Feeling like I Lost My Life

I felt the exact same way. I think it has to do with hormones and adjusting to the change. I remember crying when I found out I was pregnant and then crying for days and days after I had the babies. The only way I made it through was to take it one day at a time.

You are so normal...and brave to say what you are feeling. I felt the same way when I had my son. The best way to describe it was that I just wanted to run away...from life in general, not the baby. It does get better. Hang in there!

M.

If that doctor has not done anything for you, go see another. Though this is normal, it can be prevented. Seek help from support groups or something. Good luck.

hey girl yeah what you are feeling will pass i used to feel the same way when i first had my daugther too now i have three and sometimes still feel that way its hard being a parent it changes your life in so many ways but yeah right now your are just overwhelmed with being a new mom and trust it will get better... :)

hi D., and congrats on your little one.... and it IS normal and it WILL get better, the beginning is very tough. do you have a good support system? its very important, if you dont have one, get some, talk to people, look online, whatever. i found that only moms really understand what it is like, but everyone that loves you is your support. and it does feel like you have lost your old life, and truthfully you have *for a little while*, but you have a new life now and once you get over the initial feeling of being absolutely overwhelmed, i think you will find that your new life is so much more rewarding and special, and the best part is that you really dont have to say good bye to your old life. get over this hump, the first month or two are rough, and then you will find ways to get back to doing the things that make you you. make time for yourself. forget the laundry and the dishes, focus on you and your little one. its also very important to remember that sleep deprivation and hormones can make you unrecognizable, even to yourself. i was so out of control of my emotions after my first was born, i really thought i was going crazy, i would find myself on the bathroom floor hyperventilating and crying and shaking with anger/sadness/fear/guilt/whatever, and having no idea why. it didnt happen with my second because i knew to expect it, and i knew it was those crazy hormones and not me. i wish someone had told me the first time, thats why im telling you. and you are lucky and strong that you can talk about it... ASK for help when you need it, TAKE help whenever it is offered, smile and say thank you so much. and sleep when you can. try to eat well, drink a lot, especially if you are nursing. and if you need more help, go and get it, talk to your doc. but i swear it will get better, and you will feel so blessed to be a mama :)

Dear D.
I think the typical responses are "we all feel like that" and "don't worry, it will get easier". I am also a new mom of an almost 5 month old and the first few weeks were certainly hard. constant feedings and constant changing and I can only tell you about my experience but it did get easier. From the beginning, I just went with the flow. When Jamie wanted to eat, I fed her and when she was cranky and it wasn't logical to be hungry again - i changed her. I am also blessed to have my four best friends already be moms, some with as old as 6 years old and one that had her baby girl 3 months before me. so talking to them helped a lot. we compared notes on everything. I hope you have a support structure like that and use it. My mom was also great. she came over a lot and helped with Jamie or took my shopping, etc. 2 of the things I learned early on was that it is important to rest when she sleeps. most of the time I would try to do house work when she was sleeping but every now and then, it was important to just pull all the drapes and lie down when she was sleeping and eventually I also slept and felt much better. The other lesson was to not let her sleep more than 3 hours at one time during the day time so she does not reverso her nights and days. my biggest anxieties came a few nights when she just would not go to sleep. I was exhausted and depressed because I didn't know what else to do. I just felt like I was doing somethign wrong but eventually a new day came and it was over. The hardest part or thought I had about motherhood was not knowing what to do and possibly not guessing at the right thing to do, and once again my friends came in here also. I talked to them a lot and it's amazing the things I picked up from all of them, a new mothod for doing things or just reassurances that what was happening was normal and everything was fine. I was also lucky to have one free visit from a mome health aide offered from the hospital and it was great to have her come to the house. turns out my anxieties when Jamie was 3 weeks old were normal because she was going thru a growth spurt and that was why she was a bit crankier than normal. I hope this helps and let me know if you need to talk to anyone, I will give you my phone #. S.

Hello D.,
I have read the responses and maybe I need to be in a support group because my son is 2 years old and I have a 9 year old and I disagree. I find myself day-in and day out wondering about (how did I get myself in this mess) If you read my answer about what is the best thing about being a mother - I am sorry I can not think of any. One, when they are as young as yours they have to be place a schedule, they are helpless, cute and cuddly, then when they get to be a toddler, you have to teach them things (changing your entire pattern). Then on the flip side if you are working you find yourself wondering was it right to leave my child at daycare. What is he doing? Leaving is not an option and your boss frowns upon the entire notion. Your friends will change because if u r the only one with a family and the rest are single-THEY CAN'T RELATE-NO MAN OR SINGLE WOMAN CAN RELATE OF THE STRESS U WILL BE EXPERIENCING. So I understand what those other ladies respond to you but I have to disagree-the only thing I see what brightens my day is when they smile. So, yes hang in there, your feelings may past (after 20 years) When Sophia is sleeping just sit in the quietness of the room listen to your baby sleep and meditate.
Good Luck and Congratulations

D.,

I had my daughter, Zahara, on November 24, 2006. During the first three weeks after her birth I felt exactly as you described. In fact, reading your request made me feel less "loopy" for not having been "in love" with motherhood those first few weeks. Sleepless nights, constant breast feeding, sore nipples, not a moment of peace away from my baby, my husband not really understanding how I was feeling, and the messy home I never had any energy to clean up ... it's insanity to say the least. But even to my own shock, once Zahara started smiling and laughing at 6 weeks, I felt so much better. Seeing her beautiful face light up in laughter is all the magic I need to actually enjoy being a mom. But before she could smile, and even now that she can, here are some tips and suggestions that helped me:

1) Once your daughter is big enough (12 - 15 lbs.) to sleep 6 hours in a row, you will get a more full nights rest. In the mean time, sleep when your baby sleeps. It really does help. Leave the house messy, it does not matter now.

2) Around 6-8 weeks of age your baby should be alert enough to watch some TV. Turn to an educational program like Corwin's Quest or a cartoon you approve of, pop your little one in front of the tube, and once she is engaged in it, JUMP IN THE SHOWER! Hot water pouring over your body has a special way of washing away your stress. Cry in the shower if you need to, use as much shampoo, conditioner and soap as you like. And wash away all that yucky stress. Run the razor over your legs, and pamper yourself for 8 minutes. Emerge a fresh smelling goddess. Put on perfume, lotion, etc. and let the baby cry for a few minutes if she has started to cry at this point. She can cry up to 20 minutes without any harm, so comb through every knot and get dressed before picking her up again.

3) Try calming remedies. Rub some lavender oil on your pulse points and breath it in deeply. Drink camomile tea & hops tea. Cut out caffine, it only makes your more nervous and jumpy. Take Rescue Remedy (a calming solution found at health food stores like Honest Weight in downtown Albany). The little things make a big difference. Use all of these methods consistently. When you are calm you will feel more energy, sounds odd but it's true. Being nervous and wound up makes you tired.

4) Get out. Even in this cold. Bundle up the little one in a snow suit, jacket, blanekts etc. Cover her carriage or car seat with a blanket so the wind doesn't hit her face and go for a 10 - 15 minute walk. It will do you both some good. Visit friends, even if you having't done laundry and are wearing the same clothes all week. You just had a baby, they will understand.

5) Invite over friends and family and let them hold the baby so you can clean up, shower or take a 2 hour nap. Everyone loves holding new babies.

6) Splurge and spoil yourself rotten. Get a cleaning service to come by. Sure it's pricey, but you deserve it. Send the laundry to the cleaners. Find one that will pick up and deliver. Order take out (make sure it has lots of healthy veggies and fattening sauces on the side). Express a bottle of breast milk and have someone baby sit for 2 hours ... go to a spa and get the treatment of your choice. You truly 100% deserve it all!!!! If you truly cannot afford any of these, next time a friend asks what they can do for you, mention one of these. You would be surprised just how willing to clean your house or treat you to a maid service friends and family can be, especially if they know how stressed you are.

Lastly, pray or meditate a few times each day. Try praying for a few minutes each time you feed your baby. It can really help you feel more centered.

I've been very blessed to have a lot of support and know how vital it has been in my post partum recovery. If you need some extra support or help, let me know. this group is a great resource, and I'm always happy to chat it up with a new mommy like myself. Heck, I need support just as much as the next mama :-). Write back to me when you can and we can even exchange telephone numbers. Please don't hessitate to reach out if you want to talk. If we live in the same area, we can get really brave and take our little ones to the local starbucks and compare dirty diapers :-)

best of luck to you D.!

F.

I just wanted to respond to your request because it really caught my attention. I know that the way that you are feeling is common in new mothers. I didn't feel that way with my daughter, but I could understand how your feelings you are having would be very frustrating.
I just wanted to wish you and your precious angel the best. Hopefully soon the amazing feeling of being a mother will fill your heart with joy. You are one lucky person for being blessed with the ability to have a baby. GOOD LUCK

I feel for you sweetie. I had a touch of PPD myself and if it does not pass on it's own call your doctor. Right now you are going to feel exhausted. For most women bonding is a process not a lightswitch. If you need a break ask for one. Let someone else take care of the baby for a while and get out. Or take a nap. Whatever you need. Even if this means giving the baby formula for one feeding, it won't hurt her. And yes it gets better. At two weeks everything is a blur of diapers and feedings. She's still kind of a blob with no personality yet. Just wait a few more weeks and she smiles at you, really smiles because it's you and no one else. My son smiled at five weeks old exactly, we just had a really bad night and his smile made the whole world fall away. I cried it was so beautiful. When I went back to work for the first time (PT evenings) he cried for hours with his father until I got home. It was me he was crying for because he stopped the instant I held him. He can't say it yet but he knows who I am and he wants and needs me. That is the best feeling ever. I'm pulling for you. It will get better. If you still feel this way after a couple more weeks call you doctor again. Or call another. Just do what's right for you. I'll be thinking about you. Good luck.

D.,

Girl!Give yourself time!

I have a four month old and it does get better-as far as getting out and being social, though it will never be the same.Relationships shift (or end) occupations change (or end)...The mothering becomes part of you and will not feel as awkward, but Sophia does now come first.
I chose to surrender to this and it's afforded me an odd sort of freedom...Sometimes, in the beginning, I felt like I was floating. It was a bit strange. But now I am optimistic and feel that I can invent/re-invent myself in this new stage of my life as a mother and a person.
The only thing I can compare it to (and it's a lame comparison) is graduating college--great times, but would you want to be there forever?No.
Change is inevitable and the only thing that can be counted on...Just don't miss the beauty of the present mourning the past.You haven't lost so much as gained--believe me.
best,
cc

D....I know the feeling...I felt the same way when I had my first child and then again when I had my second child.....what you are feeling is called post pardum depression. and yes it will get better. yoiu may also want to get help...try telling your mom or your husband how you feel...they can help. and take advantage of the loved ones that are willing to visit you and your child. have them watch your daughter while you nap or just go out for a walk alone. don't be afraid to ask for help with taking care of your child.

Of course it's normal!! (in my opinion) I went through the exact same thing. I gave birth to my only child at the age of 38 after undergoing fertility treatments to get him and yet, I was so miserable. You have to remember that your hormones are raging and you're tired. Plus babies that age don't do much. But I'm telling you, it gets better. Give yourself a break. This is all new and overwhelming. Pretty soon you'll be adjusted and have something of a routine and this life will seem normal.

This is ABSOLUTELY normal. At least, the exact same thing happened for me. I adored my son, but it felt like all I was doing was caring for the baby. My son is 4 months old now, though, and things are so incredibly much better. As soon as your daughter gets a little more into the routine of "being a person" (ie. sleeping more during the night, etc) you'll start to feel better. Also, as she gets older, she won't need to be fed so often, and she won't cry as much, so you'll be able to take her out places, or even pump some breastmilk (if you breastfeed) and get out for a little while on your own.
Things feel SO overwhelming at first, but they will get better, I promise. Obviously, your life will never be the same again, and you have to realize that, but you'll find the balance that's right for you, and once your daughter gets a little older and starts interacting with you, you'll feel so much better. It was the first time he smiled at me that did me in; you'll realize that you'd give up everything for this little person (but don't worry, you won't have to.) :)

D.-
I'm sure most of us have felt at least some of what you're discribing. I had my little girl at age 25 (i'm only 29 now) and still wanted to be able to "have a life". Sometimes when i meet other moms they are so obsessed with their kids and husbands that they are unable to talk about anything else! Soooo BORRING!!! When you have a child they try to tell you that there will be some instant bonding when you see her, instant love... I certainly don't think it works that way. Newborns are kinda dull, lots of work, and no often no sleep. Why should that be fun?? It takes time to develop a bond between mom and child. It does get more fun, I promise! lol. my almost three year old is a trip now. talks up a storm and is a funny little person all her own. i still love to go out at night, or even just get her grandparents to watch her so i can be lazy and stay in bed in the morning. i refuse to have guilt about this!! your life as your own person doesn't end, it just changes. do what you can to secure good people you trust to watch her, then ask them!! GO OUT AND HAVE FUN!!! you're not going to be a good or happy mother if you resent the lose of your own idenity.

I am, by no means, an expert but I had both of my children at a young age and kinda know how you feel. I've had these same types of feelings...although mine started later. It's a good thing that you've talked to your doctor and are asking for help. And yes....I do think it will get better. My advice would be to take it day to day and don't get overwhelmed by the 'little' things(I know even the smallest things can set emotions of all kinds off.) I'm 24 right now and have missed out a lot of the partying and hanging out with friends...I just give myself a minute to mourn my old life then look into my boys' eyes and know it's all worth it. I don't know if any of this is helping...I just hope it is.

Hi D., YES it is normal it is called " Post pardom Blues" when I had my daughter (now 18) I called my mother to come and get her when she was two weeks old, because I didn't want to do it anymore. After my mom came to get hjer and she was gone for about three hours "I WANTED HER BACK!!!!!" Do you have anyone who could babysit for you so you can take some time for you? If so ask..... then take your self out or go out with your man for dinner. then come back. Good Luck.. If you need to talk please email I will try and help.
S.

Hi D., I understand exactly how you feel. I had the same feelings when I have my son last may. I felt like my whole life was over and there was nothing I could do about it. I found that after i went back to work and started spending more and more time away from him becasue of work that i really did miss him a lot. If you do not work i suggest you find away to spend a few hours out of the house a few times a week. It should help. Good luck and contrats on the baby!

Hi D.! Congrats on your new baby. I just want to encourage you. It's only been 2 1/2 weeks. The beginning is always so rough...something you don't really hear about. I remember having my first and everyone seeing me pregnant saying, oh what a blessing, etc. And yes, it is...but I was in SHOCK when he was born and how EXTREMELY tired I was and he wouldn't stop crying and I had no idea what I was doing. It was very stressful. But it did get better and better and easier and easier. Of course there's always something going on with these little guys, one phase after another, but it WILL get better. You're still recovering from birth also!!! Take one day at a time and focus on Sophia and the love you feel for her. Ask God for help to understand her. I always did that when mine were crying and I didn't know what to do. I'd be like, okay God, you made this little creature and know him better than me, so what do I do. He's there and will help you! :) God bless you and your family.

I think your just feeling a little overwhelmed right now. She really doesn't do much and it's "boring". This will pass. You also haven't found your groove yet. Try getting her on a schedule. This way you'll feel more rested and more like yourself. It took me about a month to get back to feeling somewhat normal after the birth of my son. And the lack of sleep doesn't help. Sleep when she does, don't worry about the house being a mess or dishes in the sink. You will learn to enjoy this time as you start to sink into the Mother Role. You may miss your old life. But the key word here is old. That life is over and if you dwell on the past you can't enjoy your future and what is right there in front of you. Learn to enjoy this new time with your daughter. Wait for her first smile, giggle and words. They will come faster then you think. And you will hate yourself for not enjoying this time more. Because trust me, you can't get it back once it's gone.

Yes, this is normal. I was disappointed too when I had my son. I thought I would have this overwhelming surge of love..didn't!. I didn't start to feel the love until he started interacting with me. It started with smiles, then laughs and by six months I was head-over-heals.

I joined a new mom's group and that helped a lot. It was a way to get out of the house and be with other first-time moms with newborns. It really put the reality of being a new mom into perspective. My son is 2 1/2 and I still see those moms and kids today.

It takes time to adjust. You are exactly where you are supposed to be, so don't be hard on yourself. Good luck.

This WILL get better. My close friend had a daughter -- whose name also happens to be Sophia and she felt the exact same way. She confided in me that she didn't feel like she even loved her, that she was more like something she just had to take care of-- an obligation.

It does get better, when the baby starts sleeping through the night-- responds more to seeing you, and gets all happy and excited to see your face, talks and coos to you, the first time you hear that huge laugh coming out of such a tiny body you will fall completely head over heels. The rough days will still be rough, but when you have those good days you won't be able to imagine your life any other way, except the here and now.

Sometimes I still think about the old days when we could just jump in the car and go-- or catch a movie at a whim.. but seriously, my son is almost 4 months old and I'm already craving another child. lol :)

It sounds like you're dealing with Post Partum Depression, Hon...It's really common after having a baby and it can really be horrible...Your hormones are all messed up and along with that you're going through so many changes that your body is needing an adjusting time...I had to be on anti depressants for nearly three months to help my body get regulated when I had my daughter quite some time ago...21 years ago to be honest, but I can remember those horrible days as if they were yesterday...you don't have to feel this way, so please ask your Dr about their thoughts of this being PP depression...I felt like a whole other person after I was diagnosed with the PP depression and began treatment...Best of luck to you...

I wish you love & happiness...R.

D.,

Like everyone has said so far, it will get better. I cant say that I actually had post partum depression when my baby was born, because I was very happy to have her, but I did and still do think often of my old lifestyle and how I could party and stay hanging out as late and often as I want ... have myself be my only responsibility. But when I look at her and see her smile at me, I actually cant see my life with out her. She is a newborn and she is also getting ajusted to you and being in this new enviorment. It will get better, but there will be many hard days and nights. Soon you will both et used to each other and everything will fall in place. my daughter is 5 months now, and the days easily fly by because we pretty much have a routine, but dont get me wrong, there still are some rough days, but not as many. So hang in there and you will see you will soon love being a mother. Watching your child grow and learn, seeing a human being you helped create blossom, is a joy and miracle in its own. Good luck and keep us posted!

I was 23 when I had my daughter and I felt similar to you. You will get over it. As your daughter gets older she'll become even more fun and you won't want to miss one of those baby hugs, kisses, and giggles! I suggest you find some mom friends or join a group. Although, I don't have any mom friends myself my single friends love my daughter and coming to see her. You got to stay active. I still go out occasionally on the weekends. As much as I love my daughter once in awhile I need to get away. It will help you appreciate her more too! Hope that helps!

Yes, it will get better! When I first had my son (last April) I felt like he was an intrusion on mine and my husband's life together. From day one I felt sad when my husband would talk to him and call him "sweetie" because I'd think he was talking to me and then find out he was only talking to the baby. And I hated only sleeping three hours a night, and not even all in a row! It would be in 45 minute intervals. My husband said (when the baby was 5 days old) that "at least he's out now" and I said, "He was better inside." I couldn't sleep at night because it was a constant and endless cycle of breastfeeding and changing poop diapers and I couldn't sleep during the day because my husband wanted hot lunch when he came home from work, or I'd get a phone call, and when I did have a minute to myself I had to decide "do I want to shower, eat, or sleep" because I was always extremely hungry AND tired at the same time and I also needed to shower every day because of the lochia (yuck).
But it got better. Slowly but surely, I started to fall in love with Aidan. At night. While holding him in a sitting position for five minutes after a feeding so it wouldn't come right back up. I did this from the beginning, and at first those five minutes were torture. I'd watch the clock. Well, I still watch the clock. But the minutes go faster now. I would find myself gazing at him and the minutes would just fly by.
And my relationship with my husband changed. When Aidan was first born, I wouldn't sleep sometimes when I was able because I'd find it hard to tear myself away from my husband. Now, if I'm really tired, I can go take a nap. Of course, my husband sometimes wants something, so I don't always get to take that nap, but I have no scruples about leaving his side. It used to be that me and my husband were a two-person team. Now, it's kind of like me and Aidan are the team, and sometimes we spend time with "Daddy". I'm not saying this is good, but after a while, you will get used to the baby being your life, and you won't mind it. Of course, it's always good to carve out some time for yourself and to keep doing what interests you. For instance, today the baby (9 months old now) was playing ball in the den by himself (where his father was at the computer), so I took my hot chocolate into the livingroom to read a book for about 5 minutes. Believe me, 5 minutes of liesure time is hard to come by after the baby learns about object perminence (that you still exist when you leave the room).

YOU ARE SO NORMAL When I had my daughter 5 1/2 years ago I was very depressed - I had a successful career and I gave it all up and felt very isolated
What made me feel better is when I started to meet other moms
I joined a health club where they had babysitting and that was a great thing for me. ALso look for local moms groups. DO NOT CUT YOURSELF OFF from the world. AND make sure you get a break when you get a chance - even if its just a half hour to get your nails done or soemthing. That will refresh you.

IT WILL GET BETTER. YOur hormones are in flux and don't be afraid to ask your doctor about taking somethign. I was there 5 1/2 years ago and am now happy as can me working out of my house with my kids all day.

Jenn Smith
http://jennsmith.stayinhomeandlovinit.com

Hi,
Iam the mother of twins 32 months old...Suffered with very bad postpardum depression..It does get better with time..but please seek help --and dont be ashamed of it..there are lots of great antidepressants that can help...it takes time to adjust and get a routine that your comfortable with..it took me about 3 months to get a handle on my new life..You are not alone and if you want to chat about it, Im here. Good Luck!!

I read your story and feel for you. I am a nurse and can assure you that it is completely normal. It sounds like some post-partum depression. This happens to so many moms (especially new ones). It can be very hard for moms to adjust after the birth due to several factors. The biggest one is the sudden surge of hormones your body has to get back to normal and this is a side effect of that also the sudden sleep deprivation. It takes time to get used to no sleep. But it should get better as your body continues to adjust. I know right now it's rough, but try and hang in there as your baby gets bigger she'll sleep more then you can get some rest.

hi how are u? well i can completely relate to how ur feeling>>> i had my daughter when i was only 17....it was rough and i had no interest what so ever in her>>> my ex-husband who is my daughters father had a really hard time taking care of her without my help and i now look back on how i acted and realized it was completely normal how i felt>>>well i've talk to alot of people about how i felt and they also said it was normal to feel that way and believe it or not i've gotten over how i felt and can actually say that i love spending time with my daughter now that is 7 years old...maybe what i'm writing dont make too much sense but i'm just letting u know that ur not the only one out there who feels weird about ur new child

HI D., being a firt time mom is not easy but u will get in to a new life style and find u love it.
as for ur old life make sure u get a sitter every now and then and go out with ur huuby.
i promis it will get easy and u will have days that r hard.
heck my teen boys r 16 and 19 and i have days i count for them to be out of school and on their own, then i see a new born and ask my self, was my kids that little? i dont want them to move out i will cry when they do.
we all love our kids but miss our freedom and quiet time lol
hang in there ok

Hi D.,

Just because you don't have thoughts about harming yourself or your baby doesn't mean you aren't suffering from "baby blues" or even a more serious post-partum depression. It is perfectly normal to have feelings of being overwhelmed when your baby is born, but it is important for you to get support. Please don't feel like you're the only one with these feelings.
Good for you for reaching out for help! Being able to ask for support is a great step towards feeling better.
There is a great resource in NJ for new moms who are having similar feelings:
http://www.state.nj.us/health/fhs/ppd/home.shtml

Hi D.;

I had my oldest when I was only 18 and I can totally relate to what you are feeling. The good news is that it does get better. The bad news is that you are the only person who can change how you are feeling.

I have three girls now, had them all when I was very young, at first I thought that my life was over, that was it, end of the line. But I sucked it up and had a long conversation with myself. I figured out that I still had goals and ambitions and although it would not be easy I could still do the things I had originally planned. 18 years later, I am working towards my PhD, teaching at the University level and own my own Mineral Makeup Company getting ready to open a boutique downtown Milford.

My point, it's only been two weeks --- your life is just starting, so take the driver seat and steer your life in the direction you want it to go. Find a hobby or something you enjoy and start doing it - trust me, you'll feel better.

D. when My daughter was Born i felt alittle the same way I had problems breastfeeding and she was constantly crying and had belly problems and I was miserable for the first month in a half but i will asure you it does get better she is now 6 months old and is doing much better and I am feeling wonderful about being a mom right now things are so new and they need you every minute if you have someone to take her for a couple of hours try getting sometime to yourself just to recharge ok if you need anything else just let me know my e-mail address is ____@____.com anyone can e-mail me if they want

First, congratulations. Second, i agree with some of the other responses that this sounds like depression. The good news is that it is treatable. Your old life will never be the same that is true.. but in many ways it is sooo much better. At least that is how I feel. Perhaps you and your partner can worlk out something where you can have some D. time. Myself, i attend art classes at my library. Its an inexpensive night out, and I have made some new friends and its part of my old life that i was able to go back to! And yes.. you will eventually feel better and you ARE normal

D.,

(((((HUGS))))))

What you are describing sounds like either what is often referred to as "the baby blues" or mild-moderate post-partum depression. I'm not a doctor, but I do work with post-partum women a lot, and I've heard many women describe the same thing. You're not alone.

Having a baby is a HUGE transition, and everything is still new, and probably a bit overwhelming. Add that to your hormones going crazy, and all the sleepless nights... it would be more surprising if it *didn't* reek havok on your emotions.

Some suggestions: Talk to your doctor again - you might find a simple remedy such as adding vitamin B to your diet could be helpful. Get help - ask family and friends to help you with stuff around the house so you can take a little break and cuddle with your little one. If you don't have anybody close, maybe ask a church to see if they know someone (like a grandma whose grandchildren live out of town), or see if there are any post-partum doulas near by for hire (most will be reasonable in cost and can be very helpful and supportive). And if the symptoms and experiences you are having do worsen, run, don't walk back to your doctor and make him/her listen.

Some people actually call the 12 weeks post-partum the "fourth trimester" because there's still so much going on with your body. It is such a major transition, and that's not always a comfortable thing! Be sure most of all to be gentle with yourself, and give your baby and you the time and space to really fall in love with each other. It will come.

I understand what you are going through. I have a 4 and a 1 1/2 year old and after both of them I had the feeling that I wish I could bring them back. Needless to say it did pass. Its only been 2 1/2 weeks, you are still in that very hormonal stage. Sometimes it takes a while to bond with them. I felt like I was missing my life too. My husband and I would go out to dinner every Saturday night, but you know what, 2 kids later, we still do go out every Saturday night with them in tow. We just stick to kid friendly places, but at least we still get out! p.s. I think it said you were in E.Npt? I am as well. Feel free to write me anytime. Hang in there.

Life with a new baby can be challenging at first, particularly for your first, and particularly if you are sleep-deprived and maybe feel lonely. The best is to turn motherhood to your advantage and use it to make new friends! Look for a mom&baby yoga class, go to Gymboree, look for other moms in the area who get together.

Surely you consideerd the fact that being a mom would change your life before you had the baby, but there's no need to take it all so serious: you can still have fun! Most of all, make sure you surround yourself with people who want to help and support you - in fact, only accept visitors who are willing to help in some way: you already have enough to do without also having to play hostess.

best of luck hon, and congrats on your new baby!

Hi D.

I have some good news. Invite your inlaws and your family over to help you with the baby. Inlaws love to babysit. When I had my baby was so happy i cried all the time because I can now sleep on my STOMACH!!! Have the inlaws come one weekend and then have your family come the next. USE BOTH FAMILIES!!! My mom inlaw came over every weekend just to help me clean or help with the baby. LOVED IT!! i must had done this for like 2 months. it helped me a lot because I hate a dirty house and I would cry when it was dirty. So like my mom says "this too shall pass" It worked trust me. It will get better. Now my baby is 5 and I still have my mom and mom inlaw baysit.

When you are pregnant, people tend to only tell you how wonderful having a baby is. What they don't tell you is how much work it is and how sleep deprived you will be. What you are feeling is completely normal. Please try not to feel bad or guilty about it...these feelings will pass. You're life has just undergone a complete makeover and change is not always easy.

I also felt this way when I had my first baby, but once we started establishing a routine, and once she started sleeping a little better, things got much easier...now I'm on baby #2.

I know it's extremely hard, and hormones don't help, but try to enjoy her because this time will pass before you know it. When my daughter was an infant I couldn't wait for her to be a little girl. Well, she just turned 3 and I regret that I didn't savor every moment from her infancy. Best of luck with little Sophia!

i felt the dame way. before i got pregnant i was 21, a full time worker, college student and had the freedom to do as i pleased. when i had the baby i felt my life was so controlled by him and i couldnt do anything. i felt that my life was controlled in 3 hr incrimints until he had to eat again.i used to look around when he was crying and be like"this is it? is this the rest of my life?" but then suddenly everything fell into place and now that i am used to it the baby has just molded into my busy life.my mom told me everything passes, the baby wont be a baby forever eventually u will be making plans with her to go out.she will only be this little totally dependant being for a few months then u will wish for it back lol. at first it seemed so hard but now its just normal and i couldnt imagine it any other way. the way i got myself out of the depression over "losing my life" is i made friends with people with kids so they would understand that we cant just go out at the drop of a hat and would understand that u now have to go to library playgroups instead of the club lol. it will all fall into place give it time i swear. now my son is 7 months and he is crawling and pulling up and saying words and nothing brings me more joy then seeing him do new things. and my life is back to normal i still work and go to school and i still hang out with friends and go out when my husband is home or i bring him with me. if my friends cant deal with my new life they are no longer my friends. if u ever want to talk feel free to message me