Please Guide Me Through This "Phase"

I don't have any advice for you, but I am the oldest of 4 kids and when I was her age, I was also kissing boys. For me, at that time, it was more about seeing what it was like, why did people want to do it, etc. Lots of kids play these games at this age, it is probably normal experimentation. However, I do see that it is problematic for you and her. Have you tried asking her about why she is doing it? See where she is coming from and maybe you can work through it that way? I know I went into a phase about 1 year later where boys were 'yucky' for a long time. Dr. Sears has an interesting article on children and sexuality. It doesn't mention kissing, but it may help a bit.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t105300.asp

Hi J.,

Sounds to me like "monkey see", "monkey do". Being a parent can be soooooo hard sometimes...it was the hardest job I ever had, but I loved it because there were so many more positives than negatives.

Maybe you need to talk with both of your daughters together...if the younger one hears you tell the older one to "cool it" maybe she will listen a little better. You never said how old your teenage daughter is, but it probably isn't necessary for them to kiss in front of your six-year-old, no matter what her age is.

Good luck!

C.

Have you tried asking her why she is doing this?

Secondly, is she observing teenage daughter and boyfriend kissing? She is probably confused about why she can't and they can or wants to act "grownup" like them.

Tongue kissing is not a normal phase. I would check to see if there has been anything out of the ordinary going on.

I'm surprised everyone is blaming your teenage daughter - there is enough kissing on shows on Nickelodeon and Disney to enthrall any child.

I have worked with children for a long time, and every child is different. Some are much more curious than others. While I never think it's a bad thing for a worried parent to bring their child to a counselor about behaviors that they're concerned about, I also wouldn't assume that something is *wrong* with her or that something happened to her. Kids see kissing. They know that it's something grown up and they all want to know what the appeal is. Stress that you don't approve, punish if it continues, and then move on. And if it's not enough, as it sounds like punishment hasn't continued, then disallow her to play with those friends ever, put her in counseling, and have play dates with new friends - supervised. Tell her that she's lost your trust and now you'll be supervising her play as you had to when she was very young and force her to earn your trust back.

Good luck.

I only skimmed the responses and it seems we're getting a little freaked about a small behavior. I fear that putting pressure on this is just feeding into it. Maybe you can just ask her to hug instead. Just let her know that kissing is for families and hugs are for friends. I may be taking this too light-hearted since my children are younger but I fear we are too easily freaked out as parents. Good Luck!!

This does NOT seem like typical 6 year old behavior. I would be very worried that something inappropriate has happened to her. I've NEVER heard of that young of a child french kissing. (Much less kissing numerous times at all....) You need to find out what is going on and deal with it immediately! I think it's fine for her to see married adults kissing their spouses but you need to protect her from where-ever she is getting this inappropriate behavior from. Does she watch tv unattended? Or go on the internet? Or has she walked in on your older daughter possibly doing things she shouldn't be???

In this world today, you need to be on watch at all times and try to protect the little ones from situations that may not be healthy......

You said you've tried talking to her numerous times and it hasn't worked..... Have you and your husband sat down together and BOTH told her how you feel about this behavior??? Kids tend to listen better to their fathers' sometimes more than there mothers.......

Good luck in figuring out where this all stems from.

Hi J.,

My daughter is going to be 7 soon, and we just finished this "phase" as well. It wasn't as extreme as what you are going through, but we did notice that when she was around some friends of ours' sons (ages 6 & 8) there was the chasing game. She would chase them and if caught, would kiss them. It was "cute" and "funny" at first, but then we saw the two 6 yr olds laying on the floor and they kept kissing each other with little pecks.(laughing while doing this, but still not appropriate)Our friends sat down with their son and we sat down with her and had the "kissing is only allowed with family" talk. She had a lot of questions about why some grown ups kiss if they aren't family. And we said that if they think they will be married- they start kissing. Pretty far fetched, but it worked. She used the logic of "You and Daddy weren't family until you got married and that's why you can kiss now." And we haven't had any problems since. I would strongly urge you to just continue talking to her about this and yes, maybe ask her where she sees a lot of kissing and that at her age it's not something she should be doing.

Best of luck, I know this is a scary topic as we don't know how concerned we should be. I hope that it ends quickly!

~B.

I would say she has saw your teenage daughter and her boyfriend kissing. I have a 19 yr old and a 16 yr old and then a 7 and 5 yr old, so I know alot about the little ones spying on the big ones;) It is also possible that she saw something the older ones were watching on TV. I would have your teen daughter and yourself talk first and then have a conversation with your 6 yr old about appropriate behavior and at what age. I would also talk to your 6 yr olds teacher. This may be happening on the playground at school with other kids as well, a kind of kissing game? Keep the lines of communication open and the phase will pass, good luck!

what kind of exposure does your daughter have to other sorts of kissing in your house? for example, any boyfriends for your teenage daughter? it could be that shes seeing that her sister kisses boys, why cant see, and shes trying it out.

this is a good opportunity to talk to her about relationships. obviously shes getting the idea about boys and girls having relationships. this is a conversation you should have with a calm positive atmosphere, not one that shes in trouble. shes simply trying out what she sees. let her do most of the talking, ask her why shes kissing this boy, and that kind of thing. try to find a book on talking about relationships, and perhaps even sex, with your younger kids. ive heard of a book called 'your body belongs to you' that is directed toward little kids, but might not address the kissing specifically.

also, this is probably normal. kids are well aware that boys and girls are different at this age, and they are also well aware that boys and girls sometimes kiss. its funny because for a certain period of time, kids kissing each other is cute, then all of a sudden its not. just try to remain calm about this, allow her time to think and talk to you. it could take her up to 40 seconds to respond to a question (just developmentally kids think that long!) so give her time, and never make her feel like shes bad for doing it. shes just exploring her world and relationships are a part of that.

good luck. i know i would feel wierd about it too if my son were 6 and kissing. thats why its important to remember to protect our kids from exposure to indecent movies or shows... and even from the interactions of our older children. things like a babysitter having a boyfriend over... you know?
anyway, good luck

I know this will sound extreme -- but have you thought about taking her to see a counselor?

We do live in a highly sexualized society and especially young girls are exposed to this behavior VERY earily. However, you can never be sure that she hasn't either seen or had something happen to her that was inappropriate. Although this isn't extreme -- children of a young age who act out "sexually" (and tounge kissing is just that) have often either witnessed something inappropriate for their age or have been abused.

I'd also have a talk with the teenage daughter about appropriate behavior in the house and around the younger girl(s).