Hi moms,
I have been trying to break my daughters dependence on me to go to sleep and decided to try Ferber's progressive response or "cry it out". She is 7 months now, but starting at 4 months she was able to fall asleep unassisted and was sleeping 11 hours at night without nursing. My in-laws were staying with us for the last 6 weeks and it upset her schedule and now she can't fall asleep without me holding, nursing, or bouncing her and she wakes up at night for a cuddle and wants me to hold her back to sleep which I have been doing for a few weeks.
The first time I tried Ferber's method last week I lasted 45 minutes and then nursed my daughter to sleep. She then was able to fall asleep on her own for the next few nights, but now she needs my help again. I decided that last night I would try Ferber's method again, but this time she kept rolling over and getting stuck on her stomach so that I needed to roll her back over and never could do the progressive wait. She has only rolled from stomach to back once and is very big (21 lbs.) so I don't feel comfortable leaving her crying on her tummy.
Last night I think I rolled her over about 30 times at bedtime and again at 12:30 am, but didn't pick her and she feel asleep with me standing in her room shushing and with my hands on her chest. I know this is what Ferber says not to do, but I was taking a gradual approach because she does seem to have some daytime separation anxiety when I leave her at the gym daycare.
Any advice would be helpful! Has anyone else dealt with the rolling and crying, or have advice on how I can stick to Ferber's method or modifications to it?
Perhaps if you had a video monitor, you could let her cry it out, and feel more comfortable watching her, so you know she's okay crying on her stomach?
Hey there!
Developmentally she's at an interrupted sleep phase anyway, so don't freak out or take any of it personally. Her body is doing all kinds of new and cool things a lot of which she can now control. So they want to play with these new skills rather than sleep.
You HAVE to stay firm and committed if this is to be successful. My son once went for 2.5 hours of screaming which nearly killed me. After that night I decided I wasn't cool with it so we switched to the 5-10-15 rule. That basically is let them cry for 5 minutes and then go in and very unobtrusively give them a gentle stroke, soft whisper "time to sleep" (or something like that) and leave the room. This is not a time for you to soothe your child or yourself with a quick snuggle. More business than empathy. You have to believe in what you are doing - you are setting your whole family up for peace for the LONG TERM. Anyway, if she still cries this time wait 10 minutes and then repeat. If she continues to cry wait 15 minutes, etc. She'll eventually get the hang of it and you know that you can at least poke you head in every now and again to reassure yourself and her that you haven't abandoned her.
Good luck and hang in there. You have to be stronger than she is. And teaching her this very important life skill is an act of LOVE.
You are going to have to let her roll over and stay there. Go in and pat her back so she'll know she's okay, but don't roll her back over.
We fell into this trap with my son when he first learned. After two days of "helping" him, we finally just told him it was okay and he fell asleep on his stomach. Wasn't an issue after that. If your daughter can roll over 30 times, she's not in danger of getting trapped. She just needs to figure out how to roll herself back or to fall asleep on her stomach.
I personally don't believe in the "cry it out" method. Rather than independence, it just tells her that you are not going to be there for her. She is giving up on getting your help. Check out Dr Sears books for advice that seems to be more in line with your heart. My daughter is only 4 months old, so I can't give you better advice, just that I don't plan on doing the cry it out method as I believe it's part of what added to my intrinsic anxiety.
good luck, and do what seems best for the two of you.
I am right there with Kelly S. I didn't and don't let mine cry it out and my toddler sleeps AWESOME (we'll see what happens with the 5 month old). She may be having seperation anxiety because she's having trust issues now (Life Lesson #1: TRUST). There are lots of reasons babies start to wake up at night, teething, growth spurts, etc. not to annoy us! Just remember, they are only little once, why not rock or nurse her and give her what she needs (and that's you! what a great feeling!) it won't be forever. I also understand knowing your limits, if her keeping you up a bit at night is too much for you and it's affecting how you parent during the day then maybe try other methods first, I second Dr.Sears book, The Baby Sleep Book. Good luck!
I wanted to add, I went to the pediatrician yesterday and asked about my 5 month old rolling to his tummy, he said don't worry about it, after 4 months it's fine.
I've never used any sleep training so I don't have any advice on the issue but I just thought I'd say that you don't seem all that comfortable doing this. If you don't want to let her CIO, then don't. There is no rule that says that you have to. She won't nurse at night forever. You can always try again in a few months if you don't want to now. Just know that there are other options out there.
At 7 months it shouldn't be a (health) problem for her to be on her stomach, provided she can raise her head. While I did not use Ferber's method, I did follow Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and did let my child cry it out at 6 months (we went cold turkey with no 'gradual extinction'). We had two nights of crying (45 minutes then 15 minutes), and on the third night a whimper of about 3 minutes and he was sleeping. I'm a little confused about what makes you feel uncomfortable when she is crying on her tummy. Don't get me wrong - I'm not judging you; trust me I know there are many parenting philosophies out there and what works for one parent might not work for another. If she's able to raise her head during tummy time then she should be fine. No matter what technique you might try, the key is to be consistent. Otherwise you wind up confusing your child - "one night mom doesn't come in, then she does, so the next night I cry and she doesn't come in - what gives?"
my doc told me not to worry about rolling over, once they can do that, they can lift their head enough that sleeping that way is fine. Eventually, most children sleep on their tummies. Mine (also called Isabella)does with her butt in the air - very cute to watch. If you are going to do cio, then you have to take the plunge and just do it. All the other things just prolong the agony. I would put her down when she is sleepy or even start by nursing her to sleep but when she wakes, leave her to go back to sleep - irrespective of whether she is on her tummy or not. I wouldn't go in the room as that will prolong things. In a few days she will be able to get herself off to sleep again. It is only when she thinks there are alternatives that she won't go to sleep like that.
Hmm... If she can roll from back to front she can almost certainly roll from front to back (and jsut because you haven't seen it doesn't mean she hasn't done it). But this leads me to the question: what would you if she rolled over in the middle of the night and DIDN'T cry? Probably nothing (because you'd be asleep and wouldn't know).
I'm all for "Back to bed" but once they can roll over themselves the risk of SIDS drops drastically and you can't really do much to control what position they actually sleep in. It's actually better to just let her stomach sleep (if she rolls there herself) than to put some kind of sleep positioner in, which could block her face. I understand your nervousness. I would probably just stand out of view while she cried (on her stomach) to make sure she's ok. As long as she's still crying, she's breathing, eh? Once she stops, you can tiptoe in, gently place a hand on her back, and reassure yourself that she is still breathing and move anything that might be near her head out of the crib.
Ok... so I used Ferber method with my son at several points (frequently had to repeat after we got back from visiting family etc - anything that upset his sleep schedule too much for too long) - I frequently modified it a bit. Usually it was just shortening the intervals (so maybe 2, 4, then 8 minutes, rather than 5-10-15). If you can stick it out just one rotten night it's almost certainly completely fixed the problem I've found. This even worked when we transitioned my son to a big boy bed.
i had to do this with my son when he was very little..he is also very long and weighs 25lbs now at 9.5 months....he prefers to sleep on his stomach and has slept better than ever...my advice would be to let your daughter stay on her stomach to see if she prefers it...have you tried white noise, like a fan or humidifier? i hope things get better bc i know how it is when they get like that...i just started a full-time job after being home with him for almost 9 months and we are both having a hard time adjusting...good luck!
