Grrrr...

OK, so here's my advice-
1. Tell your husband he OWES YOU BIG TIME and let the guy stay. Make it clear to your husband and this guy that he's only allowed to stay for the month of Dec and then BYE BYE because you have to get the baby's room set up. (That means Dec 1 - Dec 31. No "hungover" house guest come New Year's Day.)
2. Share your bed with your sister and stick your husband on the couch. Afterall, he invited his friend w/o consulting you so now he needs to help fix the problem.
3. Tell your "house guest" he cleans up after himself and there is absolutely NO SMOKING in your house. No further explanation needed.
4. Use whatever "rent" he is paying you for the month of Dec. to decorate the baby's room. If your husband balks at the expense just say, "Don't worry about it. John's rent paid for it all."

If you aren't comfortable around him just keep yourself occupied. Holiday shopping, registering for your baby shower and visiting with your sister. Make sure that your husband and his BFF do the same and your husband gets him out of the house too. So you can have some time to put your feet up and relax.

Now, everyone's happy. And your husband still owes you big time. LOL

Tell him one roomate is MORE than enough. Seriously-its not college anymore. You guys are grownups with a child on the way. Not cool to all live together anymore...even if it is to save money. And tell him if when your sister comes she will be sleeping with YOU and HE will be out on the couch or in bed with his best friend. Because you are right-you cannot have a 14 yo in a house with two random men.

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Your husband needs to tell his friend that he forgot your sister was coming and that you don't have room for two houseguests, especially when you are pregnant and needing plenty of rest. He can tell his friend it's just a matter of timing and he's sorry this time but he can't help. A good friend will understand. You will be heading into the end of your pregnancy and you have enough other stress without a longterm, smoking houseguest.

Here are some compromising points if he does stay:

For one, he is not allowed to smoke in the home. It's commonly known among the vast majority of smokers to smoke outside out of respect for others... even most smokers I know don't even smoke in their own homes, but go outside on the porch.

So, he will need to respect those rules. Also, the week your sister comes, he will have to make other arrangements.

And, he needs a deadline to get out.

It's his best friend. Great. You are his wife and you are carrying his child. A smoker in the house is not okay and him making a decision without consulting you is absolutely not okay. Your husband needs to call him and say that he "forgot" that your sister is coming and that he promised you that the baby's room would get done before the baby gets here... can't stay with us now, sorry.

Bigger question for me... if you don't want him in the house, why did he go on vacation with you? You and hubs need to have a chat about his priorities.

Girlfriend....not acceptable...Gather you wits about you and NO WAY!!!! He's a married man with a wife and new child on the way....H##L no......if he won't call his buddy you do it....Plus if you already have a roomie and then your sis is coming Tough for him...Why is it the BF has to live with you anyway??? Nope...especially since he didn't discuss it with you.

Hi H.,

Your husband already accepted. I would let the friend come and set rules:
1. No smoking in the house
2. Sleeping in the couch. Second room is reserved already for your sister (she was invited first, she has priority on the room) and then for baby.
3. Make sure that everyone understand this is a temporary agreement.
4. Your house, your rules. Whatever they are, make them clear and also make clear that if they are not followed, he can leave.

Sleeping on the couch may help him not to feel too comfortable and not to extend his stay.

I like Mom on the Go's answer, but it sounds like you also need to talk to your husband. You should be his priority. You guys are a team, and any decisions like that need to be talked over. Whether he would whine and beg for the friend to stay or not, it needs to be a team decision/compromise. Remind him that just because that is his best friend, it doesn't mean that he, and YOU, should be walked on and used.

My best friend that I hadn't seen in 4 years was "swinging through" town on her way home from vacation JUST to see me. I talked to my husband and asked if it was okay to make us available for dinner, and mentioned that I was thinking of offering our spare bed for them. He didn't hesitate and said, of course. That was only for one night, but I wouldn't make that type of decision without consulting him.

Well, it sucks that you are being imposed upon, and yes, it was very inconsiderate of your husband. That being said, truly decent friends are hard to find. If your hubby and his best buddy have been that tight for years, especially if his friend would do the same for him, then I suggest sucking it up and sticking it out for a month. I know, it sucks, but this is obviously very important to your husband. You need to talk to him about it, alone, and set some definitive boundaries and rules. You need to have a definate "Moving out" date, and if your husband won't tell this to him directly, then you must be diplomatic and speak with him personally. If your husband gives you flak about it, remind him that you are going thru a huge inconvience to be a good wife.

soooo glad that worked out for you because I would not want to be in that position... You may want to talk to hubby about communication and boundaries though. Best of luck to you and your little family.

It sounds to me like DH will need to learn that first and primary allegiance is to wife and baby. It is possible that the 2 of you could have figured out another way to help his friend.

GOOD LUCK!

In response to the suggestion that this is a good way to pay for your baby's room and catch up on paying debts, think again.

Realistically house guests (even those who are paying "rent") are probably getting more out of the deal than you will ever recoup in sanity and meals. Chances are very good your cooking, cleaning, entertaining, and overall expenses are going to increase in this situation. Don't forget Holidays are coming and that means spending more money.

Face it, getting ready for baby is going to be expensive, and taking care of all of you after the baby's here will cost even more. In the interim, while your husband is using all of your resources to help out his friends, who is going to be helping you!??

It sounds like you're going to be the one cooking meals, cleaning extra messes, not getting rest, spending money on extra groceries, extra utilities being used, and so on. From what I've read, you haven't been having that great of a pregnancy and it also sounds like you both should be saving every penny you make for when the baby comes...not using it to help two grown men, who are probably resourceful enough to take care of themselves just fine without you and your husband putting yourselves out for them.

You are both being taken advantage of. In the end it's you and the baby who will suffer. There is a big difference behind kindness and friendship and just being a stooge. These guys need to grow up and look at the ridiculousness of this situation. I know neither one of them is thinking about making you a slew of make ahead freezer meals for when the baby comes, or getting you a cleaning or diaper service to make things easier during the first sleepless weeks.

The way I see it, they think it's still college and you're their den mother. DH needs to realize that this is a whole lot of unnecessary expense emotionally and monitarily on all of you. Realistically, by the end of December it could be "go time." Is he mentally, financially ready to be a dad if heaven forbid the stress of all this brought the baby early? Right now it sounds like no.

Don't fall for the false idea that room mates means a viable way to bring more income to your home. It's bad thinking and will probably prove a mistake in the end. Now is the time for the two of you to be settling in and nesting.

As one other poster mentioned this is go time for the two of you, not the time to be playing host to two adults who haven't got their s*** together. Bad economy or not it's not your husband or your problem that these people are having a rough time financially. DH needs to get real and tell both of these people to look for another arrangement, otherwise he should start getting ready to be father of 3, not one. This is just not doable no matter how you look at it.

Would they pay your medical expenses or give you a generous baby shower to bring the baby in with style? Probably not. They sound like pikers. And I'll bet they will not be gone before the New Year. What is going to happen in a month's time that is going to change their situation? We don't know. But we DO know what's on the horizon for you and your husband, and there isn't room for two more in that plan without serious complications. The bad thing is, they're "in" now. Getting them out is going to be sticky and I'll be surprised if they remain his "BFFs" when this whole scenario plays out. Even if you agree to let em stay it's going to get ugly. You watch.

Wake up before you're miserable honey. It sounds like you already have been, but the way things are going you haven't seen anything yet. There is no compromise here. Those guests NEED to go. Friends forever or not. This isn't an imposition, it's outrageously insane. You should come first, not his supposedly grown up "squatters"...er..buddies.

I don't blame you for being upset with your husband. He should have consulted you before inviting his friend to move in. And that is a discussion worth having, at a calmer time when you can actually discuss it rationally. But it is done now, and you need to set ground rules. I think in your place I would do the following -

1. Absolutely put your foot down on smoking. No smoking in your place, at all, period. We know way too much about the damage second hand smoke does - it should never be allowed indoors. Your husband's buddy can go outside if he needs his fix. Your child's health (and yours) is at stake here.

2. Your sister sleeps in your room with you when she comes. Your husband sleeps in the living room. You are right - she cannot sleep out in the living room with two men from outside the family staying in your place. Since your husband created this unfortunate situation without your consent, he should be willing to suck it up and sleep on the couch while your sister is there.

Good luck.

This is a tough spot to be in I love MOM ON THE GO's responce, that is exactly what I would do.

it was wrong of him not to consult you- best friend or not- you are his wife and your and the babys health come first. I assume you consulted him before having you sister stay with you for the holidays so you deserve the same respect. I hope that your husband will reconsider and understand where you're coming from. it is your home too and you have just as much say as he does on who stays with you. however, if you are renting and have a lease, you have to have approval from the landlord to add another tennant so you could simply notify him and let him tell the friend to leave so that your husband doesn't feel like he is being "shallow", it would simply be out of his hands