Growing TOO Fast!?

Wow. I feel for you. I have to say that I think this is definitely not the norm for seven year olds. One piece of advice that I got that I always take is when there is a drastic switch in behavior, no matter how innocuous, check in with a psychotherapist. Just so you can be equipped with the right questions to ask and also to allow yourself to feel better that nothing horrible has happened to cause a shift in behavior. If you dont know of a therapist, talk to your pediatrician or talk to the school counselor.

The next thing is to really look at what may be influencing her. Is she watching Hannah Montanna, High School Musical, Disnesy's Barbie movies? I'm not against those movies, but I limit exposure. AND when my kids do watch that stuff, I'm right there with them explaining that Troy and Gabriella are in HIGH SCHOOL. They are much older. Barbie princess is ready to get married and have kids when she meets the prince. When they show little barbie she isnt kissing boys. I point those things out to them. (Part of the problem is little barbie acts babyish like a toddler. And adult barbie acts like a preteen all the way up until the kiss. guess who they identify with.)

Kids model behavior and there's not much stuff out there for girls her age.

My twins are just turned eight, and my daughter has other young girlfriends who have mentioned they are in Love with her brother and that he's their boyfriend. I've made it clear that at their age, boyfriend and girlfriend does NOT mean kissing. Thankfully, my son agrees Kissing girls is yucky.

Sounds like 2 problems:

1) she's engaging in inappropriate behavior - kissing. If she is adopting other mannerisms, you have to figure out where she is learning this - it's either from other kids at school, or from TV/movies/computer. The first is a teacher discussion to find out what is going on with her friends (the teacher may not name names, but she can tell you whether your daughter is unusual in this area or whether there is a group she is hanging out with who do the same thing.) You'll find out whether this is a common problem or whether this is unique to your daughter. The tv/video thing is completely under your control. Watch with her, tell her what is not appropriate, and stop letting her watch those shows. Take away the remote, ban the TV, computer out of her room, whatever.

2) accepting expensive gifts. How is this happening? Are they gifts from classmates or others? Is she meeting older kids somewhere? Is she being asked to do something in exchange? Other 7 year olds do not have the financial resources or the transportation to obtain these gifts on their own, so they're getting help somehow, or taking stuff from home. The gifts must absolutely go back to the giver. You must give them back and involve the other parents. They may not know what is going on so do not start out in an accusatory fashion. Approach it cooperatively. Then give your daughter the advice that kids do not "buy" friendships with gifts, and so on.

Let your daughter know that there is a safety issue involved here, that life isn't about being greedy for gifts, that she has to question WHY someone is doing this and what they want in return, and so on. She's not going to be able to figure all of this out on her own, and you will have to judge how much info she can handle. What she can't understand, you can just acknowledge and tell her that you are her mother and that's that.

Also think about the types of clothing she wants to choose and make sure that is appropriate - she is being hit by all kinds of images on TV and on the web, and the manufacturers are definitely making inappropriate clothing in small sizes. Put your foot down about what she is allowed to wear. Don't be afraid to write a letter of complaint to the store or the manufacturer. Obviously they have a right to make clothing for older teens who are small in stature, but intentionally marketing sexy clothing to elementary school kids is ridiculous. They DO respond to consumer complaints. Also be sure you share your values with family members who may be buying her gifts that you consider inappropriate. These adultified children are really at risk, and are being asked to shoulder burdens and roles they are not at all ready for. If you think you need to, check on whether she is even removing some articles of clothing on the bus or in the girls room so that she is wearing less and dressing sexier - a lot of girls do this and you don't know what she is learning/seeing with the other girls.

Good luck!

Hi L.,
I think the previous responses are exactly on target. I agree with removing any tv/computer from the bedroom or playroom. Not just now, but in the future. Also, be careful what you have on the tv/radio in the "background". Children are absorbing attitudes, even when we think they are not listening. Talk radio and even many music stations are filled with sarcastic and nasty chatter, which we may filter out, but children cannot.
Take care

Hi L. - We have 7 year old daughter, and we noticed some teen behavior too (talking back, rolling eyes). We realized some TV shows on Disney and Nickelodeon aren't as age-approprite as we thought: Suite Life, Drake & Josh for example have lots of dating and kissing themes that I didn't expect! Lots of fresh/disrespectful language too. She doesn't watch much TV, but we're steering her toward more wholesome viewing.
Maybe that will help you too?
Good luck - Mary