Ok, I will try to make this long story short. Married Couple, Friends of mine for years. We met through our daughters attending the same School. Ex Husband never liked them, and made fun of them constantly. Ex balked at going to each and every event they invited us to, until NOW. They throw an Annual Christmas Party, and EX is ATTENDING?? There are 2 things I just don't get. Why they invited him in the FIRST place (since they never really spent time with him at all), and WHY on EARTH he wants to attend? I had to drag my Ex, kicking and screaming to their previous Christmas Parties. I do not want to feel awkward at this Party, and that would definitely do it.
Well, well, well.....I had decided that I would not go to the Party, and I told my Friends. They took my Ex off the list (uninvited him).
Jessicawessica....to answer your questions: 1.) Ex and I spend time together as a Family with our Daughter all of the time, 2.) My Friends have no idea how he feels about them, and I have NOT told them, 3.) Therapy is not the answer to all....SORRY. 4.) I never said "Take him off the list, or I am not coming." They sent me an e-mail, stating they decided to take him off the list. It was their choice.
Maybe he has a new girlfriend he wants to show off.....?
Go and don't him or anyone know you are uncomfortable! (Go early and help the hosts get set up).
OR - take a handsome hunk with you....
good luck!
Added after your SWH: Good for you, and for them!!! I still wonder what they were thinking!
Original:
Humph! He wants to be at the party so that he can show you how great he's doing as your ex. He wants to make you uncomfortable. He wants everyone ELSE to see how happily unmarried he is, too.
If you'll see all these other people at other parties (people you like), I'd skip this party and tell your friend that you're going to pass since your ex got an invitation. If you would not be seeing friends and this party is important to you, then bite the bullet and go. If you pass on this party, perhaps your "friend" will decide she likes your presence better and not invite him next year.
He's being a douchebag. THAT'S the reason he's going, mom.
First of all, it's not your party. You don't know what has happened between these people socially and it is no longer any of your business. It is one night out of the year and, if you no longer want to be with this man, then wherever he is or isn't should not bother you. You are adults. If you feel it will be awkward for you, then don't go.
Well they may have invited him because he is still your daughters' father and you all did meet through the girls. He may be attending to irritate or check up on you OR maybe he didn't dislike them as much as he let on to you.
Remember, the person you married is not the same person you divorced. In addition to the changes during the marriage, there were probably changes after as well.
HaHa I feel your pain. Thats like my inlaws. They never wanted to spend Christmas with us and my daughter while we were together. The year after the divorce now every Christmas Eve they want to see my daughter. Its hard though especially if you go there by yourself and have to deal with him. I find it hard when there is a school function. Good luck with it.
Then you have to learn how to co-exist with him. Period. Your divorce is nobody's issue but yours. Friends should not have to choose sides or make special arrangements. Yeah, I, too, would find it weird that NOW he wants to go, but what could I do about it? Keep your distance, and have a good time.
I wouldn't skip an event I wanted to attend just because my ex would be there. The fact that he's there doesn't mean that I have to converse with him over dinner, dance with him, or drive him home if he gets drunk. There will be plenty of other people there that I can interact with.
My ex and I shared many common interests, including music and theater, I didn't stop attending concerts and plays, or auditioning for plays just because he might be seated near me, or might be auditioning for the same show.
I am assuming that your divorce is relatively new. You say you dragged your ex "kicking and screaming" to other parties they hosted but your friends do not know that. He is the father of their daughter's friend and has been invited and attended in the past so they invited him again.
While you you are no longer a couple, you are still co-parents and I can tell you it will be much easier for your daughter I you can learn to be in the same room at events together. My in laws are divorced and my mil is great about inviting my fil and new wife to anything that she plans for any of the kids. My fil never reciprocates. Because of it all of us try to plan things through my mil so we don't have to plan 2 separate events.
Good luck.
Jessica Wessica is very rude, once again.
I had a long response written out. Instead, please think about this.
Your former husband accepted an invitation to a party probably for the sake of your shared children. When you found out you not only got upset, but you called your friends to decline the invitation which prompted them to ask why. When you told them THEY DIS-INVITED a guest who had already accepted. A guest that they thought they were friends with and had no idea ever had issues with them in the past because when he spent time with them, he made sure they didn't know it. Except it sounds as if you made sure they know it now.
You didn't just sabotage your former husband. You sabotaged your childrens' father. You're wondering why he would want to attend a party and what his motives would be, and the motives of your friends inviting him? As if it has anything to do with you?
The only way to not feel awkward is to practice spending time around each other at events like this for the sake of the children. If you refuse to do that, then your children suffer. And you come off looking like the crazy ex-wife.
Therapy.
Does it matter why he got invited and why he is going. These are your friends. If your friends were aware of how he feels about them and how you had to drag him kicking & screaming, they would not have invited him. So you wondering WHY he was invited is pointless. Your friends have no clue about your EX feelings toward them. Your friends are just being nice.
I would go to the party dressed to impress. At the party I would treat my ex like he was my best friend. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction that his presence bothers me. Be happy and have a good time.
