Flower Girl Dilemma

If it were me I would try to find a comparable dress with the right price tag and than go to the bride and ask if it would be acceptable.

My daughter was a flower girl in a wedding recently and the bride/groom paid for her dress. Is there a reason you are paying for it? Also, I have found multiple uses for my daughter's dress. She wore it for Easter this year and will also be wearing it for her pre-k graduation in a few weeks.

I'd say something to the bride about the cost being a little high for you and see what she offers.

I would be honest with her and let her know funds are tight. See if they can find a cheaper dress that looks almost the same.

When I asked my future niece to be in the wedding...and I knew that money was tight for my future in-laws...and the dress I wanted her to wear I bought it. Maybe if you talk to the bride and tell her your willing to pay some but you can't afford it...maybe she will fit it in her budget. This has probably already been suggested.

Likewise when my BFF asked my daughter to be her flower girl...my BFF said just get a white dress that looks great on her...doesn't matter to me what it looks like. I found a dress that was so adorable and it only cost me $35.00

I don't think you're being silly, but I also think that the bride is being a little unrealistic....$125 dress for a five year? Bit much if you ask me.

I didn't read your responses, so sorry if I'm repeating.

I'm getting married on Saturday, and I'm having 2 flower girls. I bought both of their dresses (they were $55 each.) But that said, I've been in countless weddings, seriously, like 25 weddings, from childhood into adulthood, and never in all those years, and all those weddings, did one bride EVER pay for my dress, even as a flower girl. So I know it doesn't happen all that often.

What I'd do in your shoes, is look around online for a dress that's similar to the one the bride picked, and within your price range. Then you can show her the pictures, and tell her your cost dilemma, and ask her if any of the 'similar' dresses would be ok with her. Chances are that she may not have her heart set on this dress, and an equally cute, similar looking dress might just be fine with her. The bride may not realize your financial constraints, and may be happy to choose one of your less expensive, but equally as cute alternatives. You could also look on ebay for the exact dress she is looking at, because you never know what you might find there.

If she isn't willing to budge, you may have to respectfully decline the offer to have your daughter be a flower girl, or suck up the $125, whichever makes the most sense to you.

Best wishes!

Get the exact design name and check eBay first! I found a bridesmaid's dress that way for $50 versus $175. A lot of people get rid of those things after the big day, and since they have only been worn once they are usually in pretty great condition.

Just be honest and tell her while you think the dress is lovely, it is out of your budget. Tell her you were thinking a flower girl dress would be more in the 40-50 range like it was in the 2 previous weddings she has been in. Tell her while your daughter and you would be thrilled for her to be her flower girl, you really want her to be happy and you understand how important that her wedding be just the way she would like to be, and since that appears to be out of your budget, she is free to ask someone else to stand in. No hard feelings. At that point, the ball is in her court to offer to subsidize the cost of the dress she wants, look for an alternative dress, or choose another flower girl.

I wouldnt spend that much. Maybe check consignment stores. I know that other mothers allmost always has bridesmaid & flower girl dresses that are way cheaper. They are usually from bridal stores & in good shape. Thats where i found dresses for both of my flower girls, and noone could tell that they were previously worn.

I agree with AV. Talk to the bride and tell her your budget concerns. She might offer to split it with you.

I have been involved with numerous weddings over the years and it seems like almost all the bridal party parties' problems come from different expectations between what the bride and groom expect and what their party expects. So I would suggest that you head this off now and keep the communication open.

I agree, be honest with the bride. You can find so many dresses online in any price range. I am sure that another one in a similar style can be found less expensive.

Wow, that is crazy! I would just be honest with her and tell her that is way out of your price range and that you were thinking more like $50 including shipping and ask if she can find something closer to that. Being that you will also be attending the prior parties and wedding, you will already be paying quite a bit and I think that is unreasonable. I hope she understands. Good luck!

can you find something comperable to that dress with in your budget and suggest it ... be honest about the dress costs and what you can affoard and tell her that you understand if she is not in the wedding party b/c of this issue.

two options. ebay or talk to the bride and maybe split the price or have her find something cheaper.

That's nuts for a flower girl dress, but I know that they ratchet-up the cost for anything "wedding related". See if you can find something similar (same shape, length and color) that IS within your price range and email it to the bride with an honest explanation re: budget issues.

If she is really insistent upon the expensive dress, you are somewhat obligated to purchase it. Unfortunately, when you agree to be part of a wedding you agree to all of the "fees" associated! Having said that, most brides (should) keep funding in mind when selecting dresses!

I think you definitely have the right to suggest that you find a dress that is better suited for your budget. Like you said, you need to eat right? And its smart to say that she will only wear this dress once. Even when you are asked to be part of the wedding party as an adult and you are asked to pay for your outfit, these days it is usually something that the person can wear again whether its a suit or a dress it can usually be worn out again. I think the bride will and should totally understand where you are coming from. Just explain your situation and suggest that you all go out together to find a more suitably priced dress. Or maybe it would help her out work wise if you found a dress and checked with her that she liked it before you purchased it
Good Luck

I would be honest with her. I'd say, "I really want her to be your flower girl, but I looked up the dress and it's out of our price range. I'd like to talk about options with you." Then maybe work out where you pay half or they pay for it as a gift or another dress is purchased. I think if you are good enough friends to be asked to have your child in the wedding, you are good enough to talk about the budget. A bride's dreams have a budget, too. I'm sure she had a price in mind when she bought her own dress.

Can you find something in a similar style and suggest that? Just let her know that you really need to watch the costs. You could even try rental sites. Sorry, I cannot think of one I used to check out but they had beautiful dresses that you could rent for special occasions.

J., you put it beautifully in this post. Use it as your script. Call up the bride and tell her how thrilled you are that your daughter was honored in this way, but the price is a little rich for your blood. Tell her that you understand that it's her special day, but that you were thinking the dress would be in the $50 range. Then leave it up to her... but be ready for the possible answers. She can say 1) I'll choose another flower girl, 2) I'll pay the difference, 3) I'll choose another dress. Are you OK with all of those possibilities.

I think that if you have known them since high school you should be able to honest and present them with your dilemma. I have always found that letting people know where you stand, gently, helps others understand you. If they don't, evaluated friendship. I know it is a wedding, but I would say food is more important. LOL Amy D. I think put it to words best!

wow...that is tough one. Could you come up with the money, by doing odd jobs? Yes this is the brides day, but she may not be completely aware of your financial issues. Chat with the bride for sure...after you figured out a for sure no you can't come up with money, or a yes you can but it was hard.

When I asked my cousin to be my flower girl, we couldn't really find something that we liked in her size. So my aunt found a pattern, bought some material, and went to a local dressmaker. I think her dress was about $30 (granted, it was years ago!!). Would it be an option to print off a picture of the dress and take it to a local dressmaker to see what her estimate would be? That could be a less expensive option with the same look.

I would be honest with her. Tell her that your daughter is excited to be in the wedding and you and hubby are more than happy to allow her to be. Explain that $125 for a 5 yd olds dress to wear one time is just too much for you right now (especially when you add shoes and any other accessories). Ask her if she would mind picking out a less expensive dress (maybe even second hand) so you can afford the dress. She may be willing to pick a different dress or even help with the cost of this one if she has her heart set on it.

Where in the world did she find this dress?! All four of my kids, my husband and I are in my sister's wedding in a few weeks. My youngest, the flower girl, got her dress at David's Bridal and it was less then $100.

I agree, talk with the bride. I'm sure if you explain that you can't afford that dress, but you've found other dresses that are similar and not as expensive.

Good luck!

Considering she's a friend, I would tell her that things are a bit tough for you, but that you are happy that she showed you what type of dress she'd like your daughter to wear, because now you will look for something similar but within your budget, and if she really wants your daughter in the wedding, she will not protest. I honestly don't understand why a child's dress is over $100, I have bought beautiful silk and tafetta dresses for glamour photography for my 5-year-old that were marvelous, for about $70, or even less (if on sale) at Macy's. I can see a prom dress costing $125 (my mom spent that on mine, which was silk and with full layers of tulle and yes, it was stupid looking back since the dress was never worn again but teenagers don't think that way), but not a child-sized dress, which is probably not that elaborate. I wouldn't even spend $125 on myself, that's just crazy for me, the "good buys" queen! She cannot force you to fork out money you don't have, and with this economy, she should be understandable. If you find something similar but within your means, I don't see why that should be a problem for either of you. I doubt she'd want to forgo allowing your daughter in the wedding because she is so capricious that the dress she chose is the only one that will do!

Before telling her anything though, try eBay. I have purchased many beautiful designer dresses for less than half what they cost at retail stores. You could search that designer and find the same dress or something similar, either brand new or only worn once. There's LOTS of parents that sell special occasion clothing like this since their child will not wear it again and they'd rather have the cash, so maybe you're lucky enough to find that same dress for half off, and that way everyone wins. If you cannot find the same dress, then find something similar, tell her what I suggested at the beginning of my post, and be ready to show her pictures, which may sell her on your idea. Who knows, maybe the dresses you find on eBay are prettier and she will actually prefer them to her original choice.

I think if you tell her your budget for the dress is $50 & you'd like to look for something that falls under that range, she shouldn't have a problem. It is her big day, but she can't insist you break your budget. If she loves the dress enough to help you out, you can put in your $50 & she can cover the rest. She may think twice about it then. You can shop equally pretty dresses for $50 & under & show her what the options are so everyone feels good about it. Good luck -

I say you need to be honest with the bride. Tell her your budget is tight and you have about $50 that you can carve out for the dress. If she's known you for a long time then she knows that you're financially responsible. REalize that you'll also have to get shoes for the dress too. Does your daughter know about the bridesmaid role? If she doesn't you can offer an out to the bride and say while we'd love Sally to be in your wedding we really can't afford the dress - can we maybe find something less costly? Otherwise we'll have to gracefully bow out of this honor - as much as we we hate to do so.

The bride may not fully understand - until you have kids and expereicne how much kids really cost to raise, you don't really understand how tight a family's budgets can be. In the NY area (which goes WAY overboard for weddings as far as I'm concernced) $125 for a dress is typical, if not inexpensive for a flowergirl dress. My DD was in my neice's wedding 5 years ago and the dress was about $125 back then. That didn't include shoes. We jsut put the money aside a little at a time.

Perhaps the bride will offer to pay for some of it - or perhaps you or a grandparent can put $5-$10 aside each week to pay for it? Otherwise, gracefully bow out. Most brides want a certain look at their wedding and a the dress they select is what they want.

Good luck and have fun whatever you decide.

The way this economy is be wise and go with your heart because after the wedding is over they going on to have fun but your family still has to live especially if youre on a budget....use wisdom

I would just be upfront with the bride about the cost. Talk to her BEFORE you search for another, less expensive dress. If you find one first, she might be upset that you are trying to change her plans. Whereas if you talk to her first, she can be involved...

See if you can find something similar on Ebay. My SIL wanted a $100 dress for her daughter, and I found something very similar on Ebay for $30 with free shipping.

M.

Try to find a similar one online... maybe even the same one for less? My 2 year old will be in a wedding in a few weeks and we got her a gorgeous little chiffon dress on ebay for $9.99 - new, well made, and adorable! it came quickly and is just as cute in my opinion as any "bridal store" dress.

If the bride MUST have this dress, she can pay for it, maybe as a gift to your daughter. BUT, first simply be frank with the bride, and say to her that you really can't afford a dress more than X amount. Also, tell her that you can't justify spending so much on a dress that won't be worn more than once or possibly twice before your daughter outgrows it. Remind her that you'll also probably have to buy your daughter shoes.

If the bride is a reasonable person she'll probably be fine... even if the dress isn't her "ideal dress" for the flower girl. If you find a dress you think she'll like send her pictures and maybe she'll fall in love with a new dress... or find a dress that will work for you both in the process! In my wedding, I actually dressed my flower girl (my cousin)- in a dress I wore as a flower girl once... it was nice to have the dressed passed down.

If she MUST have this exact dress.. look for used dresses... chances are they will be deeply discounted and have only been worn once.

Good Luck!
-M.

You're not being silly. I think $125 is ridiculous for a flower girl dress. We had a flower girl years ago in our wedding and my mom found someone from whom we could borrow the dress. I think we did have to pay for cleaning it. I would check consignment stores, ebay, Craig's List, etc. What about having her wearing one of your other daughter's dresses?

Edited: this is really ironic, but shortly after I posted this I read in our local paper about a new website started here in MN to resell and purchase gently used wedding supplies, etc. It is www.birdcagebridal.com. It seems to be a website to facilitate donation and resale so I assume that they can ship things.

I would be honest with the bride/friend and simple say that your daughter is unable to be in the wedding unless a more reasonable priced dress is agreed upon or she pays for anything over the $50 dollar mark.

I spent only $50 on my daughter's flower girl dress for my brother's wedding. I was upfront with my soon to be sister-in-law that I would not be able to spend over $50 so had to keep it under that or SHE had to cover anything over $50. I was in the wedding too, but I paid fully for my dress.

I agree with the PP to try to find something comparable at a lower price. Then show it to her, and be honest. Tell her that the other option is all you can spend and offer to pull out from the wedding if needed. Most likely the bride will be accommodating. Just don't wait too long--find another option right away! The dress may need altered, then there are shoes, tights, something for her head....
Flower girls look best when the compliment the bridesmaids--not match them so your options should be pretty open. Good luck!

Really $125 is about normal for a flower girl dress. Some of the "little bride" flower girl dresses cost almost as much as the wedding gown.

Really you should have told her up front you were on a tight budget so she could have kept it in mind while looking. That way if she chose that dress it would be in the back of her mind, well I really like this but I may have to chip in. The other thing is she could have said well I think the dress will be around XXXX do you still want her to be in my wedding.

Really the bride isn't taking food off your table by requesting this dress. You are taking food off your table by allowing your daughter to do something you cannot afford.

I just don't think it is fair to guilt her into having less than her idea of a perfect wedding by telling her you can't afford the dress. You need to tell her your daughter can't be in the wedding since you can't afford the dress. That allows her to say either she will find a cheaper dress or pay part if she really wants your daughter in the wedding if not she says okay thanks for the heads up and finds another flower girl.

I too would say you can't afford that much, if she really likes that dress she will help. And technically according to wedding etiquette, brides are supposed to pay for flower girl dresses. I'm in a huge wedding next summer with both of my girls and found that out thankfully, since my bridesmaid dress is over $300! :(

In addition to everyone else's advice I recommend you both check out this website: http://www.flowergirldressforless.com/ for something comparable. It has a wide quality selection for cheap. Good luck!