My 2 Yr Old Is Not Sleeping Through the Night!

Updated on June 28, 2009
K.K. asks from Glen Rock, NJ
14 answers

My son will be 2 next month and I am pregnant, due in Feb. I'm very concerned and my goal is to get my son in a normal bedtime routine before the baby comes! At this point, he falls asleep on the couch at night. A good night: 8:30, bad night: 10pm! I know it's awful and I know he is not learning to fall asleep on his own. Unfortunately it gets worse. He wakes up anytime between midnight and 3 and comes into bed with us. He sleeps soundly until 7 or 8am. I feel like a horrible mother but we just did whatever it took to keep him happy. Now I'm panicked. We did let him cry it out back when he was 9 months old and it worked but he got sick and we never went back. Is there any other way? I am truly looking for another option other than letting him cry it out.

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A.C.

answers from New York on

Try an after-dinner trip to the playground (say 7pm), back in for a bath with the Johnson's lavender bedtime soap, reading books, a little extra Johnson's bedtime cream, a few songs, and then in to bed.

The "couch" and "in mommy's bed" are patterns--just try to create new patterns for him now before the baby comes.

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B.M.

answers from New York on

HI,
My son did the SAME thing. We fixed the problem by putting a baby gate infront of the door to our room (not his room) when he woke up we would say to him "Mom and Dad are fine. We are sleeping. It is sleeping time. Go back to bed." in a matter of a week he stopped getting up as he knew he wasn't going to get into our bed. A friend of mine who had a persistant child had to put up two gates as the child would try to climb over just one gate. I like this solution because your son will actually see you and not just hear you (if you put the gate in his room, he would only hear your voice). It is worth a try--if you still have baby gates in the house!

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A.U.

answers from New York on

Hi K.,

You got some great advices from the other moms already, but my only advice to you is to take it easy and enjoy every moment you have with him now that he's little. I am sorry but I don't consider letting him fall asleep on the couch or come to your bed at night such a horrible situation like other people said. For first time moms we do our best to comfort them and sometimes your routine and schedule goes out the window but that doesn't make you a horrible mom! So be thankfull he is healthy and you are going to be alright.

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T.Q.

answers from Albany on

He is 2 years old and has fallen into a bad habit. Children are creatures of routine... it will take a while to get a new routine, but be consistant and he will get used to it. Set up a calm, happy bedtime routine. Ie. bath, read books, brush teeth, kisses and hugs (in his own bed) then lights out. He may get mad or upset, but just be consistant... you know he is safe, and not sick, so if he cries, he is fine. If you don't want to let him cry, you might try sitting/lying on his bed until he falls asleep, but give him no attention. Then after a couple of nights, sit on the floor and do the same thing... then sit by the door for a few nights, etc. until you have moved completely out of the room. We had to do this for a couple of weeks at nap time when my daughter transitioned to a bed and was getting up to play!
Good Luck!

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L.D.

answers from Albany on

I know you are nervous with the new baby coming but I had to commiserate because that is the schedule our 22 1/2 month old keeps. I'm sorry but I won't CIO either. You are NOT a bad mother!! I just reread what you said too that yours falls asleep on the sofa between 8:30 and 10. He DOES know how to put himself to sleep. To me, CIO in their bed isn't teaching them to do that...it's teaching them to give up because no matter how hard they cry, you are not coming in or if you do, you are not picking them up to comfort them. I feel really bad you think you are a bad mom...you aren't. There will come a point when he doesn't need to fall asleep that way or doesn't need to come in to you in the middle of the night. Trust me, my toddler is my third and all three of mine started the same way but my older two go to bed without ANY problems and stay in their rooms unless going to the bathroom.

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K.H.

answers from Utica on

Hi K.
Not sleeping through the night!!!
Want to hear my story of 2 hours in 24 for years. Yes I required more, but not 2 of the 4 children.
Write me
Old enough to be your mom, have you talked to yours.
God bless you
K. --- SAHM married 38 years--- adult children 37, 33, and twins 19.

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L.B.

answers from New York on

Buy "Solve your Child's Sleep Problems" by Ferber --
Best book on sleep. My children both have had sleeping issues, but that book gave me enough confidence to sleep train them. It goes into the science of sleep, why toddlers/babies wake at night and the best thing to do for them to learn how to sleep on their own. He helps you distinguish between their true fear of being alone and them taking advantage of you. He does not want to traumatize your child. Definitely buy it.

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C.N.

answers from Buffalo on

Sorry, I have no real advice but ALOT of sympathy! I have a 20-month-old that has been co-sleeping with us for the last 2 months! I want my bed back and am worried this will be an issue when we have another baby (we're currently trying...). he used to go to bed in his crib around 7:30 or 8 PM and sleep through the night. At worst he's wake around 4AM and come to our bed but now he won't sleep AT ALL in his crib! We can't do the cry it out as he can not only climb out of his crib but get out of his room too! I feel like an idiot but know of no other way to get a night's sleep without giving in and letting him sleep in our bed.
I hope there are some other moms out there with some tips!

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L.L.

answers from New York on

Does he have a crib or bed in his room??

At 2 years old, he's going to be very unhappy with a new sleeping situation no matter what you do. If he's used to falling asleep late at night on the couch, then that is what he's going to want. If he has a bed in in his room: At this point I would just start putting him to bed in his room and staying with him until he falls asleep. Put a gate up in the door so that he can't escape. If he wakes during the night, go to the gate and tell him it's bedtime and try to get him back into his OWN bed.

If he is still in a crib, just put him in and close the door at bedtime! Plain and simple. He's 2 years old so of course he's going be very unhappy and he's going to cry, but what do you really expect after this horrible sleeping habit you've created?

Parents amaze me when they do things like this, then complain when their kids don't sleep.
Good luck.
Lynsey

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T.E.

answers from New York on

Maybe you could try a fun bedtime routine starting around 6:30?? Like singing and dancing through bath time, teeth brushing and book reading...seriously! He might think it's fun to go to bed?? Good luck!

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C.O.

answers from New York on

We let our son cry it out, sort of starting at about 7 months.
why I say sort of....We would put him down after a strict time controled bedtime routine at the same time every night. We sing songs (I actually tell him, Mommy will sing three songs before you go into your cribby, Now mommy will sing 2 more songs...etc) then we put him into his crib while he is still awake, and if he cries we let him cry for 5 minutes. Then we go in and check up on him. We have the whole explanation of how he has to go back to sleep, but unlike many books' advice, I would pick him up to soothe him, it worked for us. So then we put him back down and let him cry for 10 minutes, do the same, then let him cry for 15 minutes. and so on and so forth. My son will test us, but he is not a fighter, when he sees that mom and dad are being firm, he falls into line. Some kids fight harder for what they want.
But we did this routine at 7 at night and we did it at 3 in the morning if we had to. Same technique, same words, and consistency always worked. And while we don't have the crying anymore, we still follow the bedtime routine to the tee. The only thing that is changed is that we pushed the time back to 8, since I too am expecting my second in about 6 weeks.
You can do it!! And I don't think it matters when you start, but I would really vote for consistency. And starting the new baby off on the right foot.

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K.G.

answers from New York on

Some people/kids need less sleep. And sometimes there are issues. I didnt sleep myself until I was 13 and have not stopped sleeping since! I have an 11 year old with the same issue. Slept fine as an infant and as soon as he turned 2, he just stopped sleeping, fighting it HARD. Couldnt fall asleep, couldnt stay asleep. He was diagnosed with Epstein Barr shortly after this started and then I was, and probably have had it since I was a child too. And it was DIFFICULT. We tried everything natural, baths, warm milk, no sugar past 6pm, massages, Reiki, meditation, music, no music, lights, no lights. Nothing worked. We had to live through it. My Pediatrician had recommended Melatonin. I personally fought it like the devil, but finally gave in. It is a natural supplement and it WORKS LIKE A CHARM. I am NOT a fan of medicating children, but my desperation and my poor son's exhaustion finally made me cave. There have been no side effects and even he admits that he feels MUCH better. Both he, Mom and Dad are MUCH happier. Even our dogs are happier now that everyone sleeps. You can try taking the melatonin yourself, I did. just makes you sleepy, not druggy and no difficulty getting up in the morning, no grogginess. It cost me $5 at Value Drugs for a huge bottle. Good luck, I hope my advice helps.

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D.S.

answers from New York on

I would try putting a chair next to his bed read him a story and stay until he falls asleep in his bed. Each night move the chair closer to the door until you are no longer in the room. It may take a week or two but if you just keep putting him back in bed, stay firm, I am sure it will work. I know you are not comfortable with crying it out but this is not the same thing because you are in the room with him. Eventually he will become comfortable with staying in his bed and falling asleep on his own. I always used music for my kids to fall asleep. You can get a soothing music tape and put that on after you have read a story. It's not to late to create a bedtime routine you are just going to have to be firm and consistent. Children thrive on consistency and the family will be better off for it. You will be rested and he will also be rested. Good luck with your new addition.

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A.K.

answers from New York on

Hi K.,

start this on a weekend day when your husband is at home, Have your husband chase your son around the house all day, tire him out thoroughly in a pool, in the bathtub, chasing him through the backyard with a garden hose or jumping on a trampoline. Talk to him about sleeping in his own bed that night.

Then as a first step I would relocate the evening into his room. The reason you are probably in your family room because he or you can watch TV there. Tell him what the last show is he can watch and then firmly relocate to his room. There you start an appealing bed time routine, where you dedicate time just to him that can including doing a little game of his choice, then putting on pyjamas, then reading a bed time story, then brushing teeth and then tucking him in. When he is in bed, you could talk to him a little bit (whispering with the lights out) about what exciting things you are going to do in the future (start with the next day, but gradually you could take this time to talk about what is going to happen before and after you give birth). Then I would install glowing stars over his bed, so that you can tell him to look at those after you leave his room and shut the door. When you are out, please don't have a loud TV running so that he can hear it.
When he starts to cry, go back in, rub his back and tell him it is bedtime. If he gets up, tuck him back in and tell him its bedtime. You will need to let him cry a little bit, but it is easier to handle for you as a parent, if you increase the time that you let him cry gradually from 30 seconds to a few minutes. And under no circumstances I would give in to any whiny requests like have to go peepee or need a drink or whatever. This is bedtime.

I would worry about him getting up and sleeping with you, once you have the going to bed routine firmly settled in his bed.

You need to do this for your own sanity and his and I know you can do it. I am not going to wish you luck, because all it takes is your determination. Picture a nice evening on your own on the couch!

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