FT Working Mamas - What Is Working for You?

I would say stop working so much if you can. Kids grow up so fast and you will never get this time back.

I know exactly what you mean. I get home around 6:00 and then by the time we complete homework (she does most of it at the after school program, but there's nightly things that have to be done at home with the parents) have dinner and a bath, you're right, it's bed time. I feel like I'm just constantly moving her from one thing to the next after we get home and there is no time for quality time/family time. I don't know what the answer is and have always wondered if other families felt as rushed as we do. Now I know!

Our kids are a bit smaller (2 and 3) so homework isn't an issue - can't wait for that. I am impressed that your 7 year old sleeps that long. Would it hurt to keep her up an extra 30 min to an hour to share some time with her?

I think what you are doing right now si great. Your 7 year old especially can't really have a later bedtime since she isn't able to nap during the day like the little ones. Ten hours of sleep is just right at her age.
A couple of thoughts about how to make everything less rushed, though. Could dinner be made ahead for one or two nights a week? Like something you make on the weekends, freeze and take out in the morning to thaw. That way you just pop it in the oven to heat, which would free both of you up for homework, baths etc.. Also, slow cookers are a wonder for this sort of schedule. I put all the ingredients in the night before and put the slow cooker in the fridge (so nothing spoils overnight), then just pull it out and plug it in in the morning before leaving. The house will smell great when you get home and dinner is all ready. :o)

Also, you say that family take care of them until you get home. Could they possibly help the 7 year old with homework? Or maybe get them in bathed before you get home? Just a thought!

Lastly, I just want to say that this is fairly normal for dual-income families. The weekdays are sometimes a mess, but as long as you make the weekends all about family time things will be fine. It is a big temptation to use weekends to clean the house and take care of other household stuff, but try to resist the urge. Most laundry and basic cleaning can be done in the evenings when the girls are sleeping. The only thing we need to do on the weekends is gardening. Our girls each have their own little patch to plant. Your 7 year old is plenty old enough for that and will probably find it a fun and rewarding experience to grow her own flowers or tomatoes. :o) We kept the garden time down to 2 hours or less per weekend (yes sometimes it didn't look that great, but weeds were kept down and the lawn mowed!), and we made sure that time was still family oriented. Working together is a great bonding time! The little ones will have a great time getting dirty and being hosed off on the lawn. :o) Other than that, weekends are all about the girls and us together. They are teens now and everything works out fine!

Good luck and enjoy your continuing adventure!

Can whoever watches them after school help them with their homework? Also, it helps to cook a whole lot of something and freeze half of it for a later date. I do that with porkchops, cut up chicken, stuffed shells, beef brisket, etc. That way dinner only takes a half hour to cook (microwave or oven) instead of an hour or more.

Wow - we are almost living parallel lives! I also have 3 girls, ages 7, 3 and 4 months. I get home a bit later 630-7 (have an hour commute!) My hubby doesn't come home until after 9pm so he doesn't even get to see the girls awake, so I'm pretty much on my own until the weekend. I've tried to set a bedtime of 830p but we almost never make it until 9pm. Then it's time to go back and clean up the kitchen, put the laundry in the dryer, straighten up the house, etc. It's really hard and I wish I had something better to offer but I think you're doing the best that you can considering the situation. Crockpot cooking is a huge help, but you have to discipline yourself to get it all ready the night before. I usually cook a big pot of something on Sunday and have leftovers for dinner on Monday. For really busy night, we'll make warm sandwiches and soup. For bath time, I usually give the bigger girls a bath together while the baby sits in a swing and baby takes a bath on alternate nights. We are always racing the clock. I try to make up for it on weekends - whether it's baking cookies together, doing arts n' crafts, going for a walk to the park, special "mommy n' me" dates w/o siblings. Good luck to you Mama, you're doing a great job and know that you're not alone!

my kids are younger, what everyone else said but i spend quality time with the kids when their taking their baths--we talk, sing, play...its part of our quality time at night..on the weekdays.

do you have hours that could be a little more flexible? Right now, i work at night, but my oldest is only is pre-k 5 days a week for 2.5 hours. Next year she'll be in school 5 half days, then 1st grade the year after. I am already trying to figure out what to do... I do work weekends, so I have off two days during the week, so I'd be home those two days, my husband also works most weekends, so he could be home 2 of the other nights, and they'd be with a grandparent the 5th. My other option is to work an early morning shift at work... i would love to do that... then I'd be home when they got home from school. The only problem is that the people working that shift probably don't want to change it, but you never know what will happen in the next few years.
If I worked a regular 9-5 job, I would probably have the kids stay up until 9, so that they would sleep later, since elementary school doesn't start until 9am usually, right? Do you have time to spend with them in the mornings?
Anyway, that is what works for us!

I do let my baby stay up late. He's usually up until 9:30 or so and I can't wait for him to get in bed. I bet it's harder when your kids are in school since they have to get up so early. Good luck to you! Is there anyway you could adjust your schedule? I take a 1/2 hr lunch to get off earlier.
That's great you have family to help!

I am a single stay at home mom with an almost 2yr old and a full time nanny who commutes daily. Some mornings my son and I are out the door by 6:30a other days by 8a. Then we do not get home until 7p, hes in bed by 8:30p. This doesn't leave much time to eat, play, bathe or much one on one time.

Even though I am a nanny and my son is with me full time, I get very little one on one time with my son during the day. Yet thankful I have this amazing opportunity to be my sons full time care giver. A dream that became a reality. Its been very rough financially for us, as I quit a very HIGH paying job to be a stay at home mom. As I knew juggling my job, my horse, dropping/picking my son up from his nonnie's 5 days a week wasn't my idea of fun (i'd never see him but on weekends if i stayed working my full time job). Plus i was commuting 18miles one way...it was a lot of driving and a lot of time wasted.

At the time when my son was born, it was a two income household. So quiting my job wasn't too much of an issue financially (to me anyway as I started my own business to bring extra money in, my ex wasn't a team player). Its possible today to be a one income household. If you play your cards right. If you plan appropriate, budget and eliminate expenses that are not a necessity.

As any parent will tell you...the younger days of our children fly by so fast, before you know it, they are graduating high school. Personally, I feel family comes first before jobs. As one mom said, your children need you, your boss doesn't. You can get paid to work to be home with your children. I am.

Find a another career that gives you the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, or even a part time working mother. It will eliminate a lot of the chaos. Give your kids more MOM time. Or find a solution for both mom and dad. Jobs where you both can telecommute from home. Or think of a business adventure you both can do together. Giving you that much needed time with your children.

Or better yet, try to work with your employeer and see if you can work remotely a few days a week. State you be willing to take a little pay cut on the days you don't come to the office, as you would be spending less not having to commute to work a few days a week. Work on those two days part time. This allows you more time during the week for your children. Think of something....it doesn't hurt trying.

Lastly, put your oldest to bed later. On the days your oldest doesn't have homework, have her help around the house with picking up, putting the dishes in the dish washer, etc. On those days, you and your husband can attend to the youngest with their needs. Make family time priority. The dishes from that night can wait. The laundry can stay in the laundry basket for one day, or even two. Heck my laundry sits for a week. It won't hurt anyone. As any moment i get with my son, is a blessing and priority.

Housework...ahhhh a few dust bunnies on your furniture isn't harmful and can wait. Don't make house work a chore or a necessity. It will get done. Spend just a few hours on a saturday morning doing MINOR chores from the week. As far as meals....makes meals in BULK and freeze them. The mother I work for does this as shes a nurse and works LONG hours. So her meals are already preapared and just need to be heated. Means more time bonding then cooking.

Weekends....make it all about your family time. Heck don't make your beds that morning. All of you get out of bed, get ready for the day, go out to breakfast or plan a road trip some where. Let the day to day life you deal with during the week wait till Monday...your weekends are YOUR family time.

Oh and as far as bed time...for the younger ones, try to stick with their schedule but be a bit flexible for an additional half hour if you have to. Just take each day slowly and with flexibility. As each day is a different day. My son sometimes isn't in bed by 9:30p. Life, is just happens and is never predicatable. I just go with the flow. Hoping life will balance itself out the next day, just a little, ie...longer nap for him. Stuff like that.

one other thing...have you thought about hiring a mothers helper a few days a week to give you both a much needed break? Someone to come in two days a week to do minor chores, light cooking and even assist with your daughters homework...just something to lighten mom and dads load....

some "extra" expense can be put to go use else where. Some changes like no starbucks daily can go towards that mothers helper. Or less gym time, or no gym membership for 6 months...that money can be used to stay home a few days a month. If there is a will....there is a way!

FAMILY FIRST!!!!!!!

I think their schedule sounds great! I wouldn't change a thing, even though you don't get asmuch time with them, they still need their rest. this schedule allows them extra "time" in case they need extra rest....and that is great. you should be proud of your sleep schedule for your family :o)

Unfortunately, you face a challenge that most all working moms face.....finding quality time. hopefully, you find ways to make up for that on the weekends.

By working fulltime, you're only trying to to the best for your family....so try to do it without guilt. hopefully, one day, you can add more family time into the mix.

If your daughter needs more homework help, or simply struggles with getting it done quickly, then perhaps you can find ways to help her be more independant with her homework. I know my 7yr old son has difficulty stayinf "focused" to get it all done quickly. I've made him "worksheets" to help him get his spelling ABC order easier, and sentences, etc.... maybe there is something you can do to make it eaiser for your daughter??? That will help you feel less guilty because you're still aiding in her homework life :o)

~N. :o)

Greetings MV,
What a wide range of emotions you have stirred up. I have 5 children (now rangeing from 22-42) and several grandchildren which is the greatest reward for living through the adventures of parenthood of active children. I want to say the you might want to consider having the older child stay up til 8:30, for that bit of one on one that you both need. Take turns with your husband reading to the other children when they goto bed. These are times that your children will treasure. Personally I have to say that mornings were a crazy time at our home- getting ready, keeping everyone at peace so they could have good days. As for the judgements on working-- If someone wants to pay your bills & they must be considering it to be judgemental. I stayed home and ran a Day Care with 3 of my children--- I was at home and still did not have the extra time to care for my own I had to be up and organized early to accept the children coming and by the end of a long day of little ones I hardly felt like breathing let alone anything else. So I opened a Wedding/Event and Home Organizer business. I really had more 1 on 1 that way because I could schedule it. Even with the day care, I worked one day a week at the school and had my helper run the Day Care during nap time. Parethood is an adventure with many twists and turns like you are experianceing. It really is the greatest thing you will ever do. So while they are young and you have to work-- shut the world out in your private time and enjoy one another. Take pictures and create memories. If it helps I still make 5 meals in advance and freeze them to use in hectic times. Now I get to take them to my daughter in laws and cheer them on as they try doing all that must be done for their jobs, and finding the lost shoe of a 2 yo. and getting to places on time. Good Luck, Nana Glenda

Bay Area life is so hectic! I'm still in the preschool years, but I can well relate! I heard a great piece of advice from a working mom who made it work by calling home during her commute (she rode the train). She got to talk with the oldest ones on the phone on the way home, then could handle the demands of the little ones upon arriving home.

I hope this helps!

Oh, another mama's response reminded me- Crockpot! what a great thing for working moms.
Check out http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/
For terrific crockpot ideas from a mom of three herself!

Our kids are 17 mo and 3 yrs, they are up on their own by about 7am, however, when I'm working they are up at 615 to go to daycare. our 17 mo old is in bed by 8-815 and our 3 yr old is in bed by 9pm. He has always gone to bed that late, any earlier and he's up and down several times. You might give your 7 yr old a little bit later bed time and see how she does, this will give you one on one time with her after the little ones are asleep and the homework is done. Weekdays are hard, I try to pick up the house/do laundry after the kids are asleep so when the weekend gets here we have more quality time to spend with them. The weekdays are still rushed but the weekends make up for it. You are fortunate to have family that can help. It does make a difference. We do not and it can be challenging at times.

Updated

Our kids are 17 mo and 3 yrs, they are up on their own by about 7am, however, when I'm working they are up at 615 to go to daycare. our 17 mo old is in bed by 8-815 and our 3 yr old is in bed by 9pm. He has always gone to bed that late, any earlier and he's up and down several times. You might give your 7 yr old a little bit later bed time and see how she does, this will give you one on one time with her after the little ones are asleep and the homework is done. Weekdays are hard, I try to pick up the house/do laundry after the kids are asleep so when the weekend gets here we have more quality time to spend with them. The weekdays are still rushed but the weekends make up for it. You are fortunate to have family that can help. It does make a difference. We do not and it can be challenging at times.

My kids are 5 and 2. My husband and I work in the evening and my kids go to sleep at 9:30. They have to be at school at 9 o'clock, so they get to sleep 10 hours at night, between 9:30 and 7:30. They always seem to be well rested and it works pretty well for us. I hope this helps!

I have a similar schedule. One of my girls go to sleep around 8-8:30 PM naturally, but the other one stays up later naturally. I don't think letting them sleep later in the morning would help because then they would be late to school and I would be late to work. What works is prioritizing homework before they fall asleep. It's nice that your hubby cooks, mine does too or picks up something. It's great he helps as much as he does. Mine doesn't help with bathing. I bathe them every other night. This usually works fine, and make the load a little more tolerable. I throw laundry in the washer/dryer in the morning so washing doesn't build up for weekend. I fold on the weekend. We don't have as much time together on weekdays, but we get out and do fun things on the weekend. Also, I enjoy the little moments, laughs, and hugs.
P.S. Ignore the judgmental messages telling you to quit working. None of us would work if we didn't have to, and coveting being home can only make a working mom depressed. If there's a way to swing it then great, but in many families it is not a reality- especially in Silicon Valley.

What worked for me was working from home.This may sound harsh but your kids need you more than your boss!The most important job we will EVER have is being a parent.Thats good that family helps,but it's still not mom.You spend almost more time at work in ONE day than you spend ALL week with your girls.(sad)If want to change that you might want to checkout.... www.WhatMattersToMoms.com

H.

Dear MV,
I think it sounds like you have a great schedule.
There is never enough time during the week so you have to try to make up for things on weekends. Even if it's just having a "jammie" day when you make a fun breakfast and kick back to snuggle and watch some movies or read books.
Be thankful you have a husband and family to help. I raised two kids solo.
You get home, it's homework, dinner, bath, laundry, chores, bed and time to get up and do it all again. It always feels like race, race, race.
Every weekend we could, we just had a down day. Especially in the winter months. I would build a fire and get the house to about 90, the kids would run around in their swim suits and we'd pretend it was summer. We'd have picnics inside and just have a day of not going anywhere at all. Laundry and dishes, sweeping the floor, even cleaning your room isn't so bad when you're playing music and just having together time. It kind of makes up for the moments you feel that get lost during the week. I video taped a lot of our goof off days and we absolutely treasure watching them now.
Having morning time that isn't so rushed by letting kids sleep later is best in my opinion. It gives them time to wake up, be ready to face the day and have things together. Rushing in the morning can start the day off in a grumpy mood and nobody needs that. In the summer months I let my kids stay up a little later because it gets dark later. We pretty much had the same routine, but we'd go for a walk once I had dinner in the oven and just talk about our day. An extra half hour didn't make any difference in their sleep patterns or anything. It was just time to do nothing and get ready to end the day. Hopefully as happily as we had started it.
Weekdays go by so fast. No matter what we do, there are only 24 hours in a day.
There is never enough time, but you seem to be doing great.