For Us Emergency Services Wives....

I am a retired police officer, a first responder. How can any of you say that S. is not cut out to be the wife of a first responder? She gets to be human. And being human, loving her husband, she will worry and be fearful. We should be thanking her for being willing to keep a husband with such an important job to do.

I get it that there's no question. But why are some so critical? The answering poster may not be cut out to be the wife of a first responder but that does not give them the right to decide how another is to handle her feelings. I am grateful that she is in touch with her feelings and able to express them so clearly. Otherwise she'd be an emotional mess, of no good for her husband and the work he must do.

This would make a really good blog.

I'm not an emergency services wife but I *totally* get where you're coming from. <hugs>. Here's hoping you never get *that* call, or worse, the knock on the door. (I was a MICU RN for awhile, so I get it.)

Great big hugs to you!!!

I've being either active duty military, or a first responder most of my adult life (17 onward).

I lived my childhood with my mum waiting for "that call" (and why NO MATTER WHAT I don't call her after she goes to bed or she'll hit the ceiling terrified after over 40 years of marriage to a military man, and then mum to US knuckleheads.

ETA... A BLISSFUL childhood. My mum, like you, rocked. We never understood how much danger my dad was in. Because we never knew how afraid she was. Not until we were grown. Dad always came home, always would. My mum made that happen. Be ause she made us believe that. Huge. Gift.

I did "it" once.

Stayed home.

Waited for the safe return of my nearest.

I am NOT that strong.

I prefer to be shot at, than that.
I prefer for the floor to give out, for my tank to be low, to be locked in quarantine waiting to hear if I'm turning to jelly in a few hours.

Because I am nowhere near as brave as you are.
Or my mum.
Or my uncle (whose wife is a paramedic in Chi-town south)

You're amazing. :D

And deserve cheesecake.

Now.

Consider it an order.

Blessings & all my best to you & yours.

I can understand. My husband was in the marines and did 2 deployments during the time he was in (4 years). Now he is a cop, and he is also applying to be a volunteer EMT (went to the meeting, just has to be voted in now). I know how it feels to not know. My husband was one of the first ones in Iraq back in 2003 when the war first started. I was getting ready for work in the morning and I had the news on (bad idea) and the whole time he was gone everyday it was silent. That morning, I heard a lot of gun fire on the news. I went to work at a preschool and one of my mom's from my class, her husband was also there and she walked in the class room and we just hugged each other and we were both crying. It was so scary!
Now that my husband is a cop, I do start to worry inside if he is late getting home. I know the feeling and you are not alone :)

This is a beautiful poem. At least that's the way I'm reading it.

Hard to read? Yeah - because it makes me imagine being in your shoes. But if you can live it, the least I can do is read it, and try to understand, and offer thanks.

Thanks to your husband, for being there for US, and thank YOU, for being the support he needs. And thank you, too, for letting us into your world for a moment.

S.,

That was a very powerful piece of writing. I appreciate that you shared this. It makes your experience now something others can maybe begin to start to understand. Thank you.

For what it's worth, S., I simply could not do what you are able to do. I'd be a wreck. You have guts of steel and such a big heart to do this for your husband, your family and all of us. Again, thanks. :)

Beautifully put.

Brought tears to my eyes.

I am thankful for you and yours!

I can not imagine. I married a plumber, and he has a firefighter co-worker who works with them on his days off. I can not immagine how she feels the nights he works. I don;t care how many years, it is still hard.

I am glad he is okay, and I thank him for what he does.

I am not an emergency services wife and I won't claim to understand. Glad he only had stitches, but I'm sorry to hear that you have those minutes, hours of waiting until he gets home.

Wow! Sorry for the thoughtless responses you have received.
No, I'm not the wife of an emergency responder, I can only imagine.

His very job puts him in higher contactnpropotionally with the element of crazy, accident and danger. Of course you worry like mad! If you didn't, that would make you a sociopath, right?

I'd also like to say (and this may or may not relate to your particular family) but the wages for EMS workers, especially, is a laughingstock. Who do you want to hug when they arrive at your home, in the snow or rain, at 3:00 am? Your local EMS! And these people are paid peanuts and they're out there saving lives every day.

Prayers for your hubs and your whole family...

...and this is, I believe, why my police office brother can't make a commitment to any woman. He was doing fine and in an exclusive relationship a few years ago, then he was injured on the job by a drunken hockey player. After that he seemed to sabotage his relationships.

It is a hard life for first responders and their families. As much as I vent about my husband's stressful and all-consuming job, I am thankful not to have the worry that a first responder's wife has.

ETA: I agree with the ladies who say you have every right to vent and express your feelings. I've come across unsympathetic ears too the few times that I vent about my husband's job and its impact on us. How I wish we could all walk that mile in each other's moccasins.

I thank your husband for his work in the field he is in. It's not easy. It's one of the toughest jobs, and it cant be easy to be you or the family.

Some people may never understands what it takes to be a wife of someone who's in this type of job. It's hard, it's emotional, and it takes it out of you with all that waiting. So thank you for doing that. Thank you for supporting your husband so that he can do the best job he can.

I know that getting those types of phone calls are not easy, and all the gossip is killer. Along with having to wait for a phone call saying "all's safe" is the hardest to wait for. I've been there. You've been doing it 15 years, and good for you for continuing on. It takes a strong person.

Lets be kinder ladies. It's not easy. Give her a break, she has a right to feel the way she does without anyone telling her that she's not "cut out" for this.

I'm glad that your husband is okay!

Prayers and thanks to you and your hubby.....

Just as I would thank the spouse of a military person, I say thank you for your husband's service as an emergency service worker. (I'm sorry I couldn't tell if he is a police officer, firefighter, or EMT.) Even though you sound as though it's been a stressful day, I can tell that you are very proud of him!

I read your So What Happened & haven't read any of the posts...so I'm sorry if you didn't get the support here you needed. It's getting late so maybe everyone's tired :(

This is part of the life that comes along with this type of career, much like the lives of soldiers. On one hand, you'd be crazy not to be afraid, but you also can't let it consume you.

My step son is a trainer for the SWAT team. He's a detective and a field office trainer. He has been very successful in his career, so much so that his wife doesn't have to work. They have no children, but she recently gave him an ultimatum....it was either her or his job.
He packed his clothes, moved out, and chose his job.
I mean, what does she want him to do, work at a gas station?
They have excellent health and retirement benefits, they go on cruises and vacations. Yes, there is danger involved, but it's dangerous being a bus driver. He is doing what he loves.

My own son, at 17, has been involved in law enforcement for over two years. That is the career he has chosen for himself. He goes out on tactics, DUI checkpoints, etc. As a mother, I worry, but I know he's in good care and I don't pace the floors over it. I know it's a dangerous career, but I'm glad he's at least close to home as opposed to being in a different country trying to manage their issues.

You have every right to your feelings. You really do.
I bet there are support groups for wives in your situation who have a hard time balancing the anxiety.

My step son's wife doesn't like the hours he works. She doesn't like him being up all night investigating a shooting. She doesn't like him volunteering for double shifts on the drug task force.
She likes the money.
She likes the ski trips and the cruises.

She doesn't like him working to afford them, though.

Will their marriage work? I don't know.
I do know that ultimatums don't work. He moved out.

I really suggest that you join a wive's group and get some counselling before you drive yourself crazy.

Your husband is providing a wonderful service, and yes, there are sacrifices on your part as his wife. I think you should be able to find somewhat a happy balance.

Best wishes to you and your family.

S.:

I'm sorry. if you are not cut out for being the wife of a firefighter, police officer or EMT? This is going to be a hard road to tow.

So what is your question? Are you looking for validation or what? Yeah, it must be scary. It must be hard. But this is the man you married and this is the life/career he chose. If you don't like it - you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him. This is his job....

GOOD LUCK!!!

Thank you for yours and your husband's service. We are very grateful.
<hugs>

Great piece of writing.

And thank you. To him and to you.