Fighting 9 Year Old

QUICK, read a terrific book by Faber and Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. This is a remarkably concise workshop that teaches you how to help your daughter communicate her feelings and needs, and participate in finding workable solutions.

Of course you are irritated and unwilling to put up with your daughter's recent behavior. That information will not help her find a way to deal with her feelings more constructively, however. She may not be able to answer a direct question "why," but with some compassionate listening from you, she can probably describe her feelings and see much better ways to resolve them than fighting.

These communication techniques are so obvious and effective (once we've actually tried them) that it gives us a new appreciation and respect for our children's capacities to deal with their own issues, once they feel supported and understood. I use this approach to excellent effect with my 4.5yo grandson. They will probably work even better with older children.

Yep, change Daycare.
I assume, she is there, because it is summer time and she has no where else to go?
Geez, if there are older girls at the Daycare that fight... I would get my kid out of there. AND, would have EXPECTED the Director and Care-givers to handle it, properly.
"Bullying"... should.not.be. tolerated. By the facility nor a parent.

Also, she is a "Tween." (pre-teen). If you do a Google Search on "tween development" a lot of articles will come up.
She is at a hard age... developmentally, as well.

all the best,
Susan

Kids are great imitators. I hope that you have the ability to go watch her class. See how the instructors are -- and those little girls. Sure, the instructors may be on their best watchful behavior for awhile but they will eventually let down their guard and forget you're there - or think you'd empathize with their situation. (Maybe they are way understaffed.) Then take it from there. You must interfere somehow with your child picking up terrible habits like that from other kids that are allowed for some reason to display that. They are driven to imitate.

If you truly think the source of the problem is the daycare that she attends, then maybe you should pull her out of the daycare since they can't do anything to prevent her from associating with the aggressive girls. Maybe the show she watches has some violence in it? Good luck.

I do not think the day care can separate them. Talk to her and keep pushing for why she did it. Then come with I am so sorry he hurt your feelings. I understand how much that hurt. Get her to talk. Then tell help her to find another way to handle it. Many times children just react and she probably does not know why. It is more important to get her to talk and to walk through a solution then punish. She has to know that when things arise she can come to you for help. The director needs to know what and why this happened too so she can look closer at what is happening. kids can be mean. My granddaughter had some mean girls at church she did not want to go. Good luck G. W