Getting 2 and 1/2 Year Old on Bedtime Schedule

If I would suggest reading "The No Cry Sleep Solution" books by Elizabeth Pantley. She has great options rather than the "Cry It Out" method and one even for preschoolers and toddlers. I wish I had read them while my son was smaller and I hadn't started some of the routines I did - some of which became habit trying to not have others.

Give it a shot. They are available at the library but are full of easy to read information on how much sleep and how to get them to sleep.

HI K. -
Every time he wakes up and comes to your bed, you must get up and take him back to your bed, telling him at the same time that he is going back to sleep in his room and you will see him in the morning. My son used to do the same thing, always coming to my room in the middle of the night. It took two weeks of me getting up two to three times a night to get him in his bed all night long. He sleeps great now.
I would be lost without my down time at night. Both my boys go down for bed around 8:30 and are up the next day around 7am. I would start putting my son down at about 8pm. Especially since you know he is going to get up. Sit outside his door with a good book. Any time he opens the door tell him to go back to bed, and shut the door. And say it like you mean business. That way he knows to always expect you on the other side of the door. He will get it! It may take some time though (it took us about 2 weeks for that too!).
Have a routine. One of your choosing. Read a book, take a bath, sing some songs, tuck him into bed. And do it the same every night! Then he knows that bedtime is coming up. My almost 3 year old would never get to sleep if I just waited for him to finally tucker down and sleep next to me on the couch! Get him in a routine, and then stick to it! You will appreciate that mama (or mom/dad alone time ;) )
Good Luck, L.

Good for you for knowing --- ''umm this could be a problem'.

Yes - he needs more sleep - and yes, just put him back -. I'd suggest letting him hear you and your husband ( once the two of you have come to a decision you can both support) talk about - ''' oh that will be much better- I can take Brian to the park more - becasue I won't be so tired'' and 'Brian will have so much fun when he is getting more sleep with our new plan''--- Our children hear us and know full well when we 'mean business'. You might start the 'new plan' off with a fun lamp for his bedside table - or a new cuddle toy - or a new night light' - but the main deal is - you and your husband need to decide what the deal is and both of you stick to it like glue - it will take a day or 4 of some fusses - and then you'll have your evening down time and couple time - you deserve that - your husband does - and your boy deserves to have happy, rested, bonded parents - it's a gift to him ( he won't thank you today- but it is a gift)

My husband and I are firm believers that consistency is one of the key components to good parenting. If you have ever seen "Super Nanny", she has helped people with the exact issue that you are talking about on numerous occasions. And yes, just keep putting him down in his own bed....over and over again. It will probably take you a couple long, hard nights for him to figure out that you mean business, but if you are just consistent (and loving) about it, he will understand and will begin to feel secure in the new routine. With our 2.5 year old boy, we have a very ritualistic bedtime which he loves, and he will remind us if we forget something: brush teeth, put pj's on, he picks a story and we read it (on our tummies!) in his bed, sometimes sing a song of his choosing (if it's not too late), sing our bedtime song, prayers, kisses, lights out. He has LOVED bedtime and his bed from a very young age and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that it has been very consistent for a very long time. BTW: he typically goes to bed around 8:30, but sometimes 8 and sometimes 9. (He sleeps until around 7:30 in the morning and typically takes a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon.) That gives my husband and me some time to ourselves (even working around our 9 month old's schedule). Good luck with whatever you choose to do. I hope this was helpful!

B. A. =)

I think that you need to start to put him to bed in his own room - you don't need to wait until he falls asleep to leave him - he should be able to fall asleep on his own (unfortunately, there is a standard that has to be changed in his little life). My son who is 2.5 goes to sleep between 6:30-7:00 and gets up 12 or so hours later...not that every 2.5 year old needs to follow that schedule, but he also naps for 2.5 hours typically - and is always in a good moon. Try the afterbath routine in his room, snuggle in his bed, read a few books...you don't have to lock him in his room with the door shut, but you could try a spring mounted gate across his door so he can't get out. It will probably be tough in the beginning, but it is a habit that your family has maintained, and it definitely needs to be changes!

K.,

First I want to say that your poor little guy sounds like he's sleep deprived. Going to bed at 10 pm at 2 years is ***waaaaay*** too late. I'm 27 and I go to bed at 10 pm. That being said, there is hope and it's not too late to change things.

The first thing that needs doing is setting up a new bed time routine. Here's ours at my house with a 4 1/2 year old son and a 16 month old daughter:

5:00pm dinner
6:00pm bath if needed
6:30-6:45 start cuddling with daughter before her bed time, son cleans room and puts on jammies if he hasn't already
7:00pm bed time for daughter, cuddles and Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy watching with my son
8:00pm bed time for my son and wind down/chore time for me

Depending on our day and the activity level of our kids these times aren't set in stone.

Because it has taken 2 1/2 years to get where you are, it's not going to be fixed overnight, but it can be fixed. Be prepared for a battle of wills. Remember too that YOU are the parents and need to win this battle.

This is a technique that I've seen work on Super Nanny, and in my home. It's the back to bed technique.

1) Do your (new?) bed time routine and put him in bed with hugs an kisses.
2) When he comes out the first time put him back in bed with a "It's bed time sweetie" and leave.
3) The second time he get up tell him "It's bed time" and put him back in bed.
4) The third time and every time there after put him back in bed with no interactions.

I've seen this work easily in less than an hour on the show, I've seen it take more than 3 hours on the show the first night. Be prepared for a struggle, but remember that it's for everyone's peace of mind and healthy sleeping.

Hope this helps, and if you need a shoulder or an ear send me a message.

Melissa

K.,
We have a 20 month old that is so good about going to bed (even naps).
We worked hard to create a consistant schedule and routine. It is different for each family due to that familes schedule. I am a stay home mom so I have a bit more freedom with my time.
Our bedtime schedule starts at 8. We clean up and get ready for bed by picking up all the toys and putting them away.
Then its bathtime and brushing teeth time.
Then its snuggle time where we read a book (usually 2-3 times of course), pray and sing a couple songs.
Then it is time to go to bed. I say goodnight, I love you and I will see you in the morning.
We tuck her in give kisses and walk away. We don't close the door all the way but almost (just enought to peek in).
She does sleep all through the night. There are those nights where she wakes up crying but you begin to recognize the difference between an honest scared cry and I just want my way cry. And all the crys in between.
Listen to your Mommy's Heart and do what you know to be right. You and your Husband are the only ones who can raise your own child in the way you want them to grow and become. (no pressure) :) It's tough work to be a mom. Plus you are a working mom which makes it harder. If your son is in daycare, ask them if they have a 'routine' for the kids at naptime. That might help also.
Good Luck to you. My prayers are with you.

A little about me:
32, Full Time Mommy, Married 11 1/2 years. 20 month old darling daughter!

I always worry about toddlers up and around at night. Chairs can be moved to unlock doors, climb up on the counter top, or fall over on top of them while trying to be moved. Toilet investigations: headfirst. Going outside to try and play with a raccoon. ETC. etc. ETC. When I think of the number of times during the day that I have to say "no"...what happens at night when I'M asleep? Danger, Will Robinson!! All comedy aside, it's a huge concern. If all of our houses were TRULY baby-proof, we wouldn't have to say "no" or "redirect" all the time.

Regardless of your decision about bedtime I STRONGLY suggest doing one of the following : Gate his room (so he can open the door and see out, but still be kept in), Gate off the hallway, or put him back in his crib for another year or two. Yes, as far as you know he always comes into your room...but does he go there first? If he has so far, will he always? Probably not.

(((BTW....Never lock a child's door. EVER. Even if you're up. It's actionable by CPS, and of course if you're not awake it's a huge fire & safety hazard)))

**************************************************************

Onto bedtime though....bedtime is whatever works for you and your family. 930-10 works perfectly for us because we're night owls, I have some close friends who feed their kids dinner @ 4pm and it's to bed by 5:30, because mum and dad never wake up later then 4am. Of course, I also know people whose children have gone to bed at midnight their whole lives...but they also are allowed to sleep correspondingly late.

Most toddlers/young children need about 11 hours of sleep. WHEN they get that sleep isn't really all that important. Most people put their kids to bed 8-ish because they want them up around 7am in order to take them to school, or because they have to work. There's no such thing as "too late" or "too early"....it's really just HOW MUCH that you need to be concerned about, and when YOU want them to take it.

All that said...if you want to get your little guy going down earlier...here's what we do every (other) time we change timezones or end up with bedtime all goofy because of illness, etc.:

3) Don't tell them (aka : act normal)
2) Back up the bedtime routine by 1/2 of an hour every night
1) Back up dinner correspondingly

This always works for US because it's super-gradual and our son's stubborn...He'd be happy to be playing all day/all night if we'd let him...But we have friends/colleagues who do it in hour long increments instead of half hour. It doesn't seem to our son that we're putting him to bed earlier because we don't make a big deal of it. Depending on how much we want to lose/gain it can take a few days to a week or two, but unless we've totally switched our days and nights around it's what we use, because we've found it to be the no-pain method. :)

Best of Luck
Z.

PS... Don't forget the "usual suspects" around bedtime changes

1) Naptime-go-bye-bye ( :P ... always hate that one)

2) Pain
- Teeth
- Allergies/Sinus/Ear-infections
- Growth Spurts (a childrens multi-vitamin before bedtime &/or a bananna can work wonders.)

3) Lack of sleep aka "Sleep Begets Sleep"

Annoying as it is, you just keep putting him down. My son had to be cradled to sleep every night, and for a while I didn't mind. Then he was four, and large for his age so it was a little difficult to hold him like that, but since the pattern had been established that's what he had to have. I couldn't actually just put him to bed and count on him staying there until he was six - the older they get, the harder it is to break these habits.

I would start by along with doing your betime rutine like you do now I would put him in his bed or crib and read to him in there. Then simply tell him good night and that he is a big boy and needs to sleep in his own bed. Then crack the door and go out. If he can get out, like my son we just put up a gate in front of the door so he can't get out, but we can still see him.
Or if you arn't comfortable with doing that, just sit on the floor and each night move closer to the door and finaly out.
If he gets up and comes into your room, instead of bringing him in bed with you I would take him back to his room. It might now be easy at first, but he will get used to it if you stick to it.

Good luck!