My girly friend daughter( 26) gives birth To her first Child in July.She is A single mom ( has a bf though But not married.) She has this fear she Will die while.giving birth.We tell here it is very Rare and we do not know were She is getting This.None of this has happened in are Family.As much As we tell her,she wont believe us.Has anyone ever had This fear?How did you get over it?
Stop talking about it. It doesn't help to keep telling her anything. Talk about other things. July is going to get here soon enough and she'll have that baby and that will be that.
What kind of adult refers to the woman he is dating as his girly friend, and if you are unaware it is girly (shudder) friend's daughter, possessive, so don't be surprised if people assume the girly you are dating is pregnant with another mans' child.
Of course I am not to fussed because I am pretty sure you are a troll so no humans are actually harmed by your stories.
Widower:
And you wonder why your daughter is "not minding" you??? how utterly confusing...she's lost her mother, you have a girlfriend with a dog she is allergic to, you are moving AGAIN...and now this same girlfriend is pregnant? put yourself in your daughter's shoes...how confused would YOU be????
and you say "we" who is WE?!
So your "girl friend" is having a baby in July. She's scared. Okay. Some women are - especially when they had heard horror stories from women who have had children...
it's an irrational fear. She needs to talk with her OB/GYN about it. THAT is the person who needs to know this and will help her through it.
I never had a fear of dying giving birth. I've not known anyone personally who has died giving birth...so it wasn't even on my radar...I was happy and excited to be pregnant after almost 4 years of trying...
Tell her to talk to her OB/GYN and tell HER/HIM of this fear...
I read an amazing book my first time around called Fearless Pregnancy. Here is a link:
http://www.amazon.com/Fearless-Pregnancy-Wisdom-Reassuran...
It is written by a doctor, a midwife and a mom. They each contribute and it tells you who is writing when. Very helpful book for me. My mother-in-law gave it to me real casually, I really loved it and gave it away to a friend when I was done :)
I had that fear but I have anxiety and have the fear all the time. You have told her that it's rare and all that so there is not much else you can say. She just has to be brave now in the face of some big changes.
Everyone needs to stop talking to her about this. The more she talks the more real it becomes. Instead tell her she needs to speak with her doctor or a therapist about her concerns. Yes women die after child birth every single day but the larger percentage leave the hospital with a baby in their arms.
The next time she voices these fears, ask her what she's done to plan ahead for her family. Ask her if she's taken control and set up a will yet. Ask her if she's gotten herself life insurance. Ask her if she set up a living will so that the doctors know what to do in case something happens. Ask her if she has chosen legal guardians for her baby.
That might jolt her out of her fears... having to do some forward thinking. After that, ask her what things she still needs help with in setting up for the baby around her home. Have her set up a college account at the bank so that she can put money from the baby shower into it. Have her start interviewing pediatricians. If she plans on a Baptism, have her start planning the Baptism and party. Or a "welcome baby" party. Give her a receiving blanket and a 3-month outfit and newborn outfit for her to take the baby home from the hospital in.
Making solid plans for the baby will hopefully help her envision being present for the baby.
I had similar fears, but they were more about the pain from delivering and how something the size of a Cadillac was going to come out of something the size of a walnut.
Won't she be surprised when she gets through it and then has to think about what comes next (tending a new born).
She's got a lot of changes heading her way.
Becoming a mother and all the hormonal changes that come after giving birth, and breast feeding, and sleep deprivation and well baby check ups - knowing what I know now - I can see how someone might want to blank all that out by imagining an ending and not mentally dealing with it for awhile.
In a sense - her life is irrevocably changing.
Becoming a mother is a major rite of passage.
Don't talk about her giving birth - talk about baby care.
If she doesn't have 'What to Expect the First Year', make sure she has the book.
She needs to talk to her OB. It is normal to feel afraid about something new and sometimes people do die or there are complications. She needs to know what to do if x and y happen and she needs to trust her medical team.
People often roll out the horror stories when women are pregnant. I'm sure she's heard a few.
I also had that fear. It comes from knowing you are entering a situation you can't control and having to trust those around you (doctors and nurses) to get you through it.
Have her discuss it with her OB. It's a common feeling and the doctor will be able to assess the situation and deal with it.
As for her friends and family, do not tell her she's being crazy or over reacting. She isn't and she has a legitimate fear not only for herself but for the baby she is about to deliver.
I think you are on the right track. Pregnant women have tons of fears. And then there are a ton of fears after you have the children (I see you have four so you would know). !! Just keep letting her know and acknowledge her fears but that it is truly rare these days, as doctors and hospitals are so updated on the care and delivery of babies. I remember being worried about everything when I was pregnant. Gosh, give her a hug from me.
