My son is 10 years old. He gets along with all of his classmates at school, but never once asked me to have someone over to play. His teacher always comments on how great of a friend he is with his classmates. I always ask him if wants to invite anyone over. He's very low key about it. When he does have a play date, he has a good time. He doesn't have very close friends and I just think he needs to have some good friends at this age. It doesn't seem to bother him that he doesn't have any friends he hangs out with day to day. Play dates are very rare at our house, because he doesn't initiate any and I don't want to nag him all the time. Or should I be planning more play dates for him?
Any suggestions on helping him out?
I don't see why he needs help. He's happy and his teacher has good things to say about. It sounds like he is introverted (not a bad thing) and really needs and values his time alone. I would let him be. If he wants to be more social, he will.
Does he see his other siblings or you or his Dad have friends over to the house? He may just not see the value in it - and some kids do like their privacy. Another option is to ask him if he wants to call someone to do something outside of home such as go bowling or meet at the library. My opinion is that building social skills and social self-confidence takes practice and 10 is a good age to start that prompting. Does he know how to look up someone in the phone book? Can you two talk about what he likes to do and not do. I also think communication is key so that if there is an issue or a concern, you can help him with it. Sometimes kids don't know what to say and they build up stuff in their heads that isn't true. My kids have both decided over the years that this person or that person hates them and we've worked out strategies to tell how someone really feels (most of the time)... My son who is 13 still claims that he can't tell someone's feelings by looking at their face (even my face). I'm not sure I believe him, but social intelligence is important in the adult world.
At 10, he can do it if he wants to. As long as he's happy, trying to change him is not a good idea.
There may be ways to encourage him, and I'm sure you'll get some suggestions, but DO NOT feel like you need to fix him.
At 10, I think he'd get a little embarrased having mom plan play dates.
Have you tried getting him involved in extra carricular activities that he'd be interested in, either through school or the city? That would proably be a better way to get him to interract with the other kids and maybe build a relationship with some kids that have more of the same interests as him.
hi L.
I agree with Cassandra.
