Hi. My daughter complained yesterday that her stomache hurt and didn't want to go to school. I kept her home for a bit and asked her if something was going on with her friends and she told me that her best friend told her at recess "I don't like you." It breaks my heart to see my daughter hurt. She's in third grade. We had a talk about what it is to be a friend to others. My daughter told me that she was going to not to be the gir'ls friend anymore, as this girl has done this to other girls and then will turn around and be friends with the girls. So my question is should I get further involved and let the girl's mother know what her daughter said? What words of advice do you have that I can tell my daughter? It brings back so many memories of when I was teased as a kid. I did let the school nurse and my daughter's teacher know what happened as I want them to be aware of the peer issues, and not have my daughter avoid school. In the end I did send my daughter to school as she felt better after talking to me, but then she was sent home soon afterwards as she was really ill and got sick later that day. Thanks in advance for your advice :)
Hi, N.:
Sit down with her and ask her these questions.
1. What did you think when you realized what had happened?
2. What impact has this incident had on you and others?
3. What has been the hardest thing for you?
4. What do you think needs to happen to make things right?
See what she says and then you'll know what to do.
Good luck.
D.
It's good that you let the teacher know so that she understands why your daughter is sad, but I would not contact the other parent. This is how some kids are, just the way it is. And it doesn't mean that girl will always be mean, maybe she's having her own issues of fitting in. I do feel sad for your daughter. I feel like every parent has gone through this, I know I have with both a son and daughter. I think by talking to her about what a friend is is really the best thing you can do for her. Maybe have her join an afterschool activity that she likes...
J W said it perfectly!
With learning comes pain, it's hard to see your child's feelings get hurt but she is learning what it means to be a friend and how to stand up for herself when someone is mean.
I agree with the other moms-- maybe let the teacher know, but leave the other girl and her mom alone. Poor little girl, but it is inevitable. The best you can do is teach her to handle it with grace.
With the new bullying laws at schools; I would mention it to her teacher, just to make sure there is not more going on and her teacher can monitor for you when you are not around. Let the teacher know that your daughter was so upset she stayed home.
As far as talking to the girl's mother, apple usually don't fall far... And it may be falling on deaf ears. You see a pattern with this girl. So protect your daughter's heart. If she starts hanging around and wanting to be friends,limit their contact when you can. Make excuses for not being able to make play dates, etc. If it comes to that.
Good luck! I hope your daughter recovers from this quickly.
I think it is great your daughter does not want to continue the "friendship" and I have been trying to get my daughter to learn that mean girls are not friends. They might act nice sometimes, but it is always followed by the ugliness. Followup to the teacher with an email restating what was discussed so you have a record each time. Then if this escalates, you have a papertrail.
2 things I want to add. First is that maybe she was feeling sick because of stress from being bullied or whatever. So maybe just watch for that in the future. Stress can totally do that to you. Second, now she may or may not be a little young for this, is if this friend comes at her again with 'oh, I want to be your friend again' thing, have your daughter say something like 'I can't, remember, you don't like me anymore so I can't be friends with you. Go find another friend'. Sometimes you can't be a doormat and just let the other person or people have it back. Take it from me, I had it in grade school and there were times that I had enough and just spat it back. Usually, the other person doesn't expect that kind of reaction. But most important for your DD to learn is to not show her feelings if something is bothering her (at school with kids). Basically, she is just feeding into the bully. I feel bad for your little girl. I had a girl in 5th grade I believe, that did the same thing and she would want to be your BFF one day and the next day it's, oh, I'm friends with so and so now. Just let a teacher know what is going on and leave it at that.
I have seen of of posts similar to yours in the last day or two, and I'm assuming it's because school just started.
I will give you the same advice I gave everyone else. Use this as a life lesson on what a friend should & shouldn't be, and on how to treat people as you want to be treated.
Personally, I would not waste my energy trying to talk to the parent, because at the end of the day, you cannot control the other little girl, or how she is being parented. What you can control is how you parent your child.
This situation has been happening since our parents were in school, and before that, and it will most likely happen more than once. I'd rather my DD be a self confident child who chooses kind people as friends & loves herself enough to walk away when someone is mistreating her. I'd rather she knew how to deal with real life situations, and have coping skills for difficult situations. I don't want her putting all her eggs in one basket & feeling that she "needs" to be friends with a certain person. I wouldn't beg someone to be my friend, as an adult, and I sure as heck wouldn't want my DD begging to be friends with some girl who didn't want to be friend with her, anyway.
let the teacher handle it. You've brought it to her attention & hopefully she'll work on the behavior. The next step would be to have the counselor step in & work with the class.
Don't take it to the other parent....you'll lose the battle.
