First Time Mom with a TERRIBLE Two'ster!

Rent a video called "1,2,3 Magic". It will teach you how to handle him. age 2 is the ideal age to start their techniques.

Good luck.

Every child will test his caregivers, and he'll save the "best" for the one they trust the most. This explains why he hits you and not his father. Of course it makes it harder for you to always play the bad guy or have to work harder than your hubby through conflicts, but know that you have more opportunity than anyone else to mold your son to your values and desired behaviors. Perhaps your hubby can handle making dinner while you are tending to the behavior coaching.

It is true that we sometimes look at our kids as older than they really are when they talk well. You may find that some of the things for which you are giving him negative consequences are really not big deals. Save the time-out and big consequences for big issues (i.e. hitting, saying mean things). I've seen people putting kids in time-out or yelling for everything, and, well, how does the kid differentiate between an oops mistake and what his parent perceives as a major infraction? Some things can be ignored... pretend you didn't see/hear it.

You may have heard that specific rules and saying "no" doesn't work as well as "yes" statements and general rules. Say things like "Be respectful," "That's not respectful, it would be more respectful to XYZ" or ask "Is that being respectful?" This way the child will have to remember "respect" rather than the list of all the things that he has to do or not do. It won't make the 2s much easier, but it should make 3s better.

Welcome.....the bad news is that 3 is a LOT worse than 2, so I hope you survive it.

It sounds like your son has a distinct difference in respect (for whatever reason) for your husband than you. Do you stay at home or do you work full/part time? Does your husband use a different tone of voice?

The time-outs don't appear to be an effective method of reprimand for your relationship. He doesn't seem to comprehend your authority as his mom even if he does understand that he did something wrong. There's no incentive right now to stop. Maybe a longer period of time out would be effective or taking away things that are important (favorite toys, shows, time with Mom or Dad).

I personally believe one of the best things we've done for our kids is to have them in Day Care. We didn't have an option, I have to work. But, it has taught both our kids how to interact. We are pretty strict with our expectations of behavior and manners in our house, but having to have consequences in a more structured environment with embarrassment as a punishment has been impactful. Even our friends who are stay-at-home moms have their kids in "school" 1/2 day/week to help with such issues.

I don't know if you've tried that or not. I will say, though, that the sooner you establish boundaries, the better you will be able to make it through some of these difficult transitional phases where they're really trying to exert their personality.

Good luck! I always try to remember that our kids are a direct reflection on us as a parent. I've seen a lot of friendships end because parents have different views on acceptable behavior for their respective children. I'm sure people are critical of how much we expect of our kids, but we do receive a lot of compliments on how well behaved they are.

Ah the terrible twos...anyway, time outs are a creative wonderful book written solution to helping moms get control. The truth is, two is a hard age, but there are some things that these guys really like in their lives that you can take away. Hmmm...I dont know what your little sweeties likes, but lets say it is a specific toy. That toy can be taken away for a little bit, put out of reach and returned when behavior is alright. '
The other issue is being extremely clear. I used to see some neighbor tell a two year old that he wasnt going to go to Disneyland if he behaved badly.. What truly on earth relationship does Disneyland have with his behavior and does a two year old really understand that? And is that enough of a motivator to stop the behavior? They do understand that they wont get the cookie unless they sit still and wait for it, etc.etc. So clear identifiable consequences and sticking to any threats help. Even if it means it is a little difficult to stay with it. If he is threatened to not get the cookie, then do not give it...Time out is good sometimes but if it isnt working get creative. You will find your own nitch since not everyone gets to be six foot four. You are doing a fine job being a mom and sadly yup, there is such things as the terrible twos...

Hi, K.

my name is H..i have a two year old son born in nevember, i have almost the same situation you are going through. Im glad that im not alone in this matter, im a school bus driver for lockport il area and live in geneva. My son goes with me all the time,i finlly got the chance to put him in daycare. He has some anger issuses cause he does not get a chance to play with kids or to learn. I do the same of disapline you do which it don't help much, would there be something new to him or a change of life situation in your family that might be to hard on your son to handle.maybe it could be where he might want more attention from you.it also could be that there might be many activitys going on that he might not be able to handle at once.that is what im going through right now, i have been seperated from my husband couple months now, it been very hard on me and my son,what is bad durning my marrage i cheated on my husband and had a my son from another man, my husband loves my son and been there in begining but now since we seperate he does not help me at all,my son other daddy he helps me out alot i been running in cicles trying to cope with every issuse that comes my way.i hope i gave you little help with your son, god bless

K., my older child also was a TERRIBLE two'ster! Almost immediately after he turned 2, he began hitting me when angry, just like yours does. In fact, he hit me almost every day for 5 straight months. Each time, I firmly marched him over to the "naughty step," and gave him a time-out, just as you have been doing. He was impossible, but I didn't give in. Lots of tantrums, in public and at home. But the time-outs are imperative, as is constantly instilling in them that it is never OK to hit you.

But I noticed something changing when he hit 2.5...he began to be interested in potty-training and I think in general he just naturally reached a higher level of maturity. He stopped hitting me at that age and never hit me again. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but for my child, the potty-training was something he could control and "excel" in, it gave him something to focus on and achieve. SOmething to distract him from the frustration of being not-quite-a-baby and not a big kid. From 2.5 for the next 3 months, his behavior improved a little--still had tantrums, but didn't hit. He was completely potty-trained at that point, and by 3 was a completely different child. No tantrums, easy to discipline. I know some people say their child's 3's were worse than their 2's, but for us, that was not the case. I really believe they lash out like that because they are frustrated and testing their limits. You just have to be firm about those limits and you will see improvement, perhaps slowly, but you will get there!

Well- he is just two! I know that's frustrating, but that is just how it is. If it is any consolation, very intelligent kids sometimes are even more strong-willed!

It sounds like you are doing what you can- I would just say keep on it. Do not allow that behavior to become 'ok' or accepted, no matter how tiring it is to repeat yourself and put him in time out, etc. over and over. If you allow him to take over now, you will pay for it with a bratty kid later!

But especially with the slapping, hitting or throwing things, do not let him get away with that! Start revoking privileges- take away a favorite toy or game and make sure it happens immediately after he hits you or throws something and that he KNOWS this is a specific consequence for that action. Keep using time-outs and positive reinforcement for good behavior.

If he has a big vocabulary for his age, start encouraging him to 'use his words' when he is frustrated or upset and to TELL you rather than just acting out and whacking you. It will take time, but it is a good habit to get into and one that will work well as he gets older. If you can get him THINKING and vocalizing what he is upset about, he will be busy doing that and not just acting out.

I hate to tell you, my son's 3's were worse than his 2's- but we all got through it and he is a very polite and well behaved young man now! Good luck!

When my mostly beautiful and very verbal daughter got "monster-ish," we would put her in time-out first. If that didn't work, or if she decided to throw things or get aggressive, we started to take things away. For example, one time when she was having a total fit about going to bed we just started taking one stuffed animal at a time off her bed without warning or explanation-other than the very first warning that we would do it if she didn't go to bed. (She has about 20 animals, so it wasn't as cruel as it may sound-and we didn't take her comfort object). Another option that we had to use if she was really inconsolable in time-out was to sit with her or hold her without giving too much attention to her. She seemed to be the type where a true time-out never worked really well, but removing things for a set period of time did.

I haven't read all the answers, but here's my 2 cents. I think you have to up the consequences. Time out doesn't seem to be too much of a punishment for him. What is his currency? For my daughter, it's cartoons (it could be a fav toy or even a cuddly). If I tell her she has to do something (or not do something) and she is not listening or misbehaving, I tell her looses her cartoon privilidges for the rest of the day. This usually gets her moving in the direction I want.

He is testing you. EVERYTIME you expect something from you you have to get it. Make sure you win the battle - even if it's a huge "to-do" over a tiney thing.

Once he knows you are serious about consequences, the Magic 1-2-3 will really be magic. Good luck. Don't let the inmate run the asylum :)

My son is almost 2 and I can relate! I am reading the book 1-2-3 Magic and I am very excited about it! I can't wait to implement the techniques. You might want to check it out. Good luck!

Just-turned-two is still nearly a baby, and I've noticed that kids who are very verbal early on can seem older than their maturity level really is (my older son is/was like this, and it can cause some issues with adults who think he "gets" more than he does - he's 9 now.)

So even though you know intellectually that your verbal guy is almost a baby, you might even yourselves be expecting more than he is capable of, or expecting his comprehension to be higher. His intellectual capacity has nothing to do with self-control maturity.

I'm not sure what areas you're running into issues with, but at that age I had some luck with things like allowing the child to make choices as much as possible; break tasks down into small, manageable parts (for example, instead of "clean up the toys," say "pick up that toy" or "pick up the blocks," so it doesn't seem like a giant impossible job.) Give lots of warnings and time cues if transitions are an issue.

And be patient, because you don't have a monster, just a very young little guy! I think we parents tend to be afraid that we are "spoiling" kids when really they are just going through a phase that they will grow out of. I think as long as you are consistent in your expectations and patient with the learning curve, it all works out in the end.

ETA - one more thought, especially for a first child. I sometimes felt like I said the same things (rules of the household type stuff) 1000 times. Literally over and over and over and over. And it seemed like my first son didn't hear them. But eventually - they start saying those rules themselves! And I hear him explaining things and consequences to his little brother! So believe me, your work will pay off eventually. It just takes a looong time (or it seems like it at the time.)

You need to stick to your guns. He is seeing how far he can push you. Don't be a mom of empty threats. If you tell him "If you hit me again, you can not watch any TV for the rest of the day" then when he hits you again (which he will, because he's testing your limits), then that's it. No TV & no second chances. The harder he pushes the harder you push back. It will take a while but if you stick to this plan than he will learn. He's a smart kid & they are the toughest to deal with.

You've gotten a lot of great advice. I would just add to remember that intelligence and emotional maturity are two different things. I would keep your explanations to a minimum - parents spend a lot of time explaining and rationalizing with their kids, who don't have the maturity to truly get what they're saying. Be firm and consistent - that "1,2,3 Magic" book is great. If that means he has to be in time out all day, then so be it. There should be a no tolerance policy for hitting. I've seen some Moms say, "If you hit me one more time..." or "What did I say about hitting?" A child doesn't understand consequences like that. "No hitting - time out" is all that needs to be said. Your son is exploring his independence - you'll figure out a way to show him limits without sacrificing his headstrong spirit that eventually can be cultivated into leadership! Good luck!

Put your foot down momma. He's trying to push your limits. Use a corner or time out spot. When kids act out its becuase they are tired, hungry or your not addressing there emotional concerns but there is always a point where you have clues that they will have a meltdown. Just look for the signs and prevent and pay close attention to that lovely child of yours.