Fellow Moms I Need Your Advice PLEASE!!

you are never going to make everyone happy. He will have many more Birthdays. Schedule the party for when it works for you and send the invites... if someone can make it, great, if not, the party will go on. You cannot stress about pleasing everyone. I have learned this in the past 4 years with my children's b-day parties. I do what works for us and go with it.
Send her a quick email and say that you have 3 months to decide the specific date and you will let her know as it gets closer. Tell her it is important for you to have her there, but if she cannot make it, you will certainly understand either way. Good luck.

Tell her to pi$$ off. It is not her party, nor is he her son, nor is it her decision. Who cares if you ruffle her feathers, besides her? She'll get over it and if she doesn't, then she needs to remember she is an adult and needs to start acting like one instead of throwing a temper tantrum when she doesn't get her way.

Just send her another email. Apologize saying I am sorry for whatever I have done to hurt you. And just leave it at that. You do not owe her an explanation. It will then be her turn to accept your apology and get her happy pants on again. This is YOUR son, not hers. If you don't want to have his party on Father's Day then that is YOUR choice. You should not have to feel bad, that is obviously what she wants. Do Not rearrange your party for one person. Fit it to your families needs. Yes, she is family, but Your children and spouse comes first in this matter.

Can you fire a godmother? She's a total drama queen. You are too nice to stress this much. Have a wonderful party whenever you want it to be.

My daughter was born the day before fathers day. We have her party on fathers day every year. I figure people would not have to come out twice in one weekend. My daughter is now 5 and gets very excited to share her party with daddy's day. I never thought she was being over shadowed... it is not like we have a fathers day cake...

That being said i do think that your aunt is being a little ridiculous. I have had a few family members expect us to change dates before...for christenings ets... i just keep it to what i feel works... with a couple of exceptions...sometimes i change if it still works for me....

This is your son, you pick the date and time that works for you. Your aunt is acting like a spoiled, self-centered, selfish child. Make your plans, send out your invitations. She will either show up or she won't. To be honest, if this happened to me, I would not even bother inviting her. Who needs a pouting grown-up ruining your child's birthday.

You are absolutely NOT wrong! This is your son, and his birthday. You plan the party for whatever works for you and your immediate family (spouse, siblings, and maybe even grandparents if they play an active roll). I think it was very nice of you to consider this for your aunt, your son's godmother. I also think it was very considerate for you to call and explain the situation. Her attitude is simply rude. To post a message as you described is in poor taste regardless of her reason/feelings at the time. You have taken the higher road, in my opinion, by simply stating that you wouldn't discuss this private situation in a public format. The comment regarding her son and his father is horrid. Regardless of her relationship with her son's father, she should encourage a positive relationship between father/son. That would be simply a nurturing mother trying to give her child the best possible relationship with his parents (BOTH parents).
I would personally ask your mother and your other aunt to please ask her to stop speaking about the situation to them. If she would like to speak about it, she needs to either call you or simply accept your calls. When the time does come that you two are speaking, I would again take the high road and share that while you greatly appreciate her willingness to spend the time and money to visit and be a part of your child's life, that you must do what you feel is appropriate for your family. And again while you would love for her to be a part of the birthday part, if it can't work out you completely understand and will share pictures of the party with her via email or snail mail. I would continue to try to call her, maybe once a week or so, until you do get the opportunity to speak. It is obvious that you care deeply for your aunt, or you wouldn't have picked her to be the godmother, nor would you care so much about the present situation. So, don't let this be something that prevents a relationship for an extended length of time.
Best of luck as you work through this! And I hope that you have a wonderful and memorable party for your son!

You should have the party on Sat and maybe suggest to your aunt that she still welcome to come down on Sun to see your son if she wants too. Furthermore DON'T let her make you feel bad or guilty about Father's Day...you didn't make her huspand leave or make her get a divorce!

it's also your husband's first father's day. She needs to understand that you didnt do that to hurt her personally. It's your son's birthday. I have a lot of family out of town and it sucks not to be able to have them all to the kid's birthday, but let's face it, at this age they arent going to care. I hope she calms down and if she wont talk to you, let your mom and sister talk to her. My aunt has to do the same thing with my mom all the time, since she wont talk to me about what's bugging her, she'll just talk behind my back.

OK, so I agree that a 1 yr old doesn't care what day it is. So if it doesn't bother you, why not switch weekends. If it does bother you, do what YOU want and send out the invitations. Other people need to decide IF they want to come. There are always pros and cons...Sunday parties can be hard, especially if you have out of town relatives. You are asking them to drive/fly in and then have to get home and be up for work on Monday. If it's not a big deal to you, I wouldn't dig your heels in, make it the prior or following Saturday and whoever comes, comes.

As far as your Aunt/Godmother of your child, I think she needs a good talking to. I think she is being childish and selfish. Personally, I think she should get her priorities straight. If she can't or won't talk with you on the phone or in person the next time she's in town, then tell her to save her money and stay home.

Your son, HIS party. Not your Aunts. If she really wants to be there she'll be there on whatever day it is.

Just remember that this is for your son and you need to do what's best for you and your immediate family. I know it's easier said than done, since I'm always caught in the middle of trying to please every one. But just stick to what you think is right and everything will work out.

It's your party for your son. If you want it on Saturday then do it on Saturday. If you want it in November then do it in November.. She shouldn't have any say. INvite her and if she can't come so be it. It isn't her day.

If it wasn't for her ridiculous attitude and behavior, I would have changed the party to the NEXT Sunday in order to accomodate ALL of the out of town family who will be coming in town to celebrate his special day. However, this woman is acting so crazy and selfish!! Sounds to me like she has issues with her son's father-- is it a recent divorse? Her bitterness at her ex and having to deal with whether or not her son will spend father's day with his father should NOT put a dark shadow on YOUR son's first bday.As your son's Godparent, she should be accomodating him, not the other way around. I would send her an invitation in the mail for the day you select, whichever day that may be, and leave it at that. Stop feeding her all of the negative attention she is for some reason craving from you.

Don't waste another minute feeling bad about this. Not another second!
1.) You were absolutely right NOT to schedule your son's party on father's day. You shouldn't even have to explain why. How blessed is your family to have a father to celebrate...Too many do not.
2.) Facebooking petty squabbles?! ARGH. Unacceptable and as stated in a PP about Facebook and invites...Tacky and immature and super unclassy.
3.) Planning a 1st birthday party around 1 adult's schedule? Heck no - No way. This is his day. This is your day. It is most certainly not her day.

I would reach out to her one more time. How about a hand written note...I know..Snail mail (gasp). I would let her know how important she is to your family and that you will miss her if she cannot attend but that you will understand if she simply cannot make it and that you can't wait to get together when the next family event makes that possible.

No, you should not work out your son's birthday party around one person (unless it is you or his father!). That is awful that she is resonding that way but you have done nothing wrong. You should have the party when you want to and when it accommodates most of the ppl that you would like to attend. I hope that she grows up soon and calls you to make things right.

No! You need to plan the party for whats best for YOU. You are the one throwing the party and it is for your son.... I had an issue similar to yours for my sons first party. My sons father and I aren't together, I wanted his party to be ONE HIS ACTUAL BIRTHDAY. But he didn't like it because he had some church functions. Well I told him then you throw him a party for your side and I'll throw him one for my side. (I didn't want to be like that but sometimes church doesn't come first. And in my opinion NEVER before your own child) He ended up coming to the party and everything worked up but still comments are thrown around from time to time. My son will be two on July 25th and again I am having his party on his birthday which is sunday and his dad is already complaining that he will have to leave sunday mass early. OH WELL. It is what works for me and everyone else. I'm throwing the party I'm paying for it. My son lives with me. And again if he don't like it he can fork out the $ and throw his own. I think you need to do what is easiest on you and the "majority" of your guests. =) Hope I helped!

Good advice...
I only wonder, why in the world would you name HER your sons godmother?!?!
A selfish woman like that wouldn't get my son.....
Good luck, and stay strong!

I'm on your side with this one. Your aunt is acting childish. If she's going to hold a grudge about spending money to come visit, she should stay home. You have given her plenty of advance notice and tried to accommodate her. Just leave the rest up to her, and let your mother try to talk some sense into her. It sounds like you've put enough work into trying to keep the lines of communication open as it is. (BTW, that issue about her son and ex-husband on Father's Day is weird.)

Your son probably shares the same birthday as my husband. My husband HATES sharing his birthday with Father's Day, because he always had to share a cake with his father or stepfather. I know at one year old, your son is too young to know the difference. But I do think it is nice to have a special birthday celebration without having to combine it with a holiday. Just because your aunt might miss the Saturday b-day party doesn't mean she can't come visit. I'm sure everyone will still be in town, she can still wish your son a happy birthday, and she can help your husband celebrate Father's Day. Have a wonderful party!

its your life not hers plan accordingly don't let her manipulate you

First Birthday is for the parents and family. The child has no clue.. so is there a way you can do it earthier the weekend before or the weekend after? I understand your challenge. My husbands first fathers day was last year and my Bro in law decided that was to be his wedding day. I was very upset. In the end we went to the wedding, brought my son to my parents and then went to the wedding.

Good luck

I totally agree with Peg M. The baby won't know, and it might even be nice to combine the two celebrations. I do agree with others that say your aunt is being childish and demanding. If asked I would definitely not let her feel that you are bending to her wishes; just trying to do what YOU feel is best. I'm a grandma who lives 200 miles from my son and grandson and I know that I can't always be there on THE day. I have to say my son does his best to make sure that celebrations take place when I can be there but I would never try to force the issue. Best of luck to you and try not to lose your mind over this! :)

No,you have the right to have you son party any day or time You feel like it .If she cant make it down for it on saturday,then so be it.See you on sunday.

I am a very family orientated person, but you need to do what works best for you & your immediate family... right now it is about your son's birthday, your sanity & adding fathers' day in the mix is a great idea! I mean no disrespect, but I know what it is like to have a family member who unfortunately trys to make everything about them, it many times may be a personality disorder or just a cry for attention. Regardless, you need to do what works best for you & if you consistantly change your dates...etc for other people it can really become a huge burden. Hopefully you can stress that you hope she can make it, but the day you choose is the day it is on. Good luck, I unfortunately know what it is like to have multiple people always think things should be done there way & I have learned, you must do what works best for you. Eventually, if not right away they will hopefully begin to see your side & make it when they are able. Carpe Diem.

I think that you should follow your heart, and think about what you really want. I do not believe that you should let someone else take control of your life, or have control when you do something for your son and husband. If you think that you should change your plans so that your sons godmother can be there to see him, at his one year party, then I think you should. However, if you think that the best idea would be to have the party on Saturday and not Sunday, so you can celebrate your fathers and your husbands special day, than have the party Saturday.
Follow your heart, it will guide you in the right path!!

You should not be stressing over this...your aunt seem so demanding. It's your husband first father day and he should celebrate this very special day with your son. You should not change the date just for your aunt...plan the birthday on the day you wish and if your aunt could make it then great. Don't let her change your son's birthday plan.

I don't see why your aunt think you should be grateful that she spending the $$ to visit and celebrating her god son's birthday...I mean if she really wanted to be there on this special day, she would make such comment.

Bottom Line: It's your son--so you get to decide! But, would it be the worst thing in the world if you celebrated both together? My niece's birthday is June 15 and has coincided with Father's Day before. We are a military family and both of our families live in FL, so we often celebrate birthdays on different days to accommodate visitors or trips home. My son's birthday is July 21 and last year we flew to FL on July 22, so we had a belated birthday party for him there. My younger son's birthday is March 11 and we'll have a very small party this week (he's going to be 2), but also have another party when my mom arrives on the 30th (she's coming out for her Spring Break).

Oh, and her divorce and hatred of Father's Day is not your problem. You were just stating the obvious and that it is a conflict for you.

Your aunt is being very childish and selfish. The party is for your son! It's his birthday, his first, and you should not allow anyone to ruin it for him. Don't worry about your aunt, worry about your son. If she has a problem with missing one day of work, then I guess that shows what's more important to her. She's not doing you a favor by going to the party, it's about whether she wants to be a part of your son's special day. You should definitely let her sulk as long as she chooses and schedule your party according to your needs, not anyone else's.

You are CORRECT to schedule YOUR sons party when it works best for you. If you tried to work around everyone's schedule, you would never have the party. I would explain to your Aunt - If she is mature enough to call you - that you are flattered that she wants to come celebrate with your son, but you will be having the party on Saturday. You completely understand if it does not work for her to attend that day - she can either celebrate with him later. If she will not speak to you - maybe you can place this message on her facebook page - but I think it is unfortunate for both you and your son that she is making this about herself and not him. Wishing you the best of luck communicating with her! On a side note - I would also ask your other family members that she is discussing this with, that if she brings it up to them - they should state that they are not getting involved and if she wants to discuss it they should encourage her to call you!

I do not think you are in the wrong. You could have the big party on Saturday and just a mini one on Sunday. She needs to understand it is not about her. She is not taking into account anyone else that you may want to invite that has plans with their fathers on Sunday. Stick to your guns she needs to let you plan your child's party!

no. Just stick to your plans.
And to make matters worse, she is a poor loser... which shows her character and what she can be like, when she does not get her way, or when she cannot succeed in "bossing" someone around with her Facebook threats, and slander. She is just the "Godmother" right? She has no say in it. I hope this will be the only problem she causes you/your family... since she is a "Godmother."

The thing is, YOU did things politely... and even asked her about it.
BUT, she sort of retaliated... in a real nasty way. That is really just not nice. You did not mean anything negative toward her... but she really just took your statement and twisted it around and saying HER son has a Father too and getting personal about it. When you meant no harm.

Good luck,
Susan

good lord. its ALL ABOUT HER. if it doesn't work for her a "i'm sorry i have to miss it" and send a gift if she wants to. Its about your son and you. NOT her. that's just my opinion. She's acting like a borderline teenager.

She is acting like a spoiled teenager. I would act as if nothing has happened, and schedule your son's birthday party for Saturday. You have done absolutely "nothing" wrong. You mentioned that at first she stated it would not be a problem, and then her sarcastic comments to you on facebook. Her sending that message to you on facebook emphasizes even more her childish character. If possible, I would phone her, leaving a nice message on her voice machine stating how sincerely sorry you are that the party date is inconvenient for her, but that you truly hoped she would be able to attend. END OF STORY! Now, start focusing on your son and his fabulous birthday party. Good luck, and May God Bless, Tico&Taco

Your child, his party, your date! The first one is always special. I would stick to my original plans that work for the rest of the family. I think that it is honorable to want to seperate the two for this year. Next year the birthday will be on Father's Day.

DONT CHANGE A THING! This woman is being selfish and seems to be bitter about her ex husband. If she doesn't come than that is her loss. I would send her a note letting her know that the party is on sat. at 1pm and you would like for her to join your family in celebrating your sons very 1st bday. If she cant make it than you understand and he (your son) will miss her. Maybe she can get a clue that it isnt about her at all and you will come out the bigger person. Dont keep chasing her around trying to fix it, she has the problem let her come to you with the "Im sorry" you dont owe her an apology at all. What would you be sorry for? If she doesn't repond or show than it is her loss, not yours.

It depends on how important it is for you to have your aunt there. If you can reasonably rearrange the dates, there's no reason Father's Day and the birthday can't be a combined celebration. It really wouldn't take much imagination to make it a happy day for all, including your aunt. And if she is really going to take a financial hit and miss work in addition, that seems to me to be a higher priority than holding to a calendar date.

I guess another way to think about it is this: Will your one-year old know you didn't hit the "right" date for his birthday? Will his daddy have a problem sharing the "right" date for observing Father's Day? Will the calendar date make a difference 6 months from now, if you are left with happy memories? If I were willing to make sacrifices to attend a special family celebration, and the hostess said she could accommodate my needs, and then said she could not, I guess I might feel hurt. (The way your aunt is expressing her hurt is not so cool, however.)

In our family, we almost never celebrate birthdays on the actual day because schedules don't match up well. But we always get together one way or another and enjoy each other.

No you should definetly not rearrange his birthday because of one relative. He is going to be one yr. old and I am sure if others' from that state don't mind why should you bend over backwards to meet her needs. I reiterate that "her needs". She is not caring about what you want, I realize that she is your aunt and we should be respectable however at times lines and to be drawn and this is one. I'm sure daddy wants to have his son on his first Fathers' Day and thats a privilege that he has whether your son is one or ten. Fathers' love their children to be a part of that special day. Your aunt is being childish, obviously used to getting her way. Put your foot down, its not going to happen this time. If you have to be the first to do it I'm sure others will follow. Take care, she's not answering you because she knows just how wrong she is. She will apologize in some way, shape or form at some point, not YOU!!

I learned when planning my wedding 17 years ago...there is NO date that works for everyone! I guarantee if you were to change it for this one person there will be 2 peole that can't attend on Sunday!
I think you can let this person know that it is impossible to change, but you really want her to be there! I am not sure why she is so upset at the mention of father's day, or why she chose to say anything on FB, of all places! Just go ahead with your plans and let her know you hope she attends! I hope this works out for you...It is never fun to have a family member not talking to you.

This is YOUR family's special celebration. Hold the party on whatever day and time works for you and your family. I agree that it does not matter to a one year old when you hold the party (our oldest daughter slept through most of her first birthday party). But this is also your husbands first father's day and that should be a special time for your family.

Your Godmother seems to to be very selfish............maybe she doesn't want to admit that she will be alone on father's day. And that is a family day.

Stay to what works for you! And good luck.

Absolutely not! This women is ridiculous! Your son's birthday party is for him, and should not be tailored to fit one person's schedule. If she were any kind of compassionate person she would be grateful that you want her included in the party. You will not be able to always make everyone happy, especially when it comes to raising your child. You will figure out that sometimes people are not always going to agree on birthday parties/schooling, etc for your children, and that is fine, but ultimately this is your child and you make the decisions. I applaude you for not fighting it out on facebook. Honestly I feel there is nothing to "fight out". etiher she can make the party or she cannot. If she is being hasty, then it is her loss. You seem like a compassionate and caring person, but don't let this woman dictate your son's 1st birthday, b/c I bet you have spent many hours already planning this special day in your head! Good luck and enjoy your son's birthday!

Sounds to me like she is being completey selfish. In the past we have had issues with so and so can't make the party on this day and somebody else can't make it on another day and I used to try to make everybody happy... Not any more. Plan the party your way and invite everyone. If they can't make it it's their problem. There are situations that can be worked around and if it is important enough they'll find a way. Life is full of disappointments. My parties are now done with the idea that I'd love to have you there if you can make it, if you can't then we'll miss you. Trying to make everyone happy just makes the event stressful. Have fun and do what makes you and your child happy.

(I have not read any of the other posts). Honestly, I would look at it as, its only his first birthday (i know it is a really fun one). He will not remember who was there. I would not rearrange my plans for 1 person. I know she is your aunt and his godmother, but you can never please every single person every time, no matter who it is. And if she has made the comment that you should be grateful that she would spend the money to come see you, i would just tell her that she should save the money and you will post pictures of that party and she can look at those. I mean there is no reason for her to be acting the way she is over the date of a birthday party. I know if it were me, i would just (as nicely as i could) tell her that im sorry that the birthday party does not work with her schedule, however, i had this date picked out because it worked with my family and our schedule, if you can not make it, we will have to catch up at another time. or something along those lines. I hope everything works out, because after all, it is supposed to be a wonderful day for your son~

I'm with other MaMa's.... this is your family & a first birthday & a first father's day are important milestones in your family! Don't let her manipulate you through guilt or other family members. I wouldn't continue to try & contact her anymore. Maybe through Facebook or e-mail close this topic with something like: the party time & date & 'We look forward to seeing you, but if you are unable to attend we will miss you.'
I hope this helps!
God bless!

Don't let her make you change your plans for her! She is acting childish over this by being rude on facebook! Come on she is a Godmother and has no say, this is your right as a parent. Tell your family when they talk to her that it is her choice to come down not yours! She wants to make you feel guilty by saying "stating that I should be grateful that she is willing to spend the money to come down here and that she wants the party to be on Sunday"! If she wants to be there then it is her choice and you never forced her into coming. She should be understanding that this is your son and it is your husbands fathers day which should be spent with your child.

omg, sorry about this. got to love family. really it is your child, your party and your day I dont know if you want to "give in" and always be at this persons mercy. you can tell her that you are having a large party on Sat and that if she cant make that party you are happy to have a small get together on Sunday with a cake with just her? you can tell her that you appreciate that she is coming down as it is difficult with money and work but you need to have it on Sat and would be happy to have a more personal one on Sunday? good luck!!!