Friends Who Brag About Money

If their salary just doubled, it sounds like she's blown away by how its changing her life. And is over sharing.

People usually take about 6mo before they stop either griping about massive downgrade in circumstance or "Look at me mom! I can do it! Look at me! Look at me!" with sudden upgrade.

LOL... That's actually a new money/old money "tell". The longer you've "had" money, the less one talks about it. Also, fancy ticket items either aren't spoken of, or are downgraded. The 10 000 sqft vacation home is "the cottage", for example. The first couple GENERATIONS of "new money" tend to be pretty flashy about it (not only buying trend but referencing it: cars by name, like "The Bently" or "the lotus", heading to aspen, nyc/london/wherever, or montecarlo... Instead of "grabbing the car" or "going skiing or, into the city, or to the races"). So the overall tends to take a WHILE before the tackiness becomes apparent. But the initial "Look at me!" is usually over in the first 6 months.

Is this a real friend or a playdate mom, period?;)

She sounds like a crashing bore. I have friends who share about their vacations or their new car or somesuch, but not in that way. Their lives have other facets, you know-- they have other stuff going on to discuss. Some of them do very fascinating things which are interesting. For example, one goes to Fiji every other year; she's a chocolatier who teaches cocoa farmers there how to process their cocoa beans so as to make more money for themselves. She doesn't stay at a resort, either.... she stays with the farmers and she learns a lot from them, too. I love hearing about this sort of thing. The trip to Fiji is one small part of something bigger for her.

Just an endless big brag-- about ANYTHING-- is just a bore. There's one person like that in my life, and frankly, I just avoid them. They might have money however, they are one of the most ungracious, petty, flat-out rude people I've ever met. I wouldn't envy all that money if I was stuck with their personality. ugh!

Oh wow, I couldn't be friends with someone like that. Truly wealthy people don't really feel the need to talk about it, unless they're utterly shallow jerks. My aunt and uncle are extremely wealthy--meaning they've been known to make donations in the millions, but you'd never know it by talking with them. They don't talk about their money--they talk about their grandkids and only speak about finances if we ask them for financial or real estate advice. They have a beautiful home, but it is not flashy, nor are any of the cars they've ever driven. They have 3 vacation homes, but they are not in exclusive areas, and they offer them out for all of us to use at any time.

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED: So nothing is going to happen?

Drop her like a bad habit and make some new friends. People who really have money don't brag about it. For all you know your friend is in debt up to her eyeballs.

Here's a goldie from my mother.........

"A woman's age and how much money she has are just like her panties...
They should never be waved around in public."

You might throw that one out there next time and say you heard it from a very wise woman.

I think sometimes people who have to bring up such subjects are actually very insecure because I never would have thought to be so crass, especially when I was married and my husband who made tons of money.
I was far more humble about it than my husband was.

He thought that having "things" made him a better person.
That is....until I left him and walked away from all of it because to me it was gross. I volunteered and tried to share our blessings. He was an absolute penny pincher.

There's one thing I know.........you can't take it with you when you're gone.
No sense in bragging about it on earth.

Truly classy women just don't discuss certain things.
That's how I was raised.

Best wishes.

Maureen:

Welcome to mamapedia!!

Why do you feel judged? Does she mock your home or your husband's job? Or do you just feel "bad" (for lack of better words) that you don't have the things she has?

Nope, I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. I have a girlfriend from high school who owns a yacht (not a boat - but a 60' yacht and a Bentley and lives in Orange County, CA) and by talking to her - you wouldn't know that she is a multimillionaire. She doesn't brag about her accomplishments. She lifts others up. THAT'S what friends are supposed to do.

I have friends who have money. I have friends who have no money. Sounds like this is someone you need to just say "no" to. Tell her thanks for the invite, busy!

Don't let the money thing bother you. If you can't handle it - and you are really friends with her - then tell her you are not comfortable talking about money around her. But it really sounds like you two don't have much in common and not sure why would you want to invest any more of your time with the relationship if you aren't getting anything but the feeling of "urgh" around her...

Make a decision. Is she worth it? If not not - just say no thank you to invites. If she is worth it - have a heart to heart with her.

Good luck!

No, thats annoying. It doesnt sound like she wants a friend, she just wants to make sure everyone knows how she thinks she is amazing.
Personally if shes that rich, I would ask her what charity organizations shes involved in. That might shut her up.

I understand perfectly. I have a FB friend that I had to hide because every single one of her posts is about how they just remodeled their beach house, or took a fabulous trip overseas, or her kids "surprised" her with a new car, or her husband's business connections got her backstage passes to a concert. All said with an aw-shucks, how'd-we-get-so-goshdarn-lucky tone that comes off as totally fake.

If you value the friendship, have a heart to heart with her. If it's not worth your time, ditch her. Life's too short.

I wouldn't find this person to be a friend. I had a co-worker years ago who was like that. If she had a date over for dinner and he brought a bottle of wine, it was just a "bottle of wine". It was "he brought a $40 bottle of wine." Who freaking cares?! He brought wine, nice gesture! But everything she talked about had a $$$ attached to it. So shallow! So self absorbed!

Honestly, people with $ and are doing financially well don't brag. They simply live life like anyone else. But this chick must have married into money, never had it until now and now wants to make her self "look rich" by bragging. Especially to those she feels are less than herself. What's her name? Sounds like my sister! LOL!!!

I used to have a friend like that. Then one day when I was driving the kids home and dropping everyone off after a play date, her child said something really humiliating and cruel about the mobile home park where I was dropping of one of the other children. I did not say anything because I was so shocked. I really should have to help the other kid out, but I had no idea what to say. Guess which family I am still friends with.

Drop her. As your kids get older, it will only get worse.

I would shift to another activity that day or go there every other week. You do not enjoy being there, so why be there so much? I understand that it is for a playdate, but, I would get involved w/ another Moms group w/ people you enjoy being with ! Or have your child invite her child over and skip the group playdate.

First, she was talking about herself. Now, she is talking about his material goods. That too much for me.

We had friends who had a ton of money. Then, the guy lost the job.
The money thing was temporary.

I am intrigued by people who have a ton of money and you'd never know it ! That's CLASS !

Let's be honest here - Is she really your "friend", or is she just a mom you tolerate because you want your kids to have someone to play with? Sorry, but my friends wouldn't act like this and be so obnoxious and inconsiderate.

It sounds like you have different priorities and values than she does, which doesn't make you two very compatible as friends. No amount of interference, distraction, etc. will change who she is at the core.

There are so many other moms/women for you to be friends with, that have kids to do playdates with. I am not one for wasting my time with people I don't really care for or want to be with and will never again stay in a friendship so my child has someone to play with. Been there, done that, not worth it when there are better, higher quality people out there.

Honestly, I have found that finding compatible friends as an adult is pretty much like dating - you have to go through a lot of b*tches to make it the good ones. Life is too short to waste on crappy people.

I'm curious if anyone will say this is ok bc I keep comparing bragging about money to bragging about one's children. If her husband has accomplished a lot at work so is making big money, why can't she be proud jsut like it's ok to be proud of our kids and talk about how gifted they are? I don't really think that but I bet no one will say it's ok to brag about money but some people think it's ok to brag about their kids. I just don't see the difference. Very likely we're way better off financially than most of our friends. We're living very low key for several reasons so it likely would be a very big surprise to friends just how much money we have in the bank. Of course I never ever say anything!! But I could brag about how accomplished I am to be earnign the salary and bonus I do. But again of course I don't. It would be so obnoxious. Your friend is obnoxious and you're right to be bothered. You're not being petty. Not sure what you can do except start avoiding her...

How much do you really have in common with her? Is she someone you'd be friends with if you met today?
It doesn't sound like you're jealous, just annoyed at her need to turn every conversation around to her and her money. I had a "friend" like this once.

I've found that the people who "brag" the most tend to fall the hardest.

People who usually make these types of comments are very insecure, I think. When you are well off, you don't really need to point it out because its obvious. You should avoid play dates with her if this is how the visits tend to conclude. Be prepared because she may ask why you've blown her off. Are you comfortable in telling her why? There is always going to be someone who has more money, assets, a bigger house, nicer cars, etc. than you do. It's just easier to swallow when it's not a friend or acquaintance because you are then always reminded of what they have and what you don't. Look at it this way - the more they have, the harder they have to work to maintain it and keep up the pretense. Your friend is working over time in this regard. I don't think you should feel judged. I understand being annoyed. Avoid her.

This isn't a real friend. She is simply the mom of your child's friend. She sounds really desperate for attention and boring to be with.

If this is a good friend of your child, keep going on the playdates, but regard her with a "poor thing...so lame" attitude (inside your head, of course, to her face you will continue to be polite for the sake of your child) instead of feeling like you're being judged. Plus, who cares if she's judging you? Let her.

If your child is not thrilled with her kid, has lots of other friends to play with and wouldn't miss her child, I'd go ahead and discontinue the playdates.

Life is too short to worry about people you don't like or care about. Like that quote says "What you think of me is none of my concern."

I don't know it I'd call it petty...but I do know is that when someone or something is bothering me...I let them know, or I don't stick around to listen.

She sounds self-congratulatory and immodest and probably doesn't realize how she's coming off. Have you talked to her? Anyone that I consider a friend is someone that I could talk to about things like this. If I don't consider them a friend then I stop spending time with them, especially if the only reason we're getting together is to accommodate play dates.

You aren't being petty. I was friends with someone like that, and I no longer am. I found her super annoying and insecure. People that have true wealth, of spirit, of money, of talent, etc. don't brag. There is no need.

I also understand the feeling judged part. Some people have a way about how they talk about themselves that is inherently judgemental. I don't really know how to explain it, but it something about the way they carry themselves that just says, " I'm better than you."

I'd drop your friend.

Well, you don't KNOW that she actually has money. If she does, she's clearly trying to compensate for something she's not happy with. People who are happy don't need to blatantly, and continuously brag.

I don't know why it makes you feel judged, though. Do you not have as much money, so you allow it to make you feel inadequate? Don't allow someone's wealth (or debt, depending on what her status really is) make you insecure. She isn't judging, she's just being really annoying, a braggart, and pretentious.

I don't have friends like that.
Even if some are VERY wealthy and head of organizations. They do not act like that nor think they are better than others.

I don't make friends with people like that.

Why would you possibly think are you being petty? You sound like a wonderful warm person who has not made money but friendships your priority. If she hasn't really done this before you might examine if there is someone else who is making her insecure so much that she has to do this. Just redirect her to other things. Perhaps even let her know that you enjoy a life that doesn't mean 'money' such as a picnic outdoors, and a walk with your children. Maybe her husband is now working for people who think money is important and the pressure is on. I know that can happen sometimes. And by the way I don't have much money so it's easier for me to say this LOL. I wanted to ditto the Mom who said 'sounds like my sister'. I have one of those, too. Born again rich.

I would say things like "you must be so grateful to John... What did you do again before kids?". Or "what will you do when the kids are grown?". Make it obvious her husband has provided all this so she should stop bragging. Or "well, I hope money buys you happiness!". She sounds horrible. Another thing you could try is say how you saw an old friend and you're glad you don't see her much anymore bc she brags all the time and you know it's likely bc deep,down she's insecure so it's pathetic but it's really annoying. Maybe it'll make her think...

IME, it's the people that are overextended that act like they have money.
Maybe she does.
Maybe she doesn't.
You don't have to "be" anything but yourself IF she's a real friend.
I suspect she's not. I'd avoid those situations.
I think it's odd that you feel "judged" -- I'd feel annoyed!

This is why I try to make differing friends. I have college educated friends, friends who are mamas, friends who are estranged from siblings... I do not pour my all into one friend.

Find other friends who are on the same income as you and that should make you feel a little less badly about her riches.

I currently have a coworker who passed a required tech exam that I cannot pass to save my life. She brags continuously about that. I have started to "feed her with a long-handled spoon". I will not tell her how bad she makes me feel--but it is straining our relationship.

I think everyone talks about money here and there, but talk about it too much and the conversation becomes really dull. I actually have a "playdate mom friend" who overly talks about how much money they don't have. I would like her better if she could drop that topic. No matter the subject, she somehow always blurts out something about how they can't afford this or that or how things are so tight over and over...it's to the point where you wonder if she's asking for a handout. Her kids don't go without, they just don't have the "new car & big house"...which I think is being financially smart! She comes off as someone who's incredibly insecure and handles it by telling you every detail about her financial status. I always want to say, "I don't care, let's change the subject." My son likes her son, so I tolerate it some because her 5 year old son is a really nice boy. If he was talking poorly about people who live in a trailer, I'd be inclined to drop the relationship because it'll only get worse!

no you are not being petty. This woman has no self esteem. I'd dump the play dates with her, I mean who would want to suffer through that? I hate when people talk about money, or what you do for a living. Who cares????!!

Could be insecurity, could be pride. It sounds like she likes to talk about herself anyway so I wouldn't take the money thing as different.

With out having met her It's hard to say, I"m going to play devils advocate for a minute.

there will be times i'm complaining about our up coming vacation cruise because there are alot of decisions involved in the plannign of the trip that hubs and I disagree on, i tend to be more frugal, i tend to protect the kids more and not feel comfortable ditching them with the daycare, I am concious of how hard i fight to keep my weigh undercontrol and he is just woo hoo lets have a flashy vac.

I know my friend betty can't afford this type of trip but i feel so comfortable with her that i CAN vent and hope i'm not hurting her feelings.

So i guess it's in how you respond to her, is she maybe getting soem sort of approval from you that makes her feel it's ok?

or maybe sh is just cllueless.

It sounds like she is insecure about something going on in her life and she uses this "brag" to make herself feel better.

On top of that, you really have no idea if what she is telling you is real. You don't pay her mortgage or other bills and who knows how much debt they may be in. Someone can drive the fanciest cars, have the most extravagant home and dress like they came off Fifth Avenue and be dead broke and drowning in debt. They won't tell you that though!

I recall about 14 yrs ago, a neighbor left his job to become a day trader and he would tell us how he made thousands of dollars one day, blah blah but other days, he'd be very quiet because he never told how many thousands he lost. In the end, he took his old job back with the condition the he move across the country to start up a new territory.

I am more of a private person when it comes to personal finances, etc. When someone is truly successful, it is evident and you don't have to announce it to the world.

Don't feel like you are being judged. She is using you as a sounding board to make herself feel better.

I grew up in a family where money and how much you make, spend, have isn't discussed and isn't anyone else's business. However, my husband's family is complete opposite. They talk about everything. I have gotten used to it so it doesn't bother me anymore. Anyway, she may not realize how inappropriate it feels to you.

i know a couple ppl like that and use to feel like you do-im poor as a church mouse,but will help you if i have it-i finally looked at these folks like..you know what? brag away-all you want-becuz if hubby got sick,fired,laid off etc.then what are you gonna do? go ahead-spend spend spend-dont build a nest egg,just spend spend spend,if hubby leaves you..then whatve you got?my advice-be very happy n grateful for what youve got and living within your means.this one day will come back to haunt her-usually does with these kind of folks.next time just ask her if she has donated to any charities,or food shelves.look at what you do have-not what you dont-their bills are alot bigger than yours-appreciate that fact alone.plus you really dont know whats going on behind closed doors..

No. Friends don't need to brag themselves up, but some people feel in order to make themselves feel better they must make others feel worse. It makes me wonder if life is really so wonderful if she has to brag it up so much. If it makes you feel this uncomfortable I'd stop having play dates with her. Just tell her you're busy. For me, I would get to a point that I'd just snap and ask her if it makes her feel so good to continually brag and show off about things when she knows that others around her are not in that position, and that it makes others around her feel uncomfortable. Period.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

If you have known this person for a while I say let it roll off your shoulders and tell her you are happy for them. The "newness" will wear off. The funny thing is we have friends who do OK for themselves and brag about how cheaply they get stuff and do whatever it takes to get the best deal on anything. Its just as annoying...especially when I don't feel like there is sincere appreciation for people who do help them out. (ie free clothes) I guess just another end of the spectrum...

It seems that it may be a 'new money' issue - bring it up, tell her that you are happy for her and hope to be in a simmilar postion one day and bring some other topic up. If she brings it up again say the same thing and change again - one more time - total silence OR get up and tend to the kids immediately.

If this is not behavior that you'd like your kids to think is okay, then stop hanging out with her. She'll teach her kids her same 'values'.

You don't sound like you are being petty. You have to ask yourself, how much do you value this friend?

If you like her in other ways then invest in an honest conversation with her. You may find that she relaxes when she sees you like her enough to be open and to work with her. She prides herself on being gracious and handling situations deftly. Give her one close to home.

Tell her about the situation.. There are circumstances that are making you uncomfortable. Ask her if you could be honest with her. Tell her that making money a big part of the conversation makes you feel bad. Tell her you feel both of you have a lot in common but the talk of money has soured your relationship. Ask, Could you just be friends on other levels and leave material possessions out of the conversation? It's just not something you were brought up to do and it feels less than gracious.

If it works, she will be smarter and you will still have a friend. If it doesn't, well, you are less one braggadocios friend.