Getting Daughter on a Schedule & Getting Her to Sleep in Her Bed All Night

Go to the bookstore and pick up "The No cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. And when you change her bed time you HAVE to do it gradually like 15mins at a time. And try putting a shirt you've slept in , not washed, in her crib with her. soft music will also help something on repeat so that if there is a noise or break in her sleep she still hears the music. And there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with letting her sleep with you. They grow up WAY too fast.

Hi R.,
I think your daughter is still around a year old? I'm guessing since I can't tell from your post exactly how old she is. I guess I'm very perplexed as why parents would think that their toddlers would want to go from being with us all day with lots of cuddles and closeness when the sun is shining to a room in the dark by themselves? I really applaud you for co-sleeping with your baby. Babies need touch and closeness and young children really thrive to have that closeness until they grow into their independence. It doesn't mean that you have to have them in your bed forever. I couldn't sleep well with my children in the bed with me all night. So, we put a mattress on the floor in his room and we did our night time routine and for about a year I would lie down with him for 20-30 minutes until he was asleep. Around 3 or 4 am he would find his way to our room and sleep with me for the next 3-4 hours - snuggly and safe. This worked for us. Another idea - families will have a bed next to theirs for their child. We did this with our firstborn - her toddler bed was in our room until she was 4. Now, both of our kids sleep in their own room together and keep each other company. I don't know about you, but I really hate sleeping alone - not everyone does, but it is perfectly understandable why small children don't want to be by themselves. I found this article very interesting about co-sleeping...

http://www.breastfeeding.com/reading_room/co_slepping.html

Good Luck - remember, the goal is to get good sleep rather than deny your child a feeling of security in the name of establishing her independence. Her independence is something she develops - just like the skill to crawl, then walk, then talk...etc. If you force her to be by herself the more clingy she may be in general.

Hope this helps you with figuring out what will work for your family without having to worry about what our culture would approve of.

R.
www.noblemother.com

It's not fair to put a child through this when it all could have been avoided from the beginning. We have all done it, but we usually make changes with the second one vowing to never make that mistake again. I think there is plenty of great time to spend with our children without sharing our beds with them. I agree that it creates nice fuzzy moments for us as mothers,and we LOVE that, but I doubt there are very many husbands that really go along with it willingly. I know that when we have our children in our bed we are taking nice fuzzy moments from our husband who would probably enjoy that hour or two ?? of free time with us if everyone's asleep in their own bed. There needs to be that closeness with him for your life to go right. He is gone all day, you are mommy all day, hopefully, and bedtime is your very private time together as husband and wife, talking, cuddling, just enjoying one another. Keeping our relationships alive and healthy creates a wonderful foundation for a happy family. A lot of women are so tired they welcome a child in bed just so they don't have to be available to their husbands. That's sad, but so true.
R., you need to get serious about this now that you have a new baby coming. If for no other reason than to get a little more rest before you HAVE to be up every two hours.
A tiny baby takes priority here and you need your rest, as much as you can get anyway. You don't say how old your daughter is now. I am probably more concerned about this issue because my step-daughter has two daughters and the youngest is 6 and she still FIGHTS sleeping in her own bed and mama forgoes what would be good for their relationship, for the child. Their marriage is very rocky and no one wants to be around this very spoiled child, but then she runs the family so I guess this is what they want their life to be like. Sad! What you do today will come back to haunt you, so thought is needed before hand. We mold our children.
Please make some changes for everyone's good. Life can be so much more pleasant if we stand firm as parents when necessary and dole out tons of love along the way.

Hang in there. I have a 12 month old who sleeps in a crib next to our bed. Just like you said, sometimes we lay her down and she sleeps and sometimes she wakes up and wants "company", so we place her in our bed and she'll go right back to sleep. After she falls asleep, we place her back in her crib. It's tiring and frustrating for me and my husband, but for now we just do what works. A word about "crying-it-out". Please, don't do it. I'm 35 and I totally remember being left alone to cry. It's the only thing about my infancy/toodlerhood that I remember, and it sucked.

How about you staying with her for a while in her room

WOW! first off, congrats on your second child, I just had my daughter 3 weeks ago and my son is still excited... I had to implement a number of things with him... The 'big boy' theory... Making him know he can have a lil bit of independence... like it was his idea or he has the control... As well, as the 'big brother' and 'special helper'... I did all the routine stuff you did except I added a stuffed animal to the pic, and he had to do everything my son did. It hasn't backfired yet, Spongebob and he go to bed right after they brush their teeth and etc.. It'll take a minute but, no no you have to get her out of your bed. You may need to try to keep her out of your room.That's mommy and daddy's room and she has her big girl room.. you know what I mean.. you gotta keep those boundaries so the kids know where they can and can not play and etc. It's hard but, the results will be so relaxing. try telling her about alone time.. How old is she? My son is 4 and his alone time meant either watching a lil tv in his room or reading or listening to lullabies(which also work if you play them during the pre-bedtime routine). I used a timer and everything. Your hubby will have to be with you on this... The alone time is going to be good for when the second baby gets here too. Are the children going to room together? I'm also at ____@____.com if you wanna talk further... Good luck, and safe delivery and healthy baby too...:)

My son never slept with me, but I did put him to bed at night, usually by singing and then crying, and he eventually got used to it. Until he got older and moved to a toddler bed because he started climbing out of his crib at night. then the only thing that worked was the bedtime routine and then I would sit somewhere in the room where he could see me but not touch me until he fell asleep. sometimes it took hours but it worked. It takes finding something you can deal with and sticking to it no matter what. The other thing to do is everytime your child gets out of bed, take a toy away and put it in a basket. and then slowly let them pick a toy out as they start staying in bed more or had a "good" night or something. gl and congrats on ur one on the way!

I am a sahm of 3 boys, ages 7, 5 and 2 1/2. Our first son slept in the bed with us from day one. When our second son was on his way, we tried to get him in his own bed before baby 2 arrived with no luck,and we did the tough love in your bed, it worked after 4 nights, but half the time he would still end up in our bed at about 3am. Then when baby 2 arrived he was right back in our bed. He had been in his own room for about 3 months previously. Fortunately, bay 2 wanted nothing to do with our bed. He would wake up and breast feed in the bed with all of us and then go right back into his bed. He never slept in our bed, and let me tell you as thankful as we were for that, there were times when we wished he would sleep in our bed and cuddle,my DH included.

Now, when baby 3 arrived our oldest so had already decided to sleep in his own bed. It was almost like one day, when he was 4, he decided he was ready to sleep by himself, I really think that there is some truth to a child just not being ready to sleep by themselves. Believe me we had tried everything, I was beginning to think he would still be in the bed with us when he went of to college, j/k...

Well, let me tell you baby 3 was just the same as baby 1, he wanted nothing to do with anything that was not our bed. Again, I am back to putting him in his bed to sleep and some how he finds his way to our bed sometime in the night, and yes there are days when my DH and I are like he has to start sleeping in his bed, but most of the time we love it. I guess we realized how quickly it goes by, and soon enough he will not want to cuddle in the bed with mom and dad. I would not trade co sleeping with my 2 boys for anything it really has been special...

I don't know if this helps you or not, I know I rambled on, but I just remember being in your shoes, and thought I would let you know from a mom who has been where you are. Congratulations, on baby 2 and best wishes to your family!!!

We have a twin between our queen and the wall. All squished up so no spaces. Our daughter sleeps in her bed part of the night and comes to me when she wakes up thirsty. Then drifts back off to sleep. And if I'm awake enough, I move her back to her bed.

It does help to have a worn shirt of either DH or myself with her as she cuddles up to either one of us at night.

I second No Cry Sleep Solution, esp for the information regarding sleep. I never knew all that went into sleep.

Also, there's no way to predict when she will or why she will sleep through the night. It's best to just roll with it, be as consistent as you can. But also understand, that she is going through a lot of changes as well as you. What may also help is if your husband establish is own routine with her as opposed to you or maybe have him lay down with her for a while in her bed.

R.,
I am not sure what will help, but consistency is really important. So, whatever you do from here on out, just keep it up. If you want to put her to bed at 8, then put her to bed in her bed at 8 from here on out. Your daughter may wake up from time to time at night for various reasons. Try to not talk to her when you go in to settle her. Often they are just moving into a lighter sleep pattern and will fall right back to sleep if you just replace her pacy or her blanket. You could also try talking to her before putting her down and explaining that it is time for her to sleep in her own bed because everyone gets the best sleep that way (or something like that). If you continue to do this over and over again, she will get it. It will be hard, but keep it up!

hi,
first of all, know that most people, no matter what you may hear, have a kid or two in bed with them most nights...even with the best laid plans, it is hard to be consistent when you are exhausted, and with a baby on the way, i'm sure that you are. not that this is the "right" thing to do, but what if you laid with her, in her bed, until she falls asleep? maybe this isn't the right time to try and set up a new routine..but whatever works, right? you're right in not wanting her in your bed with a new one on the way soon, but if you can get her to sleep without all the fuss, it might make all of your lives easier. good luck!

We had a horrible time getting my son to sleep in his bed. I was so thrilled that he stayed in his room all night that I didn't mind laying with him until he went to sleep then sneaking out of his room. It sometimes took an hour for him to fall asleep. My pediatrician suggested doing the bedtime routine then saying the same phrase every night: "good night, I love you, it's time for rest" (rest works much better than sleep). After that leave her room and don't talk to her the rest of the night. If she gets out of bed take her back and lay her down. The first night was horrible but it got better and by the 4th night my son was going to bed without crying himself to sleep. I'd love to tell you that it's worked perfectly over the last 4 months but we still have our days. Overall, I can't complain!

The main thing is you need to be consistent. Quit letting her get into your bed! Even one time makes her think if she puts up enough of a fight she'll get in. When you move her bedtime 2 hours earlier, you have to expect resistance. But just stick to your guns. Let her cry. And if she gets up, just remind her that it's bedtime and she is supposed to be sleeping, and put her right back in the bed.

I know you know what you have to do-- you just have to always leave her in her bed and stick to it. Never let her come to your bed (unless she's sick or there's some other rare occurrence). This doesn't mean you can't go in and comfort her-- pat her, talk to her, let her know you're there, but she has to know that you're not going to give in, ever, and she will eventually go to sleep on her own. I know this sounds awful, but it does work. You didn't say how old your daughter is, but the earlier she learns this, the better. We did this with our son and it worked very well; our daughter has been more resistant (we're still in the process!) but she's getting it. So I know it's not easy, but it's worth it, especially since you're going to have a new little one to deal with soon. Good luck!!

How old is your first born now? If she is 13 months she is too little to understand some things. But if she is older, you are in the midst of having to transition bc baby is on its way. This baby will need you. I would put a bed or futon or something in your first born's room. Lie down with her. Then put her in her crib. She is used to having the comfort of you and your husband- there is nothing wrong with this but you have a baby on its way. You will be up every 2 hrs. And no one is going to sleep. And your older daughter will want you more. She will probably regress at some point. If she is old enough to understand, buy her a cool crib toy-- the aquarium or the rainforest ( I have both and like the aquarium better bc the light is not so bright). Use it. Get her the turtle that is a night light and lights up the ceiling with stars. I can get you the specifics. She does need help with getting to sleep. She loves sleeping with you. This is easier for everyone but not when you have a baby on the way. Don't put everyone in one room. You have start the separation today! I know you have your hands full. Let us know what happens. Good luck.

Yes, you got it. Do not put babies in bed with you. Keep putting her down and let her cry it out. I know it is disturbing, but she will get over it. Now you are giving her mixed signals - in bed with parents then not, then back. remember something my pediatrician told me. The baby has come to live with you. You are in control. Take control and put her back inher bed. Once she learns there are no more pick ups, she'll be fine, but don't send her mixed messages. be ind and firm. New baby? Own bed! J. Gordon

We've let our girls stay with us as long as they crave our company. That has meant an extra bed (you can put her matress next to your bed on the floor) next to ours, where I can snuggle them to sleep and then leave to go about my evening activities. Historically, children have slept in the same room with their parents...it's a fairly modern expectation that children will go off to a dark room, all alone to sleep. Good luck with your new baby when he/she arrives!

..just wanted to say I don't think there is anything wrong with you sharing your bed with her! Bedtime can be hard. We have always had our son go to bed when we do. Unless he hasn't had a nap. Then we go for a walk in the evening and he falls asleep.
I know lots of people that did not bedshare and still have their kids come into bed with them. We shared our bed for 2 years before my son decided to go to his own. Rarely does he come to our bed at night. But if he does, we welcome him and enjoy the family snoozing together.
well, they are snoozing, I usually have a baby latched on on one side, and feet tucked in my underwear behind me. Still, it's sweet and quiet and I enjoy it.
hmm..that probably didn't help you at all, it just made me sad you think it was a mistake to let your daughter in the bed with you.
(and just to respond to another comment-my husband has very much enjoyed our family bed, if it affects a couple negatively than there are other issues, if it makes a child spoiled than there are other issues, a family bed supports a bond between all members of a family and is very normal in every other country~countries where the children are MUCH less spoiled than ours)

Not sure why you assume it's 'wrong' to let her sleep in your bed. It's quite natural and very common in so many cultures. She'll eventually want to move out of your bed of her own accord, sounds like she's just not ready yet. It may be kinder not to rush her.