First Kiss - Raleigh,NC

Updated on March 06, 2012
S.M. asks from Cary, NC
4 answers

My daughter is 15 and has her first boyfriend. He wants her to come over to his house to hang out but, I am not comfortable with it. Should I let her go? We are a Christian family with traditional values. What do you other mamas of 'nice girls' think? I don't want her to think I don't trust her. He seems very nice and respectful. They've known each other for 6 months as friends and it just recently moved to 'boyfriend' status.

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So What Happened?

Hey everyone and thanks for the emotional support and advice. Well, I found out yesterday that they met at the band room at school and that's where they kissed (her first). He asked her over to his house that same day. My main concern is that he is a senior and will be headed off to collage this fall. He says he wants to keep in touch and Skype everyday. They have told each other they love each other. Also, he doesn't call on the primary phone. They text most of the time. So, I don't get the benefit of talking to him at all. I am thinking about suggesting a movie for the first date. He doesn't drive so I thought that we would offer to take them and pick them up. After the movie them both go back home. It is just so very hard for parents to know what is going on these days because of all the ways available for kids to go "go around" their parents. After the date I'll come back and let you know how it went and then If they ask to hang out at one of their homes - I'll be sure to so what the rules are (if his) and make sure they will be supervised and NO bedrooms. There is one more thing that you need to know about the situation: his former girlfriends allowed him to go all the way and that is what he is used to. He seems to accept that she is not ready for sex - on any level. She has made it clear. Yet, he still seems to be interested. But, with hormones raging, (hers TOO)! will she be able to stick to her values and will he push the envelope? I'm not naive enough to think that just because they mostly date at school and, I am ready to provide supervision, etc. etc. that they couldn't still get into mischief anyway.

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E.T.

answers from Raleigh on

My daughter is now 17 and I have spoken to and visited every house she has gone to. I speak to the parents and they always agree they would rather meet, even briefly when dropping off, then have a parent drop and run. This way you will know what kind of supervision will be provided. Don't hesitate to ask where they (the kids) will be handing out. Obviously you don't want her in a bedroom! You would be surprised how many parents don't think of this and when I ask they smile when they get it! We all want to protect our kids.It can be hard to start letting go but in the end we have to trust we did our jobs as parents the best we could and let them go. Supervised as much as possible, of course! My daughter and I also have a signal that she can do at any time if she does not want to stay. As well as a specific phrase if she calls me and wants to leave but can't voice it at that time. When she does this I speak a bit louder and say there is an emergency at home and I need to go get her. This way it's my fault not hers and next time she can invite the friend to our house instead. And I am proud to say she HAS used these options! I let her blame it on me, I don't mind being the mean Mom if it keeps her safe.Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful
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E.M.

answers from Louisville on

im betting they have already kissed. will his parents be there? other friends what are his parents rules? no hanging in his room ect? i would let my 15 year old go

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A.R.

answers from Parkersburg on

Cary:
I would def want to meet his parents and get to know them. You need to know how they supervise, etc. Some parents think it is ok to let teens be alone, not supervised, etc. I think your family getting to know them will help make the decision. Before I would let a friend (girl) come to my house to stay with my nieces, I would have to meet at least the mother and talk to her, get to know her, etc.

Good luck and pray for God's guidance.
A.

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S.L.

answers from Lexington on

when you get right down to it, teen hormones often overcome traditional values of all sort, including those of "nice" girls! When we are talking about teenagers we can trust each individually, but the truth is that together, that's a different story; and another story entirely when they are together unsupervised!
You may not want her to think you don't trust her, but you are someone who has lived through that time of raging hormones, wanting to be independent, test bounds/limits etc. - you don't trust the ability of a teenager to think through the implications of choices made - That is reasonable, and sensible. So, in reality, you trust her to behave as a 15-year-old might behave, which may not be the wisest way to behave.
Why does he want her at his house (his parents away perhaps);
.

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