Friends Have to Sleep on the Floor

Personally, I don't think that it is a big deal - the kids are little (I am assuming)and honestly, it is probably more fun to be part of the trio on the floor than to be the one kid in the bed.

L.,

I'm with you. That is rude for her to expect the guests to sleep on the floor while she sleeps in her own bed. It should be equal, like everyone on the floor. Or maybe a trudle bed and only 1 friend over at a time so they both have beds.

It is just as simple as:"treat others like you want to be treated". This shows a bit of disrespect for the other person and the friendship if you expect them to accept lower standards than you will.

J.

You could make this an issue, but why? Will your daughter be uncomfortable on the floor? Would she be more comfortable if you require that her hostess also sleep on the floor? (How do you spell "embarrassment"?)

Of course it's desirable to model what you think is polite hostessing in your home, but other folks may have perfectly acceptable alternatives in their homes. We simply can't decide for them how they should respond to their own unique circumstances. Nor do they get to make those decisions for us, thank goodness.

I observe that we're all sometimes rude, clumsy, or mistaken, and we all count on each other's forebearance to keep the world functioning.

You don't say how old the girls are. But if they're still prepubescent, it's not too likely that the host daughter is trying to be unfair. If she is power-tripping, your daughter will eventually get it, and have to decide for herself whether it's worth her while to continue her friendship.

We best serve our children's happiness not to interject our own issues about fairness, power, or control unless there's an actual risk to their welfare. In which case, it would be best simply not to give her permission to do the overnight. It is usually healthier to give our children space to find their own ways emotionally than to suggest to them what they ought to be feeling.

I know this can be tricky to practice, but I hope you'll teach your daughter that other people's behavior doesn't control whether or not she'll be happy. It's one of the most common human mistakes to say, "That person did something that MADE ME mad/sad/glad." It's healthier and more honest to observe that "when that person did/said that, I NOTICED THAT I FELT mad/sad/glad." That leaves us with a much greater range of choices, and much more personal power.

Once they're all together, my bet is they will turn any pre-arranged sleeping arrangements into a slumber party with very little slumber. Let the kiddos figure this out and just go with it. I'm learning that if I script every aspect of my kids' lives, they will never learn how to make their own fun let alone their own decisions.

Almost every sleepover I've ever been to I've slept on the floor, and the host had a bed. Never was a big deal. I'd feel extremely wierd if the host did not sleep in her bed if we all slept in her bedroom.

And really it's a silly thing to worry about. It's not like it's something that most of society in the u.s. is unacustom to.It would be different if they were are serving the guests lousy food while they dine on lobster.

This is actually an oppertunity to teach you daughter something---about how different families have different beliefs on life- what's rude, what's not, how to decipline, how to be a good guest....

speaking of, here's and example.....I was raised in a home were my mother taught us that you don't invade other's homes when visiting---this meant you don't do their dishes, you don't eat their food until offered, etc. My husband was raised in a home were "everyone pulls their wieght including guests." His family would get mad at me because I never did the dishes or anything. But I was always taught it was intrusive because you're opening all the cuboards and 'snooping', etc. I'm getting better at feeling more comfortable doing chores in there home, but my point is families are different and that's something we should teach our children to be accepting of.

My son has a small bedroom as well and when he had two friends over, he slept in his bed and the other two slept on the floor. I didn't really think of anything of it and the kids were all happy. If it were grandparents or other grown-ups visiting, I would definitely make sure they had a bed. That is great that you are so polite, however, I think you are making an issue out of something very minor. Kids are just happy to be together and just spend the night. I don't think they are put off if someone doesn't give them their bed. S.

I think as long as there's room, then the girls will figure it out for themselves. If that means the host is on the bed and the others on the floor, so be it. If that means they all cram on the bed or floor, then so be it. If they're old enough for the sleepover, then they're able to sort it out.

I agree with Wendy L and Crystal H.. I do not think either way is right or wrong. People look at things different, and people put importance on different things. You might think this is rude, while their family does not even notice it is an issue. And in turn, you family probably does something that they would find strange or rude.
For example, I have friends that their children must ask to be excused from the table after dinner, before getting up. Then, their parents clear the table. At my house however, my kids do not need to ask to be excused. However, when they are done eating, they must clear their own place. Neither way is right or wrong.
I teach my children that when you go to someone else's house, you must be respectful of their rules.
Unless this is super important to you, I think you should let it go. I do not think this is a big deal.

I think you're overthinking this....kids love to sleep on the floor.

I wouldn't worry too much. I bet all the girls end up sleeping on the floor anyway. Let the kids deal with it. Every house is different, so have it your way at your house and as long as your daughter is safe and happy, don't worry about it. I bet it won't even be an issue.

I think it's perfectly wonderful to make that a rule at your house. It seems fine to me. I think it's perfectly fine for your friend to have a different rule and idea of what's right at her house. I hear that it's you who are concerned about that and the children might not care. I would let it go and if your child says something about it, say different families have different rules and ideas. It's polite to accept their rules at their home. It may bad manners in your book, but not in theirs at all.

Both ways are totally acceptable.

I think it's fine. Looking back I have always slept on the floor when at sleepovers - and frankly it would have felt weird sleeping in the host's bed. Get her one of those small inflatable air mattresses, like the ones you use for camping and she'll be more comfortable.

And just btw - we used to have friends over all the time, mostly a bunch of guys in bands at a time and always offer them our couch/floor.

Hope she's having fun!

I wouldn't make a big deal about this. Save your concern for bigger problems!

I guess I've never thought about the whole bed/floor thing. Perhaps her room is too small for 4 kids on the floor. Another thought is that this little girl has never been to a sleepover and doesn't know that everyone ends up on the floor. My mom always had us sleep in the family room because there was more room (and no door so she could keep a better eye on things). I would just let it go and see what your daughter says when she comes home.

I absolutely agree with you, L.- but I am positive that the Mom who lets her child be comfy is NOT alone-- people do the oddest things --- and the older I get ( 64 and counting) the more I am sure--- humans are just plain silly sometimes--- except me and thee,o'course. I knew a family once that had the boys do only ''outside''' chores and the girls do only 'inside' chores--- which meant that the girls had to clean their brothers' rooms -- -not in MY house--- promise you that--- . Just assure your children tht your reasons are ------- ----- and other people have other rules- and one must be flexible.

sigh
Old Mom--aka-- J.

I don't think its a big deal. Growing up I had a girlfriend that always had me sleep in her bed with her when I stayed over. Heck if a couple of us stayed, we all squeezed into the bed. On the other hand I had a different girlfriend, and I always slept on her floor when I stayed over. It never made much difference to me either way.

I totally agree with you... all the kids should sleep on the floor. It would be very rude of this girl to sleep in her bed while her friends were on the floor.

And to the people who said maybe her room is too small... If her room is too small then, in my opinion, either she should have less people stay the night or they should all sleep in the family room or something. That is what we always did... camped out in the family room or rec room.

I totally agree with you. It teaches your children to be humble and polite.

I agree with you. A good hostess would sleep on the floor with her guests, just as a good hostess would not only bring one cupcake to a party and eat it herself. It's all or nothing. But that is how I would do it at MY house, teaching my children to be good hosts/hostesses. If someone else did it differently, I wouldn't say anything. Good luck!

It looks like you have responses on both sides. I understand your point, but I really think that different people think about things differently. That's always such a difficult idea to grasp, but it is the way of the world. I don't think it really makes either one right or wrong - just different perspectives. My kids aren't old enough for sleep overs yet, so I can only go by what I remember from when I was a kid. Sometimes the kid slept on the floor with us and sometimes they didn't. I never really thought anything about it. I do remember a time when there were a few of us on the floor and the girl in her bed, and she ended up on the floor with us because we were having all the fun talking and what not. Sleeping on the floor was the FUN part.

Don't sweat the petty things...

I have to agree with you on that one. I think all the kids should sleep on the floor but we can't dictate what happens in other peoples homes so i would just leave it alone. If you really have a problem with it and feel that it's necessary then don't allow your daughter to spend the night.

I don't its a big deal. My oldest, now 19, used to invite kids over to sleep and they just sleep where they sleep. If your daughter feels that its unfair then I would suggest to her that maybe she should do the sleep over again. Let the kids take the reigns on this one. I do feel the same as you do and guests are exactly that, guests, and they should be treated that way. But when it comes to something like this, kids usually just don't care. Tell your daughter to pack a comfortable pillow and sleeping bag and go have fun. Maybe they will convince her friends to join fun down on the floor.