Feeling Overwhelmed with Making Plans

We all feel overwhelmed. Totally normal. I try to decline as soon as I can, or accept, because I know as a tired Mom nothing is worse then no one rsvp'ing, you shop and plan for a party and then 5+ extra guests tell you last minute and you have to shop again. Just be honest from the get go. Good friends will understand. And... someday it will get easier going out.

99% of the time I just want to bail out on plans I've made (whether it's dinner with friends, playdates for my kids, whatever) because I'm just too tired, I don't want to go through the hassle of getting ready, I don't want to deal with the PARKING situation downtown, I'm too tired to socialize with the other parent, having those kids over will be exhausting and my house will me a mess afterwards, etc. But I tell myself it's rude to backout and MAKE myself go. And almost every time, I end up having fun. But if I KNOW I'm gonna have a tough day, I make sure not to have any plans that night to begin with. And if there's a ever a time where I JUST CAN'T deal with it and I do cancel the plans, my friends understand because most of them are parents, too, and totally get it. You're not alone in wanting to back out of plans - the last thing you want to do after a long day of dealing with kids and their non-stop neediness is having to put more effort into socialising. Totally normal and I think all parent's feel this way at some point.

I do the exact same thing! So, b/c I do that, I don't make many plans. If I do have to cancel, my friends have always understood. I have never been a social butterfly, I like being at home (I never get cabin fever) but I am not a hermit either, therefore, I just pick and choose the events that I am very interested in attending. It took a long time for me understand myself and be comfortable that I just don't like going out to just go out - like I said, I have to really want to go before I make the commitment. I kind of figure once the kids are older and they are more self reliant, therefore, me having more energy AND I have a little more time for myself, then maybe I will venture out more. This works for me and I am okay with it.

yes i do. i bail out most of the time but people understand i have plenty on my plate and taking a rain check is ok. i treasure my evenings, and i'd rather be reading then going out.

Whenever I/we/us and the kids get invited to something/anything... I always do not 'commit' right away. I always say that I have to check my calendar and with my Husband's schedule, then I will get back to them.
Then that gives me time to think about it and asses if I "really" want to go for it.

I like you, have those feelings too. But I do not over commit myself.... because while I am very social, I am not into 'socializing' to the point of exhausting myself or stressing myself out over it. I also do not just commit myself out of guilt.

all the best,
Susan

Yes, I have the same feelings. In fact I recently tried to back out of the plans my husband made for my 40th birthday (was supposed to be a surprise), dinner for 2 and a boat ride with friends. I caused a terrible argument about it. I wanted to back out of the plans my husband made to host my sons baseball team party because I felt so over whelmed at the idea of 45 people at our house( pool party outside). But you know what..... I had fun in the end and like usual I had to apoligize to my husband for fussing about it all. I'm so happy I have him to keep me from locking myself up because life is overwhelming and I would spend it only do things for my kids or with my kids. I am not one to go out at night with out my family. But I will go to a school meeting. I don't have lunch dates with girlfriends unless it's our birthdays. I went to a recent bridal shower but not the wedding. I try to balance it some what. In the end what I want to say is I feel the same way and struggle with leaving my children. Night time especially. I just want to be together. I do think people understand. Best wishes

I am probably the WORST at making plans and then not following through. Like you, at the end of a busy day, I just can't bring myself to dress again to go out. and I don't even have the excuse of small children at home! I just find that I'm a homebody, BUT I do find that when I do follow through and go out, I have a very good time and I'm always glad I did. I just wish I would really want to do it. Don't know what the answer is except every now and again, force yourself to go. You'll be glad you did!

I totally understand how you feel. Yes, it's ok to say NO sometimes. Depending on the situation or event and the people involved, some will be understanding and others won't. You probably know which ones won't, usually family. Pick and choose, but know that you don't have to go to everything.

I have found myself gettnig in this rut more and more...and I just don't like seeing myself like this....I also have found that I am hte last person on the list that gets any me time, pampering etc.

Luckily my girls are 4 and 6 and starting in the fall both will be in school....I've already told hubby and friends...I'm making some ME time.....I'm taking the time to take care of myself, which sometimes us mommas forget to do....

Start remembering what made you happy that you don't do any more and plan to do one at least once a month. A spa day always helped me...even if it was just a facial or a pedicure.

Though...mommas with young kiddos tend to opt out of things to as well....sometimes, it's just not worth the hassle and I totally understand...

also...when you get invited to something...the invitaion is not saying you have to go.....but if you get invited to a shower and you dont' want to go, send a gift if it makes you feel better.

Hi S H,

I definitely feel the way you do and I only have one child. Before I had her I worked full time, wore makeup and did my hair every day, and did all kinds of social things. But now I stay home with my daughter, who due to my health will likely be our only child, and spend so much energy taking care of her that I never have the energy for makeup or a cute hairstyle every day.

I usually feel honored with an invitation, so I used to always say yes, even if that meant multiple commitments in one day. But when the day approached I would get that overwhelmed feeling and just want to stay home. I've learned this about myself and now only commit to less things, trying to give myself a day or two of "home" time between playdates, etc. For example, I've stopped committing to anything for the 2 days before long trips (we periodically visit family on the East Coast), because I'd get so stressed out I'd wind up in tears. But when an event is important (to me or to someone I care about) I do just have to acknowledge my feelings and then make myself go anyway. As someone else said, I do wind up having fun and being glad I pushed myself. I think the key is less things and making sure to go to some things. I will admit that I've said no so many times to some old friends that they don't invite me anymore. And that's not a good outcome. So just give yourself some balance. And I don't think you have to go out at night -- I almost never do. I agree, it's hard to have energy for that at all. Maybe try to get together with those friends on a weekend instead when you might have more help with the kids and/or their schedules can be a little more relaxed.

I hope this helps a little. You're definitely not alone!

I have felt the same way!

Instead of bailing out last minute (I can't stand when people do that!), I just say no in the first place. I get bitter if too many of my weekends are full with plans - whether it's kid plans or grown-up plans! I see other friends who are "booked" every weekend of the month, and they're pulling their hair out.

I have actually put on my husband's and my google calendar: FREE DAY - NO PLANS, so that he knows we're just hanging out that day! As a result of my saying no on a regular basis, I then enjoy the times when i do go out with friends or go to family events. I'm ready for the get-togethers.

I've also realized the kids rather sit around the house and play than hurry off to some event. I love that !

my 2 cents: Just say no!

Greetings SH,
As the mother of 5 I was over whelmed, overbooked and at times between baseball games, dance lessons and serving in the comunity with Special Education and church I was meeting myself coming and going. My husband even put a portable choppping block in our van so that I could prepare some of dinner while waiting for a child -- at something! Now that most of the children have grown and now have children I am still involved with schools, spending time with the next generation and work fits in there someplace! I long ago decided that I was going to have my time and seasons of life and would put into it what was the best for myself and my family. The rest could and generally does wait. My family will be with me forever but a party, gathering, or bookclub is a one night thing so the choices are easy to make and not a sacrifice at all.
Don't justify, or make excuses but just politely say Thanks for inviting me but I can't make it. You don't even have to have a reason but if you do feel the need to give one then say sorry but that day/time i s set aside for me to breath and rest maybe read a good book.
Believe me your friends and family will all envy you that you have your self on the time list and will learn from you how to manage their time better.
Give yourself cedit for the fact that this is not your time in life to be all things to all people just the ones that really matter. If you feel the need send a small gift to the shower so that you are participating yet not having to be there sort of virtual realtiy! This is what I do often.
Be Good to yourself. Nana Glenda

I only have one but I feel that way all the time. To avoid the guilt of bailing, I am just true to myself now and turn down invites so I don't have to feel like a heel later. It relives the pressure, because right now, I don't need the extra stress of worrying about it. My situation is awkward though as most of my friends don't have kids themselves yet and the ones that do live too far away to make invites to things possible. The kidless friends already don't invite me places and my friends with kids are in other states so those invites are token gestures.

Shortly after my daughter was born I continued to try and go out to dinner with friends and stuff... it was miserable. I just didn't have the energy and when I tried to bring her with me it changed the whole tone of the evening so I just do what feels right and politely refuse invites.