with hubby.
I should add that I do book club every other month, so I do get out with my friends. I feel no pressing need for any more than that, I was just curious about this because we were at the pool yesterday and I see solo parents with all the kids at the pool all the time. It would never cross my mind to send hubby to the pool with the kids without me on the weekend. That will change next summer when we have a baby that won't be old enough to go into a pool, but pool time is family time for us.
My parents also take the kids for me from time to time (once a month), so I do get actual "me time" from time to time.
I have two children under 2.. so I don't expect my husband to go out alone with them. And the weekends are always family time for us. Sometimes we make plans with family or friends. Other times we hang out at the park or something else. And other weekends we just lay around the house, lol. But my "me time" consists of taking a shower or getting in a few minutes of yoga.
We have habits but they aren't carved in stone. I think it is all about balance. I wouldn't turn down something special with my friends just to spend time with my family any more than I would turn down time with my family just because this slot is usually friends.
Hope that makes sense.
it doesn't really have to be either or. i've always needed to make time for myself, even when it felt selfish. i require that in order to function well on behalf of my family.
when the boys were little i really neglected my marriage. i'm so glad you don't do that! we fixed it and just celebrated our 26th, and have been together for 30. and it's challenging to schedule me time, us time, and family time. but so worth it.
i'd throw in an occasional friends night. they too are good for the soul. but not at the expense of a loved and longed-for hubby night.
khairete
S.
When my kids were little the only "me" time I got was in the middle of the night once the hubby and kids were in bed. I would run errands, like going to the grocery store, at 1:30 am sometimes. It wasn't a good place to be. I was nothing but a wife and mother, and in my opinion that's not healthy.
As my kids got older (and I got more and more burnt out) I HAD to take more me being me and doing things *I* enjoyed (not just errands for alone time ... that's NOT something I enjoyed).
Now that my kids are almost grown and out of the house ... I come and go almost as much as I please. I have a LOT more me time to do the things I really love doing. And I have some friends I get together with on a semi-regular basis ... we all try to get together every couple of months depending on schedules.
As a compromise ... if your friends are doing "girls night out" every Friday why don't you join them once a month (give or take)? You still get plenty of hubby time and still get some real personal time. That's what I would do anyway :)
We pretty much hang as a family on the weekends. We both work full time, so weekends are our only time together without the insanity of the work week!
We make sure that each of us gets at least 30 minutes of "me time" each day. My husband goes to the basement to read the paper at night while I give the kids a bath and he puts them to bed so I can hop on the treadmill. We have a group of ladies who get together every-other-month for a "girls night" which is a blast, but weekly is a little much.
My husband and I are terrible about date nights, but we try.
I'm a big fan of time with the girlfriends, but once a week? That's a LOT.
You're right, the date night with the hubby is VERY important. Just join the girls occasionally, that is, only if you really want to. As you said, your time is precious :)
We balance. Each weekend we manage to fit in some time for him alone at home to watch sports or play on the comuter, some time for me to go out to yard sales alone or out with my friends, some time for a family activity and some time for us as a couple (usually watching a movie upstairs while the boys watch a movie downstairs). I do alot with my kids solo! The boys and I just got back from family camp, and there were lots of moms who had left dad behind! I take the kids on vacation without my husband quite often, or to the zoo, the park, the pool, the beach, bowling etc. I also try to get away for the weekend with friends once in while and leave the kids at home with dad. It is good for the kids to develop relationships with each parent independently as well. Dads do need time alone with their kids too. I see many dads who don't even know how to parent because mom is always there to do it for them, and I see many moms who can't seem to function without their husband because they never do anything without him.
We do a little of both. I do like to go grocery shopping by myself on the weekend, and that is usually the only "me time" I get all week. I will go out with friends once in awhile, but not every week. My hubby usually has to do errands with one or more kids tagging along. They all want to go with him! He sees his college friends 3-4 times a year, and stops for a beer after work with some guys once in a great while. We do spend a lot of quality family time together with just us, or our extended family on the weekends.
CONGRATULATIONS to you for wanting to spend time with your husband instead of having a girls night out.
I don't do a man's night out. My wife doesn't do a girls night out. We do a spouces night out. We go places as a husband and wife. I didn't marry my wife to go and play with the guys.
I don't care what other couples do. Spouces night out is what works for us and has for the last 39 years. (We call it date night.)
As far as time to herself, I did the grocery shopping in our family. I would take all the kids with me almost all the time, except when she was nursing. (She took the one she was nursing with her.) That gave her alone time. The ladies in our church have a meeting once per month for the ladies in our church. They go to learn spiritual things or other educational tings like crafts or cooking or intellectual pursuits. Babysitting is provided, although I babysat our kids most of the time.
Good luck to you and yours.
We're in the first category.
Usually if we're running around, we'll each take a kid with us. The end goal is that we try to not leave the other one at home with both kids unless it's for some social function the other is doing.
Ex: Occasionally on a Saturday afternoon, DH will go watch a soccer match at the local pub with friends. I'll keep the kids for that.
We also have our date nights and nights out with friends. So we're pretty balanced.
I like to go to the grocery store alone late at night (well, 9pm). My husband and the kids are sleeping, then.
I don't do anything with friends, etc. because husband works long hours and would be too tired to watch the kids in the evening, or weekend. So we (kids and I) are always together, but sometimes one of us will take 1 or 2 kids to the store with us, so the other parent only has to watch the other 2.
Hubby works Friday-Sunday and doesn't get home until after 7pm and goes to bed by 10pm. So weekends are my kids and I and we usually see my parents. During the week, we try to do most things in the evening as a family but I usually take my daughter to gymnastics alone because it's not fun for my 3 year old. I'll occasionally go out to dinner, Girls Night Out, etc without hubby and kids on a week night as well. We do Girls Night Out once a month and try to alternate weekends and week days. That way the ones that need sitters can get them on the weekends and utilize hubby/family during the week but the ones without kids who want date night with boyfreinds/hubby's on the weekends don't always have to give up their weekend nights.
