Getting My 8 Month Old Boy to Go to Sleep at Night!

Hi T.,
As a mom of an "older" baby, you've learned there are stages babies go through and no stage lasts forever. "This too shall pass" is important to remember during the trying times in your child's development. None of us really functions well when we're tired - not even Robbie - and this is hard on him, too!

Robbie may have muscle aches from crawling, sitting up - whatever is "new" in his motor development. You mentioned he's teething, which can be very painful for some babies.

Eight month olds encounter a crucial developmental milestone. Prior to this age, it didn't matter if he could see you or not - his brain told him you and he were one. He's now aware of the fact that you and he are separate. At eight months, Robbie's begun to notice when you're not with him. And he has absolutely no concept of time. One minute to a baby Robbie's age might seem like forever to an adult. This normal developmental behavior is called called "separation anxiety".

Mom and dad can help baby learn that they ARE still there, even when baby can't see them. During the day, try playing games. "Peek a boo" helps to reinforce that mom and dad don't disappear just because baby can't see them. Or sit Robbie in a safe place, walk briefly out of the room and call to him. Then re-enter and say Hi Robbie!!! In time, he'll learn that you still exist, even when he cannot see you. At bedtime, some parents sit in a chair close to the crib baby for a while and then move it farther and farther away from the crib every few nights, so Robbie can see you're there but also knows he'll fall asleep and stay in his crib.

Hang in there! As a SAHM, take advantage of the opportunity to nap when Robbie does during the day. It's OK for now - and you won't need to nap forever. Those "power naps" really help restore sleep deprived moms : )

There is a great book out there called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weisbluth. I read it and it has worked like a charm for us.

My son was stimulated each time we walked in and checked on him, held him, rocked him, etc. Not stimulated to where he'd be alert. He still wanted to nuzzle and would almost immediately lean into us. Rather, we stimulated him by our presence and it put him further and further away from calming down in the crib. I also suggest cry it out. The first night we stuck to it, he cried for 1 hour and 20 min, the next night it was more like 30 min, and then no crying the 3rd night. It was hard, especially that first night, but it worked!

Good luck, and check out that book if you can. Oh, it also suggests and earlier bed time than 8:00 for an eight month old. My 15 month old still sleeps from 6:30-7:00 now, without any waking or crying. It's so nice to have me and hubby time in the evenings and my son is so well rested he is usually in a great mood all day long. He naps better too. Hope you get some rest soon!

greetings, T.!

i feel your pain! well let me ask, is he getting any CEREAL in that bottle??? if not, go for it! a nice thick one, too. warmed up. around 9/10pm. after bath and the other bedtime routines. my babies started on cereal at 4-5wks old. while being nursed. they are healthy. happy. and we all are well-rested. otherwise, if you have him on cereal... it is more than likely just a phase, along with teething, and you just have to wait it out with tylenol, anbesol, patience and ear plugs :-). but also, don't be affraid really just let baby boy cry himself to sleep. that will be his best sleep! well, i wish you the best of luck with that. and good sleep will come eventually... it does get better! take care and God bless!

Hi T.,
I would not let your child cry it out. My son (who is now 22 months) was not the greatest sleeper for awhile and teething was really hard on him. when he was in one of those phases, my husband and I would stay and comfort him. It usually only lasted a few days at a time. He has been sleeping great for several months (11 hours at night, 3 during the day) and we never let him cry it out - always was there for him. there are lots of good solutions on www.askdrsears.com or you could cry the No Cry Sleep Solution. It worked for us.

If he's teething, a dose of Motrin at bed time should solve a lot of problems, and it should pass. An ear infection could also be the cause. Typical signs are runny nose, low grade fever, tugging on the ear, reduced appetite, acting tired. They don't necessarily have to have a fever though. My son just had one without a fever and without a runny nose.

Have you tried crying it out as recommended in the books? You need to stick with it for 3 or 4 days, and you have to be pretty methodical with watching the clock when you do it.
Our son did this around 8 or 9 months and it worked great. Only took 2 nights. The first night he went to sleep within 45 minutes, the second night in 10 minutes. Just remember when you go in to check on him (at increasing time intervals - 5 min, then 10, then 15, etc.) Don't pick him up. If he's really hysterical, a quick cuddle and soothing words are fine, but stay standing right next to the crib and put him back down quickly.
Another method is in Goodnight, Sleep Tight by Kim West. It takes about 9 days or so to complete the process but lots of people like it. You sit in a chair next to the bed until he falls asleep (I think you leave the bedroom door open). Talk to him and pat him (even if he's crying) but don't pick him up. Again, if he's hysterical a quick pick-up is fine. About 2 nights later, you move your chair further away from the crib, then keep moving it further away every couple nights until you're in the hall-way, then out the door, then you go about your business but come back to check on him in 5 or 10 minute intervals.

It sounds like you have had a good routine, so this is likely a phase. You didn't mention a morning nap.
At 8 months, he should take a 1 or 2 hour nap in the mornings about 2 hours after waking, then another nap (maybe 2 or 3 hours long) about 3 hours after the first nap. Then bed time would be around 3 hours (possibly 4) after the second nap. He should sleep 10-12 hours at night.

At this point, I would recommend CIO (cry it out). Although some disagree with the technique, by 8 months, your son has learned that you are there for him when you need him (which is why you never want to do CIO on newborns - they still need to understand that they're not alone). He's also learned that he can do certain things to get you to do certain things. In this case, if he cries, you'll come back in his room and play with him and comfort him. You're essentially rewarding his cries by removing him from his room and rocking him to sleep.

I recommend letting him cry. He'll eventually settle down. But, it's doing neither you nor him favors by going in and getting him, because it's teaching him that if he cries, he won't have to go to sleep by himself.

He could be getting too much sleep during the day, or sleeping too late too close to bedtime. If he's teething, I suggest those little teether tablets at Walmart. I can't think of who makes them at the moment, but they worked wonders on my daughter when nothing else soothed her. Whatever you do, don't bring him to bed with you. It will start a bad habit that will be a nightmare to break and make what you're going through now look like a peice of cake!

One thing I did is when my daughter would start crying, I would go in there, lay her back down and pat her on the back and tell her it was time for bed. Of course she would scream and get back up, but I would repeat it over and over... The trick was NEVER picking her up. They may be young, but they know how to work the system at that age!! If they scream and you rush in to pick him up, he'll continue to scream and only get louder and do it more often because he'll know 'EVENTUALLY she will pick me up!". They are persistent little guys!! It will get better and it probably has a lot to do with the teething. Baby Sudafed also works wonders! ;)

If his teeth/ears/etc. were really bothering him, he would be really fussy during the day as well as at night. If he is irritable all day, not eating or sleeping well, has a persistent cough, lethargy or a T>101, call your pediatrician's office.

It is really common for babies this age to suddenly develop sleep problems. I think that babies initially enjoy the control that they have found themselves to have with their parents. I cry and then you come and pick me up. It is strictly a battle of his will vs. yours and your husband's. He may be testing your patience in the years to come. Right now, he needs to know that you set the consistent and secure boundaries. Babies LOVE routines. Try adding a bath and book to the song right before bed. The consistent bedtime rituals that you are using are excellent ways for babies to wind down.

Do not be tempted to pick him up and rock him back to sleep - he needs to relearn how to soothe himself in his crib and put himself to sleep. Babies wake up at night like we do. One of the most common mistakes that parents make, although well intended, is to very gently lay the baby back to his crib without waking him. By all means, continue to rock you baby but his last waking memories should be of his bed and not your arms. Wake him up before you put him in his bed.

It is okay for him to cry because he is mad, but not because he is frightened. When he awakens and cries, go to the room, do not turn on a light, pat his back, say in a sleepy voice that “it is night-night time and mommy and daddy are night-night” or something like that and then leave. Stay less than 30 seconds. The next time, wait 3 min. before going back and repeating the same scenario. The next time, wait 6 min before responding and keep adding 3 more minutes for each crying episode. You are reassuring him that you are there but that he will sleep in his bed.

But, if after an hour or two, you just can't stand his crying anymore and you go pick him up and try the same ineffective techniques that have failed you in the past, you have taught him that if he cries for an hour (or two), you will come and pick him up. He doesn’t mind missing some nighttime sleep since he will be napping during the day.

I tell parents that implementing this routine will only work when both parents agree that they are not going to give in just to get some sleep. If you’ve only been sleeping maybe 4 hours a night anyway, it probably won’t make that much difference. Giving it 3-4 nights now will pay off in the long run (occasionally longer with some babies). Remain consistent and this will work with the most strong willed infants and children. (I know because I have one of these incredible children – their perseverance can be a great strength when they are older.) I used this technique with both of my newborn sons and they have always loved their beds!

I have a friend whose 10 year old daughter still disrupts their sleep on a regular basis and has ever since she was an infant. I’m sure that you wouldn’t want that!

Good luck,
Pediatric RN and mother