Whoa, ladies. Ephie woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
Looking for a therapist is...I'd actually rather go to the dentist, have matches stuck to the bottoms of my toes, or listen to experimental noise music.
GRANTED, I'm looking for a rare breed: One that has competency and experience with a laundry list of dysfunctions, disorders, and traumas, who offers couple's counseling, who has a feminist perspective, AND who is sliding scale.
It's like searching for a unicorn.
Seriously though. I have spoken with MANY therapists over the last few days. On their website, they claim to have competency, training, and experience. When I ask how? They've read one or two books this year. SERIOUSLY??? For crying out loud, I've read those same books. I know what ongoing training looks like, consider it a family curse. One book a year does not training look like.
What's really awesome is that in order to pay someone who is actually qualified, I'll have to quite eating, turning on the lights, and taking showers. It's cool, at least I'll have a therapist to talk it over with. *Sigh*. Maybe if I sell my husband I could afford it. Tee hee hee. Feed two birds with one scone?
Grrr. I'm just feeling frustrated because FINALLY we are both looking for outside help. And it's really, really, really hard to afford. Bad therapy is like contracting an STD - would have been better off without.
Alright. Enough grunting and groaning from me. Thanks for listening.
Is there anything you want to vent about? Or anything that is remarkably exciting? OR, do you have any fantastic jokes?
I have been to a few therapists over my life. One was just a student about to graduate, so basically an intern and I even had to go to the college campus to see her in the 'practice' office. She was better than some of the well experienced therapists with fancy yearly trainings. So, you never know what is going to be a good match.
I've got a joke for ya, but you have to be able to not say, "Oh, that's an awful premise!" because, you know...it's a joke. Anyway, here it is:
A man & woman are separated & the man wants to hire a professional killer to off his wife before they go to divorce (cheaper that way, you know). He meets this PK whose name is Artie. Artie tells him that he charges $3,000 payable after the deed is done, but he will need a deposit. The man says all he has on him is a dollar. Artie isn't happy about this, but with the economy being what it is, takes the job anyway.
So, Artie starts trailing the woman to get down her daily activity & see if he can find any routines that would help him do his job. He quickly sees that she goes grocery shopping every Wednesday at 4p.m. so he decides that's where he'll do it the following week. The next Wednesday rolls around & he's waiting in the produce aisle for her to come thump the melons. As she comes around the corner, he sneaks up behind her & strangles her to death. As he turns around to make his get-a-way, he sees that the produce manager has seen him in the act so he quickly offs him as well. Then he sees that there is actually a camera off in the corner so he's likely been caught on film for the whole blasting time. He runs out of the store, swings by his house to grab a few things & hops in his car to leave town. The cops catch him 20 minutes later & arrest him. Guess what the headlines read the next morning in the paper?
Arti chokes 2 for a dollar.
Corny? Yes, but I bet you at the very least shook your head & snorted a little bit. Cheer up, chick! It'll get better!
Aw sweetie, I'm sorry. Do you have insurance that will cover any part of it?
Have you thought of a pastor of a Unitarian church? There are some very educated pastors in these more "liberal" churches.
It's just a thought.
Dawn
Aww, Ephie, I'll listen to your woes any day. Wish you were down here in Portland... I could set you up with some very nice people.:)
What's my vent? This morning my sweet boy was so insistent about waving goodbye to Daddy this morning that he waited a bit too long to use the bathroom and wet his pants. At least it was on the bathroom floor. Then he was upset about that and screamed at me for a while. Fun fun fun. I had him undressand put his wet clothes in a plastic bag-- he got mad at the plastic bag, threw it in the pee on the floor and then picked it up (not really knowing it was pee-soaked, because he was so mad) and tossed it at me. ugh. So, new bag, had him clean up the pee with rags (even though I had to give the whole thing a thorough going-over later, really), got him in the shower and he whined and cried through the whole thing. Bit my tongue a LOT. He had an equally crappy attitude on the way to preschool until I finally got down on his level and said something I never said before:
"You know, you are not a bratty kid, but I'm seeing some pretty bratty behavior right now. If this keeps up, we are NOT going to Auntie's for tea and you are NOT having a playdate because I am NOT taking you to someone else's house when you aren't listening and cooperating."
Well, THAT took care of things very quickly! My day did get better-- I hope you can find time to have a nice glass of wine and feel better soon. :)
Hugs. H.
Instead of seeing a therapist who'll find endless reasons to keep you two coming to the office and then some, try a retreat. It's fast, easy, and you may get a short vacation out of it to boot.
I have heard nothing but good things about Retrouvaille. Sadly I know alot of people who have had serious relationship issues. Interestingly, almost all have gone through this program and say it was the best thing they ever did...and in the end more cost effective than traditional therapy (because technically this ISN"T therapy).
There are workshops nationwide. Go to this link for details on what this is and locations. www.retrouvaille.org
Ya know I have a lot of friends who are therapists. I attribute this to being slightly unhinged at all times. I think they figure I need to be her friend because there must be a book in there. Then they find out I am actually pretty healthy mental wise. Then they stay my friend because they are just sure eventually I will snap and they will have their book and maybe a movie. :)
The nice thing is if I need a therapist I ask them who to go to since they know me pretty well. Except for Armando, he fixed me up (blind date) with a looser from work. Nope, he lost all credibility after that. Still fun to hang out with. :)
Finding a good therapist is harder than finding a good hairdresser but once you find one.... it's so good.
Great credentials does not make for great therapists, continuing education does not make for a good therapist. Sometimes you simply have to date them once or twice to see if they're a good fit. I nearly didn't go with my last therapist because I wanted a woman and I was given a guy. He turned out to be awesome and very good for me.
Sometimes what you need to find is a group practice and have a chat with the clinical supervisor about what you are looking for and let them make a recommendation for you. I met with a therapist once and called the clinical supervisor and explained why this was not a good fit for me. She was very supportive and connected me to the guy I mentioned before. Give it a try.
Ephie - You are talking about The Frog Pond a book written nearly 50 years ago about therapy. Therapists are supposed to help you make transformation but so few have done it themselves that they can't help you.
I do not trust unmarried or multiply divorced marriage counsellors, nor child psychologist who have their first baby around 45 years of age and are only in the beginning of the process. What do they know about raising three teenagers.
It's all theory to them.
Most psychologists go into the business because they have deep problems themselves. Few solve them.
You are doing the right thing prescreening them.
Once I went to a therapist who was angry with me for doing all my inner work at home in my journal and not in her office. I replied, " It's working because you ask the right questions." When I went home I'd write six or seven pages about my feelings and insights over the next day or so.
Get a journal and write in it several times a week. Keep track of your dreams with a dream journal. When you have a meaningful dream wake up, lie in the same position and review it. Then write it down.
If your family were drinkers you can go to Adult Children of Alcoholic through AA and if you go weekly you will hear someone tell your story. Whatever people say in that self help group will spur you to heal yourself.
Having been through a few therapists myself and finally just stopped looking...I feel for you and your woes.
Nothing exciting here...but I do feel your pain!!
