Recently we had a birthday party for my oldest daughter and all wound up very sick later, I even developed pneumonia. It turns out that one of the families that attended the party was sick (the mom later informed me) but believes in exposure and "germ sharing", to build everyone's immune systems. The only reason she fessed this up was because I called to tell her we wouldn't be attending an event they were throwing the following weekend because we were sick.
I'm all for exposure and I certainly don't believe in locking our kids in the house to prevent illness. I know that you can't expect to go shopping, attend playgroups etc without being exposed to one thing or another. However, I do have a problem with people purposely bringing illnesses into my home without warning. My youngest daughter was hospitalized this past fall for something that wasn't an immune system caused problem but has left the residual effect that her body may not be able to fight things off that well. All I expect out of friends and family is that they give me a heads up, "Hey we're sick do you still want us to come?" Give me a chance to say yes or no stay home. I wrote about this on my blog http://ourfamilystone.blogspot.com/2010/01/sicko.html and got some unpleasant feed back privately.
I guess what I want to know, is am I the only parent who believes in being given a warning? She informed me that all the Mom's in our church follow the universal "germ sharing" rule. Well, I didn't get the memo and don't.
How do you Mom's handle it? Do you call ahead?
Just because she and her friends share the same philosophy does not mean we all do. Some kids may have a weak immune system. Yes we can pick up germs everywhere we go, but when it is close quarters more of a chance you will get sick. So rude. She should have at least warned you.
Sounds like she's rationalizing. No one ones to be cooped up at home with sick children. And if the church has a child swap or mom's morning out type program then these mom's are making sure they don't ever miss their break from their children by agreeing to not care if they're sick. ----- I'm not trying to be harsh. I have a next door neighbor we are with EVERY day and we get together even if someone's sick b/c all the kids were exposed before the illness was obvious.
I've never heard of such a thing! That goes against all common sense. Yes we will all be exposed to various germs through the course of our normal life but for someone to intentionally try to expose my child to an illness is unbelieveable.
To be honest I would make the decision myself that no we are not going to the event. I wouldn't even want to put the other mom in the position of having to be the mean one that said no don't come. I would make that responsible decision on my own!
Good luck,
K.
Hello A.,
I'm sorry to hear about your ordeal. That is wrong in so many levels. It's one thing when it's accidental. but on purpose, no way! Anyways, now that you all have been on antibiotics, perhaps you could go by your local health store and get some probiotics for the whole family. Good luck! ~C.~
I would be absolutely furious if someone did this to me. I am all for exposure to germs I mean you cant go anywhere without being exposed to something but it is irresposible for them to bring an illness into your home without checking with you first. My youngest also has trouble fighting off infections and all my friends and family know this and just dont come around if they are not feeling well, or will at least call and check with me first if it is something that is most likely not contagious. You have every right to be upset.
I agree with all the other posts! Ditch this friend as she obviously doesn't care about anyone but herself! The idea of germ sharing is idiotic. Someone has no right come into YOUR HOUSE knowingly bringing in germs. A healthy immune system should come from eating properly and excerising not from going around trying to contract every sickness avaliable. I have never heard of this concept before but it makes me so angry!!!!!!!! My husband has crohn's diesease which leaves him with a weakend immune system. If someone knowlingly brought a serious illness into my house on purpose I would ream them out and never talk to them again!!!
If she believes in "germ-sharing" then she needs to inform other moms. I would find a new friend.
If my child was sick, he wouldn't attend the event. I find that woman's attitude rude and offensive.
I too, found this woman to be in the wrong.
I always inform people when I/we are sick. I always appreciate when I am given the heads up...then I have the chance to give myself a mental note *Don't touch your face! Wash your hands! Be mindful of what you are touching!* I also usually opt for rest/quiet time while sick...not party time...I do think we would make an exception for Christmas tho :) Granted the "germ sharing" has some high points too...one of them being, next time they or others from your church group have an event that one of your kids wants to go to badly, you will always be allowed to send them...even if their sick!
You know, I'm one of the first to say, when my son eats something off the floor or sticks his hand in his mouth that it's all about immunity building. That said, I would *never* knowingly expose another person or child to an illness -- especially one that involved a fever, antibiotics or worse, hospitalization. If he had a really bad cold, I'd keep him away from others or at least give others a heads up. It's just common sense. Our pre-k and MOMS Club has a policy -- no coming in if you had a fever less than 24 hours ago, on antibiotics less than 24 hours, etc. It's just common sense. For one, the sick child needs some rest and secondly, why expose others?? Also, we have a kiddo in our playgroup who is on chemo for an autoimmune issue and she has a compromised immune system -- obviously. I've never had chicken pox and despite the vaccine, still don't have complete immunity. I think your friend's attitude was cavier, callous and even selfish. I totally understand wanting to get out of the house, but if your child is legitimately ill with something you need to either a) let the host/ess know or b) stay home.
wow, I would be furious! While I agree with you in the basic idea of germ sharing - that we don't need to seclude our children out of fear they will catch something - and I also agree with "building the immune system". However, that said - no other person should insist you follow their beliefs or push it on you without your knowledge! That was just plain wrong of her - unethical and immoral! She can do that germ sharing thing with her own family but she SHOULD NOT get to make the decisions on doing that for YOUR family! And that's what I would have told her if I were you. :) Call and tell her that - it's a decision she can make for her family but you make the decisions for yours and tell her that from now on if they are sick, do NOT come over to your house! Be clear and don't apologize for doing what you think is best to protect your family. Honestly, I would say she's not a very good friend if she didn't think about your feelings.
I agree with you, that was very inconsiderate of her!! Even if she does follow this "germ sharing" rule, she should have asked before coming to your party. Even if you did agree with this rule, it doesn't mean that all of your other guests do too!
I'd think about sending her an out-of-pocket doctor/medicines bill... !!!
I believe in getting rest when someone is sick. If I or my child were sick, we wouldn't be going to a party! We would be at home eating chicken noodle soup and resting!
That's awful and it's not fair to everyone she brings her germs around! There could be someone at the party that has an immune disorder that could possibly DIE from a simple cold! I agree with the mom who said it's rude and offensive!! For sure!!!
PS--we were all sick with colds after Christmas because my husbands sister and her family were all sick and decided to join the celebrations anyways. I am pregnant and have a two year old. It wasn't fun at all!!!!!
I am a germaphobe...and my friends KNOW IT. I scrub my bathrooms almost daily, wipe handles and scrub the kitchen. OCD. However, I would FREAK if someone did this to me! If we had even a sniffle I would be asking if it was Ok to come! But that is just me. I do unto others as I would hope they would do for me. So I think you reacted normally and there is nothing wrong with wanting a little warning that they had been sick. Everyone reacts to things differently. I dont know what they had, but I will say I would be furious if someone did this to me! I try VERY hard to keep my kids healthy. They attend school and are exposed to millions of germs on a daily basis, which in return comes home to the baby myself and my husband. I dont think I need any more exposure or deliberate exposure UNLESS I ask for it.
In my opinion it is common courtesy to ask before showing up sick and spreading the germs. Those who believe in "germ sharing" can do so but that does not mean everyone else does!!! :)
How awful! There are some people that do practice germ sharing. But nobody should ever assume that others practice it. IMO, that is just plain wrong. If my children are sick with more than sniffles I call ahead and ask the parent's preference and I expect the same in return.
what she did was rude inconsiderate beyond words. i don't think i'd let her get away withoug hearing how i feel about it. this made me shudder
Its one thing to go to the store or still be in the general community with a cold. But when someone is sick, going to be around a group of people, it's rude to show up ill and pass along the virus. My feelings are somewhat influenced by the fact that my kids have special needs and a number of their friends have serious immune issues. Taking my kids to therapy or play visits when they are sick can be truly dangerous for other children we know.
I call and excuse our family when my kids are sick. And, if I did believe in germ sharing - I'd post a sign on our door and let the world come to us to get our germs. LOL.
I agree with you. If my child has a slight cough or something like that, he goes to school and takes preventive measures. You cannot police everything. But for a party and such, I think it was very inconsiderate for her. I can see their reasoning but you never know when someone has a health issue or compromised immune system due to some other kind of illness and to purposely expose that person is not only inconsiderate, it is dangerous. IMO, what they brought to your home was more than just a cold since it brought up pneumonia. She should have called and let you know what the issue was at the very least so you would know and could ask that she not come. When they are out of their little circle they should give notice that someone is sick.
Courtesy would suggest at least a call. I, too, would give and expect the heads up. I'd probably let her know I don't share her rule and would appreciate a call next time. I hope you all recover soon.
A.,
I would be so mad, Stay home if your sick!! And dont bring your sickness into someones home. I find that your friend was very inconsiderate and rude. I would never go into a home knowing I or one of my family members was ill. Some people !!!!
D.
I not only find the woman very rude, but also not a very good mom. Why would a mom bring her sick kids to a party? Why wouldn't she keep them at home so they could rest, get better, and prevent the illness from potentially getting worse? I would avoid her, and people like her. It was her responsibility to either keep her kids home or ask you if it was ok to bring her sick kids to your house and expose you and the entire party. What if someone at the party had a weakened immune system or another health issue that would make getting sick very dangerous? Yes we all have to deal with germs and get through illnesses, but we can't force our beliefs of "germ sharing" on others. What a weird concept.
