Friendship - Peoria,AZ

When my husband and I got married I moved to a new town. I left all my friends and hubby is very much an introvert.

I ran up the phone bill hundreds of dollars talking to my friends, both guys and girls, in my old town. Plus calling my family and daughter that lived with her dad.

He couldn't fathom why I needed to spend that much money on long distance. I tried to explain it to him but just didn't have the words.

Some time later we were going to a marriage class and my hubby brought up the huge amount of money we had spent on long distance, even though I was getting better, and why did "I" need that.

The therapist said this "Do you want her to talk to you that much or would you rather she talked to them that much"? Hubby was like "Talk to them, talk to them". He never said anything about the phone bill again.

When unlimited long distance came along we got that and life was better.

Women are talkers by nature. We need speech and verbal skills to teach our children so we're more likely to have a natural need to talk and share and listen and talk and go over what's going on in our lives again and again. While we're talking we hear our words and our brain solves that problem a lot of the time.

So women need a best friend so they have someone to talk to and share everything with. Hubby's are not meant for this.

Although some personalities are opposite than this ideal it's pretty much what the difference in the genders is all about. Men are programmed to be hunters and quiet and women are programmed to share and help each other and find solutions to problems by talking about them with other women.

I don't know what you mean by a "Godly" friendship. I looked at your previous posts and saw one about baptism that indicated you had a new-found faith or dedication to it. It wasn't clear from the way your wrote it whether your husband shared this enthusiasm and devotion.

So are you saying you are having a friendship with a woman that is innocent and "holy" (therefore "Godly" and non-sexual - is that what you are trying to convey?) and you want to know if that's okay? Yes, of course it is. Do women have relationships/discussions with other women that are different from what they have with their husbands? Yes of course.

Are you looking for a Bible study partner, or do you have one? If you want a partner, join a church Bible study group or a study session at a college that trains clergy and religious leaders. If you have found such a friend, then be sure you are not letting your religious fervor exceed her level of devotion. Be sensitive to another person's reactions and don't let your own enthusiasm carry you away. That tends to push people away because it's too intense.

If your husband doesn't share your devotion to Bible study, that's okay, as long as you are mutually respectful of each other's belief systems and level of observance. But don't overdo it with a woman friend and try to spend inordinate amounts of time. Schedule your Bible study once a week, either together or as part of another group. You could have lunch afterwards if you want, but don't expect anyone to be seeing you all the time to the exclusion of other family and friends.

You sound a little infatuated with the idea of spending an awful lot of time with a new friend.

um......
I have a best friend.
Not a Godly best friend. I don't even know what that means. We both believe in God.
My best friend plays an important role in my life, but NOT more important that my husband.
Sure, I share things with her that may interest her more than my husband, but I certainly don't feel closer to her than my husband.
You almost sound a bit stalker-ish with your "new best friend"
Eek

I have several friendships. Some are from the ladies at church, some from high school, and some from my neighborhood. I have a couple close friends , whom I love to spen time with and confide in. However they don't replace my time with my husband, and I don't feel that I want to hang out with them more , etc. is your husband not around? Are you trying to fill a void in your life? A friend - close, godly or whatever shouldn't replace your relationships, as well as attaching yourself to someone so intimately- because godly or not it isn't healthy. It's wonderful that you found a women that you have so much in common, but ensure that your own relationships with others and yourself aren't suffering in the process.

I'm sure most people have a best friend/buddy they like to do things with.
It's not just women.
Guys have had bowling/fishing/hunting/sports buddies.
There are times when we want the wife/husband/family closeness and then there are times we want time with our friends.
But you need a balance.
If you get to a point where being with your friend/s is/are more important than being with your family and you're doing all the time - it makes it sound like someone isn't happy at home and is trying to escape from it.
I've known social butterflies who flit from one committee to the next and barely stop home to sleep.
There are other people who love being home with their family and are happy to rarely go out - I see nothing wrong with that as long as they are not becoming socially isolated.

Additional:
This is what a Godly Friend is (I had to look it up myself) (kind of a Bible study buddy/mentor):

https://pastormark.tv/2012/01/13/what-is-a-godly-friend

Girlfriends are important. Our relationships with them are different than with the men in our life. I like having friendships with both, but my girlfriends are so important to me.

Like Diane B mentions, this idea of "godly" is a little strange. Are you saying that you wouldn't consider having a girlfriend who isn't religious? If so, I think that you are hurting yourself. I also worry, like Diane, that you are a little too "into" this relationship. You should ask yourself some honest questions and try to figure out the answers. Are you missing something in your marriage? Are you trying to bring TOO MUCH religion in your home life, and your husband doesn't want home to be full of so much God talk so that you feel that you have to find someone else to fill that void? Is this new friend a take charge kind of person who is leading you to experiences that you don't have at home so that you follow where she leads? It is possible to be in that kind of relationship with a friend like that. Ultimately, it's not a healthy thing. You can end up believing what she believes because you want to make her happy or because you want to be like her so much that you end up copying her.

If you've really never had a best friend before, you need to be careful, in order to protect your heart. If you are too needy, she may get to the point that she feels like you are stifling her. People here on this site have even written about friends who copied everything they did, down to colors, fabrics, house furnishings, children's parties, etc. Imitation MAY be the sincerest form of flattery, but honestly, it gets old fast and people don't like it.

At some point, you need to come down to earth and really figure out why you would rather be with her than your husband. He's the one you should be able to trust to take care of you. He's the one you have sex with. He's the one you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Everyone else is just icing on the cake. Don't forget that the cake is supposed to be more than the icing.

Yes, that is why we invented GNO for mostly married women.

Single women often get together with their GFs. Married women needed to put a name to it, GNO.

My closet GF from church and I have a different relationship than my nonchurch GFs. She feels more like a relative/friend where my GFs from work or college are more pal-like.

I get it.