First Question for Me, Mother Issue with My Husband

Your mother sounds like me. I have a tendency to just blurt out answers to questions that weren't even directed at me. I don't mean to be a bossy know-it-all but some people take it that way. Take your mother out for lunch or coffee. Let her know how much you appreciate her opening up their home to your family during these tough times. But then just gently let her know that your husband is really struggling to find his footing as a father. Explain that you are trying to involve him in a lot of the decision making about the baby so he feels needed. And could she please try to support that effort by not making comments (even though they are meant well) about the decisions regarding care of the baby. Then talk with your husband. Tell him that you have his back and that you spoke to your mother and that she is going to try harder but that she won't be perfect (old habits die very hard) and for him to help support her efforts rather than just get critical.

And if a similar "tie" happens where they both answer the question the same and at the same time...play "stupid and cheerful" with a laugh and a comment like "great minds think alike!"

Good luck...tough spot to be in.

I think it's kind of like a snowball - once he started getting annoyed, the ball just keeps rolling and rolling so now everything is going to annoy him. Every time she makes a comment, his first thought is "there she goes again." He has reached the point of zero tolerance and there is little chance of him regaining it while you are still living there.

I may be totally off base in suggesting this, but do you think he's feeling bad/guilty/angry that he can't provide for his family - including a new baby daughter - and has to live with your parents just to get by? I have heard similar feelings from people in the past who were in your situation. It was ok for him before because it was just the two of you. Now, he probably feels more like he should be the head of the family and providing for you. Since he isn't, he is taking it out on your mother.

I don't mean to say he SHOULD be doing those things. If you need to live with your parents to get on your feet, that's fine. But he may feel differently.

Also, I think almost every parent gets annoyed by the advice their in-laws give regarding their children. No matter how much you like them, or how well you get along, you don't want your mother in law telling you to raise your kids. It gets annoying. Most of us don't have to live with it every day, so we're able to deal with it better. For your husband, every parenting decision he makes, every new dad mistake he might make, every interaction he has with his daughter can be seen by your mom. He can't escape it and it's just too much for him now.

I know you said you have a six month time frame, but work hard to make it three months instead. Your husband needs a chance to be a parent without your mother watching over him.

Your mother isn't doing anything so bad, or so different than any other mother would do. It's just been too long and your husband needs to get out of the situation.

I am sure it is not a piece of cake for your mother to live with her SOn in law. Since it is her house, I think your husband has to suck it up. If it is that unbearable for him, move out now. You guys are very lucky to have someone who loves you enough to live at their home so you can save money.

I've lived with my in-laws and it is not easy being under someone else's roof for any extended period of time. You're going to have conflicts.

I believe that your fiance is feeling emasculated by your mother. Seems like she may be offering her opinion WAY too much, and on top of that she and your dad are basically supporting your family. Your fiance is feeling like he has no control, and that he's not in charge of his family and your lives, but that your mom is because she is stepping in to "help" or offer opinions that aren't asked for.

I suggest speaking to your mom about this and prefacing it with the fact that you appreciate them hosting you until you can land on your own two feet. Tell her you appreciate all of her advice and help, but that she needs to try to limit it, unless asked. Tell her it's creating conflict between you and your fiance and that you don't want to have problems in your relationship.

My other suggestion is to go live with his mom for awhile. Maybe switch off between the two sets of parents. 2 months at your parents, 2 months at his. That way he feels he has a way out for awhile, and the tense feelings can go away toward your mom.

Good luck! Parents (no matter which side) ALWAYS have opinions about everything and share them without being asked. (Even when you're not living with them.) Your fiance needs to realize this and get a little thicker skin.

I don't even have to live with one set of parents or the other to know what you are going through! My husband has a hard time with my father, & I with his mom.

One thing that was invaluable for us to recognize is that we lived with our respective families for 25 years before we married each other. So we know their idosyncracies, behaviors, etc. We have a rapport with them, even if other people doing the exact same thing would drive us bonkers.

So it is absolutely true that your husband thinks it would be easier to live with his mom - he knows how she operates, & he has built-in defenses to the things he doesn't like. But you would have a hard time - just as he is now living with your folks.

If you have a close enough relationship with your mom, maybe have a talk over coffee & let her know that you both greatly appreciate being able to stay with them, but now that you have a daughter, your husband needs to be able to feel like he is the dad & the parent. Something to the effect of "I know that everything you say is what we do/agree with, but it would help ease some of the tension of our proximity to each other if you let him do his own parenting & make mistakes if necessary."

And then, at a time when you are both removed from any angst that he is feeling, talk with your husband about perceptions, & let him know that chances are he is perceiving so many things about your mom because she is not as familiar as his own family, and that if the tables were turned, you would feel the same way about his family. It's not a right/wrong thing, they are his feelings & they are valid. But maybe giving him the validation of what he's feeling, & bringing to his attention that he might be processing similar behaviors differently because they aren't "his" family might help him to diffuse some of his frustrations.

Best of luck! T.

If your husband doesn't want to hear your mother speak then he will have to get you your own apartment. Sit him down, have a talk, let him know that in 6 months, you'll be gone.

If he hates it so much, he should consider a second job to get out of there sooner. The way I see it, you guys are lucky to have the option to live there. Her house, her rules, her desire to speak whenever she wants to.

And wouldn't his mother just be the greatest thing for him - but NOT FOR you!!

Hang in there. Save up. Good luck!

Welcome to Mamapedia!

The next time he says his mother wouldn't do that gently say, "Maybe she wouldn't. But we're not living with YOUR mother. This is HER home, not ours. They allow us to live here."

If he's going to be petty maybe you need to move now. Sorry, but she and your father opened up their home to help you, there's no law that says they had to. If my SIL felt that way after the help I was giving in saving him money, I'd feel bad you were leaving, but I'd help you pack.

She sounds like she is really not doing anything wrong except being a good grandma. These things are going to happen when you live all together. I have lived with my mom and my family now for almost 16 years. We have had the same things happen.

The difference is my husband knows not to comment. Maybe she is tolerating him also. You must know she feels this. How he is acting towards her. Does your husband not understand he has INVADED her home so SHE can help you both save money.

Another thing, no one talks or comments about my mother except me. You need to explain to your hubby that it may not be an ideal situation, but she is helping. If you do not want her to comment on things then do not ask things when you are in a common area. All people tend to put in what they think when a question is out there. No harm was done when she answered that question. Your hubby is being way over sensitive.

A good idea is to move earlier than planned or go out of the house more to be alone. As far as your hubby comparing Mothers. Let it go because we all know that our own mothers do not even compare to others. lol

Sounds like a good night out is in order for you both. I would not even mention this to your mom. Why should she feel to be uncomfortable in her own home. You and your hubby are the visitors. Good luck!

It's here house, you're having conversations in front of her, she isn't going to stand there like a statue and not comment on what's going on in front of her....that's not what normal people do.

If you want to have a private conversation then go to your room. If you want to discuss stuff like "what should I do" then I suggest you go to your room and do that too. That is the only private space you have and that's not many sq. ft per person to exist in.

When my hubby got laid off his great paying job we lost everything. They came and got my van, we lost our house, our credit cards, everything. We moved in with my in-laws for a few months so that we could regroup and decide what we were going to do. He could fill apply for jobs all over the USA and we could sell everything and move, start over.

My MIL was a wonderful person, I miss her every day. I got to spend time with her before she died and I wish I could have just one more day with her. I don't miss my mom at all but I miss my MIL every day.

She would come in our room and rearrange our clothes, she'd come in and clean our bathroom, YEAH, but then she'd rearrange the shampoo and the soaps the toothpaste and every little thing in the bathroom.

We'd go in and get in the shower and when we'd try to wash our hair the shampoo would be across the room by the tub or something. It was so frustrating.

I put my hubby in the middle and it tore him up inside. He finally couldn't take it anymore. We eventually got back on our feet and got our own place again. Actually she went and bought us the mobile home we just moved out of. It was a wonderful gesture. She bought us a house.

I think that you and your hubby need to take a couple of evenings this week and go out together on a date. Spend some time together and enjoy each other again. It's hard with a new baby and then having to live with anyone else.

I suggest that you sit down with hubby and ask him how he feels about your living situation, listen to him. Ask him what he'd like to do. Make a plan, set up a chart where you can both see it often. Maybe on the back of the bedroom door. This way you see each day your plan to get back on your own and you make progress.

This will make each of you see tangible proof that you are making an effort to be a family again.

Sounds to me like extra motivation to get your finances in order and get yourselves your own place to live.

It is your parents' home. And you two should be respectful and mindful of that. Your husband is right, though, that she was butting in. Maybe she does that in other more subtle ways, too, that you don't notice. I'm sure it makes him feel undermined and inconsequential. It is HIS child after all.... but he evidently isn't able at this time to provide for all of you without the help of your parents. So, he should suck it up a little bit, and you might ask your mom to tone it down a bit.

You don't need to go to her and be bratty and demanding and put out. Far from it! You should go to her understanding that she is trying to help and that as your mother (and your child's grandmother) that it is what comes naturally to her--- to give her opinion and concerns for the baby. Since you all live in the same household, it will take a rather concerted effort on her part to self-monitor and refrain from jumping to "assist" so quickly. It isn't the natural thing for a mother to do. But if you go to her in the right spirit, explaining that you know it is her concern that is showing, and ask her to try to step back a little and let you and your husband come to these conclusions/decisions on your own as much as possible, she may be very willing to at least try.

Some new parents go through this with grandparents that don't even live in the same house with them! That's how common this is. So living under their roof just exacerbates it.

Figure out how to change that situation, quickly. Your husband will also likely gain a more relaxed attitude toward your mother's "help" once you are out and on your own, and he is providing a roof over your heads on his own. He will be in control of his family and he is not currently. And that is what I suspect is at the heart of his issues with your mother. Not this one incident, but an amalgamation of him not being the backbone and rock for you and your daughter, and your parents stepping in to be that safe place to land. That is what your husband wants to be for you and your family. He wants to have his opinion about raising and caring for your daughter to be the most important (outside of your own), not your mother's. He wants his opinion to be valued over (as in before... like you decide something together before anyone else even knows there is something to be decided) your mother's.

Good luck.

Your mother is wrong, you should side with your husband. He is the parent of your daughter, not your mother. I, personally, would bite my tongue until I moved out. I don't know your mom, but mine throws huge hissy fits if you try to tell her she's wrong. (For example, I told her I didn't want anyone to stay with us after my daughter was born, she told everyone my husband didn't want her to stay with us, I said no, it was my decision, she still, to this day, (and my child is 6) tells people my husband didn't want her to stay with us. Or how she stopped talking to me for 3 weeks after I told her I don't need her to tell me how to fill my snow day when I wanted to go to work.) So if I were to say something to her, no matter how nicely, that my husband and I are the parents and it would be nice if she would let us do it without her input, she would throw a huge fit about how I thought she was a terrible mother and if I hated her opinions so much I could leave anytime.

I don't know that your mother would react that way, maybe a little talk about letting you and your husband make the decisions would be fine with her. But I don't like to rock the boat unless I am tired of my mom texting me at work and would prefer she not talk to me for a few weeks, then I tell her what I'm really thinking.

Either way, you need to let your husband know that he's right, and either decide as a couple to bite your tongues until you move out, or you need to to talk privately to your mother about it in as non-accusatory way as possible. Good luck!

I like Kris S's advice on how to talk to your mother about this. Don't frame it as "stop butting in" but rather as "Fiance needs the opportunity to be involved in decisions with his daughter. I know you are only trying to help, but give us, and especially him, a chance to try to do this our own way."

Also, talk with your fiance about your finances. What is your goal savings amount, and is there any way to get there faster? If you don't have a budget that accounts for every dollar you spend, with specific goals of each month of how much you will add to the savings account, then make one. If you have a specific, concrete plan of how and when you are going to move out, that may help.

I'm pretty sure that EVERYONE who lives with their parents after being married and having children goes through this. Like you said, you've been dealing with your mom all your life, you're used to her. Same with him and his mom. He's been dealing with her all his life so naturally he would be able to deal with her more easily than he does your parents.

I can see where it would be irritating, but it's not your parents fault that the two of you got married and had a baby before you could afford it. You are living in their home. If you don't have the privacy you want, you need to move. You moved hubby and child into their world - you guys need to learn how to fit in. If it were your house, I would say they need to learn to fit in.

This is not going to change, unless you move in with his mom and then it's just going to change from his being irritated with his MIL to you being irritated with yours.

Bottom line - this is the "natural consequence" of getting married and having a baby before you are prepared for it. Suck it up and deal with it. This is the situation your choices created for you.

I agree that it might just be the stress of the whole situation getting to him...BUT...with that being said: If I were you I would NOT allow anyone to talk about my family like that. I just don't tolerate it. They are my family and I can talk about them like that, but no one else. My husband has issues (justified issues w/my sister) but he knows better than to say really bad things about her or call her names.

You might want to have a heart-to-heart with your man and let him know that he is really starting to hurt your feelings...and that you understand his feelings and agree with them for the most part but you guys have to suck it up until you can afford to move out on your own.

~Is he working and pulling his weight in trying to save up to move out? Because if not, there is no way in hell I would let him complain if he wasn't trying to solve the problem, ya know?

seriously I dont get why people are saying your mom was wrong. when i'm in a group that i know well and soone asks a question and i haven an opinion I speak up even if the question wasnt directed at M. perse'.

His mother might not butt in because she doesnt know your daughter like your mom does. In reality while you live there you are rasing her all together. they are a big part, financially, emotionally, and physically in your daughters life. Unless she's contradicting him all of the time i dont see an issue. She actually agreed with him. If he wasnt so bitter he wouldve enjoyed being backed up by someone else.

your husband should be thankful and maybe you should let them watch her and have a date night and he can see the bennefits to living with your parents and getting a night out while knowing your kid is in safe hands

Its all in the communication.

Stop assuming your mother knows what's going on in your head, and ya'll need to stop assuming your mother's intentions.

Ya'll need to sit down and iron out details until you move out, no matter if its in 6 months or 6 years. Agree to be open and honest, as well as accepting and forgiving with each other. This is an extreme situation and it calls for an extreme solution, and you guys aren't going to find it if you just let things roll they way they are.

For starters, share with your parents your top 3-5 problems. Then have them share their issues with you. And then work TOGETHER to find answers. Yes, feelings will be hurt and someone will get upset. But keep in mind you are doing this to survive living together. You HAVE to find a way to work together and live together or else all 4 of you will end up mad, bitter, and angry long after you move out.

In the end its your parent's house. You and your husband have to ask yourselves - when you look back on this time a year from now or 10 years from now, will you be proud of yourselves? Will it be a time of regret or a time of learning, growing, helping and family?

your mother sounds fine to me, but living in close quarters as you are always heightens tensions.
rather than focus on the nasty comments about your mother, try to redirect the conversation to what's really bothering him. 'our parents have different parenting styles. maybe we need to get more definition in our own so that we're on the same page with our daughter.' 'i know it bugs you when mom answers questions i ask you, but it's kinda cool that you're both in agreement, isn't it?'
biting your tongue and saying nothing isn't much good, because the resentment will just build. but he should be a lot more careful about saying nasty things about your mom, even leaving aside that she's helping you out.
active listening so that he feels heard, even if you don't necessarily agree, may make both of you feel better about venting. and of course, you should get to do the same.
khairete
S.

Did you look at your mother (now or ever) and say "I was asking for my husband's opinion. Thank you though."

She needs to learn to butt out and y'all need to get out of that house. You'll end up divorced before you have a chance to move out on the plan you're on. Find an apartment that fits within where you're at right now and move.

IMO, your husband is in the wrong here. Your parents are being gracious and generous. A question was asked in front of your mother. She threw in her opinion, which actually was in agreement with what you and your husband were thinking anyway.

I would have to have a talk with him to let him know that whatever his problem is, he needs to manage his behavior and attitude better. My guess is that he feels bad about the fact that he doesn't make enough money right now to support his wife and child and has to depend on your parents for a place to live. I don't know what your financial situation is like or whether or not that's a reasonable expectation, but my guess is that even if there are good reasons for you two to not be on fully on your feet financially, he feels like he has failed because that's what society expects of husbands and fathers. It's probably humiliating for him to be there, which is fine. What's not fine if for him to take his negative attitude about himself and turn it on someone who is being gracious and generous.

If his mother is so great, why don't you live with her? Have you asked him that?

Stop nodding your head and agreeing with him. That's just reinforcing his behavior. You don't have to fight with him, but have a talk when it's just the two of you. Call him on his behavior. Tell him what you observe. Ask him what's really behind it. I think that if you can get him to see his own negative attitude about his role in this situation, get him to talk about his fears and his perceived failures etc. then maybe he'll realize that the problem isn't your mother, it's him.

Time to stand up for yourself and your mother. If he never hears a dissenting opinion from you, he's going to think that his attitude is justified and that you agree with him. Again it's not about fighting, it's about communicating.

I think I would suggest to your husband that if he's unhappy with the situation, he should work on changing it...
Otherwise, he needs to shut up and recognize that your parents are giving him a free ride and deal.

I think that your DH feels like he can't be a dad and there's too many cooks in the kitchen. I think you can help a lot by saying, "DH, do you think...." and tell your mom that you and DH need to figure out this parenting thing as a couple so she needs to give you and him and baby more space. Let her be grandma vs "ma".

Your MIL may rub you the wrong way, but she is not in your face every day. You can go home and avoid her. Your husband cannot. I think you need to speak up more often when her comments are irritating and you need to not just nod and smile when your DH is trying to communicate his concerns to you.

It is hard to live with someone else's parents. YOU grew up with them. HE did not. I think that ultimately you and he need to have your own four walls without any parents other than the two of you. I think all relationships that you mention here would benefit from a little space. Just like you said living with his mom wouldn't be all rainbows, it's the same for him with your mom.

Rather than get defensive about your mom, recognize that YOU are now a mom and he's a dad and his opinion should count more than hers. Otherwise he's feeling like a third wheel in his own home and family. That wouldn't sit well with you if it was reversed, would it? Would you want your DH deferring to his mother's parenting opinions over yours?

I think if he felt more respected and valued, you'd find that the venting would get less. I also suspect that before the baby, they didn't have something so important to fight over. Does your Dad interject into parenting matters or does he respect DH? I bet he lets DH be a dad and that's why they still get along.

Allowing you and yours to live in their home doesn't mean they get free reign to parent or comment. You need to find a balance between being parents and being parented. Tell your mom that you appreciate her in your DD's life but that she needs to back off a little and let her parents be parents. You stand up for your own motherhood, too. Living in her home doesn't mean you're no longer an adult. Then tell DH you understand that living with your folks isn't always easy so what is your small family's long-term plan? Revisit your goals to move out and remind him that it's temporary and brainstorm ideas to make it from now til then.

I would have a talk with your husband and explain to him everything you just told us. That he only sees all these faults because she is his mother in law, and that his mother has the same faults, but you over look them for the ones you love, and you love your mother very very much and it hurts you when he talks so badly about her. Explain how you feel put in the middle and how he should treat her the way he would his own mother out of respect for you.

I understand not wanting her to "butt in", but giving you advice is not butting in, that is normal mom stuff. The fact that you live with her gives her more opportunity then other moms may have to give this advice, which may make it seem excessive, but the only true fix for that will be moving out on your own. Fact is, even with a child of your own, it can be hard for a parent to see their child as truly grown up when they are still living under their roof. Regardless, your husband is being disrespectful talking about her like that, to both you and her. Especially taking into account the fact that she has been nice enough to welcome you all into her home.

I can totally relate to how your husband may be feeling. This is a tough spot for you, but also equally as tough for your husband and your mom. We lived with my husbands parents for 3 years with two kids. My relationship with my inlaws was great until after 2 years of living there. That last year was the hardest, things had been said, boundries had been crossed....it was damaging to my relationship with them. I pleaded with my husband to move, but he just didn't think anything was a big deal until finally he realized where I was coming from. I say give your husband a break. Yes, your mom is probably trying to just be helpful and of all things that wasn't probably as big of a deal as your husband made it - but he's probably fed up. It's easier for you because it is YOUR mom, so of course you won't find anything she says or does as irritating, pushy, or controlling. Maybe you should consider living with his mom so both of you can see how it feels from the opposite side. Here are my 3 recommendations:
1. I strongly suggest you get your finances in order and move out as soon as you can. This can take a toll on your marriage. Put a plan together with a targeted date of moving out. This will show your husband that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it will help him tolerate your mom too since he knows this isn't forever.
2. While you are staying with your parents, you need to make sure to still have quality time with just you, your husband, and your daughter. And then also for you and your husband. I got frustrated way too many times because my husbands parents wanted to do EVERYTHING with us. At first it was nice, but sometimes I just want to spend time with my husband, with our kids, no one else. It's hard to do that when you live with other people. Make time without your mom or dad being around a priority. This will also help your husband tolorate your mom.
3. And like I said before - give your husband a break. Let him vent. You don't have to agree with him, but if you feel like his mom would be no easier to live with, then understand how frustrating the situation can be for him. Remind him that this is not permanent and that you are both working on improving your situation and that you love him. My husband told me I over reacted to everything his mom said and that just made me feel worse. I felt alone. Don't do that to him.

I'm assuming you and your mom have a good relationship. Maybe then there's a nice way of asking her to let your husband be in control when it comes to your daughter sometimes? Hopefully that's not something that would offend her. You are in the middle and I'm sure that's no fun, but their relationship depends on how you handle the both of them. You are the mediator and you can control the outcome. Good Luck!!

Living with others is hard-even if you love them. When I was a new mom I was touchy and wanted to make my own decisions. Perhaps you should ask your husband to think ahead 20+ years and imagine welcoming your daughter and family into your home. I'm sure your husband would not be pleased to find out his daughters fiancé held so much resentment for his wife.
Go rent a Fockers movie. Maybe little Fockers. Get some popcorn and have a good laugh. Once you get your own place invite mom and dad over for a really nice dinner. This too shall pass.
Thank goodness that you guys had help available! I would give anything to have active grandparents-let alone two sets!

"I turned to my husband and said "Do you think I should just give the baby a bottle and put her to bed? or should I just let her munch on her cookie until she starts crying again."

You asked your husband.. Not your husband AND your mother..

It is hard for adult children to live with their parents on any level.. Married and with a child.. Yikes..

Your mother does of course adore her grandbaby, but you may need to just carefully mention to her that you two are the parents and your husband needs to be allowed to parent without oversight. You know she does not mean to comment when you are asking your husband, so could she really try to allow him to parent when possible.

Not that you do not adore and appreciate her help.. But if she could wait to be asked.. to make parental decisions about your child.

Welcome to mamapedia!!!

He sounds like a strong personality as does your mom.

It's not dignified for a grown man to live with his wife's parents. It wouldn't be any great shakes for you, either, sharing a home with HIS mom.

I think I'd rather live in a studio apartment with our baby than with either set of parents. Rather than take his frustration out on you, your husband should get a 2nd job (or 3rd job) so you guys can expedite the move to your own place. But in the meantime he needs to treat your mom the way he would want his mom to be treated. He doesn't have to agree with her but he does need to be respectful.

Get yourself out of the middle of the two of them.

Good luck.

My mom still comments on things about my son and we don't even live with her! I actually find it more irritating than my husband but I just say," thanks Mom, I think we've got it covered". If you have a good relationship with your mom, I'd talk to her about it to see if she can let you two take the lead.

Tell your husband not to take it so personally; whenever you get an experienced mom in the room, you'll probably get another opinion. He's going to have to make it work if you're going to stay there. Grandmas like to be involved and want to help, whether you want them to or not.

Hubby is right, his mother's comments wouldn't bother him as much as your mothers (and vice versa). Hubby is also right, you didn't ask you mom so she didn't have to answer. But, you did ask him in front of her and that is what grandmas do....they give advice whether you want it or not. Especially with living with you parents, she probably is very much in your business. It's not easy on anyone.

Talk to your mom, tell her that you appreciate that you are able to live there with her and for her help. Explain that living with your parents when you are married w/ a child is tough. Ask her if she will please try to give you some privacy regarding parenting (as in, let you and hubby interact as a parent couple without jumping in when not asked). Do NOT tell Mom that hubby is complaining.

Talk to your hubby, explain mom is the Queen of her castle and is the "mom" in the house. It's not easy having your grown children, their spouse, and children in your home and NOT being involved. Her input probably wouldn't be so bad if you didn't live with them because she wouldn't be there to answer without being asked. Remind him that parents always irritate either their kids or their kids spouses and your parents and his are no exception but, especially with family, you have to take the good with the bad.

Sounds like you need to move in with his parents and tell him everyday how much you can't stand his mother. Maybe then he will realize how unhelpful it is to act like this.

Your husband is either very young and immature, or he is very ungrateful, or both. Your parents are allowing you 3 to live with them so that you can save money to live on your own.

Take your husband to a marriage counselor. Do it before you end up living with the baby with your parents WITHOUT him, for several years.

You asked if any of us have lived with our parents or in-laws. Here's my story. I had been married for 10 years when I got pregnant with my first baby, put my house up for sale and signed a contract to build a house, when I was 23 weeks pregnant. A week later, I went into preterm labor. Luckily, the hospital was able to stop it, and they sent me home to go to bed. No more working - strict bedrest. Two weeks later, a family of 5 stuck in a hotel, including a 5 month old baby, signed a contract to buy our house and wanted to close in a WEEK. My family and my husband's family came and packed up all of our stuff and furniture and moved it all into storage. My inlaws invited us to come stay with them so that I would be taken care of. They came home from lunch every day from work and fed me. My baby made it to 37 weeks, and then all 3 of us were with them until my house was finished being built.

We all got along fine. I appreciated what they did for us, more than I can say. I would NEVER have acted like your husband. He should be ashamed of himself.

This is your mother's house. She should not have to walk on eggshells, afraid to speak, because your husband is a jerk. I'm sure his mother would say that she didn't raise him to act like this.

So what if your mom has an opinion about the baby? If you disagree with her, tell her "Mom, that's not the way I want to deal with the baby. Please, Mom. If I have a question, I will ask you. Meanwhile, this is what the doctor says to do and that's what I'm going to do." Unless she is arguing with you both and just being insufferable, then you are wrong. Saying that she should have NO INPUT? None??? The baby lives in her house. You think that it's inappropriate for her to agree with your husband that the baby needs a bottle? She isn't allowed to say anything about that baby?

If you just continue to allow your husband to act like this, you will find that he will start treating YOU like this. He owes your mother more respect than this. He owes YOU more respect than this. Stop biting your tongue and tell your husband that he needs to go get a second job so that he's not around his MIL, or CAN it. Better start standing up to him now before you find out what it's like to live with this attitude in an apartment all by yourself with him, turning his ire to and about YOU.

I think it is just the stress of the living arrangement. If you were living with his family, his mom would be driving you crazy - for sure. Your mom means well and is just enjoying the time she has to be this close to and involved in the baby's life. It is hard for your husband to really see this because he wants to have his own place and live out his life in his own space. I don't think he hates your mom, he's just tired of being around her. Everyone needs to know their boundaries in these situations. It could be worse. Your mom could be making decisions for you and disregarding your wishes and your husband's, but it doesn't sound like that is going on. And yes, he really does think his mom is more glorious and "would never do that." They all do, but until you are in that situation, how would he know for sure. And yes, she would get on your nerves, eventually. Two women can not rule one house. When you live with someone else, you just don't have that level of privacy and that is likely what he wants more than anything. Good luck.